Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

My own friends don't notice???



Recommended Posts

Abby I had a big falling out with 2 of my closest friends. They are both quite large and really have their noses out of joint since I lost weight. They do things like roll their eyes when people comment on my weight loss or make loud comments like yeah she lost it and we've found it. They told me I am self centered now and I only think about clothes and food, which is so not true. I'm deeply hurt by their reaction and slowly coming to terms with the fact that I've lost 2 very close friends because as far as i'm concerned friends should be there to support each other and they haven't been there for me. Keep up the good work, you are doing a great job!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm down 70 and have a few friends who have said nothing. I'm sure they just don't know what to say. It's fine. Funny, though, that I always hated the comments about previous weight loss attempts because they made me feel I was the center of attention and wasn't comfortable with it. Now I wouldn't mind hearing it, and they don't know how to say it.

I've taken to quietly taking photos of myself in a full-length mirror and living on my own affirmations and those I get from the ones brave enough to comment.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's funny...I have friends and family who constantly still commend me, some who still make a big "KUDOS" about it, some who are NOW my friends (ha!), some who no longer talk to me...but what really disturbs me, still a sister who adores me but has yet to say anything personally to me about it all since the day I told her I was having the surgery. Then I heard her tell my mom once I left the room..."it took me 3 skirts to try on today before I found one that fits..." She's never been one in our family to voice her concerns/opinions. But I know where she puts them...in the Lord's hands, as should I with everyone else I see each day!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I had to lose about 55 lbs both this time and when I did nutrisystem before anyone said, hey have you lost weight? Maybe you carry the weight so well people dont notice that you lost 35 lbs. It will be subtle in your face and most people cant tell inches until its really obvious. I think they only noticed when I changed clothes and wasnt wearing the old clothes they were used to seeing me in rather than that it was obvious I had lost.

Just tell yourself you are doing this for you, because you cant depend on folks to support you except for the online community here who gets it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I totally understand how you feel. None of my coworkers know I have the band. I have lost almost 50 pounds and only one has said something about it. Not a word from the others even though my scrubs are falling off and I know they have to notice. I also think it is jealousy. But I try not to let it get to me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have a good one for you guys. My mother-in-law, who never ever resisted the opportunity through the years to comment in front of the whole family about my being overweight, hoping my christmas clothing gift was BIG ENOUGH, etc. has not said 1 flippin thing about my weight lossa. NADDA. Just keeps me more focused to succeed. Bring it on woman..lol.

Go figure.

:thumbup:

As for the others, I think like the others have said, they just don't want to say..JEE...you lost a lot of weight, meaning we had a lot of weight to lose previously. I think that is mostly what it is.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Don't worry. We all notice eachothers losses. You did GREAT!!!! Jealousy can be a nasty state of affairs. Just tell yourself, it's THEIR problem now. Not yours, and SMILE!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

oh wow, that is exactly what i am experiencing. my MIA and certain other friends have not asked me "how are you" "wow you look great" since my surgery 6 weeks ago. it just galls me. when ever i see anyone at work or whoever lose weight i make a big fuss about it because i like to see people feel good. sometimes people are just ignorant. oh they notice and they are letting that ugly green face show.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Abbey,

You know what you have accomplished and you know you deserve compliments BUT for whatever reason these people just don't get it. I have lost 60+ pounds and peoples reaction is a big joke because you would not believe the comments I get like "Wow you look great... oh its your new hair style!" come on now if a new hair style could make you look 60 pounds thinner the stylist would be so busy you couldn't get in for an appointment. THink about it this way; what they don't say is louder (which is GIRL you look great) than what they say( which is nothing)! Hang in there the good comments are on the way! Like yesterday I went into a shop that has one side Plus sizes the other size regular sizes and when I went to pay the cashier said "wow you look great , didn't you used toshop on the other side. SO hang on the comments are on the way.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey Abby,

Funny you should mention this. Women are....unpredictable. OMG!! It would have been nice to hear a "How's it going, you look great". It wouldn't have caused a need for any further talk on the subject unless you wanted to. I choose not to think that all women are envious and that all people are hurtful. 35 pounds, inches, etc. is definitely worth celebrating. I'm sending a big southern CONGRATULATIONS your way cause you deserve it. Instead of worrying about these "friends/girls" I suggest that you draw your support from the people most willing to give it. Your DH is one of them along with the wonderful people here on this site. Never feel bad about celebrating your hard earned successes. Best of everything to ya!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As for the others, I think like the others have said, they just don't want to say..JEE...you lost a lot of weight, meaning we had a lot of weight to lose previously. I think that is mostly what it is.

I agree with this statement for sure. I have felt that way when I have seen someone that I think has lost weight, I am afraid that my compliment will be misconstrued. Which really is silly because if someone complimented me, I certainly wouldn't take it like that!

I think some people don't say anything because to them you are just the same person and the outside doesn't mean much to them. My DH is like that, he never says anything about how much weight I lose. But on the other hand, he doesn't say anything about how much I gain as well!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • KeeWee

      It's been 10 long years! Here is my VSG weight loss surgiversary update..
      https://www.ae1bmerchme.com/post/10-year-surgiversary-update-for-2024 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Aunty Mamo

      Iʻm roughly 6 weeks post-op this morning and have begun to feel like a normal human, with a normal human body again. I started introducing solid foods and pill forms of medications/supplements a couple of weeks ago and it's really amazing to eat meals with my family again, despite the fact that my portions are so much smaller than theirs. 
      I live on the island of Oʻahu and spend a lot of time in the water- for exercise, for play,  and for spiritual & mental health. The day I had my month out appointment with my surgeon, I packed all my gear in my truck, anticipating his permission to get back in the ocean. The minute I walked out of that hospital I drove straight to the shore and got in that water. Hallelujah! My appointment was at 10 am. I didn't get home until after 5 pm. 
      I'm down 31 pounds since the day of surgery and 47 since my pre-op diet began, with that typical week long stall occurring at three weeks. I'm really starting to see some changes lately- some of my clothing is too big, some fits again. The most drastic changes I notice however are in my face. I've also noticed my endurance and flexibility increasing. I was really starting to be held up physically, and I'm so grateful that I'm seeing that turn around in such short order. 
      My general disposition lately is hopeful and motivated. The only thing that bugs me on a daily basis still is the way those supplements make my house smell. So stink! But I just bought a smell proof bag online that other people use to put their pot in. My house doesn't stink anymore. 
       
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BeanitoDiego

      Oh yeah, something I wanted to rant about, a billing dispute that cropped up 3 months ago.
      Surgery was in August of 2023. A bill shows up for over $7,000 in January. WTF? I asks myself. I know that I jumped through all of the insurance hoops and verified this and triple checked that, as did the surgeon's office. All was set, and I paid all of the known costs before surgery.
      A looong story short, is that an assistant surgeon that was in the process of accepting money from my insurance company touched me while I was under anesthesia. That is what the bill was for. But hey, guess what? Some federal legislation was enacted last year to help patients out when they cannot consent to being touched by someone out of their insurance network. These types of bills fall under something called, "surprise billing," and you don't have to put up with it.
      https://www.cms.gov/nosurprises
      I had to make a lot of phone calls to both the surgeon's office and the insurance company and explain my rights and what the maximum out of pocket costs were that I could be liable for. Also had to remind them that it isn't my place to be taking care of all of this and that I was going to escalate things if they could not play nice with one another.
      Quick ending is that I don't have to pay that $7,000+. Advocate, advocate, advocate for yourself no matter how long it takes and learn more about this law if you are ever hit with a surprise bill.
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BeanitoDiego

      Some days I feel like an infiltrator... I'm participating in society as a "thin" person. They have no idea that I haven't always been one of them! 🤣
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • ChunkCat

      Thank you everyone for your well wishes! I totally forgot I wrote an update here... I'm one week post op today. I gained 15 lbs in water weight overnight because they had to give me tons of fluids to bring my BP up after surgery! I stayed one night in the hospital. Everything has been fine except I seem to have picked up a bug while I was there and I've been running a low grade fever, coughing, and a sore throat. So I've been hydrating well and sleeping a ton. So far the Covid tests are negative.
      I haven't been able to advance my diet past purees. Everything I eat other than tofu makes me choke and feels like trying to swallow rocks. They warned me it would get worse before it gets better, so lets hope this is all normal. I have my follow up on Monday so we'll see. Living on shakes and soup again is not fun. I had enough of them the first time!! LOL 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×