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ReneBean's Journal
 

1-29-06 More preparations

So, I am sitting here looking at my chewable aspirin, my chewable calcium supplements, my chewable Gas-X and my Benefiber. I went shopping yesterday for some of the things I know I will need.   I am currently a functioning Carb Nazi - I stive to erradicate carbs from the face of the earth. So far, I am doing well on that - but having just a smidge of trouble with the fat thing. South Beach is harder for me than Atkins was. On Atkins, I would eat all the cheese I wanted. I was good a finding delicious low-carb cheese that I could eat plenty of and stay within my 20 gram carb limit. This fat monitoring business is a pain the ass. I can live without sour cream. I can live with less Mayo (I mean if you can't make sandwiches, it has limited usage, doesn't it?) but the cheese thing is rough.   So I am already breaking the diet... sort of. I guess I am doing Atkins instead of South Beach.   SB allows Beans and stuff - It's way more complicated than Atkins. You have to think about it too much - so I just won't, I guess. I will just do a lower fat version of Atkins - Ketosis is ok, for right now. I mean, the point is to get the liver to suck all the fat out of itsself, right? After the surgery, I will eat "normally" again eventually - and ketosis can't be any harder on my liver than anything else I have done to it, over the years of eating every rich creamy delicious thing that brought me to weigh well over 300 lbs... Can you say "Total lack of self control?" Sure y' can...   DH surprised me yesterday. We were talking about him studying the doc's info so he could prepare appropriate meals and he said maybe if he were going to get the surgery, he would read up on the stuff. In one sense, it just means his ass is too lazy to read the stuff, (he wants me to just tell him what to cook) but in another sense, it means that somewhere in the depths of his psyche - he has actually considered doing it. That is good news. DH also tops 300 lbs - and although he is much taller than me - and weighs LESS - he is still MO and Diabetic. I am hoping that if I do well and have few complications, he might actually consider it in his conscious mind. He is ten years older than me - and I worry about him almost as much as I have worried about myself. How cool would it be if the surgery did for his Diabetes what it has done for others. I guess I will just have to be a model bandster, a rabbit, and make it look easy while I am doing it. (um, yeah. sure. whatever.):paranoid   I am in that Obsession phase of my weight loss journey. That's good. But that is also a standard pattern for me. Here's the pattern:   1) Irene freaks out about being MO and decides it's time to finally do something (for about the 50th time - but we won't go into that now). 2) Irene finds the diet du-jour and begins to follow it with fervor - the model, nay the very icon of the plan (whatever it is). Obsessing over every calorie, carb and fat gram, exercising, and actually losing weight. 3) After two-three months (MAX) Irene get's bored? Gets tired? Get's afraid of being thin? I still don't know exactly what it is that causes it - but that is when I start to lose it. Maybe that's when my natural OCD tendencies have just run their course? It just seems like so much WORK to keep it up. Of course, that's usually when the weight loss slows down - so maybe it's a reward issue. Once the rate of weightloss gets dramatically lower, what is the pay-off for all this work? Hmmm.   My hope is that with the band - this cycle will be changed. Well, it will practically have to change.   My own fervor will carry me through the liquid phase and all the healing. By the time I start to get discouraged, it should be time for my fills to begin - and Doctor Fox seems like he won't be shy about giving them. Besides - I won't be able to eat the volumes that I have eaten with the band. It's not like I will be able to suck down half a pizza in a sitting. (Like I can EASILY do now...) Besides I will have all the LBT folk to keep me sane. I really will have NO excuse for becoming a drama queen about all this stuff. I have absorbed a whole boatload of info over the last several months. I know I will suffer some post op depression, I know that I will have food mourning issues, I know all that stuff - But I suppose knowing it won't make it any easier. :rolleyes   Of course, my biggest fear is that I will slip or erode or something. I guess it's just the luck of the draw on that stuff. I am going to have to just suck it up and count on the Luck o' the Irene that has carried me this far. Good Karma pays off. I guess I had better get out there and spread some more good vibes. I will need them back, say in about 3 months!   8 days to lift off.....
ReneBean

ReneBean

1
vinesqueen's Journal
 

Fears

The other day the lovely Delarly posed a question for a fun Friday thread -- what are you afriad of.   Well, I'm afriad that I have Cushing's but at the same time I'm afraid I don't have Cushing's. I know that doesn't make sense, but that's where I am. If I don't have it, then I have something even more rare and weird, possibly something call something like "metabolic disorder X..." Oh good.   But if I have Cushing's then what kind do I have? I'm afraid I have a brain tumor. I'm afraid I have some tumor on my adrenal. I'm afraid I have lung cancer. Tumor. That word echos in my brain, in my head, in my very soul. I'm not used to being afraid. I picture myself as more the fearless type, but I cried myself to sleep lastnight.   I'm afraid that if I have Cushing's I'll be part of the 20% that isn't cured. I'm afraid of more surgery. I'm afriad that the recovery will be as awefull as it has been desicribed by some of the folks that have recovered. One woman said that she was in constant pain and it was like she had fybromyalgia. Okay, I had to laugh at that, if the worst of her recovery was feeling like she had fybromalgia, then sign me up. You see, I have fybromalgia.   It it worth walking through fire? I guess the real question is more along the lines of why wouldn't it be worth it to become healthy and have no more symptoms.
vinesqueen

vinesqueen

1
mousecrazy's Journal
 

1/28/06

I found myself saying to my best friend last night, that I was ready for a new chapter in my life...I just didn't know where it started or what it would be. Looking at that idea more closely, I feel very positive about what it means. I think it means that I am coming to terms with the big losses of the last year, and know there will be better days. One of the teachers I work with wrote this on a sympathy card: "Your life will never be the same, but it doesn't have to be bad." That's a big idea. Doesn't that statement cover almost any big loss or change? Acceptance and moving forward is the goal; not moving away or forgetting. There's a blurred boundary here, at least when you're in it. I imagine that once you are past this point, it is more clear, and you find out you "had the power" all along. I've always liked that line from The Wizard of Oz...what the good witch tells Dorothy when she says she wants to go back to Kansas...funny, that is where my grandma lived, and where my mom grew up. One thing for sure, we're not in Kansas anymore! We're on our way to somewhere else, and we can always return if we need to. Things won't be the same, but they don't have to be bad. I am grateful for the anticipation of my niece's new baby...she'll be born soon. I am grateful for the bigger idea of the cycle of life...my mom left, a new baby is coming. I am grateful for wireless internet, so I can journal in the middle of the night, without waking everyone else! To be continued.....Cindy
mousecrazy

mousecrazy

1
Penni60's Journal
 

Jan 28

OK, most of you know I have lost my band due to erosion. I went through a "bad patch" right after. I slipped into a deep depression and almost let it control me. I talked with a good friend and was encouraged to grieve and then let it go. Which is exactly what I did.   The thing is, I didn't really realize I was grieving till I spoke with her. Then it became clear to me I was doing just that. I had to work through all the stages of grief. I am presently in anger and acceptance. One minute I am pissed off, then the next I am "ok I lost the band." I am leaning more toward the later nowadays. More calm now.   It all comes down to just accepting where you are in life and appreciating it. Then deciding to make changes based on what you want.   I put out in the universe that I wanted a particular car. I was determined to have it. I tried to convince my boyfriend to buy it for me. That didn't work. Then I tried to buy it myself and that didn't work. I had all but given up on owning this dream car. I prayed about it. I screamed it to the universe that I wanted this car. I just knew I was gonna get it eventually. Well Friday I got it. I applied for a loan that I just knew I wasn't gonna get and voila I got it. I drove that puppy home yesterday and I was in heaven. I have been making excuses to go places just so I can drive it.   The point I am getting to is "ask for what you want". Speak it loud. Not squeak it to yourself or under your breath. SCREAM it out loud. Then allow the universe to work it's magic. It will come at the right time when it is right for you.   Some people will think this is a bunch of HOOEY!! So what? Who cares? If YOU believe it then what does it matter what someone else believes. I am a Christian but I don't judge someone else simply because they aren't. I respect their beliefs even if they don't respect mine. The universe is a metaphor for whatever you believe will answer your prayers, requests, desires, wants, dreams, etc. If that is GOD then shout to GOD what you want. If it is a Goddess then shout to Her. If it is Buddha then shout to Him. Get the pic?   You will never get what you want if you don't find your VOICE. Yes it hides from time to time. And it gets shut down by others as well. But you have the power to shout and ask for what you want.   OK I have rambled long enough.   "I WANT TO BE HEALTHIER AND LIGHTER IN WHATEVER FORM THAT MIGHT BE, AND THE AWARENESS TO SEE IT!"   That was my shout did you hear it?
Penni60

Penni60

2
Heather Joy's Journal
 

Some cool NSV's Just Today!!

I am so excited- 1st my almost mother-in-law saw me today & the 1st thing she said was "oh my goodness! You've lost so much weight! Your melting away before us!" I LOVE hearing those things=-) Next we all went out shopping (mostly for fiancee) & I looked at myself in a full length mirror-I couldnt believe it-this had been the 1st time I had seen myself in a full length mirror for a long LONG time-and I was truely amazed-I actually liked looking at myself!Usually I hate even looking at myself in a half-length mirror! Later that night I decided to be daring- I bought some lingerie & those see through high heels (aka "stripper shoes").I tried it on for Matt-he was floored! To say the least!!!LOL I felt so beautiful,and not just because he was drooling- I felt beautiful-in my own skin-for once. I am so happy =-)   ~Heather
Heather Joy

Heather Joy

1
vinesqueen's Journal
 

Cushing's Syndrome

1/27/06 I feel like this all make sense, like I've been working with a jigsaw puzzle with out the box, blindfolded. The more I read about this, the more it is just an ah-HAH!   I figure I'll just track my cushing's stuff here, just to keep it in one place. This is what I posted on 1/24: Well, I have a tentative diagnosis. The interist thinks it is very likely that I have cushing's syndrome. So, I go for a new round of tests Friday to find out what kind I have, so i can start a treatment plan.   I'm in a weird place. This sort of makes it real, but yet not real. I don't want to go to work, but well, I have to. I just want to go to bed and sleep, which is what I usually do when depressed. I thought I'd be happy with an answer, but I have a head ache. My DH reminds me that it is only a tentative dignosis, even if it makes sense.   Cushing's Syndrom http://www.niddk.nih.gov/health/endo...s/cushings.htm Cushing's syndrome is a hormonal disorder caused by prolonged exposure of the body's tissues to high levels of the hormone cortisol. Sometimes called "hypercortisolism," it is relatively rare and most commonly affects adults aged 20 to 50. An estimated 10 to 15 of every million people are affected each year.   ... Treatment depends on the specific reason for cortisol excess and may include surgery, radiation, chemotherapy or the use of cortisol-inhibiting drugs. If the cause is long-term use of glucocorticoid hormones to treat another disorder, the doctor will gradually reduce the dosage to the lowest dose adequate for control of that disorder. Once control is established, the daily dose of glucocorticoid hormones may be doubled and given on alternate days to lessen side effects.   *** So, I've had a few days to get used to this. Funny. Right now I'm not scared of this at all. I could have a brain tumor, and I'm not scared. I'm not stressed, I'm not freaked out, well not very freaked out anyway. Weird, weird, weird.   I guess part of it is that now that I have a name, or even might have a name, it isn't scary. It's like in Fantasy, you never give your true name to the bad guys, and once you have the true name of a demon you own it. You control it, and it has no power over you. I sort of feel like I have it's name. This thing that has prevented me from the weightloss success I so desperately crave.   I called my sister last night. Under pain of never speaking to her again (I know, an empty threat) I made her promice that she wouldn't tell our mother. I just really can't deal with my mother having to come up with her own rare-and-potentially-deadly-but-very-treatable disease just so she gets all the attention. I didn't tell her that it was potentially deadly, but that it was rare and treatable. No sence causing her stress where she doesn't need it. She said she couldn't deal with our mom needing another new rare-and-potentially-deadly-but-very-treatable disease either.   Today I had more blood work done because that's what they do, more blood work. I was able to get my appointment moved up a week, so I'll see the internist next week instead of in two weeks. 3 days is easier than 10 days.   ****   I have to admit that I'm afraid that they won't be able to do anything to help me. That I'll be fat forever. That there will be nothing that they can do, and I'll just have to live as a failure.   I try so hard to not read about other people successes. I know that makes me so very shallow. But I can't help it, I feel so miserable when I read about how someone with a lower starting BMI has lost 75 pounds in the time I've gained and lost the same 5 pounds. I feel bad that I can't share in their joy, that I can't celibrate with them,
vinesqueen

vinesqueen

1
luvlif's Journal
 

1/27/06 242

242 not v hungry...just head hunger bfast 1 egg & 2 cocktail sausages 138 lunch sm chilli & 1/2 BAKD POT 355 CAL 493 4 CRACKERS 50 543 5 COCKTAIL SAUSAGES 170=713 5 CRACERS & SALSA+ 70=783 WALK IN PM NSV! MY BLACK PINSTRIPED JACKET...THE TOP BUTTON USED TO BE ON TOP OF MY BOOBS NOW IS WAY BELOW MY CLEAVAGE!
luvlif

luvlif

1
Julie*'s Journal
 

January 27

I'm feeling more hopeful and today will be day 4 of exercise and eating better. I am trying to change my thinking- eating well and exercise is a GOOD thing and not deprivation.   I think this attitude will serve me well when I have the surgery. Now the goal is to actually believe it long term and not in these short stints.   Otherwise, I'm really getting excited and nervous to find out if the surgery will be February 20th. If not, I may want until this summer since we will be at Disney World the first week of May. I just don't want to be 4-6 weeks out from surgery and trying to enjoy a family vacation.
Julie*

Julie*

1
Swirligirl's Journal
 

2 days until the big one

:faint: I am turning 30 on Sunday :faint: This should just not be allowed, I am on purees and I can not drink (alcohol that is) and I get tired pretty fast so I am not going to head out to party the night away. I have decided to post-pone turning 30 until June when I hope I can better party my 20's away. heh.   Otherwise, in bandland things are great. I met with my nutritionist yesterday and she has moved me up from purees to a kind of mushy/soft foods mix. I am going to get to try chicken not pureed and tuna and maybe some well cooked veggies. Very exciting . She did not weigh me, but I feel like I have lost a bit more since my Monday post-op. I am now 12 days out from surgery (1/16) and feeling really good. :clap2: Most people don't believe that I have had sugery!!   Updates soon, Lorin 387/372/362/???
swirligirl

swirligirl

2
Heather Joy's Journal
 

Why Am I SOOO Tired???

I would have to say that this is a rhetorical question,but I`ll ask nonetheless. I HOPE im just comming down w/a cold (1st time Ive EVER said that!),ive been tired the last 2 weeks almost non stop. My eyes get really red & puffy-like I just did drugs or something-thats actually how I feel!-minus the happy feelings.lol.... The dishes are mounting,the hamper is mounting...I could just care less-have absolutley NO energy. Well,thats enough complaining from me. One a good note.....ok...well,I guess I really dont have any good notes right now LOL   American Idol RULES!!! ~ Heather :faint:
Heather Joy

Heather Joy

1
dragonwilo's Journal
 

1-26 food diary

:hungry:Breakfast :   coffee with 1/2 cup carb countdown. 23 cal 4 protien egg beaters 1/2 cup 60 cal 12 protien 1/4 cup 2% cheese 80 cal 7 protien --------------- total 163 cal 23 g protien   :hungry:snack : coffee w 1/2 cup carb countdown 23 cal 4 protien Pb 1 tblsp 100 cal 4 protien --------------- new total 286 cal 31 protien   :hungry:lunch: fish 200 cal 31 g protien --------------- new total 486 cal 62 protien   :hungry:snack: pack of crackers 180 calories, 4 protien coffee with 1/2 cup carb countdown 23 cal 4 g protien ------------------------ new total 689 calories 70 grams protien   :hungry:Dinner: fish 100 cal 21 grams protien lima beans 1/4 cup 40 calories 2 g protien mashed potato 2tblsp 120 cal, 4 g protien ---------------------- new totalL 949 calories 97 grams protien   Obviouslly the crackers were a waste of calories...and I wouldn't have grabbed them if I hadn't of let myself get over hungry. I actually got in more protien than I thought I was getting. Maybe too much? It's also only 630pm and I still have to get through 3 hours without snacking.
Dragonwillow

Dragonwillow

1
luvlif's Journal
 

1/26/06 242 LBS

NEW #! 242 THAT FEELS GOOD:clap2: I LOVE MY BAND 1 WEEK OF WALKING DAILY WALK PM 21 MINS, 115CALS WALK AM 20 MINS 95 CALS BFAST:1 EGG 1 CHEESE, 2 CRACKERS. 100 CALS LUNCH:SM CHILLI 220 CALS, 1/2 BAKED POT 135CALS DINNER: 4 PC CHICKN NUGGETS 170 CALS SNACK:CRACKERS & CHEESE.100 CALS = 725 CALS.
luvlif

luvlif

1
Julie*'s Journal
 

January 25

I am going to copy/paste an email that I sent to my Monday night group therapy/weight loss class.   Thought I'd give you an update about my lap band appt yesterday with Dr. Forgione (the surgeon). Well, the first frustrating part was that I had gained THREE pounds in the last week. He was kind but told me that any more weight gain was unacceptable and that surgery would be cancelled. I was really embarassed and upset but realized that I ate like crap over the weekend and Monday night and didn't exercise. What did I think was going to happen???? So, last night I was back on the treadmill and have vowed to log all of my eating this week and get in my exercise. I am planning on going back over there next Tuesday to weigh in to chart my progress.   He also told me that my Upper GI showed that I have a small hiatal hernia. Basically it's when your stomach starts to go into your esophagus and it's very common with overweight women. Mine is very small and I have never felt any symptoms. So, he told me yeseterday that when he goes in laproscopically he may find that he has to repair the hernia that day and not do the banding until a different time. He is quite hopeful that he won't but wanted me to be aware.   I'm pretty concerned about that but trying very very hard to stay positive. Tentatively, surgery is scheduled for Feb 20th but I will hopefully know more before our meeting next week. ___________________________________________________________   Well, I wrote that email 2 days ago and I am feeling much better. If I have a hernia that needs to be repaired I would rather fix it before I have the surgery and risk a greater chance of slippage.   I'm working on the food. I had 2000 calories yesterday which is too many but am happy to report that I've been on the treadmill for 30 minutes each day. I've decided that I get NO days off with exercise. Once I give myself a little wiggle room I just don't do it. I'm trying to make it as natural as brushing my teeth- wouldn't that be a wonderful thing?
Julie*

Julie*

1
Swirligirl's Journal
 

Day 11 post op

:clap2: HOORAY I am all BANDED! I have to say that I love my band so far, of course I am not so far out from surgery so I am trying not to express too much love.:kiss2: So far I have lost 18lbs pre-op:biggrin1: , and 10lbs post-op :madgrin: . I will start weighing in at Curves next week when I get back to real life. I took two weeks off of work, so I have been a little out of reality. Right now I am on pureed foods:hungry: , which seemed gross when I was faced with the idea, but is actually not so bad. I puree some tuna salad, chicken salad, and tonight some yummy shrimp and it isn't all that skeevy. Sure I wanted a big piece of my roommate's pizza the other night, but I am sure one day I will get to enjoy a small slice. For now it is all about healing up my stomach and staying focused :rockon: .
swirligirl

swirligirl

1
justamom's Journal
 

Day 10

This is all new to me. I am hoping by keeping this journal I will be able to stay on track.   I have been banded 10 days now. Basiclly, I feel good. Usally I'm alway on the go but now I get tired very easily - have been needing naps. Incisions are 99% healed and the port area is the only place that's tender. I still get shoulder pains though.   I'm able to eat now and that scares me. I am only 10 days and can eat almost normally just less of it. Does this mean soon I will eat more and more and MORE.......   Today, I was at a meeting where I ate lasagna, bread and brownie. :think   I feel guilty and horribe!
justamom

justamom

1
ReneBean's Journal
 

Jan 25th, 2005. Preparations.

Well, today is the last day of my official "Me Year". Tomorrow I turn 41. I have accomplished the one goal that I had for the year - getting insurance approval for the LapBand Surgery.   I had to fight tooth and nail - but Sanity won out over Stupidity, and the State of California told Blue Cross they have to pay. :rambo   Yesterday was my pre-op visit with Dr. Louis Fox from the Surgery Center of Richardson. He said no liquid diet pre-op. Yee Haw!! I can deal with South Beach phase I for 10 days. I think I will do some liquids the day before, just to empty out the system.   Tomorrow morning I stop by the stab-lab for updated Bloodwork, and that should be all I need! I m pretty excited about the whole thing - but it still isn't REAL to me. Maybe after I start the 10 day pre-op diet... But Today & Tomorrow, it's Carb Central for me... my Celebratory Cheeseburger & Fries will be tonight, I think. I wish my oven wasn't broken... I would bake a loaf of bread.   Oh well. The dieting is all for a good cause... ME! I can and will do what needs to be done to make this surgery a success. Even after losing a total of 10lbs since September - I can see my cheekbones, again. Hmmm, didn't I used to be a Babe? Oh, yeah... I WAS a Babe. Of course, I never really knew that until I wasn't a Babe anymore. Figures.   Well, this time around, I intend to ENJOY my Babedom - and work it to it's fullest. It's a sad world when promotions are dependent on fitting a physical mold - but I swear it's true.   So, I guess I will have to come back and read this entry when I get all whiney and teary-eyed about not being able to eat whatever the heck I want to eat at the time. Every minute of suffering is all for the best cause - ME.   Still 40 and 346.5 lbs... for now. I wonder if the world is ready for a fully functioning, fully Babe-Aware Irene? I guess we'll find out....:devious
ReneBean

ReneBean

2
vinesqueen's Journal
 

My complete list of NSVs

Here is my complete list of NSVs (non-scale victories) today. Since I am not seeing any change in the scale, I decided that I needed to review my progress, to see how my life has changed since March 14th, 2005. Because I was so distraught earlier this week because I listened to the damn scale, I decided I needed to list them all in one place.   If you are not currently tracking your NSVs, I really want all y'all to start tracking them. Besides, when we are all invited to the Oprah show we need to have some evidence besides what the scale says, right?   My most important NSV is that I haven't died from respiratory failure.   03-27-2005, 11:04 AM I finally have an NSV! my rings fit again! And I don't have the terrible edema problem I developed over Christmas any more! Woot! Two NSVs for week two!   03-29-2005, 08:18 AM This is a gi-normous NSV. I haven't used my inhaler in five whole days! As many of you know, I have terrible acute and chronic asthma. Five days before my band installation, I had to be taken to the ER via ambulance. My asthma was one of the main reasons I got the band, that whole prospect of death by respiratory failure just didn't appeal to me. (..."I want a death by misadventure) My book bag doesn't seem as heavy as it was before I was banded. (and I do almost all my walking with that book bag) It doesn't hurt to stand at the sink when I do the dishes anymore. I believe it is because I can get closer to the sink because my tummy is smaller. I've lost an inch from my waist! Speaking of inches lost, I've lost a total of 11 from my entire body.   03-30-2005, 06:29 PM another day, another NSV! I ran up a flight of stairs this evening. I didn't even realize what I had done until after I had done it! And my had my 20 pound backpack on. I wasn't even winded when I got to the top either!   New crop of NSVs 4/5/05 Okay, one of the women in my math class wanted to know how much weight I’ve lost. “You’re looking good! How much have you lost?” My purple robe fits me! My jeans slide off my butt!   New NSV 5/7/5 Monday will be my eight week bandiversary. All my pants have been very baggy, so today I tried on a pair of pants I haven't been able to fit for 4 years and I could button them! Size 22 black jeans.   05-10-2005, 07:44 AM Sunday night I woke up because I was laying on something hard. I figured that I must have rolled over on a book or something like that. (I sometimes fall asleep reading). I felt around in the dark, but I couldn't find anything that didn't belong in my bed. The hard thing? it was my ribs.   05-19-2005, 11:20 AM the other day the weather was on the wet side, so I zipped my jacked. Just like that, without even a second thought, zuup up the zipper went. And then it hit me. I. Zipped. My. Jacket! No wiggling, no struggling, no thought! Holy weight-watchers Batman!   05-24-2005, 11:56 AM I got a great NSV Sunday night when I got home. My sweet son wanted to know how I was doing, with the band. We've been apart since I got my band 10 weeks ago. He said I looked really good, and that my face was full of life, and that I was glowing. Then I had to chase him down the stairs and out the front door, and around the truck. I RAN down the stairs, I RAN around chasing him until we nearly collapsed laughing!   06-21-2005, 10:09 PM Today I wore a pair of jeans I haven't been able to fit into since 2002. Today I walked 15 minutes to and from the restaurant for lunch, and I wasn't winded, and I didn't need my inhaler. Today I took a walk with my son and he had to tell me to slow down (of course the silly boy wasn't wearing any shoes...) Today I went grocery shopping after work, and then DID NOT collapse on the sofa all night.   06-23-2005, 11:23 AM Another day, another NSV. Today, not only am I wearing for the first time, a shirt I got for Christmas, but I RAN FOR THE BUS. Yes, you read that correctly, I RAN for the bus. It's not like there wasn't another bus in 5 minutes... but I RAN. Me! and I wasn't winded either! Heh, sure, I'm happy with all my NSVs but a part of me is wondering when I'm going to start having some weight loss!   06-26-2005, 09:40 AM And here I was, worried that I'd never have any NSV when I started this journey... Today, I needed a belt! Now, I'm not in any real danger of pulling a Jonathan in the grocery store, but my pants are uncomfortably loose. I didn't even think that was possible! So, I dug out an old belt that I haven't been able to wear and it fit! 1 notch down, 13 more to go!   07-13-2005, 08:29 PM Major NSV time! I had to get a pair of Khakis for my trip to NY this weekend. I was told "brown khakis" which don't really exsist... Anyway, I digress. I tried on a pair of 22, thinking they might fit. Nope, too baggy. I tried on a pair of 20s! They were on the baggy side! I got a pair of 18s, and they fit! I fit into a size 18 today!!!!! Okay, I didn't buy them because they were not pretty, but I could put them on! Oh my gawd, oh my gawd, oh my gawd! A size 18! I haven't been able to squeeze my pretty little self into a size 18 since my baby was small! Oh sure, my jeans aren't a size 20, but still! It looks like I'll be bringing some clothes to the Las Vegas Bash after all!   07-28-2005, 10:17 AM Okay, I apparently gained 3 pounds but I lost another notch on my belt! Woot! Maybe the best one of all... This morning I realized that I will never go hungry again. (it's a wolves thing)   08-07-2005, 11:28 PM This weekend at the Beach I discovered that forgot a jacket. So I had to buy a new one. I picked up a 2x and it fit fine. A little roomy but that's okay. Wait a second... The sleeves are a bit long. Let's try the XL. I know, I know, an XL? That’s crazy talk. Hey! This XL is pretty roomy... but the sleeves fit. So, I had this totally insane idea... What would happen if I try on a Large? oh, it's never going to fit, it won't even zip up. Nah.. I'm too fat for a LARGE. oh my gawd, she's actually going to try to put on a LARGE jacket??? What, is she nuts? Is she a glutton for punishment? No! She's the proud owner of a powder blue fleece Long Beach Washington jacket!!! SIZE LARGE   8-11-2005 I am not hording food anymore.   8-14-2005 I just realized that on my cross country flight to Syracuse NY I did not need a seatbelt extender. Not only did I not need one, I actually had wiggle room in my seat.   8-21-2005 Well, my NSV has to do with my hording. I gave 2.5 big black lawn & leaf bags of clothes to the help house. I was going to bring them to the bash, but I felt that they were more needed here. I got rid of them while packing to return to exile.   8-22-2005 back to school, and I fit into the desks so well my tummy doesn't even touch the table! No squishing into the desks!   8-25-2005 I just realized that I didn't have any trouble with the change in altitude or the change in heat this year. For the last 2 years going from temperate Seattle to the extremes of Pocatello were very hard on me. A week after being here I ran up 2 flights of stairs in the COB without being terribly winded or needing my puffer. I also have been handling the heat just fine. Of course, having an AC sure helps...   8-30-2005 I had to go buy a big skirt for my Middle Eastnern Folk dance class... Yeah, they don't want us to call it "belly dancing" here, they feel it has "negative connotations." Yeah, what ever, it's belly dancing. I went to several stores trying to find a skirt that would match the requirements, let alone worry about the size thing... So at the 4th and final store I found one, a cocoa dip-dyed skirt. The biggest one was a LARGE, so I wasn't too hopeful. But I was brave and went to try it on. IT FIT! I just bought a size LARGE skirt. Not 2X, not XL, but just LARGE!!!   Mind you, when I bought my Large jacket, I really suspected that the label was wrong, that it had been marked Large in error at the factory, an that it was some sort of cosmic joke on me. Sort of like that pair of size 18 pants that I was able to fit into (didn't buy but that's a different story). I felt that was in error as well. Maybe it wasn't an aberation, maybe it's the truth.   I feel like I have no restriction at all. I still haven't lost any more weight, but I'll take my size shrinking.   My other NSV is a medical one, and has to do with my leg skin graphs. In about 2001 I had a revision of one of my skin graphs from my motorcycle accedent. Every day since the revision, I had to wrap my leg in an ACE wrap to give it support so it wouldn't blow-out. I had such bad edema that if I didn't wrap it, it would buldge out quite a bit because of the nature of the graph. I stopped needing to bind my leg a couple of months ago. I simply don't need to any more, no more edema problem.   9/1/2005 My knees doen't rub together when I walk anymore. My belly roll is squishier and hangs a bit lower. This is an NSV because it is proof that I am loosing fat.   9/12/2005 This past weekend was the Bandster Bash in Las Vegas. I had to tighten the airplane seatbelt. Sure, I've lost 3 pounds since 2/29, but I'm trying soo hard to not focus on that. Focus on needing to tighten the seat belt.   At the Bash this weekend, I got several pieces of clothes. Okay a whole new wardrobe. When you wear your own clothes over and over, it is really hard to notice any difference. I mean really hard. I've been working my way into several pairs of pants that I haven't been able to wear in years and they are size 22. Yet at the bash, I found size 18 pants that were comfortable. What gives with that? Anyway, I have a few pairs of size 18 that are comphy.   9/15/2005 I've been looking at my body fat % and my current Fat Free Mass. If I don't put on any more muscle mass, and stay current where I am, I only need to lose 55 to 70 pounds, not 70 to 100 pounds. I think that's counts as an NSV. Of course, if I can manage to put on 15 pounds of muscle like NanaHarly (Pat in Virginia) did, then I only need to loose 35 to 50 pounds! Woot! I know what I'm going to focus on!   I was tallking to my DH on the phone and I casually crossed my legs. HOLY SH*T!!!! I CROSSED MY LEGS!!!!!   9/17/2005 As of today, I have had 46 NSVs. That amazes me. Today's NSV is that I dropped a .5% in body fat.   9/27/2005 I had an NSV this weekend of a sexual nature. Let's just say that I'm not as bulky.... My forearems and calves have amazing definition. My low belly is shrinking, and starting to gain some definition.   10/1/2005 My 50th NSV is that I am no longer The Great Crystal Dam in the bathtub. There was room on both sides of my hips in the tub! At this rate I'll have to invest in some rubber duckies...   10/2/2005 Spoke with my mom on the phone last night. She said it has been years since my voice sounded so strong. She said there wasn't any breathiness at all. I guess after years of severe asthma, I'd developed a sort of wheezy -breathy sort of way a speaking.   10/22/05 I had a fitness assessment done yesterday. While my aerobic fitness score wasn't very high, 22 out of a scale of 20-50 (needs work), my over all fitness level fell into the Fair range, and my blood pressure is in the Fit range. (mind you, I've always had good BP, except for the first few weeks I'm back in SE ID due to the altitude and heat change)   10/27/05 I am offically no longer Morbidly Obese, but simply Obese. Today my BMI is 39.6, so I might not even qualify for the surgery, if not for my co-morbidities, which are all under control.   My second NSV for the day is that I have been invited to dance professionally at a Greek restaurant here in town. It will be fun to be able to put on my resume that I'm a Professional Belly Dancer.   11/5/05 All my pants are starting to look like giant clown pants, none of them fit in the butt or thighs anymore. If I didn't have this damn thick waist, I would really be in honest size 18 jeans.   My black leather jacket is going to have to be retired soon. It's rediculously large on me now. The sleves alone now hang past my finger-tips and it looks like I could smuggle a medium sized ham in each shoulder. So I tried on my big winter coat, and now it really is my huge winter coat. It's about XX too big. It's fully reversable a suede stadium jacket, with lepord fake fur on the other side. I love this jacket, but next year, some other lucky bandster gets to love it.   It's important for me that last winter before I was banded I couldn't zip the black leather jacket up. There was a 2-3 inch gap that just wouldn't meet. While the stadium jacket fit, it was pretty snug. Not any more!   11/10/05 Lastnight I was using my laptop. In my lap. This means that I HAVE A LAP!!!!! Woot!   11/14/05 When I sit on the floor or in a hard chair, I feel the bones in my butt. Not only my tail bones, but other bones (probably my pelvic bones?) as well.   11/17/05 Okay, time to bump the thread. Last night while Iwas talking on the phone to an old friend from high school I again casually just crossed my legs. Without thinking about it. I know I've done this before, but it's a mind thing I think.   Other NSVs include belly dance stuff. My DH won a few auctions on ebay for me, a couple of B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L belts, a gorgous silk veil and a pair of harem pants. The pants looked impossibly small, even with an elastic waist. I just knew that they were NOT going to fit, but being the glutton for punishment that I am, I attempted to put them on anyway.   They fit! They are too shere to wear without a skirt, so that will have to be next on my list of things to get. The other victories around dancing are some of the skinny ones are asking me for help, since they cannot get some of the moves quite right.   I'm also getting really excited about dancing at the restaurant. I'll do that once I get home after Thanksgiving, and I complete my costume. I still need a top and a skirt I mean, I just bearly broke out of MO, and I'm going to be a fat professional dancer. What am I thinking? I mean, what am i thinking, other than I'm dead sexy and a fine belly dancer.   11/19/05 Okay, Thursday I passed up free donuts, and this weekend I've been busily working in my yard now that I'm home. Raking big fat soggy leaves, clearing flower beds, and the like.   DH is amazined at my level of energy, and so is son. I guess I'm a little amazed too, since for the last several years the only energy I've had at this time of year has been spent trying to breathe or something aerobic like reading or playing video games. I've gotten used to a more active lifestyle in ID with all the walking and PE/dance classes I attend. I routinely walk up several flights of stairs with my heavy bookbag, where this time last year I was using a rolling bag, and needing to take the elevator because my asthma was so bad.   12/09/05 Well, tonight I make my semi-professional debute again!   We had our dance department dance review Wednesday night, and pix will be forthcoming. We were great, several people told us that we were the best group on stage, so that was awesome!   I went out on stage, in front of an audience of maybe 300 or 400 people, and I OWNED the stage. I wasn't the slightest bit nervous, and I'm quite amazed at that, believe you me! I made eye contact with many of the audience, and I had the biggest smile on my face the whole time. Not only did I look like I was having a great time, I WAS having a great time!   The next NSV is my costume... my top was a crop tant top that I've added bead work too to make it sparkle. But the important part of that sentence is CROP TOP! Yes, that's right, I was wearing a belly shirt on stage, exposing my ample belly to the public, with my surgery scars clearly visible! And I did it on purpose!   Okay, this next one isn't an NSV, not really, and it properly goes on the "Skniny Bitches" thread, but here it is We had just come off stage after doing our two numbers and we were all still amped up on adrenalline. We were talking about how we had done, bla bla bla. A group of ballet dancers were there, I mean, right there and one of the skinny blond said to another skinny blond the snottiest comment I've heard in a long time. Okay, all the ballet dancers were skinny blonds, but that's besides the point. She said, in a loud voice "well, at least we weren't shaking our Bon-Bons." In the snottiest possible voice mind you. So, I simply said, with sugar in my voice, "well that's because you can't shake your Bon-Bon." And then I smiled so sweetly at her. (then she said that I was probably right, and the group of them walked away) So, I suppose that makes me a fat bitch, but I just decided that I wasn't in the mood to take crap from anyone.   So, the next part of the Bellydancing NSV is that I'll be dancing againg tonight at a local restaurant, and yes, I'll be dancing for tips, so Big Paul, you'd better leave now so you get here in time, and yes, you'll probably need to take out a second mortgage   So, finally, I'm doing this when I weigh 240 pound and not waiting until I get closer to goal. I'm doing this at size 22/24 and not when I get to my goal of 12/14   12/22/05   I'm less invisible. Last year at this same time I felt so invisible when walking through the halls at school. Now guys hold the door open for me, and men and women smile more at me. Perhaps they just needed a couple of years to get used to me, or perhaps I am more self asured and confident. Confidence attracts confidence.   This time last year I could not breathe. I was in and out of the hospital and making near daily trips to the ER, having several nebulizer treatments every single day. Since I've been home just about a week, I've used my inhaler much more often than usual of late. I've used it 3 times in a week.   This is a weird NSV, but I finally have doctors seriously trying to figure out why I'm not having the sort of weight loss I should. I guess I had to go on the Supermodel Diet for a month before they would take me seriously.   1/4/6 Today I went skiing for the first time in 5 or 6 years! Woot! It was a lot of fun, and I fit into my ski pants from 5 or 6 years ago. I'm so happy! Okay, this was a MAJOR NSV for the DH too because he went skiing too! Spudboy and I had to talk him into it, but he did it! I'm so proud of him!   I didn't use my puffer once while skiing, but was wicked cold because my gloves weren't good ski gloves. Oh, and I didn't have a water proof jacket either...   So, 3 for the price of one.   1/13/06 I just got back from several days in DC, for a scholarship symposium and job fair. I have a conditional job offer for when I graduate, if I can obtain a security clearance! Woot! That's an NSV, since it would be a major job!   I have a whole string of NSVs, the very most important one is that I went to DC WITHOUT AN INHALER. What's more, I didn't even need it. This is super significant because this time last year, and for several years prior, I couldn't go anywhere without at least 2 inhalers on my person. I had an inhaler in every single piece of clothing that had a pocket. Last year this time I had spent 10 days of the Christmas vacation in hospital, don't know how many trips to the various ERs. I didn't even realize that I didn't have an inhaler until the puddle jumper from Salt Lake to Pokey, AFTER my trip was almost done. I was constantly being mistaken for a much younger woman, and when I would talk about my son, people assumed I was talking about a baby or a very small boy. Oh if they only knew!   1/18/06 In class yesterday I realized that my belly wasn't even touching the desk in two of my classes!   2/7/06 I had two NSVs this week. One is that I went to a party where I only knew one person. Big deal? Yup, big deal since I am terrified of groups people. It's not like they are spiders or kittens or something like that, but I have avery difficult time with groups of people I don't know, I'm very shy. (yeah, who would believe that?) But I went to the party, and I was charming and talked to everybody. I don't think my husband would have recognized me....   The other NSV is that I've accepted that I'm not going to lose weight. Not until this Cushing's thing has been addressed or resolved. But because I've accepted it, I don't have to stress over it. I don't have to beat myself up any more.   Oh wait, one more NSV, I need to take my watch to the Jewlers to have one of the links removed from the band!   3/5/6 Well, I haven't had that many NSV's lately, or if I have, they have been lost to me.   I need links removed from my beautiful watch, and I can wear more of my rings. I have to stop wearing one of my rings because when my fingers get cold (winters in SE ID are COLD!) it flies off my finger! Woot!   So, 3 NSVs for Feb 06!
vinesqueen

vinesqueen

2
porclndoll's Journal
 

Jan 25

Welp, I forgot to weigh in this morning, duh. I did it after I got dressed and ate..so the weight was up to 217. I dunno which to believe...but I go to Dr Kwon tomorrow so we will see what that weigh in has got to say..Im learning more at work and thats helping the days go by quicker.....I still dont like working, but hey, gotta do it~~~~ Okay, my mother set up some sort of cooking schedule where by its my "turn" to cook dinner again. I dont know how that happened...
porclndoll

porclndoll

1
luvlif's Journal
 

LOVE IS NOT LEISURE, IT IS WORK

GET A LIFE IN WHICH YOU ARE NOT ALONE FIND PEOPLE YOU LOVE AND WHO LOVE YOU AND REMEMBER LOVE IS NOT LEISURE, IT IS WORK ANNA QUINDLEN   WHEN YOU CONTROL YOUR BEHAVIOR, YOU CONTROL THE CONSEQUENCES.   DAILY DIET DAILY WALK DAILY RECRUIT
luvlif

luvlif

1
luvlif's Journal
 

1/25/06 243 6 WEEKS SINCE SURGERY

DO NOT BELIEVE THAT HE WHO SEEKS TO COMFORT YOU LIVES UNTROUBLED AMONG THE SIMPLE AND QUIET WORDS THAT SOMETIMES DO YOU GOOD. HIS LIFE HAS MUCH DIFICULTY..... OTHERWISE HE WOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN ABLE TO FIND THOSE WORDS. RAINER MARIE RILKE MARIA SAID TODAY SHE ATE 4 CHICK NUG & SM CHILLI & SM ICRM CONE BFAST: 2 CRACKERS, 1 CHEESE, 1 EGG 100 CALS LUNCH: CRAB LEGS 260 + SHRIMP 75 + ROLL100 = 435 + 100 = 535 DINNER:CHICK NUG 170 =705 + 4 RITZ CRAKRS 100= 800
luvlif

luvlif

1
dragonwilo's Journal
 

Food Diary 1-25

:hungry: 1-25-2006   Breakfast- whole Luna bar 180 calories, 10g protien Lunch, snack and all the way till dinner :help: I ate Sausage and cream cheese rolls. It was low fat sausage, fat free cream cheese and reduced fat cresent rolls. I don't know how many I actually ate...its all a foggy blur. I have no idea how many calories it was...but I'm sure it was too many.   Dinner, about 6 oz of tilapia. Yep...a fill is defiently in order.
Dragonwillow

Dragonwillow

1

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