Getting Cold Feet....Fear of Failure

AllieKat35 · February 18, 2009

My surgery is scheduled for March 9, 2009.

One minute I am so excited about the upcoming surgery that I can't stand it. The next minute I am wondering if I have really done enough "on my own" to justify having the band. In my heart, I know that I have.

Perhaps I wouldn't be questioning it so much if I didn't have to be a "self-pay", but I am so worried about failing again - and this time, putting my family into debt....

Are these normal feelings? I so don't want to be a failure again.

I want to be able to work hard, lose weight and ACTUALLY KEEP IT OFF!

I want to be able to get off my medications.

I want more than anything to be able to play with my kids without being in pain when I get up from the floor.

I want to be able to FINALLY not have my weight be the center focus of my daily life.

I am just SO AFRAID of failure.....

coolcrystal · February 18, 2009

I had a lot of these frustrations too and I think it's completely normal to have. My biggest fear was my friends and family placing expectations on me to lose a certain amount, by a certain time frame. So, I made sure to let my friends know not to do that.

My goal was to lose 80 lbs the first year.. I'm 18 pounds shy of that, and my one year anniversary is in two weeks, but you know what, I still feel successful. And trust me, I could never lose weight before! I was gaining 5-10 lbs a month easily. My life was self sabotage over and over again, each time making me gain even more weight..

I know sometimes new people will come to this site and see negative things, as any surgery will have them, but there are far more success stories, they just don't need this site anymore.. they go on living their life and leave this forum.

Best of luck!!

BEK1986 · February 18, 2009

I am absolutely in the same position.

I am only 22 years old and have my banding set up for March 12th. I want more than anything to not be overweight...

I am also "self-paying"...well my parents are and I do not want to dissapoint them. I read one thread saying how someone had only lost 26 pounds in one year and how they found the loop holes with the banding. What loop holes are their?!

I am about 90% sure that this is the right decision but I feel like being 22 I should be able to lose weight on my own. I have tried countless diets and have lost a little... but before you know it... it's all back plus some!!!

In regards to the comment on more postive stories then bad... I couldn't agree more. I have actually been searching to see if I can find ONE! The one I mentioned is the only one I found!

I do believe that this will be the right thing for both of us and for a lot more people out there! Best of luck to you!!! You'll do great!:mad2:

flowers · February 18, 2009

I think a lot of it is you have to have self determination. It hasnt been nearly as easy for me to lose as I had hoped with the lapband. I have to push myself to exercise to lose, the band is no help there.

I have to say for me its as hard as any diet Iv been on, except I think there is a little help at night for when I normally want to snack, that part is easier. I still can eat anything and put away about as much food at meals. You still can gain weight if you dont watch what you eat. .... Im determined to lose it, thats the difference, you have to want it enough to change your food and exercise, the band only helps with appetite.

flowers · February 18, 2009

I am only 22 years old and have my banding set up for March 12th. I want more than anything to not be overweight...
I am also "self-paying"...well my parents are and I do not want to dissapoint them. I read one thread saying how someone had only lost 26 pounds in one year and how they found the loop holes with the banding. What loop holes are their?!

I was self paying, and Im 58, and wish Id lost the weight when I was your age. Im sure thats why its so hard for me to lose, age makes it harder.

The loop holes are you have to change what you eat, throw away the bad foods. Snacks are mostly slider foods and go down much easier than Protein, like baked fish which can sit in your pouch and make you feel full if you dont wash it down with a drink.

Im deciding about allowing myself a 100 calorie chocolate snack that costco has on sale right now, afraid I will do it every day and Iv been pretty rigorous about anything junk food wise since I started.

One lady in my seminar I went to gained weight on the lapband and got diabetes and was there to get bypass. She hadnt gotten her fills and maintained restriction, said she worked out of town all week and never found a place for fills on the weekend (she didnt try imo). The band is more work to keep your fills tight, no doubt. 50% success rate on the band, so 50% are considered failures.

HeatherO · February 18, 2009

I was self pay as well and I have no regrets with the band. I lost 100% of my excess weight in less than a year.

Self determination is part of it, that is true. Can you cut out grazing and junk food and focus on eating healthy things such as Proteins, veggies and the occasional healthy carb??? This makes all the difference in the world if you also include exercise as well. This doesn't mean never having a piece of birthday cake again, it just means making healthy decisions most of the time.

I have yo-yo dieted all my life and the band helped me to beat that through appetite control. I was ruled by hunger in the past, but it is not a big issue anymore. I know I would not have succeeded long term without the band.

50% success rate on the band, so 50% are considered failures.

I think this statistic is misleading. A failure is inability to lose weight after banding . . . almost every person loses weight, the difference is in the percentage of weight lost. Almost every study shows that the average percentage of weight lost can range between 47% to 68% depending on the study.

Some statistics are as follows:

In one early study involving 271 US patients undergoing lap band surgery the average weight loss achieved 3 years after surgery was 47% of excess body weight, while a second US study of 63 patients showed an excess weight loss of 53%. Several studies involving larger groups of patients from both Italy and Australia over a similar 3 year period show excess weight loss ranging from 49% to as high as 68%.

Remember that in every study, there are people who try to be compliant, get the aftercare they need, follow the diet guidelines, etc. and they are the ones that have the most success. There are also those that eat what they want, make slider foods such as ice cream or chips part of their regular diet, don't follow the rules, and don't attempt to have appropriate aftercare and fills as needed (and I am sure you wouldn't be surprised if their weight loss was less than stellar).

Your success rate is up to you.

Are you willing to follow the banding rules, exercise and be compliant most of the time? If so, there is no reason for you to have less than average weight loss or be considered a failure. Average is just average, people do both better and worse. How dedicated you are and how seriously you take this journey will determine on which side of the fence you land.

Edited February 18, 2009 by HeatherO
typo

HeatherO · February 18, 2009

One last thing I want to mention.

Even if you only achieve 50% excess weight loss after banding, is that not success??? For most of us, our weight continues to creep up over the years. Would our qualities of life not be improved by being 50% closer to a normal BMI as opposed to creeping ever higher into morbid obesity? A 50% reduction also makes a tremendous impact on health as well.

I think it is just more food for thought . . . pardon the pun.

flowers · February 18, 2009

I know that stat was given out during my seminar. The lady turned to me as the lone hold out for the band and asked, "are you going to be satisfied with only losing half the weight you want to lose??!!". Of course I said no, but I knew I indeded to get to my goal. Iv got a lot more stubborness and determination than most people I know too.

Im aware what the stats mean.

Im also 5 7, and know I would be unhappy if I couldnt get below what you weight now, because on me with a small frame Id still look too heavy, hence my goal with a BMI less than 20. What is success for one isnt success for another.

HeatherO · February 19, 2009

I know that stat was given out during my seminar. The lady turned to me as the lone hold out for the band and asked, "are you going to be satisfied with only losing half the weight you want to lose??!!". Of course I said no, but I knew I indeded to get to my goal. Iv got a lot more stubborness and determination than most people I know too.
Im aware what the stats mean.

Im also 5 7, and know I would be unhappy if I couldnt get below what you weight now, because on me with a small frame Id still look too heavy, hence my goal with a BMI less than 20. What is success for one isnt success for another.

I knew I wouldnt be satisfied at losing only half as well. However, I am OK with being closer to a BMI of 25 than 20 for now. I will pick up again once the baby is here and I am running around like crazy trying to keep up, lol.

I wish us all success . . . in whatever that means to each individual :0)