The last week I have been BUSY!!! I spent most of last week in classes to learn about the new software system we are switching over to this summer. This was a very technical class, that left my brain in mush mode by night.
In an effort not to back track on my success I opted to take a page from Carolina Girls book. I made my little cups of chicken salad (chicken, apples, grapes and pecan) were fixed in my fridge. I also had more apples and grapes in there, along with the staple of weight watchers cheese sticks. Each morning I would pack my little bag and take it with me to class. Taking my lunch allowed me to stay in during lunch and play with the training database more and talk to the teacher to get more info. The great thing I found by doing this is it works!! I stuck to my portion size and found that I didn't get hungry, I never felt bloted or bad.
So this week rather than chicken salad I make homemade fresh tuna salad for my lunches. Again this is great and keeps me from just grabing anything for lunch. So I have to say thanks to Carolina Girl for putting out there what works for her.
Unlike, CG, I can't do carbless. As she said that is her choice, but I have always been a carb aholic so I know long term carbless wouldn't work for me. So in an effort to do better, I have opted to go carbless for one meal a day.
On my fidge is a list, each day with what I will do for breakfast and what I will cook for dinner. This way I can plan, get fresh groceries, and make sure one carbless meal gets in a day. My fresh veggies and fruit also don't spoil this way. In my fridge I have the shelf that is at my eye level full of my fruits and veggies and healthy options- this helps me make good choices.
Now if I can manage to kick it to the next level and get back into a regular work out routine rather than the sporatic one I have been one of late.
A bit of advice for newbies and oldies.... read what works for others, pull some of it and try it, see what works for you. We are all different, but by putting what works for us out there we might help others so talk, read, learn!!
I'm sitting here in my house going crazy. I woke up this morning at 4:30, and could not go back to sleep. I've been going crazy over the past week. I've got about 3 weeks before my surgery and I am so anxious. I mean really anxious. I am obsessed with this website I've read everything on here. I post whenever I have a question, just so I can communicate and interact with people going through what I'm going through. I keep trying to find new people to talk to. I don't have anyone around that I know personally that has or is going through this. I'm so obsessed with getting my lap-band that it can't come fast enough. Luckily I have meet some people through this site that I talk to, but it doesn't seem to be enough. What's going on with me? Has anyone else been this obsessed with getting the band? I know my husband Is getting tired of hearing me talk about what I've done,what I need to do,what he needs to do, what I should not do etc., you get the picture. But he is being a real trouper. I don't really have any questions to post about so I decided to post this blog and hopefully get some of this energy out. Get this, I hate writing,but that is how bored I am. I know I'll get through this, but I'm driving everyone else, along with myself crazy in the meantime. Maybe I should go for a walk after this, I really hate walking too, but I have to start sometime. Anyone else going crazy waiting? Along with all this I'm also on a high protein low carb diet and staying at about 1200 calories, which seems to be adding to this anxious bored feeling, I don't know why, maybe because I can't eat and don't know what to do with my time and energy. Writing that just mad me think, that might be it I just finished finals too. I think I eat when I get bored and I don't have anything as of yet to take it's place. Not even banded yet and having issues,Oh boy. It is a weird feeling it is a lost feeling. Can anyone relate? Funny, this has been therapeutic, I never would have thought. I have heard journaling(sp?) is helpful but did not believe it. Learn something new everyday. Well that's about it just needed to vent some. Good luck to everyone with your journey.
Got the following answers from my doctor at my appointment.
I am just 35 days away from surgery! Yeah!!!! I have an appointment tomorrow and I have sooooo many questions! Excuse me while I make a little list. And feel free to "chime in" with your experience.
1. I just started birth control pills. It was mandatory before my lap-band surgery. So I thought I was doing a good thing. However, I have read that some doctors make you stop taking them prior to sleeve surgery due to blood clotting. So, do I continue taking them or stop? (Stay on them. You have no history of blood clots.)
2. What size bougie will be used? (36 I staple and suture so it actually ends up smaller.)
3. How much will my stomach hold after surgery? ( I forgot to ask this one.)
4. Will I have a post-surgical drain? (Depends on how your surgery goes.)
5. I have read that some band to sleeve revisions result in larger volume sleeves due to scarring. Is that true? (Scarring does occur with bands but they have no effect on size of sleeve.)
6. I also heard that with revision surgeries, weight loss is some times slower and of a lesser total amount. Is this true? (No. It has nothing to do with revisions. Follow diet guidelines and exercise and you will have good weight loss.)
7. My goal is just to feel better. I want the back and leg pain to stop. However, what is a realistic goal weight for me? (I agree. Don't focus on numbers. You had great success with your band. You will do extremely well with your sleeve.)
I know I have more questions but, I am drawing a blank. Any other suggestions? Am I leaving anything out? Because of all of the hassle that I have gone through with this lap-band, I just want to be as informed and knowledgeable as I can.
I am sure that I will think of things all night long. However, I am going to try and get some sleep.
Night! Night!
He also told me that I did not have to do a pre-op diet. He said, "Don't get me wrong. Don't go have three Big Macs or have a huge food funeral the night before. But I don't need you on liquids for two weeks either. Just keep doing what you have been doing. You are doing great!"
I was feeling crappy earlier today but after a little nap I felt pretty good. Guess I just didn’t get enough sleep. The fam had pulled pork sandwiches with veggies and then homemade strawberry shortcake… I had one of my shakes, a little pork (without a bun) and veggies, and a nibble of the shortbread just to taste, and I was totally satisfied and not even tempted to eat more. I literally ate 1/2 of what I would have normally eaten if not less. Amazing. And me and the fam just went on a night time walk, over 3 miles, and I even RAN… for like, a second. But still.
Feeling good and prepared for life after surgery!!
Greetings from my hospital bed:
I am absolutely flabbergasted at how good I feel, already! Didn't sleep much more than an hour last night and arrived at 5:00 am to the pre surgical unit. I distracted myself with a book for some of the waiting time, and ended up not needing any anti-anxiety medication other than what was already in the plan. Yay me!
I woke up in the recovery room with a sore, dry throat and had already been given a pretty awesome painkiller by IV (some kind of pump). I am on a strict day of nothing by mouth and will be administered the leak test tomorrow morning. After that it will be clear liquids as tolerated for a couple of days.
The doctor said everything went well in the surgery so I am one Happy Cat! My husband has been an angel and helped me to the bathroom twice and took my arm for two short walks in the corridor. Other than a little dizziness and minimal nausea, I am truly blessed to be feeling great at the end of the first day of the rest of my life
I hope my sleeve sisters and brothers out there had the same experience, but I know that another phase will start tomorrow and am praying for the best!
Good night all and sleep tight xxx
When I discovered LBT I was 4 months into my journey, like most I would read a lot of posts and on occasion I would post. I found myself following 2 ladies and the 3 of us struck up a wonderful friendship. We would goof around, take over threads, insult and love each other. One from Florida, one form North Carolina and myself from Texas we became the three musketeers of LBT.
We have never met face to face but to me our friendship is the most precious around. I love both these ladies like sisters. I don’t know what I would do without them.
This evening when I got home from work the mailman knocked on my door with a package for me from Florida?! The package was marked Fragile….I haven’t ordered anything on line lately. Who do I know in Florida??? I was puzzled. So I opened the package to find the most thoughtful birthday gift from one of my LBT friends. It was so thoughtful and personalized that I burst into tears.
I enjoy my wine and my hot tub, but we all know that wine glasses do not mix with hot tubs. So I got a personalized travel wine glass, it’s called ClearWater Gear and her daughter did the vinyl customizing. I will cherish this gift.
Thank you so very much!
Soo today is my first official day of clean eating and it hasn't been that bad, I feel kinda hungry, so i've been nomming on carrots and strawberries.I had some gluten/wheat free waffles for breakfast, salad with chicken for lunch, a granola bar, and some delicious quinoa chillli for dinner. Then cuz i only had 1000 calories i had a turkey sandwich on rye with spin-NATCH. hehehe. It's been pretty tasty so far, but i still feel hun-gray, i think i just need time to adjust, prolly like a week or so and itll be easier x...x. I then jammed out to some bob marley with my dad in the living room, and now i'm just chiling, freaking out about my AP eng exam this friday, and us history on wednesday when those things are over i'll finally have a life and I can make some youtube videos!!Something delicious i discovered while tumblering is flavored water! You guys who are already sleeved have to drink a lot of water right? I need to drink it in the morning but at such an early time i just can't stand it for some reason.Ok so I got a platic juice container that was empty,filled it with water and chopped up 2 lemons and some strawberries so i can drink it tomorrow :3theoretically you can use any fruits like.. blueberries, peaches, pears, whatever you like, itll give your morning a nice kick.I only used a plastic juice container cuz im rachet but if you have a glass one its prolly a better idea to use that thing o...o
I am 7 days away from an 8 mile hike up to LeConte Lodge in Great Smoky Mountains National Park, 8 days away from hiking 5.5 miles down from that mountain, 9 days away from a 7 day vacation in Hawaii, and 32 days away from being sleeved. It is going to be an exciting month.
However, I have really struggled with the "food funeral". I have had binge like behavior for the past couple of weeks, and have basically let my "inner fat girl" have everything she wants, and the result of that...the added weight, the bloat, the heart burn, the sluggish "I just want to be lazy" feelings, etc have taken enough of a toll on me, and I have finally decided that enough is enough. It's time to start preparing my brain for what my body is about to go through.
Today I kind of gave the following talk to myself...
Dear Food,
You have always been there for me. You were there for me when I was alone in the evenings after school, you were there for me when people hurt my feelings, you were there when I was alone, you were there when I was rejected, when I was awarded, when I was celebrated. You were there through the loneliness of my teens when I didn't have any "real" friends..during the long hour and a half drive from my mom's to my dad's house when I started driving alone. You were there through my college years when boys rejected me, when the school work got hard and continued on into the night. You were there in my lonely apartment in my early 20's, and there when I went through the financial crisis which landed me back in my parent's house feeling defeated. You were there when I moved to a new state at 28 with my fiance' and I was stressed about leaving everything I knew and loved behind other than this one man. And you were there when my dad died of a heart attack at 57 (obesity related) one week after that move, and through the months that followed trying to get his estate finalized while living 500 miles away. You were there in the nervousness of my wedding, and of being a new bride. You were there through the stresses of every long day of every tax season, and then when I went out on my own as a bookkeeper. You have been there every evening to help me alleviate stress lately. You have been what I've looked forward to at the end of the day. You have comforted me, you have praised me, you have distracted me, you have brought me pleasure.
But you have also brought me pain. You have brought me "weight", literally. My bones hurt, my body aches, my feet are killing me, my back feels like it's in knots. My heart races these days with the slightest hill or stair case. You have made me depressed which caused me to ponder that death might be better than life when I feel I can't overcome your power. You are holding me back from my passions of the outdoors. I can hardly hike up hills these days without feeling like I'm going to die. My heel pain is just getting worse with every pound you add to my body. I don't feel sexy anymore... You are tearing apart my life and I'm only 32.
I thank you for having been there for me, but I think in order to have the best life I can, I'm going to have to part with you, or atleast part of you. God has brought other things into my life to take over the work you were doing all alone. I have a husband who can comfort me and celebrate me. I have friends who can help me to not be lonely and a bible study group to strengthen me when I'm feeling bad. I have a bike, a kayak, hiking boots and a backpack that will keep me entertained. I have a fantastic gym membership and a mini home gym that can keep me distracted from work when need be. I have kitties who can sooth me on lonely days when I need "love" (okay, my husband can do that too if he's not working late)
I will be okay with out large quantities of you. Our relationship is changing, and while I'll still partake of you, I need the best you, you have to give.... things that will make me strong and healthy instead of weak and lazy. The sugary things that I let sooth me have to go...perhaps one day I'll be able to enjoy a bite or two, but since you've turned me into a sugar addict, that day will be far away when I'm at goal and am finally in control.
Here's to change!
Tomorrow, I will start a low carb, 2 protein shakes a day (I have plenty of sample packets to choose from), and one protein + complex carb + either 1/2 a sweet potato or 1/2 cup cooked quinoa meal a day, food plan. I will get out of this sugar fog, and back into "the light". And I'll flush out the funk with lots of water and green tea. I'm ready to start my new life even though I am 32 days before surgery and am only required to do a 7 day low carb pre-op diet. I'm just ready! With my hike before Hawaii, and lots of hiking/walking planned in Hawaii (and fresh pineapple!!) I can stay on track until my surgery.
Wish me luck fellow pre op and post op sleevers! I appreciate you and your stories and questions more than you know!!
Edit: No need to suggest counseling...I've already been doing it for 5 months and will probably continue after surgery. I wish I could say it's helping with the mental stuff...but I don't see it.
So it turns out I might have been having a reaction to my painkillers this entire time, and that's what was causing the overwhelming nausea.
Tramadol. Not quite an opiate which is why it was prescribed to me, because this little duck is allergic to opiates. Except it made me nauseous because the number one adverse effect of Tramadol is, low and behold, nausea.
I took that little pill every freaking night. And woke up the next day feeling like death. Not last night though, and today I feel SO SO SO much better!
So I'm praying that that was it, and I can go back to being human now. Maybe I might even be able to go back to work tomorrow!
*happy dance*
And can I say, in the absence of nausea, that I'm feeling otherwise pretty damned fine.
hi
this is my first blog ever i had the Gastric Bypass on the 17th of April, everything went great was up walking that night only spent 3 days total in the hospital im off liquid diet and im on soft foods im down 35lb. and thats really good i never lost weight like this befor and i have not had to take any of my meds i was taking befor surgery
my open cut is doing good and the only thing and i dont know if any one else has this but when i drink something that is to cold my stomach has like a spasum for just 30 sec are less. My husband and close family members say they can see that i have lost weight but i cant tell yet this is a hard road to go down i new it wasn't gonna be easy but i had to make a life change so i would be here for my husband and kids thank you all for reading this it helps to know im not the only one going thrue this
This week I have been confronted with more and more people noticing my "physical changes". This makes me feel very vulnerable and I am not sure why? I have been heavy my whole life and I think, for the most part, I have "accepted" this about myself. Even "identified" with being heavy. With time, I have compensated by having a BIG personality in order to be "seen". I drove myself to accomplish many things. For instance, I was a good student, I worked very hard on my career and got promoted because of it, I am a good friend, sister, daughter, etc. I really felt that, aside from my weight, I have a lot to offer to the world and I am displaying this in other aspects of my life. Until my weight became a VERY unhealthy issue, I really didn't think it held me back from living my life. The more people focus on my physical changes...the more I want to hide. Hiding was never an issue when I was heavier. I have noticed that taking a compliment has been difficult, that the more people focus on how "good" I look...the more I have tuned down my personality in order to now take the focus off myself. My brain still has not caught up with the changes my body has made. I am hoping the journey will help understand these new feelings and vulnerabilities. Perhaps accepting a new identity and a new normal. I am learning a lot about myself and as much excitement this process brings....it's also dusting up fears that I didn't even know I had.
At almost 5 months out I decided to update my goals - but first I wanted to see how well I had done. I am really surprised that I hit most of them already! I really do think that setting achievable goals is the way to go!!!
Here is a run down of my progress. I guess at 5 months I will need to reset completely new goals. Thanks to so many of you on this site who helped me establish these by psoting your experiences. It really helped. As you can see - the exercise one is the hardest for me!
Weight Goals:
1. Optimize weight loss in the first 3 months (this means following diet strictly - high protein low carb) - DONE
2. 10% BMI loss every 6 months (this will get me to goal 22 BMI by one year)-- DONE
Other Goals:
Survive the first week! (DONE)
Fit into NORMAL sized clothes!! (DONE)
Not having to move the steering wheel up when I get in boyfriends car (DONE)
10 minutes on the elliptical machine
Need to buy new bras (DONE - LAST WEEK)
Enjoy looking in mirrors again (DONE)
Can wear high boots (DIDN'T DO -BUT NOW ITS OUT OF SEASON)
Someone who doesn't know about the surgery comments on my weight loss (DONE)
The day I can tuck something in (DONE)
The first week I exercise (on purpose for 30min x3 days) (DONE)
The first week I do the same as above but for 5 days
Hi my name is Erica, I've always been on the big bone or Heavy side so this past few months I started looking into the gastric sleeve process and I started to educate myself about the pros and con's of the surgery. when I went in to see my doctor he was so warn and understanding i then felt really comfortable going on through with the surgery. so I had to do some pre surgery tests before i could set a surgery date. That took about a month and I had my date set after the date was set i had to wait 2 weeks to allow time for my pre op liquid diet. So, I've had my surgery and all I can say is it is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life! the first two to three days after surgery were the worst! but, its been almost a week now and I'm feeling better. I still can't eat real food yet I'm on a all liquid diet but the pain has let off some. I have five small incision's on the upper on my stomach. I have been taking pro mod high protein liquid (it tastes awful) so its been very hard getting enough down. I've also been eating the cool pops.
I was under the impression after my surgery I wouldn't be hungry any longer but boy was I wrong! My family has been eating everything and I feel like I'm starving to death here but can't eat. I think this is a awful feeling and I'm hoping it will pass soon!
I'm Praying that this gets better! someone please tell me it will??
On May 17th I will hit the 5 month mark on my weightloss journey. I've officially lost 63 lbs since surgery, made it into Onderland (at last), experienced the dreaded stall, had my pants fall off because they were simply too big (I call it the Pants on the Ground Phenomena), cursed my scale which I swear was broken for a month, had my rings fall off my hand, gotten tons of great compliments, rediscovered mirrors, stopped hiding behind people in pictures, flown on Southwest planes where people actually chose the seat next to me even though there were many others open, been ushered out of the plus sizes section at a department store by a well meaning sales lady who thought I was lost, started wearing high heels again, eaten too much too fast and puked, gotten very drunk off of very little alcohol, learned how much I love solid proteins, started exercising again, and have started reaching out to old friends as part of my reconnection plan - which was part of my New Years resolution. My life is 100% happier. I cannot imagine NOT having this surgery. I look forward to what lies ahead, and I although I expect that I will be cursing my scale again at some point, I have faith that the remaining 73 lbs will be worked off in time. In many ways, I've restarted my life at age 40!
So I have been through all the emotions scared unsure happy sad calm etc. I am sure I still have some to go. I can only imagine the days or week leading to surgery. I can tend to be doom and gloom when facing the unknown! Then the dreaded pre-op liquid diet! I get snappy when I am hungry and I am sure my family will just love me those 2 weeks. I have been researching, picking brains, and trying to get me ready for this for over a year. I can see the end. Last week when I was approved I thought, "FINALLY" then some strange feeling of panic, and sadness. This was it, it went from I want to have this surgery to I am having this surgery. I mulled over this panic and sadness for a week. I realize that I am scared of changing me (never knew I kinda co depended on fat me until I was faced with finally get rid of her). I am scared/panicky ofcourse of complications and death. I have two young children. I am scared that I may fail. So I have been sitting with these feelings for a week. I woke up today and I know I am on the right path. I am sure those doubts will rear their ugly heads as I near my sleeve date but I know this is right. No ones opinion or advice can change my mind. I got this. Well today I do! What a crazy journey! I also decided to stop the chaos and focus on what is going in my big mouth. I pretty much eat healthy meals it's the in between when I am hungry that gets me. I need to make wiser snack choices. So I'm back on the wagon so to speak. I am even going to replace a meal and snack with a protein shake. So we will see how this goes. Ever since I put in my paperwork I admit I have been having food funerals. So that madness HAS TO STOP! Those funerals are just adding guilt on top of all the other emotions I am having. I am back in control! Happy Monday to us all!
OK, I guess I jumped the gun a week ago when I said I was no longer obese because I weighed 227 and my BMI was 29.9. Ever since then, I've been fluctuating between 227 and 229. Guess I'm in some sort of a stall. Oh well, I'm not really stressing over it. I know I'm still doing all the right things and it will move when it wants to.
I want each of you to know that you are my heroes. The more I read about each of you, the more I admire you.
My prayer for you all this week is for courage, self confidence, energy, hope, and love. Where ever you are on your journey, I applaud you. Pat yourself on the back. You are a great person.
As you look in the mirror each day this week, say out loud, "I am someone's hero."
Whether you take one step at a time or many steps at once, you will get there. Looking back is only for learning, not dwelling on.
Judy
Last night I wrote a whole long blog and as I went to post it there was an error and it was lost! Today I have a completely different train of thought so I
am going to go with that.
I am feeling lead to share about my previous marriage, I have had a few people email me about my story and tell me some of theirs and I really feel that my
story may help others get motivated to change the things they need to change in their own life. This story will be in many parts, if I were to sit here and
type the whole thing in one blog it would take days!
When I was 14 years old I met a boy who we will call Steve. Steve had the bad boy image, he had long hair, kind of a grunge look, very rebellious! He was 17
years old, but that was fine with me, most of the boys I dated were older. I spent the whole summer of 1995 hanging out with him, he was great! Towards the
end of the summer I found out he liked to smoke pot, and drop acid. I am totally against drug use of all kind, so I told him if that was the way he rolled I
had to take a different road. We agreed that I had to take a different road. We remained friends.
About 7 months went by since I broke things off with him, I had a new boyfriend that I was hanging around with. Steve was jealous of this and he agreed to
change his ways for me. Being that I was a very young girl, this impressed me that he was willing to change for ME?! So I fell for it. In the time we were
apart he had tried to kill himself when he was high, he took a jack knife to his arm, he cut himself to the bone! like a 5 inch long cut down his forearm,
right to the bone. I lead him to church and got him saved. He was a changed man! Very respectful, looked out for me all the time, plus he had a car so he
was able to come over whenever I wanted him to. This was nice, I fell hard and fast for him. He was amazing!
In March of 1997 my sister passed away due to a drinking and driving accident, worst time of my life! Steve was there for me, when every other friend didn't
know what to say, his arms were open wide and he was just there for me. This bonded me to him like nothing else, I knew then I would walk through hell's
fires for this man. In 1999 I was finishing up high school so I had a part time job at a gas station. I was working closing shift and waiting for Steve to
come pick me up from work when I got a phone call from a lady up the street she said my boyfriend had asked her to call me, he had been in a bad car
accident and was being taken to the hospital.
My co-worker took me to the accident so I could go with him. A friend of mine worked for the fire dept and he pulled me aside, he said that Steve wasn't in
too bad of shape but he had been drinking, there were open containers all over the road! Steve hit and drove up a telephone pole, flipped his car end over
end! He had to have 10 stitches in his head, 15 in his hand other than that he was just sore!
In may 2000 he and I got married. I was the only one working, he had lost his job just before we got married. He had a history of losing work, but he was
always pretty good at finding work right after. In June of 2000 I found out I was pregnant! I stopped working sometime in Aug, I had so many little
complications that I was in and out of the doctors all the time and it was only a matter of time before they were going to let me go any way. Steve got a
job working at the airport, he was working on the grounds crew, he would park airplanes and re-fuel them and such. He really enjoyed his job.
Everything went well for us until I was about 7 months pregnant, Steve started hanging out with some of our neighbors who were less than decent. He would go
there to borrow a tool, return 4 hours later drunk and high! One night he did this, he came back home. He stumbled through the house, flopped on the couch
and rested his elbows on his knees, he leaned his head on his hands and just started to drool... all over my floor! He began to vomit but without force, it
was the most disturbing thing I had seen to this point. This went on for hours, he eventually passed out. The next day I woke him up nice and early, I had
him help me dump every ounce of liquor, beer, and wine we had down the drain. I declared that unless it were a holiday there would be no more drinking!
It worked! There was no drinking, he didn't come home drunk from the neighbors house, in fact he rarely visited them after that. It was good! I had my son
on Feb 15th 2001, he was healthy, I was healthy and life at this time, was PERFECT!
I am going to stop there for now, I need to get some housework done and set the baby down for his nap then I will return and try and get some more of this
story out. I am sorry it's so long, but I feel in order for you to understand why I did what I did you really need to know the smaller details before I
reveal the larger ones.
To be continued......
So, I did everything right and followed all the rules of a low carb, rich protien diet since April 08... was rewarded with a 21 lb weight loss... and then kicked in the face with a 10 pound regain.
I have waited patiently for week and the scales refuse to move. So, sadly I think it is time to update my ticker... it is what it is... and I am going to consider it a message...
This right here, is why I need my sleeve... to help lift me over rediculous hurdles and keep me focused on all the other reasons to take care of me.
Another undeniable truth (stemming from my previous blogs)... I love my Justin, and I am so happy we worked it out.
My journey to Mexico begins Wednesday evening. I am completely prepared.
Yep... I'm feeling majorly guilty today... yes.. I just finished working out.. I should be happy right? Burned over 500 calories - BUT that doesn't make up for the fact that I was extremely out of control this weekend.. blah... totally didn't follow my eating plan. Granted, I had a wonderful time.. but honestly these 'relapses' aren't going to help me with my goals... I wasn't logging my food and after doing it this morning I so went over my caloric limit on BOTH Saturday and Sunday... of course I did work out on Saturday - so I don't feel so badly about that.. but I am pretty disappointed in my inability to resist temptation...
I have known for a long time that I am addicted to food - especially GOOD food.. and in addition to that - I am also an emotional eater. Face it. I love to eat. But I also know that THIS behavior is also the behavior that got me to 495lbs the first time... so alas - though I made some really poor choices this weekend, looking on the bright side of things? I did get up this morning and kicked butt during my workout.. that's something right?
So I take it one day at a time... and make a personal vow to make good choices in my eating and drinking - TODAY... because I can't do anything about what I did this weekend.. so I move past it...
I know how I look in the mirror will eventually match with how I feel inside. I know I can do this.
There are also some physical goals I want to accomplish. I've lost some muscle in my right calf, have slight drop foot, and have limited movement in my ankle, so I do have some limitations.
But...
1) I want to play with my kids outside without getting tired after 10 minutes.
2) I want to be able to walk for 30 minutes straight without having to rest.
3) I want to be able to touch my toes.
4) I want to regain some balance so that I can dance again (not professionally, just recreational)
5) I want to circuit train at the gym.
I believe losing weight will help with these goals, but I also know that I will have to put in the work. As of now, I do not have enough energy to do the things I want to do. I know that will change.
So, I am completely new to blogging but thought I'd give it a try. I'm hoping that by putting my thoughts, fears, and hopes down, it will help me through my journey of weight loss. If in the process, it happens to help any of you who stumble across my writings, then that's even better!! First of all, although I have not always been obese, I have always been "chubby" and/or have struggled with my weight and had an issue with food. I am an emotional eater. I eat if bored, angry, depressed, happy. . . you name it, and I'll eat for it!! I come from a very Italian family who solved everything with food. I recently came across a diary I kept when I was in high school. Most of the entries were about me complaining about how fat I was and if I could only lose a few more pounds I'd be able to fit into a bikini!! I couldn't believe how fat I thought I was when looking back I know for a fact that I was 120lbs at my heaviest in high school!!! Most of my weight gain came about after a miscarriage, losing a baby when I was 23 weeks pregnant, then from my first and second successful pregnancies. I ballooned eventually up to 252 lbs and this was way too much weight on my 5'3 frame. My back hurt, my knees hurt, I had high blood pressure, pre-diabetes. The list goes on. I tried many different weight loss programs, diet pills, gym memberships, etc. Nothing worked. I finally got up the courage to go for Lap Band. This is my physical, mental and emotional journey.
First off, I was banded on 3/1/13. Liquids one week, pureed one week, soft solids one week then. . . regular food. Lost about 18 pounds. No problems to speak of until I went for my first fill on 4/9 when my doc found a kink. . . literally. He could fill but not aspirate! Apparently, my tubing had kinked he believes due to intra-abdominal pressure within the first few hours or days of banding! So, he only filled about 1.5 ccs. Went 4/11 for an x-ray, and lo and behold. . . staring right at me is a very sharp kink that of course, my doctor and the GI fellow both could not manipulate manually to unkink! Fast forward several weeks, and here I am again fresh out of surgery on 5/3 where I had to have the port replaced. Luckily, it wasn't as invasive as the first surgery, so I am not experiencing any of that wonderful chest, back, shoulder pain, etc., Basically, just pain at the incision site. This poor site has already been used 3 times! Originally to remove my gallbladder, then for band surgery #1 and now #2! Any more incisions in that area, and I think the scar will stand up and slap me!!! Now I'm on liquids until Tuesday when I see my doc again. He filled my band to 3ccs. Total weight loss so far is about 24 lbs. I'm hoping all will be well this time. We will see!!! I'll update again after I see my doc on 5/7. Wish me luck!!
I'm 10 days post band replacement and today I returned to work, to start with a new client for my company.
Maybe it was because it was a new client and I'm very much in the 'must impress' mode that I ignored the lingering nausea and pain and took myself off there this morning.
I brought my hot water bottle with me as a concession though and it provided me with a good segway to explain to my client that I had recently had abdominal surgery. He was lovely and said he wasn't in a rush to start, would I prefer a few more days at home. No, silly me, I said I was fine and was fully intending to soldier on.
Well within an hour it wasn't looking so rosy. My port incision was throbbing from sitting upright and the nausea came back hard and fast. The client took one look at me and decided I was going home.
Except by this time I was unsteady on my feet (and trying hard not to dry retch) so it ended up that someone had to drive me and my car home with the client following behind in his car.
I'm in bed now but to be honest I'm not sure that I'm not feeling terrible just from the embarrassment. They've pushed back my start date to Wed but depending on how I feel it may be even later than that. I feel AWFUL! For me and the client.
Oh well at least it means I have been able to make an appt to see my surgeon this afternoon about my symptoms....
I'm literally almost crying reading this. Mostly because I'mon this pre-op diet and these last two days have been difficult... but also because I needed this! Thank you! Congrats! And a BIG congrats on quitting smoking a second time! It was hard enough to do it once... So - when I say BIG congrats... I mean BIIIIIG congrats! ❤️
Was sind last resting-place besten Gewinnchancen in einem Casino? "Einarmige Banditen"
Einarmige Banditen
Casinos werden in erster Linie mit Roulette und Poker in Verbindung gebracht, aber Statistiken zeigen, dass 61 % der Besucher von Spielhallen ihre Zeit damit verbringen, einarmige Banditen zu spielen (Daten von 2013 von der American Gaming Association). Perish Regeln der Spielautomaten sind sehr einfach, und der niedrige Mindesteinsatz macht sie auch fur decease armsten Spieler zuganglich.