Tomorrow will be 5 weeks with my band, my Husband comments on my loss everyday and my kids do regularly which feels great!
My husband was saying a few days ago "your butt is getting smaller" after telling me several times over a few days I start thinking, maybe it really is getting smaller, so I say to my son (he is 7 and the youngest of 4 kids, he being the only boy and his sisters are all teenagers, so he is used to these questions and usually puts in his 2 cents whether he's asked or not) Is my butt smaller or is dad just being nice? You can tell the pressures on...
"uum, um," and his eyebrows are pulled together in thought, what to do, what to do??? he finally says "I think it's smaller?"
I laugh cause he's obviously trying to get this right and I ask "is it really smaller or are you just being nice?"
his confidence must kick in now cause he sits up a little straighter and says "I think it's smaller yeah, yeah, it's smaller"
so there you have it, either my family is being sweet or it's smaller.
I've been really lucky, I didn't have to get a fill when I went in a few days ago, I'm never hungry and have to remember to eat, I don't have many cravings and haven't had a problem with wanting to over eat. i'm losing about 15 lbs. a month or 1/2-1 lbs. a day. I'm enjoying it now cause I know any day it will slow down and I'll have to really start working for it. I am noticing inches and my clothes are getting to big, today..right now, I love my band, we seem to be working together very well!
My husband says if you could do it again would you. well right now yes, but like so many others I worry that I will lose 35 lbs and it will just stop, it's scary to think that I paid $10,000.00 to lose 30 or 40 lbs (I was self pay)
and then he says...
we need to get a bag going for you so every time you put something on that no longer fits (which is starting to happen !!!!) you can put it in it and get rid of it you'll never need it again.
I gasp, he doesn't know but inside I think wait, what if I gain my weight back I'll need clothes....
Wow, why is this so scary, it's fun I'm losing weight I've only just started this journey... and I know some people return to bad habits ad gain there weight back, I'm familiar with plateau's and sure I will have my share, but since when have I been so weak to not be able to control myself??? not so long ago. or I wouldn't be where I am today.
The band helps the belly not the brain.
But you know my family has made lifestyle changes we eat better, we only buy healthy things my husband has lost 22 lbs and my teenagers all lost between between 5-9 lbs (all have and had healthy bmi's) but none of them have the band, we are making our life so that I and all of us know how to eat and live better. so I'm going to stick to it. worry about today and eat right so I'll be ready for tomorrow and then I'll repeat.
this plan should work... NO NO It will work!
I became the proud owner of a Realize band on April 16, 2012. My band and I have had (like most) a love/hate relationship at times but even at the rockiest of times I've had no regrets. As time has gone on the 'novelty' of having the band has worn off. Worn off in a sense that we have become one.
I have lost a ton of weight so far but honestly as happy as I am about that it is not what amazes me the most. What amazes me is the way I look at food now. I am 46 years old and have been overweight since I was a little boy. I use to plan my binges. I was never one for eating huge portioned meals but I was a severe junk food junky. I would eat my dinner with anticipation that I had Cheez-its, ice cream and soda waiting for me as part of my nightly ritual. I wouldn't be satisfied until the 1 pound box of Cheez-its was gone and the half gallon of ice cream heavily dented if not empty. Next day or every other day I would be going to the store to replenish.
For the first time in my life I felt I wasn't controlled by food. I have had some strange moments in this journey where I felt like something was missing....There was times when I would be sitting there while watching t.v or whatever it was I might be doing and thinking 'I am bored and I don't recall every being this bored before' and I would get up and go do something. This was my AH HA moment..that moment when you feel liberated, that moment when you think my god what happened? My band had released me from years of food imprisonment.
As time has gone on my appetite is almost non existent. I am amazed that I have not battled head hunger at all. I hope this is not a fluke.
I still battle with my laziness but at least food is not a factor. Most of my weight loss has been with minimal exercise and it is something I am working on. Now that the nice weather is here I have been going out for 1 mile walks during my lunch hour. I remember a time when I couldn't walk the grocery store for 10 minutes and now I easily do a mile in 20 minutes. I am going to work on increasing the distance. I am doing a 5K Walk for Cancer in September.
So was the band worth it? (in my best Adam Sandler voice) Hell yeah!!
The drunken fights between him and I caused problems between me and my parents. Forgive me - this part of my story is very hard for me to tell. ...
I love my mother more than life itself, she is a very strong woman who has her own long story of battles. Through all of her battles she always kept me and
my sisters safe and together, no matter what came her way. That being said please understand how hard it is for me to stress my feelings at the time all
this stuff happened.
With the help of my parents I went and got my license, before I did that I landed a job at a gas station. Once I got my license my parents allowed me to use
one of their cars to get to and from work. My parents have a camp up north so they would go away for a week or so at a time leaving me and my husband and
son back at the house. One time while they were gone Steve had been drinking very heavy. I thought it was best for me and our son to leave the house for a
while. As I was heading to the car I told him I was going to the store to get milk and he said for me not to take our son. I put my son in the car any way.
He said he would call the cops and tell them I had kidnapped my son. With him as drunk as he was I really didnt feel this was too much of a threat so I left.
It took me about 45 minutes to go to the store and back. My parents live on a dead end dirt road about a 1/4 mile long. As I came around the bend in the
driveway I saw a cop car sitting there! My first thought was oh my God, he called the cops! When I got out of the car the cop addressed me he explained that
he was there because they had gotten a call from a Lisa (Steve's sister) and that she had said Steve had been making phone calls to her and others claiming
that he was going to do physical harm to Rick (his step father) and Lisa was worried about Steve so she called and asked that a cop be sent over to see that
he was alright.
I listened to all that he had to say and then he said "its obvious that steve has been drinking..." you think?! He continued "he admits that he has a
problem and says he would like to get some help. Are you willing to take control of this situation and take him to get help?"
Now stop. Hold the phone! Is this cop blaming ME?! for this situation...? I agreed to take Steve to a rehab, the cop left. As soon as the cop car was out of
sight Steve said he wasnt going. I started making phone calls to my insurance and to rehabs in the area that I would be able to check him into. If not that
night, then the next day when he was sober.
So here I am on the phone with this lady at a rehab center, I am tired and at this point it has been a very long day. She asks if I am in any danger. I said
no I didnt think so, he isnt normally agressive just mouthy. Right after that Steve came into the room screaming and yelling, he grabbed the phone from me
and when he did I let out like a scream. He took the phone and threw it accorss the room and disconnected the call! The lady on the other end thought I was
in trouble and she called 911 and within 5 minutes the same cop was back!
First thing he said to me was "I thought I left here with the understanding that you were going to get this under control!?" I asked him how I was supposed
to do that when he acted this way. I asked the cop to take Steve himself to the rehab. The cop went to his car for a few minutes and then returned. He said
he had called a rehab center, they had a bed for him all I needed to do was drive him there. He asked Steve if he was going to go, Steve was very positive
and ready to do this!
The cop left, I called my sister to make arrangements for someone to ride with me, and for her to keep my son while I did this. She agreed and Steve, my son
and myself all got in the car and went to my sister's house (about 5 miles away). We got there and got everything all figured out, who was going and
staying. My son refused to stay so I brought him with me, also my sister's father in-law (Joe) rode along as well. So I was driving, Steve was in the front
passenger seat, my son was behind him in the back, and Joe was behind me in the back.
We got about 6 miles from my sister's house when Steve said "I'm not going to rehab" he wasnt excited or anything, just plan as day, right as rain. Then? He
jumped out of the car! Opened the door and jumped out! I was in shock, I just kept driving. I don't even think I hit my brakes! The door closed as we drove
away, I turned around at the nearest gas station and I drove back to my sister's house. On our way back through I did not see him on the streets or sidewalk
at all.
I got back to my sister's and told her what had happened and she agreed it was best for me and my son to stay at her house for the night. If he were to walk
anywhere it would most likely be to my parent's house, not her's. Just as we were making these arrangements, Steve walked in the door! He got in my face and
said he wasn't going to a rehab and I wasnt going to force him. I agreed... we talked and ended up deciding that Steve would stay at my sister's and the
baby and I would go home to my parent's. I would come get him in the morning. He said that was fine, he would stay.
I went outside and started putting my son in the car as I was doing this Steve came running from the house yelling that I wasn't taking his son from him! He
started grabbing at me, trying to pull me from the car so he could get to my son. I hugged my son's car seat and covered my son saying "It's okay baby,
close your eyes, don't look. I love you! I will keep you safe" After a few seconds my sister came outside and grabbed ahold of Steve, pulled him off me and
began yelling at me to leave! I crawled through the back door of the car into the front seat, started the car and began backing up when he had freed himself
from my sister and he ran after the car, he reached the front passenger door and opened it! I was afraid I would hit him so I started to slow down when my
sister yelled "floor it!" so I did... he lost his footing and the door ended up hitting him and knocking him off the car. I didnt know if he was alright or
not, I just drove away!
When I got to my parent's house I called my sister, she said he was already asleep in the bedroom! She said that her hasband had called the cops and the
same guy showed up but by time he got there Steve was asleep so he left.
The next day everything went back to normal, Steve went off to his rebah group , only to return drunk. Later in the evening, after my son had gone to bed. I
realized Steve had been outside for a long time. I went outside to see what he was up to and I found him in the "barn" (a storage shed) drinking up a bottle
of vodka. He didn't know I had seen him and I wasnt about to relive the night I had before. I got back to the house and I called my parents. I asked my mom
to call the police and ask them to take him away. I was unable to do this myself for two reasons #1 we were married and he hadnt put his hands on me (on
this day) and #2 it wasnt MY property. My mom said that she didn't want to get involved and that Steve and I were married, we needed to work out our
differences.
I took matters into my own hands, I locked the doors and windows! I went through the whole house and locked up everything I could, blocked off whatever I
was unable to lock. I sat there and I waited. It was about an hour later when I heard the door handle rattle, then some banging on the door. I sat out of
sight and I prayed "please God don't let him find a way in here!" during the next hour I could hear him going around the house window to window and door to
door trying to get in. I just prayed that he wouldnt get in, what else could I do? After an hour it got silent, I went upstairs to be with my son, just
incase I had decided that I would sleep outside his room. I fell asleep. When I woke up Steve was standing over me. "Why did you lock me out?"
I made him go downstairs away from my son, we argued for hours. Eventually he passed out and I returned back to my sons door to watch over him. The next day
I went around the house to figure out how he got in and I saw a window that he had broken. When I told my mom about this story she was upset with me for
locking him out in the first place.
I would say about another month had gone by with us living at my mom's house. We had a friend who was trying to help Steve get on the straight and narrow
which was nice, finally someone who was willing to put forth some effort besides myself. Keep in mind Steve never stopped playing drums at the church, he
would go there play a bit and during the sermon he would go into town and get drunk, he would return just in time to end the service and he would come home
from church drunk! While I was working he would get rides to doctors and such from family members. He had my cousin take him to the doctors then asked her
to swing by his moms house so he could give her something. They went there, he went inside and got an empty soda bottle, filled it with rum and tucked it in
his pants. Later at some point he hid it in our recliner at the house.
That night my son was sitting the the recliner with his dad watching tv, Steve had fallen asleep. My son found the bottle and thought it was soda so he
opened it and drank from it! Thank God he spit it all out because it was yucky! I didnt let Steve know I was aware of this situation, also didnt tell him
yet about our son drinking it. I waited until he was gone the next day to rehab and I packed up my things and my sons things and we went to stay at my
sister's house. We stayed away for about a week, talking to Steve the whole time over the phone. We were also talking to this friend who had been helping
Steve. This friend (doug) had a rental property that he was willing to let us live in, he felt it would help Steve stay sober if he had a home to call his
own. I had to think about it because I didnt want to ruin a friendship or have any problems with them because we were renting from them.
I did return home with Steve and he actually began making a good effort (or so I thought) to being sober. I was working at the gas station still. I had
worked from 3PM to 12 AM, when I got home I went upstairs and went to bed, as I was falling asleep I told Steve how awesome he was when he was sober and
just how much I loved him when he was this way.
When I woke up the next morning I had to work an earlier shift so I was off to work around 6AM, I got back home about 4:30PM. I met Steve and my son on
their way out to go for a walk. When I entered the house my step father stopped me and handed me a folded paper. I went upstairs and sat down to read what
it said. It was in my mother's handwriting. It said that my family and I had 7 days to move! It was an evication notice!!! My heart sank, my mind felt as
though it would explode any second! I was numb from the waist down, I couldnt move!
After a good half hour I finally got the ability to stand up, I figured I would walk up the road and at some point my path would cross Steve's and I would
be able to vent to him about the situation. so off I went! As I reached almost the end of the road (there are heavy woods on both sides of this road) I
heard Steve talking from within the woods. So I turned and began walking into the woods when I saw him. He was standing there talking to my son, drinking a
beer! When I got closer I saw the pile of empty cans, at LEAST 15 of them!! I lost myself! I began screaming and then crying. I turned and ran out of the
woods, as I came to the road I fell to my knees and began to yell out to God, I never cried so hard in my life!
Finally, I dont know how long I had been there. I don't know who approched me or why. I finally ran out of tears, my voice was all dried up and horse. I lay
there on my back in the middle of this road looking up at the sky and it all came to me at once. My husband was a drunk, I could never trust him not even a
tiny bit. My parents have abandoned me, they have evicted me and my son to the street (they did not know about the other possiblity I was lining up with our
friend Doug). I had one week to get this fixed! The thoughts that followed that were lonely thoughts. I was alone, God had obviously left me, my mom was of
no use she was obviously sick of me and my issues, and my husband? HA!
I picked myself up, dusted myself off and prepared for the rest of my life! As I walked that 1/4 mile road back to my parents house I started filling that
empty feeling with determination, and strength, if no one was going to help me then I would have to help myself! I came to the front door of the house and
for the first time in my life I walked through that door feeling unwanted and unloved! My mother wouldn't even make eye contact with me. that night instead
of all of us having dinner together, we ate apart, miles and miles apart.
After we ate, I began packing our stuff. I have never been in such a hurry to leave a place, a place that I had so full of memories. The amount of hurt I
felt at this time in my life was more than I had ever felt. To this day it hurts so bad to think back to that time in my life.
About 3 days later we were completely moved out of my mom's house. I went months not talking to my mother. I had a dream one night, in this dream my mom had
died of natural causes and I was happy about it! (Im ashamed to even speak of this dream) When I woke from it I was in tears. I felt horrible that I had
built such a hate towards my mother. I called her right away, I was crying and I asked her to forgive me and told her that I loved her no matter what. I
chose to forget the events that happened between my parents and I. My mom and I are very close today, in fact I would say she is one of my closest friends.
She is very special to me. We never speak of what happened between us or the words that were on that paper. In fact this is the first time I have even given
it any thought since it happened. It just hurts too much!
3 and a half weeks post op & I feel so good it's hard to believe how crappy I felt. I fit into pants that were too snug before surgery, too! I am able to eat almost anything without trouble - have not tried breads, etc yet because it's on my "no-no" list. That's okay - don't need it I even had a few sips of iced coffee today - 5 days early because I'm such a rebel - lol! I've eaten out a few times, too & managed to find good choices that didn't bother me. Oh and the best find: no sugar added Klondike bars!!!! OMG!!! Thanks to my mom for buying them for me!! Only 3 grams of sugar & they taste fabulous!! I hope everyone is feeling as good as I am
Today at work I had to give a presentation to over 100 staff members, the majority being managers & directors.
Before I was banded I would get so nervous fearing all they would see was this talking whale….
Today, I felt confident in myself. I knew the subject matter, I was dressed professionally and I was ready. The presentation went off without any hicks and after it was over my coworker said to me, “Wow, you were so confident up there. How do you do that?”
It made me think. I am confident, I am in control, I like myself…. No I love myself. I stand tall!
All because in February 2012 I decided to put myself first, to change my lifestyle, to eat right & exercise. I got a tool to help me accomplish this, my band, and together we have done incredible stuff.
I have changed and improved myself and today I do stand tall.
I thank the band for that!
I am almost at my one year mark. I really can not believe how much I have accomplished!! I am so much stronger, wiser and in control. Not only with my eating but with my life as a whole. My confidence is through the roof, my whole outlook on life and the way I approach life is different. Who knew taking control over my eating, would not only improve my health, but my life?!
I wish a year form now, this feeling stays the same. I wish all the good habits that I have picked up during this first year, will stay with me forever.
I'm ending day 2 of my "Liver Shrinking Diet" I have to be honest and say that I've been in tears most of it. I started out with my premeire protein drink nd made it into a smoothly with ice and 1/2 a banana. It took me or ever to get it down but I felt satisfied.....until about 2 hours later.
So I decided to have a Cup of cottage cheese for 200 Calories instead of the 160 in protein drink and the 50 in banana. I enjoyed chewing the cottage cheese and took tiny bites practicing hw my post op eating should be. But.... About 2pm I was starving again.
So I tired to fill up on water and iced tea. Chatted with friends online and just quietly cried. I mean SERIOSLY if i was ABLE to eat only 870 calories a day, then I wouldn't be 150 pounds over weight!!
So hubby took me out f the house to get some hanging potted plants for the back yard. We picked him up some baked chicken and veggies etc for His next couple of meals. I asked him to just Not eat any pizza on front of me. He understands and agrees. I've been called by the anesthesia department and just waiting for hosp call tomorrow or Fri with Surgery time. I can and WILL do this. I've lost 6 pounds since Sunday so will def meet my goal of losing 10lb a week before surgery. But I gotta say....it's Not an Easy Road.
And so begins the FIRST day of my 2 week Liver Shrinking Diet. It involves 2 protein shakes per day, 1 “lean & green” meal (for me it will be my dinners) and 2 “protein snacks” which can be a protein bar or 2 eggs or cottage cheese or poke, etc. Sugarfree jello is unlimited. Yay. LOL.
Not gonna lie, last night, being the last night of old food habits, I had a cheeseburger, ......and there was a late evening trip to Baskin Robbins. HOWEVER, I have actually been pretty in control with this looming on the horizon. My husband (fit & athletic all his life, god bless him) said “Gosh I guess if it was me I’d totally pig out so that I wouldn’t WANT junk food for a while” While I understand that he is alluding to a form of aversion therapy, that clearly is not the answer in the case of a food addict – otherwise I wouldn’t be so overweight. Yes I have totally pigged out at times in my life and guesswhat? It has never made me not want to eat again. But he meant well, and I’d venture to guess that the fact that I didn’t take him up on his offer to let me binge til I puked may have impressed him a bit
SO. ….To be honest, it’s early yet, but I’m not panicking about the aspects of this 2 weeks diet. I’m actually quite stoked to be starting the process! From past experience, I know that the Carb Crazies may set in round day 3 or 4. And that is also when my nose will become acutely attuned to smelling ANY bread or crackers within a mile radius. But, I shall overcome! And, a wise vet on VST has said - - when in doubt, drink water. I’m going to be very well hydrated. Also practicing the no water til 30 min after I eat. I had to spit some water out a little while ago because I took a sip without thinking. Glad I'm in my office where no one can see me
Really what hit me between the eyes this morning was that today signifies that in 2 weeks, I will be at the medical center being prepped for surgery. That is kinda unbelievable. That is exciting! That is coming up SO fast!!!
I’m ready! Or rather, I will be by then!
ONWARD!
I'm not sure why and I'm not sure how, but early on in my life I learned to lie to myself about many things, but most importantly about what I ate. It is one of the things that I am having to unlearn in order for my band to work for me.
Today, even though I ate less than anyone at the table, I over ate and I'm not ashamed, I'm not guilty. I made a choice, and went past my soft stop. Yes I was uncomfortable. No, I didn't PB or vomit. No I didn't stretch my pouch or cause my band to slip.
But the important part, I am not going to lie to myself about what I did. I am going to log the calories (as best I can), I am going to eat lightly tonight (protein shake) and I am going to go back to my normal eating pattern because if I eat like I did today on a regular basis I won't lose any more weight.
Wow one week has passed since I got banded. So how do I feel?
I feel…….
The same. Weird huh? My incisions are a constant reminder that I have something inside me that is waiting to work. Why did I say that? Because my support system (i.e. my family and friends) are asking me food related questions that I can’t answer. For example my 30th birthday is less than 2 months away and I know they want to throw me a lap band friendly party. I just love that their hearts are in the right place but it’s hard to explain to them that I do not know what me and the band can tolerate. Based on my research I found some people can eat everything they want including breads and pastas. Then I found people who cannot eat breads, pastas, and certain fruits. I would like to be one of those people that can eat whatever I want just in moderations. But time would tell.
I am no longer starving like Marvin. I called my surgeon office and they told me to try to add more fluids in and I did. But I had the weirdest dream last night and I would like to share with you.
I have a confession to make. I have a crush on Bobby Deen I don’t care he is engaged I still have crush on him. Anyway I had a dream that I was did a cooking show with him and his mama Paula Deen. I guess me dreaming about food comes in different ways… LOL
Oh I almost forgot to mention my total weight loss. Last year in August I weigh 267 with me preparing and doing the 2 week liquid diet as of today I weigh 235! That 32 pounds…. Gone! I am feeling amazing right now!
For those who are concerned about me watching the Blues Games tonight…. I will have my pillow close at hand.
Thanks for reading
So this is the last day I will be sitting comfortably at my desk and able to put up a proper blog entry before my surgery - Lucky you… I will actually have to shut up for a few days – a rare occurrence!
Tonight my sister and I drive out to my parents’ home in Brantford and drop off my son (which I anticipate being the hardest part of this journey)– and then off to the border of Niagara Falls to stay overnight beside the Buffalo Airport. My flight to El Paso leaves at 6 am and I should touch down at 12:30 pm. From there my driver will take me to Juarez, Star Medica.
I have heard nothing but wonderful things about my doctor, Dr. Jose Rodrigues, and although I did pay a higher price than some, I have 100% confidence in his ability, work and the organization I booked with.
I will definitely post a thorough review when I am home .
I started my pre-op dieting a month ago, and although there has been some up and down with my scale (and my life) in that time, I am officially down 16 lbs since April 1, 35 since January 2012 when I hit my top weight.
There is something attached to this weight loss this time… that I have never had before. Hope.
Two more sleeps, neither in my own bed, with my own cuddly furry boyfriend… so today, it begins.
9 weeks post op and I didn't lose any weight this week. But it's all good! I have been hitting the gym pretty hard so I'm good with no loss. My pants are loser and I definitely feel better!
I'm trying to get to the gym at least 5 days a week. I'm doing 3 days of swimming laps and 2 days of cardio (as in eliptical or treadmill) and weights. Then in addition to the planned days I'm also taking the kids over to the gym on the weekends to swim so I'm getting additional activity that way. AND my stepdaughter is doing the P90X ab workout, so she's got me doing what I can on that. (It's pretty ugly, but I'm trying)
My husband decided he needed to keep up with me. So he started going to the gym with me a couple days a week and cut out his sugary treats...and in one week HE lost 7#!!! Isn't that the way it always works?? I'm working my butt off and he just cuts back and loses! LOL...
Heaviest Weight: 281
3/6/13 Surgery: 257 (-24)
3/13/13: 251 (-6)
3/20/13: 245 (-6)
3/28/13: 238 (-7)
4/3/13: 238 (-0)
FIRST MONTH -19#
4/10/13: 237 (-1)
4/17/13: 235 (-2)
4/24/13: 233 (-2)
5/2/13: 229 (-4)
SECOND MONTH -9#
5/8/13: 229 (-0)
Yesterday was my first Options class at Kaiser Permanente. We had to weigh in prior to the actual session and it looks like I barley skimmed the 40 BMI >.<
I'm just happy that I'm finally here and I'm on my way to getting sleeved if everything goes as planned.
They want me to loose 10% of my body weight, so probably about 15 pounds. I don't think that should be too hard if I eliminate all fast foods since lately that's what I've been having for breakfast & dinner. I'm also going to start my green teas and smoothies as well as eating lots of healthy foods again. Maybe I could walk the park while the kids have baseball practice too.
This weekend is Mothers Day weekend and I'm going to Las Vegas! SO.... I'm just going to make sure to choose healthy when eating.... but I'm not going to skip the alcohol =)
So happy! I can already see future healthier & skinny self!
-R
WLS is not Cover Girl. Easy Breezy is not a definition that can be used when talking about WLS.
In reading the comments posted on Fox News regaurding Gov. Christie's lapband surgery, I was disturbed to see that people still see WLS as the easy way out. What I would like to know is what part of major surgery is easy?
While lapband surgery is not a horrible ordeal to face, it isn't all sugar plums and roses. I was sick after surgery, felt like crap. Then I had trouble taking in enough. Then I was starving hungry. Then when I started eating again I was terrified. As the first 50 lbs melted away I was thrilled with my decision to have lapband, once I got past the 199 mark, the next 10 lbs took 4 months! I am still very glad I choose this change and committed to it.
Just because you have WLS doesn't mean your cravings, desires, wants disappear. We have to learn to manage these things. WLS success requires a huge committment to change your lifestyle. This pathway to health is worth it, but it is far from easy.
May 22nd I will be 11 months post op and I have gone from 244 to 188. I have gone from wearing a tight 18W to a very comfy 14. I know longer wear the 1-2X shirts, I know easily wear a large. These things are awesome and make then changes I committed to well worth the struggle.
Every day brings with it a new set of challenges, opticles, highs and lows, but it is worth it to finally feel "normal".
I no longer walk into places and feel like people are looking at me due to my weight. I am no longer paranoid over it (well almost there). I love walking into stores and being able to find cute clothes. I walked past the Women's sizes the other day in Belk and saw a cute top- guess what all they had were to big for me . My husband hugs me and comments frequently how small I feel and how proud he is of me.
So no matter how people view the surgery, no matter if it is hard or easy, I don't give a rats bootie- this is my life and I choose health. I choose to change. I am on this journey. I still have 45 lbs left to loose. I won't make it to goal in a year. But by golly I will make it. One day, I will see the blessed 140's. I am not sure how much more changing and rearranging I will have to do to my life style, but I am committed and I will do what I must to finally acheive my dreams!
For a while I slept in my son's room on the floor at night while druing the day I worked on trying to repair my marriage. We talked to a pastor from our
church, Steve worked on his drinking problems, began going to rehab. Things really started looking better. He still hadnt settled everything with the
courts, the events happened so close together but in different towns so they were fighting over which town to actually have the case in. Meanwhile Steve
returned home from court one night saying that he got a conditional license out of the deal. This was great because this allowed him to go back to work at
the airport!
He used his sisters car to go to work, he and I had been working very hard on our relationship and I began sleeping in the same room as him again. Shortly
after he went back to work at the airport I found out I was pregnant. We were excited, we wanted another baby so this was a great thing. The way I saw it,
Steve was at his best right after the first baby so a second baby might snap things back in place.
It was a week after we told everyone that we were pregnant I woke up in the morning with cramps, I went to the bathroom and I was spotting slightly. I went
to the doctors right away. The doctor did some blood work and explained that I needed to come back on Mon for more bloodwork, it was too early for them to
do anything but wait. (This was on a Thurs.)
That whole weekend was horrible, I spent most of the time crying, the rest of the time reading and researching. My son and I were home alone, I was online
reading about miscarriages and my son was about 3 feet from me in a rocking chair watching veggie tales on tv. He went to lean forward to get his sippy cup
that was on the stand in front of him, his legs were too short to reach the floor and the chair toppled over slaming his head into the stand! He didnt cry
or anything. I grabbed the chair and pulled it back and he stood up turned to me, his eye rolled back in his head and he like twisted and fell to the floor!
I went into a total panic, I first called my sister... I don't know why I called her and not 911 I guess out of panic. She called 911 and within 5 minutes
there were EMT's at my house. One tending to my son the other tending to me.
We went to the ER and he was all checked out turned out to be just fine! Thank God! When Steve returned to work he ended up being fired for leaving work
without telling anyone! He fought this and won.
Things were alright, not good, not great but they were okay. At this point in my life I was asking God why. Why would He allow all of this to happen to
someone like me. I was a good person, good heart, I followed Him daily. It didnt seem fair.
That was when my mother called me crying, she had been to the doctors and after testing and many appointments they had determined she had breast cancer! To
shorten some of this story I wrap this 3 year struggle up in a quick paragraph. She had a lumpectomy, only to have many infections that followed, one
putting her in the hospital for 2 weeks. so her doctor suggested that she undergo a mastecomy. When this was decided she asked that they not leave extra
skin for reconstructive surgery because she didnt want to do that. Well they left the skin any way. So she went ahead and did reconstructive surgery. She
chose to do the free tram option, using her own body material to make the new breast. This was a very long recovery and not without complications. All of
these troubles with my mom stretched out over a year and a half.
Steve was supportive during this time, he was still drinking and still fighting with me from time to time. In December I was served with papers from my
landlord saying we were evicted and to appear in court just before Christmas. I had no idea that we owed on rent! Apparently we hadnt paid our rent in
almost a year!!! So my parents took us in.
My parents lived in a 6 bedroom old farmhouse. We lived upstairs in this house. I set up on bedroom as a livingroom, one as a bedroom for my son and one as
a bedroom for us. The rest of the rooms upstairs were used as storage. When we first moved into my parents Steve worked for the airport, and shortly after
there was an accident with a plane that was being moved from one hanger to another. The chalks that were used to keep the planes from moving once they were
parked were missing from a plane in the hanger. This caused over 1.7 million dollars worth of damage. At which point the company my husband worked for
started an investigation, during this investigation they came to realize he had been lying this whole time about the judge giving him a conditional license!
He still had no license!! So to say the least he was fired.
This lead him to drinking even more often. Because we were not supportive of his drinking he would sneak it. He would borrow money from his mom and tell her
it was for food or something for our son then he would go and buy a 30pk and hide it in the woods. He eventually got a job as a line cook at this place down
the road. Instead of going to work he would just go to the store, buy beer and hang out in the woods his whole shift drinking. He would go to AA meetings
and come back drunk! It was unreal.
Sorry I have a doctor appointment... to be continued.....
I can't believe that my surgery date is already here. I have to check in the hospital at 7 in the morning. I hope I can get some sleep tonight and not let my nerves get the best of me. I am so excited and know that the best years are yet to come... Here comes the new me!! Look out world!!!
Sorry about the delay, I had some things come up and was unable to make it back to the computer yesterday.
So I had my first son, everything went well for the first 2 years or so. My husband and I began to get more and more involved in the church, He played drums
on the band or worship team every other service and I was involved in the nursery watching after the young children. In 2003 little by little my husband
kept saying how he wanted to branch out and play with bands besides the church. Although he liked playing at church, they didn't play the kind of music he
loved. So he tried a few different bands finally settling with this one made up of a father and his two sons, the sons in their early 20s and dad being in
his 50's. They played mostly grad parties and things like that, no bars or clubs.
A gig came up that had Steve playing 2 hours away from home, but the pay made it worth it. So he went with the agreement there would be no drinking of any
kind, this way he could come back home and we would make it to the church for him to play in the morning. I expected him home around 2 AM. I can remember
the whole thing as if it just happened. I remember watching the show E.R. on DVD that night waiting up for him to return home/. At 3:45AM I finally went to
bed. I had tried calling everyone I knew who was at the event and no one was answering. I got into bed and it seemed like as soon as I fell asleep the phone
rang. I answered it and it was Steve. He said "Hey, umm." I already knew he wasn't hurt, because if he was hurt it wouldn't be him calling me. So this had
to mean he was drunk! so I yelled "you're drunk aren't you?" I didn't wait for a reply, I just hung up the phone I rolled over and went back to sleep.
When I got up with my son at 7AM I remember him getting on the couch looking out the window crying for daddy. As I was getting him his breakfast my mom
called me she told me that Steve had called her and they were going to bail him out! She said that he had a beer at the event and got about a mile from the
house when he fell asleep and the car went off the road, a cop came and picked him up because he smelled of beer.
I later found out that what really happened was he got totally messed up as soon as he got to the event, couldn't even play because he was so messed up so
he headed home. He did get about one mile from home and did drive off the road. A cop came along and picked him up walking to the house, so his charges were
leaving the scene, possession! and a DWI!
I just remember sitting there with my son, him crying for daddy over and over until sometime around 1PM. My parents sat down with Steve and I, they prayed
for us, they tried to offer direction to us. They left, my son cried that he wanted to go buh bye. I didn't have my license (Steve always made the excuse
that we didn't have the money for the test) and Steve had just lost his! Things were not great, but they could still get worse and believe me ... they did!
Steve got very lucky and when he went before the judge the first time the judge was cool and gave him a conditional license, this allowed him to keep his
job. Also allowed me to get the baby to the doctors and do our shopping ect. This happened in June of 2003.
In Aug of 2003 Steve went to a bar to see off a co-worker who was heading in the army. He told me that they were going out to a place with no bar to grab a
bite to eat. I didn't see a problem with it. So sometime around 3AM he called. I was awake and waiting for him to come home. I answered the phone and he
said "hey, its me" I asked what town court he was in he responded "its not what you think, I tried to miss a deer and took the ditch so a cop gave me a
ride, I need to be picked up" I was happy that it wasn't as bad as last time and agreed to make phone calls for him. Turns out it was worse than the last
time. This time he was being charged with DWI, driving outside his conditional, leaving the scene. His lawyer did his best to drag everything out as long as
he could which allowed Steve to keep his job for a while longer, but by time winter came he was out of work, we had lost our car (bank took it) he had lost
his license for 6 months, he had to complete an evaluation in order to get it back and they were expensive ($190-$500) the one he had done recommended that
he go to a rehab. He was not willing to admit to his drinking being a problem.
We had no income so we went to the department of social services and started getting public assistance and food stamps. They gave us $250 a month for food
stamps and $400 a month for our bills! I was forced to work 30 hours a week at a church to "earn" this help. Steve got out of doing the working part because
he had a drinking problem.
After about 2 weeks of working for this church I landed a job at a hotel doing housekeeping. It wasn't much but still added up to be more money all around
than the assistance we were getting. Steve didn't like me working and this was motivation enough for him to get a job, hence making it hard for me to get to
mine therefore I had to quit.
His jobs came and went, most of the time he would be fired for being late or not showing up. He started working for this bottle and can return, he loved it
there it was a 9 to 5 job, he was able to smoke and drink on the job! I hated every second of it! He would get home about 5:30 PM and he would start
screaming and yelling straight through till 2 or 3 AM sometimes! The whole time he would claim he didn't drink anything.
One time I remember really well was the night before thanksgiving, I had made him a nice thanksgiving dinner but the pie I made got ruined when I opened an
upper cabinet and the salt fell out from it onto the pie, the spout was open. Steve came home, excited that I had made him such a big dinner, then he went
to put salt on his food and found that the salt was dumped he started a rant! He went on for at least an hour about how he looked forward to salt on his
food, then another hour about the pie, then how I was a horrible mom, eventually started about how he was picked on in high school! A half hour into this
part he started throwing things! He began blaming me for his high school torture! Soon started telling me that as soon as I slept he was going to take my
son and I would never see him again!
Sometime around 2AM he sat down and passed out, I called my parents and asked them to come get me, when I told them that Steve was sleeping they said to go
into the baby's room and stay by him, they would come get me first thing in the morning. So I grabbed a blanket and a pillow, I went into my sons room and
curled up on the floor against the door with the phone in my hand. The next day as promised at 7 AM my parents came and got me and the baby, we went to my
grandmother's house as we always did for thanksgiving. I cried the whole day. When I got home around 8PM that night he was crying at my feet making promise
after promise that it would never happen again.
I am going to make a guess and say that less than a month later Steve was drunk again I had come up with a plan, I would sleep through his rants! This
prevented the fights and often made him pass out faster. I was in bed sleeping I don't even know what time it was when I woke up. I woke up because I
couldn't breathe! I was choking... something was on top of me and I was chocking. My first thought was "I'm gonna die! Who will take care of my baby?!" the
second thought was "quit being a wimp and fight this!" So I started moving my hands and arms around and realized then exactly what was going on. My husband
was raping me and in the midst of it all was choking me! I couldn't believe this is what was happening, I thought for sure it must be a dream. As I began to
struggle against him I could hear his laughing! I began to lose function, it was becoming harder and harder to fight back. I relaxed my whole body took a
deep breath in and with every ounce of strength I had in me I pushed against him. I don't know if I shocked him or if I really over powered him but he
jumped up off me. He stood beside the bed as I crawled off the end he yelled to me as I ran past him out the bedroom door. He yelled one more time "Im
sorry, I was sleeping!" I went into my sons room and I laid awake pressed up against the door and cried as silently as I could making sure I didn't wake my
son.
I never really trusted him again, I NEVER forgave him for what he did, I slept in my son's room for many months to come. Every night around 12 - 1 AM I
would sneak in his room and sleep on his floor. This went on for months!
I have to stop here for now, I will pick up again tomorrow as soon as I can! To be continued....
This seems to be a topic that comes up often so I will try to explain all of them and how they happen. Over eating causes your 2-4 ounce pouch to stretch and force food up into your esophagus causing it to dilate. Just because people think that food does not stay in the pouch long that is not true as you get tighter. The food takes longer to go down and eating fast or over eating causes pouch stretching. Band erosion is also caused from over eating. Imagine your band around your stomach and every time you over eat you are forcing your band into the stomach wall. Over a period of time your stomach tissue will wear away and your band will erode into your stomach causing your stomach contents to go into your abdominal cavity which is poison to your system. If you feel like food is backing up into your throat then you are over eating. I know some people eat a cup of food but if you look at most pictures of the band and ask your doctor how much food will my pouch hold not how big is my band, I am sure they will tell you 4 ounces which is a half cup of food. Now the cup to half cup can be debated all day long but the fact is if you over eat which ever that means for you, you are risking your pouch to stretch, dilate your esophagus (which will cause problems pushing the food down) and band erosion.
Take your time to eat, don't over eat and take care of your band and yourself so that it can last a long time. Also being too tight can add to much pressure to the band and cause it to erode also. So make wise choices when eating and getting fills.
I am currently 6 days out of surgery-weight loss is over 10lbs. I feel absolutely wonderful! No real pain from surgery. Finally got a good nights sleep last night as I could finally get totally comfortable. I am super happy I decided to do this. Not only for heath reasons but for myself in general!
I am 6 days out and I am Starving! These protein shakes and clear liquids are not keeping me full like they were last week. Anyway I have cured my cabin fever I went to Target on Saturday I walked around the store for 30 minutes I came home that night and let out this amazing burp! (I know TMI) It feel so good and my shoulder pain and chest pain was gone instantly. I thought that was it until I woke up Sunday morning and everything came back. That afternoon I went to Sam’s with my mom and sister because I thought if I did the same amount of walking I did Saturday I would have the same results. Too bad that didn’t happened.
Yesterday my hunger kicked in. I was drinking protein shakes and broths to try to satisfied my hunger. It was helping at first but around 8pm the hunger came back. I had 2 popsicles while I was watching the St. Louis Blues and LA Kings hockey game last night. I had to stop watching it because I well yelling at the TV. I was yelling so much that I was afraid I was going to rip one of my incisions open! The Blues were playing terrible after the second period. But at least we are still in the playoffs!
I think I found a new hobby. I went to Lowes last night and brought an Herb garden for $10. I can grow this indoors and all I have to do is place my garden on my window seal. So I guess I have to wait to see how I do. Other than that I am doing fine just hungry I am thinking about calling my surgeon office and ask them if I can eat something like pudding until I see him on Thursday. It does hurt to ask right?
Thanks for reading.
Am I the only person who feels guilt after eating? I was sleeved one week ago today and last night I had some homemade chicken soup.
I put it into my chopper and blended it into like baby food form and ate my heart out lol. well I ate about 4 oz It was so good and I was full BUT,
I felt so guilty I don't know if I can have it? but, I didn't get sick.
Today I'm feeling so guilty i don't know what to do with myself is this normal? Also, does anyone know when the hunger hormone will be GONE from
my body?? thanks in advance!
OK- when I say "there" I don't mean my final goal- but I do mean ONEDERLAND! Weighed in today at 204....I have been trying so hard to stay on track and push this extra weight off...I'm about 1/2 way to my actual goal- and saying as it's only been 9 1/2 weeks, I'm pretty proud to report that
I'm excited to go through my summer stuff- and toss/donate all the old clothes from fall/winter that are now way too big, and dig out the summer clothes that I've been storing for years (that used to be too small), telling myself that "eventually these WILL fit again". I'm down 3 sizes since my surgery- which is a great feeling...and even if it was an XL, I bought a new summer dress for myself in the juniors section the other day (little victories make this so much more fun!)
I'm a little worried that those that knew me best were right, that I've become so hyper-critical of myself that I'm still not pleased with what I see. I feel better- don't get me wrong, but I'm already mentally planning to get pretty much a full-body makeover when I'm at my goal. A plastic surgeon in the area does what he calls a "Mommy Makeover"...tummy, arms, thighs, boobs...SIGN ME UP.
Anyone else feel that way? Anyone else a little worried that you'll NEVER look in the mirror and just be happy with what you see??
My oh my, it has been a long minutes since I have posted anything. It's hard for me to come to this site now as much as I did before I was banded. I think I used this site as a distraction from the waiting for surgery. Now that I'm banded I am distracted by the fact that this is a lifetime commitment to change and dedication. Figuring out what works for me, what doesn't work. How to find a substitute for the things that I can't stand and for things to feel somewhat normal to me. After my first fill I was a bit upset that my band is now half full and I'm not even two months into my journey. And while explaining my feelings to Ty he calmly looked at me and said, "You're going to have to make it work. It's not like they are going to go in and remove your band to replace it with a bigger one. It's a shitty mistake but you didn't like surgery, so now make it work." And he's right. Surgery was pretty much the most traumatic thing I have ever done in my life and I would be plenty happy never doing it again. But for the good things;
-My old clothes are starting to fit
-I'm getting stronger at the gym
-I was invited to join a masters swim team * not sure if I'm ready, they are swimming about double the amount of yards that I swim currently :/ *
-Running my first 5k of the year this Sunday... maybe... it might rain and it's the color run. That doesn't really mix well.
To follow me better find me on instagram, I post pictures daily! Screen name: Shell_lb
I'm literally almost crying reading this. Mostly because I'mon this pre-op diet and these last two days have been difficult... but also because I needed this! Thank you! Congrats! And a BIG congrats on quitting smoking a second time! It was hard enough to do it once... So - when I say BIG congrats... I mean BIIIIIG congrats! ❤️
Was sind last resting-place besten Gewinnchancen in einem Casino? "Einarmige Banditen"
Einarmige Banditen
Casinos werden in erster Linie mit Roulette und Poker in Verbindung gebracht, aber Statistiken zeigen, dass 61 % der Besucher von Spielhallen ihre Zeit damit verbringen, einarmige Banditen zu spielen (Daten von 2013 von der American Gaming Association). Perish Regeln der Spielautomaten sind sehr einfach, und der niedrige Mindesteinsatz macht sie auch fur decease armsten Spieler zuganglich.