Ugh - want to strangle husband!

[Melinco 1]

My husband and I went through fertility treatments in trying to have kids. It didn't work. We were open with most people about it. While some were quite supportive, others weren't, and I always felt that I had to give a play by play report to those who knew.

Now that I am pursuing WLS, I have told DH that I do not want to tell anyone. In fact, the only person I have told is my best friend, as well as those who read my blog (only IRL person who reads it is my BF, everyone else are those who I met through online forums when trying to have a baby).

Part of the reason I'm not telling anyone, not even my mom or siblings, is that I don't want "food police" and two, I just want some privacy this time around.

DH told his mom and dad, because his mom, who is diabetic and on insulin shots, was talking about possible gastric bypass. He told her hoping she could talk with me for support. While I wasn't pleased with this, I understood why he told them, but asked him not to tell anyone else.

I find out today at lunch, when I went home and fixed both of us chicken breasts over salad greens and he said he'd be going to work and eating a couple of tacos and a burrito (he runs a mexican food restaurant). He then said that he told one of his workers that I had gone on a low-carb diet. I asked him if she knew why I was doing this, and he said he'd told her about my wanting to have the surgery.

I'm both really pi$$ed off as well as very disappointed that he didn't respect my wishes for not telling anyone. It's not his story to tell.

Has anyone else had this happen to you, and if so, how did you handle it? Do you think I should go and ask his employee not to repeat it, which may be too late now?

Ugh, I really wanted to throw my dinner plate at him today!

[TracyW2 137]

HUGS. I know how you feel. We went through fertility treatments to have both our boys. It was something that I was really private about. Everyone knew we were having a hard time conceiving, but they didn't really know what was going on. When we had ds2, they had no idea we were even trying for a second.

I am the same way with the WLS. My dh knows as well as some online friends and my mil. She is the one who has helped out when I had to go to dr's appts.

I think i would kick dh where it counts if he did that.

Best of luck.

[happy2lose 0]

Ugh! Men!

I have a feeling everything is going to work out just great in the long run.

[heidelfinc 0]

I feel the same way in my desire for privacy. That would have really bothered me. I hope he will be more discrete from here on out

[jkend50035 1]

First of all, good luck with your surgery and subsequent weight loss. I hope I'm not offending you here, but I have a different take and it has worked out well for me. I was a bit reticent about sharing my weight loss battles at the beginning, but I decided to let anyone know who wanted to know. And most people have been extremely supportive. I'm not saying there haven't been bumps in the road here and there, but most people have been very understanding. At night for dinner out tonight I asked the waitress if I could eat off the kids menu because I had weight loss surgery and can't eat very much. She said sure, and told us about someone she knew who had been successful with the surgery. Bariactric surgery is very common these days. Try to not let people bother you so much who are not supportive--just know that you are doing the right thing for your future health. Again, good luck!

[Astrasmom 1]

My husband and I went through fertility treatments in trying to have kids. It didn't work. We were open with most people about it. While some were quite supportive, others weren't, and I always felt that I had to give a play by play report to those who knew.

Now that I am pursuing WLS, I have told DH that I do not want to tell anyone. In fact, the only person I have told is my best friend, as well as those who read my blog (only IRL person who reads it is my BF, everyone else are those who I met through online forums when trying to have a baby).

Part of the reason I'm not telling anyone, not even my mom or siblings, is that I don't want "food police" and two, I just want some privacy this time around.

DH told his mom and dad, because his mom, who is diabetic and on insulin shots, was talking about possible gastric bypass. He told her hoping she could talk with me for support. While I wasn't pleased with this, I understood why he told them, but asked him not to tell anyone else.

I find out today at lunch, when I went home and fixed both of us chicken breasts over salad greens and he said he'd be going to work and eating a couple of tacos and a burrito (he runs a mexican food restaurant). He then said that he told one of his workers that I had gone on a low-carb diet. I asked him if she knew why I was doing this, and he said he'd told her about my wanting to have the surgery.

I'm both really pi$$ed off as well as very disappointed that he didn't respect my wishes for not telling anyone. It's not his story to tell.

Has anyone else had this happen to you, and if so, how did you handle it? Do you think I should go and ask his employee not to repeat it, which may be too late now?

Ugh, I really wanted to throw my dinner plate at him today!

My husband tells everyone also. But instead of getting angry I just let him do it. I think of it in a different way. If he tells everyone about it, he's supporting me in my efforts because he's talking about it. Which in turn means that he's proud of me.

[Melinco 1]

Thanks for all of your kind replies.

We did talk last night after getting back from "Connected Couples," a church related event for couples, where we talked about how communication was vital for a lasting marriage.

So once we got home, he did apologize and explain that by his talking about it, he was, in a way, expressing his concerns just a bit about my going under anesthesia. The reason for this is that when we did IVF and they put me under light sedation to retrieve the eggs, my O2 levels dropped, so he is actually worried about my coming out of the anesthesia after the surgery.

He said he didn't understand why I tell everyone on my blog, but he couldn't tell anyone. I told him that with the except of my best friend, and two people who also went through IVF that I have met, I don't personally know anyone who reads my blog. It's just a support group (like LBT is) of people who went through what I went through (IVF), but now are supporting me while I do the WLS in hopes of losing enough weight so that we can pursue the next option in trying to have a baby.

So we did talk it through (me through tears as I am so bad about expressing my feelings and anger without shedding some tears - ugh, I don't like that but what can I do?).

Maybe I will go ahead and tell people once I've actually gotten the band, but for right now, I don't want to. I think that the ladies I take a break with will be very supportive, as today one of them asked about my new "diet" and if I were doing it under supervision, and I did say yes, I was seeing a dietician. But I don't plan on divulging why for now.

One thing that did come from our conversation last night was that my husband said that no matter if I'm short, tall, skinny or fluffy (we don't use the F word), he'll love me.

[jkend50035 1]

I think you have a very nice, caring and loving husband. As far as keeping this secret private, I do agree that there will be saboteurs that will NOT want you to lose weight (because they are overweight and are jealous) or who knows why. But I have found the vast majority of people you will come across will be overwhelmingly positive and supportive, just like your husband, and the group you eat lunch with. My feeling is, "the truth will set you free!!"

Good luck whatever you decide!

[Gaylancsu 28]

I figure I was never able to hide being fat from people, so why hide this? No one who ever cared about me made a big deal about my weight, so they've not made a big deal about my surgery. They are all happy for me and proud of me... it's really shown me who matters in my life. The best thing so far about this was laying in bed the night after surgery with my husband and him hugging me and telling me how proud he was of me. No matter how much he loves me I know a part of him wanted me to be more healthy (he recently dropped 50 pounds and now wears 32 jeans and small or medium shirts... i'm nearly double his weight at the moment.... BUT NOT FOR LONG!)