how much would you help??????!!!!!!!!!

[2Flyguys 13]

i am totally frustrated!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my friend had bypass surgery almost a month ago...the first 2 weeks she did great!!!!!!!! her 3rd week rolled around she went back to eating ice cream...mac and cheese...candy...no....she is not dumping....i dont know much about bypass surgery...i joined a bypass support group...to get advice...they have all been helpful and very nice....she refuses to change her eating habits....refuses to exercise....tells me "i'm doing too much with all the exercise and healthy eating, i make wls more complicated then it needs to be"...lately i've just stayed quiet...not mentioning she should eat healthier...or exercise...i finally got to the point...where i said.... u do ur weight loss ur way...i'll do mine ...my way....today her stomach is swelling...she hasn't gone #2 in 9 days.....do i give up and keep the mindset of u do ur weight loss and i'll do mine?????? do i continue to keep trying to help her?????? i know u can lead a horse to Water, but u can't make it drink...i just don't want to c her surgery go to waste...i don't want to c anyone's surgery go to waste...a lot of members on the bypass support group...said to let her learn the hard way.....

[savannahsmommie 0]

I think that no matter what you do, she seems as if she is not going to listen. I would definitely tell her to call her doctor just because of the lack of BM x 9 days. She might have impaction, which is horribel to relieve. Trust me, I've had to do it on people. Good luck!

[ParrotheadCathy 0]

You can't do it for her! She has to make the decision to eat healthy foods instead of stuffing herself on what we call "slider" food! Gastric bypass doesn't come with a guarantee and your friend may become a statistic but the sad fact is that you can't make her as successful as you've been. I could guess that perhaps she's intimidated by your success and/or her fear of failure but I don't know that for sure -- it's just a supposition. It sounds like she desperately needs therapy but I don't think she'd do it. She can stretch out that little stomach of hers and eat whatever the heck she wants. Obviously, she's one of those that doesn't experience dumping so she has pretty much nothing to slow her down.

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,281]

oH WOW that really sucks... but you know you can't do this for her. She went through a very invasive procedure and yet only two weeks in she's eating like she never had it done. I would be freaking out and scared to eat all that two weeks out.

Tell her to go see the doctor about not going #2 in 9 days. Thats very odd. Hope all is ok with her! Let us know how it turns out.

[2Flyguys 13]

sorry to keep venting...but get ready for this...she has not drank a Protein Drink since surgery!!!!!!!!!!!! her nutrionist does his evaluations over the phone....she said he didnt make drinking Protein sound that important...i know for us (bandsters) drinking and getting enough protein is essential...i asked the bypass support members if its not as important for them to get in protein...they were all blown back!!!!!! it irritates me that she is so non-chalant....but at the sametime i can also understand how hard obesity is to fight...i've been on both sides of the fence.....

[mominkansas 2]

If having a 15K+ surgery isn't going to change her, than sadly nothing you say can change her. She has to make the change, otherwise she will continue to revert to her old habits.

[Donnainva 0]

she's in complete denial--from your post, you say that she is saying that she's doing enough already but in reality isn't exercising or eating right.

She'll either stay in denial or finally see the light that 1+1 does not equal ice cream.

You can't do it for her.

Perhaps you can suggest fun walking things for the two of you to do, even if it's just shopping--go to an outlet mall where theres loads of walking involved.

If she's not caring enough about her own health, at least make sure she doesn't sabotage yours in the process.

and more then a week without a dump is not normal.

[JENNIFER7375 3]

I'd say let her learn the hard way. When I went for my consult my surgeon made a point of telling me that some people no matter what are just not gonna be successful. They treat WLS as a magic wand that's gonna let them eat whatever they want and become magically skinny. They don't wanna view it as the helpful tool it's supposed to be. One of the reasons I chose the band is because I know of at least 5 people that had bypass lost 100 pounds in the 1st year then put 50 of it back on the 2nd year.

The. Funny thing is my best friend had the band 4 months before I did. She and I have similar issues. She's a lot bigger than me but gets mad cuz I'm losing faster than she is. But she also drinks 4-5 nights a week and chips and other slider foods all the time. But every time I try to help her she gets mad. So now unless she asks me about something I just keep my mouth shut. It's hard to watch a friend screw up but sometimes the only way to learn a lesson is the hard way.

[maestrita 43]

Oh, My. I have been down this road. Don't try to interfere with her progress directly. You will lose a friend. The only thing you can do is try to come around the other way. Tell her a story, about some "friend" you have on the website. Tell her that this friend had such and such a horrible thing happen, and ...oh, Lord, you are so worried about this other friend....

People don't like to be made aware of their shortcomings. It hurts. Badly. It's the kind of hurt that doesn't allow you to feel like you can ever be on the same level with that person again, and it damages the trust. You probably don't want to risk that. Lead by example and demonstrate the beautiful consequences of losing weight right before her eyes. Hopefully she will choose to do the right thing once she settles in. If not, it really is her call. I know it's hard to accept, but it's her journey.

[Headhunter 6]

Ok, I've had the Bypass. If she hasn't done "#2" in 9 days, she is in trouble. Constipation is one of the problems in the bypass, IF you don't eat right/drink enough Water, etc.

There is NO foolproof WLS. You can find a way around ANY method. Weight loss, with or without WLS, is a MIND GAME, and if people are not trained how to play that game prior to surgery, they WILL FAIL.

and your friend is failing....AND could be in for a big problem if she does not get that "#2" problem dealt with.

I would serioulsy consider calling her Dr, and tell him/her what is happening....of course, ask the Dr not to tell her you called, but have the Dr call her in for a "routine" followup.

This is a bad situation.

HH

[Sarah.R 2]

I don't get why someone would do that? She's taken all the steps to get the surgery, she obviously wanted it in the first place so that she was happier and healthier. So I'd maybe talk to her and ask her why her mindset has changed? Tell her you'll be there for her if she needs you to be but otherwise the whole reason she's had the surgery up to this point has been a waste. Yes it's not an easy fix, no surgery is but when she's gone through all of that and she's doing this now? Does she see a physciatrist? Because it sounds like she may need to see one.

Either way her eating habits probably will change soon, I can't imagine that she can go on eating mac & cheese, candy etc for very long before going through the whole dumping thing that the bypass people do.

[DMJC 9]

You can't help people who don't want to be helped. One day she will wake up and see the error in her ways. Be there to help when she ask for it.

Take care of yourself and good luck on your weight lost.