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My Lapband Journal
 

Ymca / Bored / Valium / Low cal Day?

Feburary 4th   I got up off my ass and went to the Ymca.   I took chase and cry. We played and I worked on my arms for 15 minutes.   I sat in the Hot tub twice.   They got a treat afterwards, and I took one bite of a candy bar and I didnt go to the store for any reses or cheetos.. It was hard. I also thought about getting that spinach cheese dip from Applebees and I didnt do that either, even though we drove right by it.   I am bored. I wish I went to the coast. But i went last weekend and I have a weekend date this coming weekend.. and so I think I should of stayed home and I am BORED off my ass..   Prolly take some valium and go to bed. (at leaste my food intake will end around 1000 calories today IF I do)   I am freezing. The electric Bill was 270$ something and Heat is a thing of the past.. NOt really, but it should be! I dont know how I am going to pay these bills.   I want candy.
Nykee

Nykee

1
Dawg's Lap-Band Journal
 

First Post

Start weight:307 Curr Weight: 276.5   Weigh day is tomorrow. Currently eating between 800 to 1000 Cal. a day. Depending on what I see tomorrow I will adjust my diet. If I have lost greater than 2 pounds I will increase. If I don't lose or maintain I shall stay where I am.
dawg

dawg

1
My Lapband Journal
 

Ashless Birthday party

So, we had her Birthday Party. All of us and my sister, neice and her new man. Plus Ashlee's friend.   It went better than I could of ever hoped for.   She was totally surprised by her ID bracelet and very happy to have it and beemed expressions of feeling lucky and special. That was my intent.   She loved her Roses as she has never had any before and we are not a flower or jewlry kind of family.   The dinner went well at Applebee's, I had tomatoe soup and some Spinach dip and got alittle choked up but it subsided. Everyone else had HUGE and delicious meals. Sure would be nice to eat like that again.. NOT!!!   My sister went and paid the bill, The TURKEY. I tried to pay and it was already paid. THE SNEAK. I called her and she said "thanks for doing my taxes" OH BROTHER, it took me all of 5 minutes to do those taxes. But she did get a hefty refund.. So, HEY, Now I can pay the water bill!!   Ashlee then took off for the coast. She is staying in a motel with a HUGE jacuzzi hot tub in the room (this is a 99$ deal in Lincoln City we are fortunate to get in the winter months) With her boyfriend.. I KNOW I KNOW.. that sounds terrible.. But they been dating for 4 years and well I had to get over that a long time ago.   I wonder what the first "I am an adult" thing she will try to pull on me??
Nykee

Nykee

1
lianna's Journal
 

measurements

20 lbs. makes a difference, glad I took all these to keep a perspective!   229 ,209, inches lost   neck 14.5 ,14, -0.5 chest 48.5, 47, -1.5 ribcage 41,39, -2.0 waist 43, 39.5, -3.5 hips 51, 49, -1.0 thigh 28, 28, -0.0:( calf 17 ,16, -1.0 ankle 9.5, 9, -0.5 bicep 14, 12.5, -1.5 forearm 10 ,9.75, -0.25 wrist 6.25 ,6, -0.25
lianna

lianna

1
lianna's Journal
 

Feb 3-4

Friday Did pretty good. They had bisquits and sausage for breakfast so I ate a piece of sausage and had an Atkins protien drink. Threw the bisquit away. We took a group of students on a field trip to the movies and they had pizza delivered to the park. One of the aids went and picked up chicken for some of us. I had most of a breast and 3-4 bites of cole slaw. Gave the bisquit and mashed potatoes away. Volunteered to serve at the lodge tonite. Stuck around and had drinks afterwards. I drank 4-5 glasses of Chardonnay. Had half a bowl of bean and bacon soup and a few bites of leftover chicken for supper when we got home.   Saturday Woke up at 7 and drank an Atkins drink. I am lazy about drinking those instead of eating something, and they really arent filling.....I just want to break the habit of skipping breakfast and they are convenient. About 10 now and ate the rest of the bowl of soup. I hope to eat a good lunch and supper today. A little hungover feeling, too much wine last night. I am sure I am a little dehydrated I have drank about 3 glasses of water already.
lianna

lianna

1
ReneBean's Journal
 

02/03/06 - I'm feelin' it...

Ok - it's late Friday. I have cleared my desk and put up the obligatory "out of office" messages. Now the surgery looms large...   I was thinking the other day - my biggest anxiety ISN'T that my doctor is going to poke holes in me and put a foreign object into my abdomen. My BIGGEST anxiety is that strangers are going to see my naked, flabby, icky, horrid belly!! How twisted is that. :nanahump: I am paranoid that my fat belly is in some way remarkable or unique and that the surgeon and staff will recoil in horror upon the unveiling of the beast... Yep, I am insane. :madgrin:   Worried about dying under anesthesia? Hell no. Worried about embarrassment!! :nanahump: Nobody but DH has seen my belly in 16-17 yrs. I guess I will just have to suck it up - and suck it in... at least until the knock-out drops take effect!   I had a mad Twinkie craving today. I had brought some "delicious" soy cheese substitute in and the package was sitting on my desk - and somewhere out of the corner of my psyche, I thought I saw Twinkies on my desk - and I WANTED them... for about an hour afterward. I haven't had a Twinkie in at least a YEAR. I smacked myself around on that one.   Must be more stress involved in this whole surgery thing than I thought - if is causing insane carb thoughts to pass through my mind. The other indicator that I am subliminating stress is that I have a visit from every woman's favorite aunt... Oh Joy. No period for months - sometimes even years - but the B*#%! shows up now. GREAT. Wasn't I already freaked out about embarrassment?!? Personally, I feel that baring my naked belly is more than sufficient to insure my enduring mortification - but apparently, the gods want some further amusement at my expense. I wonder if I will be able to laugh at all this later. I am thinking NOT!   My conscious mind is relatively placid. No tears, no shakey hands - but apparently I am REALLY stressed out. Great. Now I am a bonafide drama queen. :drama:
ReneBean

ReneBean

1
My Life Change
 

The Consult with Dr. Spivak

:clap2: yyyiiiiiiiiiiipppppieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eee, I am scheduled for March 13, that is a Monday. I am sure it will be a beautiful, sunny day.   And here is what I will do from now until the pre-op diet starts...   eat each large meal like it is the last   do the happy dance   jump like a maniac   recite the pledge of allegiance   kiss my husband, who is providing the funds   get on lapbandtalk.com and tell all of my new friends.   talk about it to my husband until he reaches the brink of insanity.   say a prayer to thank God     order some pizza, thick crust   BEFORE PICS.....FUN!!!!!!!!!! NOW, SMILE BIG...   AND A SIDEVIEW....   AND LETS SEE THAT HONKY TONK BOODONKADUNK! OH, YEAH, Sister! That's some junk if I ever saw...   call my friends and tell them     talk to myself in the mirror   practice drinking so much water that i puke   Dr. Spivak, i am not worthy!!   I have the best doctor   WoooooOOOooooo HoooOOOOooOOOOoooooo!   go to the movies and eat popcorn, one last time   ponder taking up fencing   daydream about a thin me   smile for no apparent reason   still smiling   This is what it is like when the world loves me!   daydream some more   make note of the water displacement level in the bathtub, after i get in   i bet laundry is even fun when your thin   maybe i will take up llama-backriding   wwwoooOOOooooOOOhooOOOoooOOOOoooo   get my old size 5 cheerleading uniform out and imagine wearing it, on my waist, not my thigh.       HAVE A PARTY!!!!!!!   HUG,LOVE,SQUEEZE & KISS DH FOR PAYING $15K
mini_me

mini_me

2
ladylu1213's Lap-Band Journal
 

my lapband

:clap2: 2/3/06 - I went for my stomach video today and thank ggodnes everything was fine after choking a week ago on a piece of broccoli. Dr. Geiss removed last week 7cc's and today 2/3 Melanie put back 6 1/2cc's. I feel a tightness even though I'm only drinking liguid. I had 2 cups of buternut squash soup and later a fat free-sugar free pudding w/fat free whip creme. so far so good.
ladylu1213

ladylu1213

1
My Lapband Journal
 

My Daughters 18th Birthday Today.

Febuary 3rd.   Today I have two 18 yr olds. :nanahump:   Its my daughters birthday, she is the middle child.   My son will be 19 in Mid March.   If they werent both still at home and still completely under my wing and control, this could be a very sad day indeed as I always imagined it would be. Instead I am happy, I am really really happy.. Hummm, TAKE NOTE!:nanahump:   I have to go out now and get reservations at Applebee's and Buy 18 Roses and pick up her present at the jewlers, its an ID bracelet that has ner name on the front and 'happy 18th, love Mom' on the back.   I am proud of myself for saving the money needed to make this a special day for her. ((((hugs to self))))   NOTE: I lost 75% of my income in July and we been having HARD times. It is NOT the time to have such luxeries but the kids understand that. But, I couldnt bear to have had to jip her on this special day. There is NO way she exspects roses and a nice ID bracelet. I am very excited. I did this on my OWN too.. (the 75% income loss was a MAN and his money)     P.S. My daughter is ABSOLUTELY amazing. Just 18 and a Sophmore in college. I am so proud of her, its hard to put into words sometimes.. She was my middle child AKA the 'bad seed'.. total middle child syndrome. My whole life I had to make it up to her for being the middle child, where my oldest was the BEST son anyone could ever ask for and my youngest was the most precious little perfect babykins I ever needed.. This made her quite selfish, self centered, spoiled and a terrorizing little brat, I honestly thought was going to have major problems in life and grow up hating me and the world for not making her happy or giving her everything she thought she deserved. We werent half as close as I was to my other kids and each year it got worse instead of better. I really resigned myself to have failed this child in a way I had not my others. Why didnt she know how much I loved her, why hadnt she learned to be selfless and humble and happy like the others? This is of course all the neggative, she was far from this horrid, but this was a part of her and the part I am Soooo GLAD and AMAZED and GREATFULL to report was not permanant.. She grew up. All of a sudden, I have this perfect child who outshines the others now.. and she is proud and she is happy and she acts like this life does NOt revolve around her, but around US.. as a family.. and what we can do with our selves in this world and our fellow humans. I could go on and on about what she does, from always bringing in the mail and running erronds for all of us left and right, from having a car and insurence and a job and a responsible and safe and good social life.. NEVER EVER THINk your kids are lost forever.. IF my AShlee could come out this, ANY KID CAN! Beleive in what you taught them and what you say and show them and Of course the one thing I never ever did was stop loving her, and I DIDNT let her convince me that I had... I love her. I just cant say enough. She is my light, she is really the best thing in my life right now.. She is my everything. :nanahump:
Nykee

Nykee

1
My Lapband Journal
 

How to use this Journal

Hummm, trying to think of how to use this Journal to my best advantage.   I have always wanted one, on line and I never got around to making one, like a blog or my own website or anything like that.   I would like to continue to post as I have on the site, minus my long winded personal rants and such... and adding my basic life details, that I wouldnt normally feel any need to tell anyone but myself, just to have.   so.. I think thats what I will do.   plus, I will try to log once a day..
Nykee

Nykee

1
hopefull's Lap-Band Journal
 

Todays food log 2-3-06

Friday :amen: Current weight on user friendly scale-235 :clap2: Trying to stay positive..weight hasn't changed inawhile. I'm receiving lots of nice compliments. Worked out Mon, Wed, Thurs at Curves. Intensity level for 3 days is 8..Lots of sweat by the end.     Coffee 6 oz with splenda and flavored cream-(35 cal/serving) Egg cooked with PAM , 5 mushrooms, 1/2 toast with butter Picks-3 bites cereal:huytsao dessert dish of beef stew--2 pieces beef, few carrots, broth small salad with greens, rb, lowfat cheese(small amount) crunchy noodles, dsg yogurt, 3 oz   lots of water.....no gyn today...did I eat enough calories???:nanahump:
hopefull

hopefull

1
Penni60's Journal
 

Feb 2, 2006

My thoughts tonight After the comments back and forth surrounding the Dr. Ortiz thread I felt the need to vent some on a separate thread.   I won't rehash what was already said on that thread. I will simply state my thoughts and how I am dealing with it all.   I was very offended by the comments of both Dr. Ortiz and Dr. Pleatman. I addressed those on that thread.   When thinking about my own personal demons I reflect on what got me so mad and upset over those comments. I realized it was one more thing telling me that no matter what I try it won't work. I will forever be fat. My insecurities came out when both their comments seemed insensitive and detached. This pissed me off as an RN and it pissed me off as a patient.   This anger does me NO GOOD. I just need to redirect these feelings of failure with the band in a more positive light. I know I have lost weight with the band. I see this. I feel this. But I am focusing on now that I don't have the band anymore what will I do to keep off what I lost. It is hard to see past one minute of one hour of one day.   I come here for support and understanding and compassion to get through the rough times. I don't come here for seemingly uncaring surgeons to suggest I 'get over' losing the band. Yes it might have been an unfortunate mistake for him to have said that and he might truly be sorry for the comment. But I just simply don't think he gets how damaging that statement could be.   So, I am rambling here and alot of this might not make any sense at all. This is more for me than anything else. Sort of a cathartic exercise.   I am really struggling on a day to day basis. I get up and eat my breakfast and do really well till around 2 or 3 pm. Then it all falls apart. I am travelling right now and that makes it harder to stick to the Nutrisystem diet. I am struggling to get in my water. I was doing so well the first two weeks. I even lost 6 lbs on it in the first two weeks. Now I am away from home and really worried I am gaining back the weight. I am so upset with myself right now. I have struggled to keep honest and to be accountable. That is hard to do. I eat really good then I screw it up. So I start the day all over again the next day telling myself "today will be different" and it isn't.   The one thing that worked for me was having the Band. Now that is gone. So, I am on this roller coaster of eating right and eating junk every day. My body is not liking it either. My joints are aching, my back is more sore than usual, headaches are returning, I have noticed my ankles are swelling more along with my fingers as well. All this was going on before I was banded. So does this mean I am regressing? YES!! And this is what scares me.   I am so happy for Michelle that she has moved on and facing her demons as best she can. I am struggling with this same issue.   To those that supported and said such sweet things on the Dr. Ortiz thread I am proud to call you part of my band family.   To those that expressed a differing opinion, I respect your statements but walk a mile in my shoes first before making a suggestion that by me raising a couple of questions and making a couple of comments would run off any doctor.   To those that have had really great experiences in Mexico, I am truly happy for you and I pray that you continue to have those great experiences. I would not wish what I have gone through on anyone friend or foe.   To those that are new and just starting the process, do your homework. Know that if you chose Mexico please have local aftercare set up. Otherwise know that if you have an emergent situation you will need to go back to your band surgeon. This could raise some difficult issues you will need to face rather quickly that you hadn't thought through.   I really care about each and every one of you guys. I would offer my support and understanding and can assure you of me being non judgmental.   The only thing I ask in return is that I receive the same of which I have on many occasions and most likely will in the future as well.   G-nite family.
Penni60

Penni60

1
beautifultina's Journal
 

ok now what?

OK I got my fill on monday. I feel restricted YES!!!! THANK YOU GOD!!!! But, now I find it hard to throw food away or to leave it on my plate, even the smaller ones. I can usually take about 4-6 bites at any meal and feel full. But I keep eating that "one more bite".:hungry: WTF is wrong with me?!?!?!?!? Why can I not stop eating when I am full? I have resorted to drinking protien shakes between the meals to be sure I am getting my protien in. I know it is ont the best way to do it but, I want to keep on losing. I was reading on the forum today that someone is still drinking soda...I already do a lot of Bad for my band things, I am shocked that anyone is drinking soda..whon't the carbonation really expand and stretch your pouch? (EVEN if it wont---i want to think in my head that it will) I dont need any enouragement on the cheating dept. Why are people still eating diet type foods and using diet programs here? Isn't the band itself supposed to be the tool that we use to change our habits to that of a normal person? Normal people don't take trim spa or do the Atkin's diet. I want to be able to eat regular food and be ok with it. I saw that there are bandsters that don't/can't eat bread or pasta...I WISH!!! I can eat virtually anything I want to. I just try to avoid rice. makes me feel bloated when it expands in my pouch. I saw my Ex Boyfriend Jerrold today. He is a very nice gentleman. It was great to hear him tell me how nice I looked. (he doesn't know about the surgery as don't most people in my life). I have a goal to exercise at least three times a week. I need to get on the ball of getting in the habit of exercising. I havne't been and it is hurting me not to. Wish me well.
beautifultina

beautifultina

1
chameleon's Lap-Band Journal
 

sleepy

I am beat! Very tough few days at work and my 21 year old daughter who is goin on 10 is ticking me off. My 14 year old son is my salvation now! I guess the first one gets ripped off in some ways...they are the product of on the job parent training and the second one gets the seasoned professional...with a little more money too! I am gonna start to track my food on here so just skip it cuz food tracking can't be anything BUT boring as hell!   8:30 am: 2 cups coffee 12:30 pm: 1/6 of a 16" pepperoni and cheese pizza 1 toasted cheese sandwich 16 oz. sweet tea (real sugar)   2:00 pm 16 oz lemonade (once again real sugar) 6:30 pm 1 whole can of chunky chicken noodle soup 8 saltine crackers 12 oz. diet pepsi   WOW...thats kinda frightening! Obviously not banded yet but just curious to see what my normal eating habits look like these days....I kinda gave up tracking my food intake about a year ago...it just gets soooo old! I wonder how long it will take my insurance company to ok the surgery after the DR submits everything?? Well gotta go take a rest. Peace out...:notagree
chameleon

chameleon

1
ReneBean's Journal
 

2/02/06 - Counting Down

OK - it's REAL now. Only 5 days to go...   I guess it's good that work has been crazed, my SIL and her DH have arrived and I have DH's Cousin staying at my house. I just don't have time to freak out. :omg:   I have eaten more raw veggies in the last 5 days than I have in the previous 5 months... mmmmm. veggies.... :nervous Sadly, I can't eat them bathed in dip the way I always have - but I did make some "diet" dip with Lipton Garlic & Herb packet + FF sour cream + low fat feta cheese. I threw in a big globby spoonful of light mayo for that tangy/creamy thing. The cheese needs to be blended in - but Feta makes a really strong flavor - which means you feel just as happy with half the dip. It has relatively lots of carbs - like 50 carbs to a batch - but I spread the batch out over 3 days, so I think it's all right.   I must be doing something right. There are these strange divets on my face - nay, hollows - and my spare chin is almost gone. Besides, the fat cells are visibly escaping through the pores on my chin. great...:cry   This not having a scale thing is starting to be irritating. I want to KNOW that I am losing... is that wrong? :nanahump: But Walmart has failed me... I went to the new Walmart near my job - and they did not have any bathroom scales. Not just that they didn't have one that would take my maximum density - they didn't have ANY. I guess that I am still undecided on the scale business, since part of me thinks that they may have saved me from myself... scale obsession can be tragic.   I actually took my measurements yesterday. It was horrifying. It's bad enough to weigh 346 lbs - but dang! to know that my ass is as big around as I am tall is just disgusting. I so want to get on with the surgery so I can start to be rid of this huge bulk. I guess I had better start working on the financing for the PS now... There is just only so much shrinking of skin that any rational person can expect. *sigh* I am thinking full body make-over... Gosh - are they still doing that Swan show? Maybe that...   It is getting difficult to wait for Monday. I am horrid at waiting, and the closer I get to the actual day of surgery, the more I want it to be RIGHT NOW.   Is it Monday, yet?!?!?
ReneBean

ReneBean

2
Robin Mac's Journal
 

Forgot to mention....

For several years I’ve taken Prilosec on a daily basis for heartburn. If I missed a day, I knew it! I read somewhere that the need for antacids should become less after Lap-Band surgery, so I decided to skip a day and see what happens. I was fine, so I skipped another, then another. Fine again and again. Now I’m only taking it twice a week and have had no problems so far. I guess it’s only a matter of time before I can cut it out completely. A wonderful bonus!
Robin Mac

Robin Mac

1
Robin Mac's Journal
 

Second Fill Visit

I had an appointment for my second fill today, but because I have lost 7 lbs. since my first fill (yea!) and am experiencing the occasional ‘golfball in chest’ when I eat too fast, my surgeon said that I don’t need one. I still feel like I’m able to consume too much food at one sitting, though.
Robin Mac

Robin Mac

1
luvlif's Journal
 

241.5 2/2/06

VERONICA & SUNNY STOPPED IN FROM HOLBROOK. VERONICA LOOKED @ ME KIND OF SURPRISED & SAID "YOU LOOK GOOD?" I JUST SMILED & SAID "THANKS"
luvlif

luvlif

1
HeatherGurl's Journal
 

NEW DAY

I haven't written here in a while, so I figured that it was about time. I have been sticking with Atkins, no more than 20 carbs a day. I have been walking for 2 weeks now I believe and I just love it. If I don't go, I feel like I am missing something. I am noticing that my butt is tightening up and the scale certainly isn't moving up. I have a fill scheduled for the 23rd and I am curious to see how I will be after that.   I have had Pink Eye since Monday morning and I haven't been wearing makeup so as to not infect my makeup, and it sucks!!! I feel so nakid! Hopefully that will be cleared up soon.   Today's weigh in: 288.2
HeatherGurl

HeatherGurl

1
chameleon's Lap-Band Journal
 

Wednesday, 2/1/06

well I am on here at 12:30 am cuz I can't sleep. I have not slept well in over a year. This past year has sucked...no wait let me tack on 20 years...no it hasn't been all bad, I have 2 beautiful kids and a second husband who is great 90% of the time so I am very greatful for those gifts. I am also very excited to have this surgery. I am trying not to get too excited though so I am only in the beginning stages... I have filled out the paperwork, found out that my insurance co. does approve the surgery when all the criteria are met, have gotten the ok from my oncologist and am scheduled to attend a work shop in 2 weeks. Yes I did say oncologist, I had breast ca in 2001 when I was 37, did chemo and radiation and got it back in my lung last year, had the small middle lobe of my right lung removed last Feb 28th and did chemo again til July. whats really scarry is that just before each of these cancers were found I was at this same stage of looking into bariatric surgery. I am hoping that the reason was that I needed to wait for this lap band procedure to become more prevalent because I was going to opt for the roux en y on the other occasions! I am glad I didn't! I am about 135 pounds over my ideal bw...a whole woman! I don't know how I got this way...no seriously...I am a dietician by education and I have done everything under the sun and still here I am. I was not always fat, although I always thought I was. Now I know my body image has been messed up all of my life. I thought I was a blimp when I was 19 and 5'7" at 130 pounds! Now I am over 2x that and I actually don't realize I am as fat as I am until I see myself in a picture or a home video or naked in a mirror, then it's like wham ohh my god is that you in there?? I knew I was somewhat obsessed with losing weight all of my adult life but the flares really went up the first time I was diagnosed with Cancer at 37. My first thought was God please let me live to see my babies grow up and get on their way. The very next thought was well at least I will loose some weight finally. Well guess what...I gained weight with chemo...the drugs I took for nausea blew me up and then, I would try to find any kind of food I could keep down and I would eat so my stomach would stay full and my tastebuds would stay occupied with a thought of anything but the disgusting taste that was always in my mouth during chemo. I put 20 more pounds on my 220 pound body! I gained another 15 more over the next 3 years and then lost about 10 at the gym over the next year. Then I was diagnosed again last Feb 21st, one month to the day of my fathers death from lung cancer, (he hadn't smoked in 20 years and died Jan 21st at 66 after only 5 months from diagnosis. He was the greatest man I'll ever know) Prior to this I had just taken a new position with the giant conglomerate of a corporation that I had worked for since graduating college in 89 and had moved up through the ranks to be offered this "fabulous" opportunity about 500 miles from my home and the rest of my family. My husband and I decided it was a great offer and he quit his job, I sold my home that I loved, we took my 13 year old son and we moved in July of 2004 My dad was diagnosed in August. The company wrote a bad contract and lost the account in December, I quit smoking on Jan 2nd, 2005 (I never quit before except during chemo because I took my surgeons words "this cancer has nothing to do with ciggarette smoking" as a lifeline to smoke on and on and on, but as I watched my healthy handsome father die a rotten death that WAS definately due to smoking I could no longer justify it to myself). and dad died a few weeks later, then I was diagnosed four weeks after that, did my chemo and got a great job offer back in my hometown! Thats my story in a large nutshell! Anyway, gettin back to the surgery, my sister gets upset because I make jokes about how I am afraid that the insurance company will find some reason to decline me because I am a bad long term return risk....If ya don't believe they would do such a thing....WAKE UP! Then there will be a war cuz I have made up my mind that even if I live for a year or 40 years after the weight is off it's better than dieing fat like I am now. I think of all the grief and humiliation and disrespect and physical pain that being fat has caused me and I think NO MORE!!!! No more being wedged into an airplane or theatre or opera house seat, no more not riding roller coasters because I am too afraid to even go up to the car for fear of the intense humiliation that would ensue if I was told that I was too fat for the bar to lock down, No more knee, back and hip pain, no more lights out for sex, no more worrying that it will take twenty pallbearers to carry my coffin in my funeral...YES I DO THINK OF THAT! I just refuse to bear that final humiliation! I am so ready to live life to it's fullest and feel good about myself for the first time in 20 years...Life is way too short to live it this way. love, me:kiss2:
chameleon

chameleon

1

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