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A journey to a healthy me

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Frustrated and a little embarrassed

Ok....so it has been weeks since I posted. I am now 3 months and a few days out. I have lost a total of 40 pounds....that includes pre-op weight loss as well. I feel like I should have lost more. Most everyone I talk to, looses more in the first three months than I have.   I do not weigh everyday. I am exercising. I am eating my protein and drinking my water. My carbs are very few. I use a big piece of lettuce instead of bread for sandwiches of any kind. No sweets. I do eat peanuts (less than 1 ounce) for a crunchy snack 2 - 3 times a week. My caloric intake is under 1000 per day.   Make no mistake about it, I love that I have lost what I have. I have some new hand me down clothes that fit. I feel good. A few people have noticed that I am losing. I just expected that I would have dropped at least 15 more pounds by now.   That is all the whining I will do today.   Enjoy today!   Still looking like Shamu
judysbabies

judysbabies

7
 

Look what I can do!

I can cross my legs while sitting.   I stood up at church to pray, bowed my head and realized that all I could see was my boobs....no belly sticking out further than my boobs!   The steering wheel can be lowered while I drive.   I walked 3/4 of a mile today without panting and thinking I was having a heart attack.   I make still look like Shamu but I am feeling like Flipper!
judysbabies

judysbabies

12
 

Two weeks out and learning

I feel great physically. Emotionally, still struggling. I am definitely a food addict. I had no idea. In my mind, I catch myself thinking about food....like all the time. I miss cheese crackers, popcorn at the movies, toast and bacon. I miss sharing a cookie with the grand baby. I miss trips with the kids to Braums ice cream. I long for a Dairy Queen chocolate malt. Furthermore, i crave McDonald's french fries and homemade brownies. I cannot wait to eat a ribeye and baked potato (just a bite). You get the picture. I am in detox with a full, unlocked liquor cabinet in front of me. (Actually the food pantry...)   I took the kids to see Monster's University and knew it would be hard, but had no idea how hard. The smell of hot buttered popcorn assaulted me before I even entered the door. It threw me to the floor like a rag doll. I fought it, yelling and screaming. We drew quite a large crowd, that deadly aroma and me. The mouth watering scent drug me across the floor to the concession stand. I fought so hard I left claw marks in the tile. I gathered myself, stood up, smiled at the young woman with her mouth gaping and ordered a LARGE popcorn and 2 large cokes. As she placed the humongous container of butter dripping popcorn on the counter, I grabbed it and slung it at my children before I changed me mind. Whew! My stomach growled the entire movie like I hadn't eaten in weeks. Oh, maybe because I HAVEN'T! I quietly drank my water and watched the movie. I survived! I did it!   Last night, I found myself in the emergency room with a friend. I brought my water and some baby food but didn't plan on camping out for hours. I knew I had to have something. I sniffed out the vending machines hoping to find something edible for me. I dreaded the sight of Reese's peanut butter cups, snickers, cinnamon rolls and chips. My mind kept screaming that peanut butter is high in protein and soft, hence the peanut butter cups would be the best choice. It sounded reasonable to me. Once I located the vending machines, I stood frozen in shock. EVERYTHING in the machine was healthy or relatively healthy. Not even a hint of chocolate was to be found. I opted for a 100 calorie breakfast thin thing. I chewed it like it was leather so not to disturb my stomach. I survived.   I am still refusing to allow bacon to be cooked in my house. I think I would go into convulsions. There is a no baking anything sweet ban till further notice as well. My 12 year old asked me today, "How much longer are you on this diet?" I just smiled and hugged him.   Signing off till next time!   Judy
judysbabies

judysbabies

5
 

Seven days out and my eyes are open

Good morning....   Day six found me feeling fine physically. I drove. I grocery shopped. I took the kids to McDonald's.   Being in the kitchen is hard for me. I have children that must be fed. While preparing plates of burgers and chips for my two youngest kids, I dropped a chip on the counter. I reflectively reached down and popped it in my mouth. Of course I immediately spit it out. However, the incident left me wondering.....   This morning I woke with an epiphany!   What I am going through each day post-surgery is the major reason that patients must go through "training" for surgery. All of the nutrition training was to help with the actual - in your face - reality that I cannot, under any condition, pop chips or anything else in my mouth without thinking. Nutrition training was to help train my mind to tune out the billions of food commercials as I watch TV during my recovery. Nutrition training was giving me a foundation or a home base to turn to when I feel that I must have something to eat or I will die. Nutrition training was to give me something to think about and cling to when my mind is going crazy and I panic because today's stress cannot be fixed by food.   Had I not had the time before surgery hearing about and thinking about what I must do after surgery, I would be a big fat failure. I would have been one of the people who cheats themselves by eating what shouldn't be eaten and stretched my stomach right back out to hold my dear and faithful friend, Food. I am not one of those and refuse to succumb to the overwhelming temptation to do so. I will hold on to my goal and let my goal be my friend. (My goal is to be healthy and active.)   I will survive. I am woman. Hear me roar! (You have to be over 50 to get this.)
judysbabies

judysbabies

7
 

Five days out...

I really intended to get on line everyday and post.....I didn't.   Day 1 - surgery day - went well. Nausea was my enemy but not pain. I slept most of the time. When the came to take my vitals, I would get out of bed, with no problem, and walk down the hall and back. I also tried to pee every time but it was the next morning before that worked.   Day 2 - Up early for barium swallow....yuck! No vomiting or pain with that and I passed. Later during the morning, I did throw up the bile stuff I had to drink. I was sore but still not in serious pain. I had no problem swallowing. I slept all I could.   Day 3 - IV out and ready to go home. Nice warm shower was wonderful. Nausea gone. We drove 8 long hours home. It is a 5 hour trip but we took the not-so-scenic route.....and not on purpose. My sister got on I35 going south to the border instead of north to home. It took an hour and a half before she realized it. I was mostly snoozing. We made it home at 9:30 p.m. to my own bed. Ahhhh   Day 4 - Pretty sore after riding so far but no pain meds needed. Seriously, I was not even in the pain of a bee sting. I got in the floor with my grandson and helped build a tower with blocks. The protein drink I have been drinking for a couple of weeks now makes my stomach cramp. I am using another one I had here that I do not like. Oh well. I had trouble with diarrhea all day. Not fun.   Day 5 - Today - I am really battling cramping and diarrhea today. Still have soreness but no pain from surgery. My body says I can do whatever I want but my brain says I better not. I have been outside on the deck watching the kittens play and I've watched way more TV than I want. I am bordering stir crazy. I am now literately sipping protein drink followed by a swallow of water every few minutes in hopes of winning the battle of diarrhea.   The one thing I am shocked about: I am starving! My stomach is growling, even in the night. It didn't do that last week when I was on just protein drinks. Oh my gosh! I will prevail but geeze Louise!   I will report in tomorrow.
judysbabies

judysbabies

5
 

Today is the day!

I am in San Antonio for my long awaited day of surgery. Yesterday was spent meeting with my doctor, my advocate, Count Dracula and shopping.   My sister is with me and we walked all through the Mexican Market. I bought me two things for after the surgery but I was scared to buy anything too small for fear I would never get there.   We stopped at the best Mexican food place and starred at the menu as you can see in the picture. I said good-bye for now.   This morning I am ready for the next chapter in my life. I will officially be a cheap date.   My surgery is scheduled for 1:30 this afternoon. The doctor says I will NOT have any tubes (Ng tube or catheter) when I come out. My job will be to sip and walk. That makes me very happy.   I love you all and will check in soon.   Judy
judysbabies

judysbabies

2
 

Things Iook forward to....

As my surgery approaches, I am thinking more about the future without fat restrictions.   I look forward to......   Sitting in church and being able to cross my legs   Getting into the floor and getting back up without crawling to the couch   Leaving the steering wheel down when I get out of the car   Leaning over and picking something up without cutting off my oxygen supply   shopping in a regular store   Getting on the scale at the doctor and not turning my head   Walking more than a block without panting   Having more energy   Less medication   Getting up in a crowded room and not worrying about being able to squeeze between chairs or people   Cutting my toenails while breathing     How about you, my friends?
judysbabies

judysbabies

5
 

I have a date!

I got the call that I have been waiting on. My insurance has given their blessings for me to have sleeve surgery!!!   I'm so excited! I just can't hide it!   On June 11, 2013, I will begin a new and exciting chapter in my life.   Good bye Big Mama. Hello healthy mama.
judysbabies

judysbabies

0
 

You are my Heroes

I want each of you to know that you are my heroes. The more I read about each of you, the more I admire you.   My prayer for you all this week is for courage, self confidence, energy, hope, and love. Where ever you are on your journey, I applaud you. Pat yourself on the back. You are a great person.   As you look in the mirror each day this week, say out loud, "I am someone's hero."   Whether you take one step at a time or many steps at once, you will get there. Looking back is only for learning, not dwelling on.   Judy
judysbabies

judysbabies

1
 

I have to swallow what?

So, you're saying that I have to CRUSH all my pills and swallow the powder?   Do you know how disgusting that propanalol tastes before crushing?   I don't think so.   Liquids?   Most of my meds don't come in liquid.   Put the powder in water? Then I have nasty tasting water with particles in it.   Hide it in pudding. Great but what about after surgery? you know, those first few weeks?   Seriously, how did you get your medication down without gaging or puking?   Just my random question of the day.   Judy
judysbabies

judysbabies

8
 

Good-bye Coconut Shrimp

Today was my last time to eat my beloved coconut shrimp at Red Lobster. It was incredibly delicious. I ate every bite of my baked potato and three garlic/cheese biscuits. I felt no guilt. I am satisfied and stepping forward.   I have already said good-bye to Tony Roma's ribs and onion loaf last week in San Antonio.   Three weeks ago, I ate at my favorite Chinese buffet for the last time.   There are others that I will still be able to nibble on after surgery but these three will be no-no's.   For me, these are big steps toward a new me.   Judy
judysbabies

judysbabies

3
 

My hair! My hair!

What? I'm going to lose all my hair! Geeze Louise. I don't have any to spare.   Seriously, what about the hair loss? What is the best way to limit that tiny little cause and effect of surgery?   I'm not going to change my mind about surgery but I would rather keep my hair.   I need hair to pull out as I reach the stage of having 4 teenagers at the same time. No, I don't need hair for that. I MUST have hair to pull out. Otherwise, I'll commit hairy-cary. I'll end up in jail bird orange. I don't even like orange.   Help!!!   Judy
judysbabies

judysbabies

6
 

Drink more Margaritas

This morning I bought a variety of Crystal light flavors and low and behold, there, on the top shelf, was Margarita flavored Crystal Light. I decided not to buy it but it is a thought for a different flavor.   I am trying to rule out anything I really do not like the taste of before surgery. I have yet to find a protein shake that isn't disgusting to my taste buds. I am going to try isopure next. Wonder where I can find those......   This week is dedicated to trying new clear drinks and other liquids....the best chicken broth, etc.   Once I survive the week of pre-op diet and the first few weeks after surgery diet, I can cope with anything.   Margarita's anyone?   Judy
judysbabies

judysbabies

7
 

Excited and scared as I am one step closer

I started this journey two years ago with mostly wishes. I had no insurance at that time but I researched every option anyway. I have three grown kids and 6 at home. One of my six is a foster baby. The others range in age from 10 - 17. I have to live to see everyone grown. In order to attain this goal, I had to do something drastic.   I am currently on 3 blood pressure medications, prilosec, 2 anti-depressants, have sleep apnea and moderate limiting arthritis. Most of all, I am too fat. I started putting on the pounds about 25 years ago, just after a complete hysterectomy. Those pounds have stubbornly held on no matter how hard I try to get them off.   I enjoy cooking and eating and sometimes eat for comfort. I am not really an overeater, just not a healthy eater. This is Texas and we fry everything.   I now have insurance and am driving 500 miles round trip to the only surgeon that will take Medicaid in Texas. He and his team are awesome. I have done all of the dieting, studying, tests, procedures and have a "go" from Cardiology, Pulmonology and my surgeon. Now, it is in the hands of Medicaid. They tell me it will be about 2 weeks for an answer. Then, I meet with the doctor one more time to set a date for surgery.   I am soooo excited. I am sooooo scared. My dream is finally coming to pass. What if I don't loose any weight? I will be able to lean over and pick something up off the floor. What if something goes wrong? I will be able to buy clothes from a regular store. What if I miss food too much? I will be able to walk more than two blocks without panting. Where will my comfort come from? (I already have a plan but it is still scary.)   So, here I am my new friends.
judysbabies

judysbabies

5
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