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Digging Deep



Oh Universe, you were digging in the deep corners of my mind.  A person that I had not talked to literally for over 25 years, out of blue contacted me. When we go through verbal trauma, inner child issues, all the wrongs done in the world all the crap, feels personal, feels like its directed at our heart.  At the time , this person took my beloved spot at work while I was traded for hers in a clinic 20 miles away. She lived 3 houses away but was having marital issues. (roll of eyes here). I was told it would be temporary and 6 months later when I asked again, was told it was permanent and at that time I said, then I'm going to be looking for something closer. She told my nurses that she is running the clinic her way and that she was going to change everything. Whenever I would cover for her, she would leave a list of things she wanted me to do , but I would do other things like dictation that needed to be done, she called me to say you didn't do what I left for you and I told her I did the dictation. She wanted to talk to the supervisor.  I never heard more. It took me two years (the clinic closed year after I left) to find a job in town which I loved, now I tolerate, I still see and visit and call the nurses, we still get together for lunch or dinner, remembering funny moments over and over . Once I was at my new job this person just disappeared from my view.  Many years, later, so much later I found out that this person divorced her husband, then remarried him twice.  Ended up being fired, but not before she tried to sue the nurses for treating her"badly"  She brought a lot of stuff on herself.  I was the sole clerical person for a staff of 3 health inspectors and 8 nurses and it ran like clockwork. She gets there and right away she couldn't do it all and got two assistants. I told one of the nurses about that particular incident and she said that the girl had been fuming because the supervisor had told her that if I felt there was something more urgent to do she was good with that. (She hated filing, she'd have piles of it) Now in all that time, I did finally see where had I not have been moved, I would have been "stuck" in that same place for years.  I would not have met the people I did, learned the lessons I needed to, to get to the place I am now. To have been able to discover the magic within me, I'm still in awe of what powers a person can hold, what is possible. Make new friends, that believe in the same things you do, that makes your heart soar with happiness, with joy and laughter. To know that once this life is over, there are many more waiting to be lived. 

And that was it... I thought for a split second that maybe I should tell her the resentment I had carried against her. how she had changed my world, but in hindsight that would only make me look so petty. She would take enjoyment in that. I thought that maybe I should thank her for making me move, and again she would take pleasure in that. In the end our conversation was short and simple. 

her: Hey how are you doing?

me: This is a surprise, I'm good how are you.

her: Oh I'm doing great I live in "Podunk"

me: That's a big town, are you working?

her: yes and I have a job where I'm making 3xs the money I made before.

me: Good for you, I've been with the city 20 years.

And that was the end of that. 


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