Hi everyone,

I wasn't sure how to pull this together, because I'm thinking about experiences I have had as a black woman, and as a blind one.

I take paratransit, known here as Access Services, home from work. Basically, it's a curb to curb cab service (or van) for a very small fee.

Twice I have ridden with passengers who have not wanted to sit by me, either because I'm black, or blind, or both. The most recent incident was today. I was in a van, and a woman got in. She sat down next to me, all the while talking to someone outside the van. All at once, after what was a halfhearted attempt at trying to fasten her seat belt, I heard the driver put down a middle seat. After we took off, I reached over to see if there was anything wrong with the belt. There wasn't; it moved quite easily.

That has happened to me before in an Access vehicle.

When I rode the bus, there was a driver who refused to speak to me. He never told me if there was a seat in front, or anywhere, for that matter, but he spoke to a blind man who was not black. They had a rather animated conversation in fact.

At the risk of sounding shallow, using an old cliche, I have friends of all races and ethnicities. I went to school with predominantly white kids of necessity. I had to go where the resources for blind kids were. I'm glad I did. I think it taught me a lot about all kinds of people, and how dull my life would be had I not met so many different types.

But I have also had several experiences of people who either thought I couldn't possibly help them because I'm blind, or who simply refused to interact with me, sit by me, you name it, for the same reason.

If anyone cares to share experiences from any point of view, I welcome them, and thank you all for letting me rant.

Debbie

Thank you, Nancy. No I understood exactly where you were coming from.

One day I was on a bus, and a drunk sat next to me. I was in the back (hahaha!) and this guy says in a really loud voice, "There sure are a lot of fat people on this bus today!"

Since he was sitting next to me, I knew exactly who he was talking about.

There was a group I belonged to in Los Angeles called Fat Sisters Organizing Los Angeles. (Fatso LA.) It lasted for a few years, and started me on the road to accepting myself.

Debbie

Debbie,

I'm just glad I'm not still working in the city and riding the metro buses and the subway anymore, good luck to you, Nancy.:blushing:

Group Hug.:blushing:

:w00t:

It's all good.

Debbie, so sorry you even have to deal with this in these supposedly Enlightened years!

My aunt and uncle experienced a lot of racism when they lived in So Cal. She's white, he's black. Now they live back east and it's not as bad but still does exist way more than it should.

I worry about DD too. She's tri-racial, mexican, italian and black. She's 3 and as an infant there were a couple of times I got dirty looks while carrying her. Pity for them. She's a great kid! I just assume these people are ignorant and don't have anything better to do!

And it's obvious that she's adopted. You really can't get much whiter than DH and I! Both european decent. And yet people will ask if she was adopted! More often than not tho, we get the "oh is she yours?" question.

What does irritate me tho is when people comment on some "feature" that we share. "OH she has your eyes, nose, ect." Ummm, no she doesn't! She looks like herself and is a combination of her birthparents and that is to be celebrated!!! Although I have to admit, in some ways, she is very much like me in personality! LOL! We're butting heads over a few of those likenesses! :wink:

Anyway, I do hope that DD doesn't have to deal with too much racism tho in reality, I do know that WE will have to deal with it at points along her life. I just pray it's few and far between and not too horrifying.

Best wishes to you!

And it's obvious that she's adopted. You really can't get much whiter than DH and I! Both european decent. And yet people will ask if she was adopted! More often than not tho, we get the "oh is she yours?" question.

Freak 'em out completely and say, "Why yes, she is." She IS, after all. But it'll get them wondering. Just leave them gape-mouthed over it. :wink:

Debbie, so sorry you even have to deal with this in these supposedly Enlightened years!

My aunt and uncle experienced a lot of racism when they lived in So Cal. She's white, he's black. Now they live back east and it's not as bad but still does exist way more than it should.

I worry about DD too. She's tri-racial, mexican, italian and black. She's 3 and as an infant there were a couple of times I got dirty looks while carrying her. Pity for them. She's a great kid! I just assume these people are ignorant and don't have anything better to do!

And it's obvious that she's adopted. You really can't get much whiter than DH and I! Both european decent. And yet people will ask if she was adopted! More often than not tho, we get the "oh is she yours?" question.

What does irritate me tho is when people comment on some "feature" that we share. "OH she has your eyes, nose, ect." Ummm, no she doesn't! She looks like herself and is a combination of her birthparents and that is to be celebrated!!! Although I have to admit, in some ways, she is very much like me in personality! LOL! We're butting heads over a few of those likenesses! :wink:

Anyway, I do hope that DD doesn't have to deal with too much racism tho in reality, I do know that WE will have to deal with it at points along her life. I just pray it's few and far between and not too horrifying.

Best wishes to you!

I know what you mean. When we all go out with my brother who is mixed, we get dirty looks too. It is really funny when my mom and stepdad, who are both white, are with him out somewhere. You can imagine what people are thinking! Sometimes it is quite funny!

I agree with Beth that I would need more proof before jumping to conclusions, but I do think the OP may have more of an insight since she was there - not because she is black and trying to see racism in every corner.

I think racism IS alive and well, going both directions. (Along with every other -ism there is. Stupid people exist and walk among us.) I've had black people get in my face and call me names and kick, push and shove me. I know it was racism because of the words they used to express their hatred of me.

The situation on the bus could have been racism, could have been fatism, could have been both! Could have been the smell...I dunno. But I don't care.

My daughter is mixed and if we get weird looks when we go out, we don't notice. I have never noticed anyone giving us strange looks. Ever. People are a little slow to assume she's mine, but that's an awkwardness that's slowly seeping away, too. With so many adoptions, I think most folks just assume that's the case. But again - I don't care about them.

We don't care about the stupid people.

I will say coming from Northern Virginia to TX was a culture shock. In VA I never noticed race jokes. It wasn't accepted and the group of people (all races, sizes, etc.) didn't even consider race jokes.

If I get race jokes emailed to me I reply, "DO NOT SEND THESE TO ME". But I don't just delete them. I let the person know. Or if I someone tells a joke that includes a racist slur, I'll play dumb and ask, "What do you mean? I don't get it."

My boss is a black woman and she was telling me a story about a lady she met once. She said for about 5 years she had a phone conversation with a vendor once a week. After a while, they would merge the conversation into more personal stuff, talking about husbands and kids, etc. One day they met and the lady shook her hand like a cold fish. My boss was going to give her a hug, since she felt so close to the woman, but the woman stuck her hand out. She said after that meeting, the woman changed the vendor account contact to another person and she never talked to her again.

THAT sucks, and hearing it made me cry. I never want anyone to do that to me, or my daughter.

I will never understand why people judge folks by what's outside, when the real value is inside.

I will never understand why people judge folks by what's outside, when the real value is inside.

That perfectly sums it up.

Now, going from Texas to Virginia, it also feels like a totally different world. It's like living in the UN out here.

That perfectly sums it up.

Now, going from Texas to Virginia, it also feels like a totally different world. It's like living in the UN out here.

You know...my DD's family never makes racist jokes, or slurs. But, a lot of black people say bad things about white folks that I find offensive.

Why is that okay? I really mean that as an honest question. I don't get why society is okay with white bashing. I really think ALL types of racism should go away. I don't want to be hated because I'm white - I don't hate anyone for not being white.

Oh, yeah...this reminds me of a teaching technique someone told me about once. One day, their professor in college stood at the door and would "assess" the students coming in. He wouldn't say anything but look at them and point to the front or back of the room, directing them where to sit.

During the class, he would only answer the students in the front and talk to them, ignoring or degrading the students in the back. The students in the back were getting really angry, but he never answered them.

At the end of class he explained: he'd sorted them out by what color eyes they had. He said, "How does it feel to be treated badly for something that you were born with?"

It was lesson that, even after just hearing about it, stuck with me for a long time.

You know...my DD's family never makes racist jokes, or slurs. But, a lot of black people say bad things about white folks that I find offensive.

Why is that okay? I really mean that as an honest question. I don't get why society is okay with white bashing. I really think ALL types of racism should go away. I don't want to be hated because I'm white - I don't hate anyone for not being white.

Oh, yeah...this reminds me of a teaching technique someone told me about once. One day, their professor in college stood at the door and would "assess" the students coming in. He wouldn't say anything but look at them and point to the front or back of the room, directing them where to sit.

During the class, he would only answer the students in the front and talk to them, ignoring or degrading the students in the back. The students in the back were getting really angry, but he never answered them.

At the end of class he explained: he'd sorted them out by what color eyes they had. He said, "How does it feel to be treated badly for something that you were born with?"

It was lesson that, even after just hearing about it, stuck with me for a long time.

That's a very interesting technique!

And yes, I'm not sure why it's okay to white bash any more than I would ever think it's okay to bash others of different races. However, some act as if racism only goes one way. I can say that from my experience, it most certainly does not.

It's sad that it happens at all, but for those who think it's only directed at black people, I say they need a wake-up call. Somehow, to "make up" for past atrocities, some think it's okay to reverse the situation. As if that levels the playing field. All it does is keep fanning the flames of something that is attempting to be eradicated if only because we are becoming such a mix of races, even in individual families.

Gloucester: "My boss was going to give her a hug, since she felt so close to the woman, but the woman stuck her hand out. She said after that meeting, the woman changed the vendor account contact to another person and she never talked to her again."

I'm surprised no one jumped on that. You know there are a whole lot of people who do not like to be hugged. It may have had nothing with their differences in skin color. Perhaps the white lady just felt much more comfortable with a handshake. And if it was a limp handshake, maybe she doesn't really even like to have that much personal contact. I know a lot of people these days, what with all the constant discussion about washing your hands and passing germs and all that, who refuse to shake hands even in church.

I'm just trying to make a point here, although what I've said is true.

I don't really doubt that the black lady was discrminated against, but you can see how questioning someone's story is kind of ridiculous.

Speaking of Virginia... I worked for the Attorney General in downtown Richmond when I was young. One day another white older lady and I were walking to lunch uptown. Three young black girls looked at me from across the street and when the light turned green, they locked arms and plowed into me in the middle of the crosswalk. They nearly knocked me to the ground and my lunch companion had to help me recover. At the time, I was astonished that they would pick on someone who thought she understood discrmination and was on their side. But when I recovered from the blow, I realized that they were a product of their own experience and upbringing and I shook it off and took it with a grain of salt.

Oprah did the eye color discrimination test on her show one day. It was pretty enlightening.

I don't understand the white bashing either. You even see it in moves a lot. Another thing too, is skinny bashing. I'm sure everyone here has been talked about for being too fat, but my husband has experienced it from the other side as well. He is very tall and naturally very thin. I can't tell you how many people tell him how skinny he is and make jokes about it. He hates it. It hurts him just as much to be made fun of for being thin as it does for us to be made fun of for being fat.

Gosh is there anybody who HASN'T been discriminated against for one reason or other?

As I know I said before, the bottom line as far as I'm concerned is that bigotry and discrimination are based on ignorance and fear. Once you understand and accept that, it is a little easier to deal with.

Some of us who have low self-esteem or are just insecure for whatever reason, believe that the behavior of others is more valuable and important in our lives than it really is. We are all a product of our upbringing and it's hard to hold that against people when you get down to it. We have to set an example and prove to bigoted people that they are wrong to discriminate against others.

Gosh is there anybody who HASN'T been discriminated against for one reason or other?

That was pretty much my point. No one group of people has a corner market on being singled out.

Huh? THAT was your point? Sorry, I didn't get that from your posts.

I do think that we misinterpret each others' posts pretty frequently. I envision you with a big club in your hand just waiting to pound someone to the ground (usually me.) That probably keeps me from being as open-minded as I should be when I read yours.

I'm curious. How do you envision me?

Huh? THAT was your point? Sorry, I didn't get that from your posts.

I do think that we misinterpret each others' posts pretty frequently. I envision you with a big club in your hand just waiting to pound someone to the ground (usually me.) That probably keeps me from being as open-minded as I should be when I read yours.

I'm curious. How do you envision me?

(Headhunter grabs a bowl of popcorn and curls up on the couch.....):thumbup: