First let me start out by saying I am very happy, blessed and grateful for my weight loss. I never dreamed I would ever lose this kind of weight.

When I started my weight loss journey the only thing I could think of was I was so horribly over weight that I knew I needed to do something about it. I was overwhelmed by the numbers on the scale and felt that I was doomed to diet and fail the rest of my life. When I learned of the Lap Band and the fact that my insurance covered it I was so excited! I felt there was hope. Loosing weight was my only concern, my only thought.

Here I am, 100 lbs lighter, 100 lbs later. I am sitting here with all kinds of emotions and I am not even sure I understand them all. The obvious new thing in my life is people’s comments and reactions. I have never been a shy person. I am very social and out spoken. Drawing attention to myself had never been an issue, but I find the issue that is getting attention is uncomfortable. I don’t know if it’s because the topic of weight itself has always been a negative subject for me or because when I say I have lost 100 lbs it makes me have to admit( even if only to myself) how very out of control I was and yes, my former weight makes me feel ashamed.

Then there is the fact that I come from a very heavy family and I have very heavy co-workers. I don’t feel like I can really pat myself on the back if that mood ever hit because I don’t want to be insensitive to others around me. I don’t want to be a bragger or hurt someone else’s feelings so I down play the situation, blow it off or just never discuss it.

Wrinkles: I have never been a vain person by any stretch of the imagination. All of a sudden I am dealing with aging AND the effects of weight loss to my skin and Holy Crap it bites! I look in the mirror and am shocked with what I see in such a short period of time, it is disheartening. When I was fatter my face was fuller and the lines and wrinkles filled out nicely, now that I am thinner I am seeing years in the mirror that had been *camouflaged*. To see it so fast makes me sad.

Hair Loss: I am waiting for that to slow down. I have read where people have posted that they would rather be thinning or bald then fat. I guess I understand that but it doesn’t make me feel happy about this change. Yes I know its temporary (I am still praying on that one) but along with the aging skin the thinning hair is depressing. It is just another big change in a short period of time that makes me feel self-conscious and uncomfortable.

Arms: ok I know that sounds funny but my arms have caused so much stress in my life it is ridiculous. I look at my forearms and hands and think “Who’s are these?” They are old and the skin is just awful. My upper arms have just blown me away. I knew I would have loose skin, I was pre-pared for it and I am ok with it (for the most part) my tummy, thighs, breast, I knew I would have flabby skin and I may or may not do something about it BUT I am ok with it. But my upper arms….The one part of my body that I never gave a second thought to because I never had a reason to has come back to be noticed! I am SHOCKED at the flabby nasty swing of my upper arms, it grosses me out, add that to the wrinkles and hair loss.

If you told me in January I would be 100 pounds down within a year my only thought would have been clothes shopping (Yes of course healthier would have been up there). Again I really am happy with my weight loss and have plans on continuing forward. I am not depressed, I just hope as my body adjust to my weight my mind does too. :w00t:

When I look in the mirror, I see the pre-op me. When I look at pictures of myself, I can tell I've lost weight.

For me, whether it is in the mirror, or in pictures (of course pictures of me are only a recent phenomenon) I still only see a fat me. Everyone else sees a person who was MIF (missing in fat) for a long time, but not me. I still see fat.

My upper arms...egads, they are disgusting wingspans. I'm sure I could flap and fly! But there is nothing to be done (or will be done) about them. I consider them the constant reminder of why I need to stick with the bandster life.

Maybe this will change when I get closer to goal, but at 8 months post banding, these are my thoughts.

""Here I am, 100 lbs lighter, 100 lbs later. I am sitting here with all kinds of emotions and I am not even sure I understand them all. The obvious new thing in my life is people’s comments and reactions. I have never been a shy person. I am very social and out spoken. Drawing attention to myself had never been an issue, but I find the issue that is getting attention is uncomfortable.""

this is one of my biggest concerns, I have always been the class clown, the funny fat kid, "good friend" all of the familar support roles heavy people play but ( not yet banded, soon though ) from past attempts at weight loss, I know I will drop it fast, I ve always been told Im good looking for "my size" so that has always been a safe zone for me, keeping girls in high school and now women that I meet and work with at a distance, I am married and have a great marriage but my dad was always a looker and a cheater so this is a huge fear for me that I will freak out and follow in his footsteps if all of a sudden I start getting too much attention, I hope I am not coming off as a conceaded jerk, Im not, but I think this has always been my weight loss undoing but now I have diabetes and sleep apnea so I have to loose weight or risk my health or even die, soo I guess fear it or not Im heading down this road, has anyone else had to deal with this or am I just mental :grouphug:

thanks for the support...

SPEED

Speed,

I can tell you I've had the same thoughts about philandering. (Is that with a PH?) Anyway, I having always been the chubby girl, fat friend, etc., thought that if I were "hot" I'd be a hoochie. I'd sleep around, people couldn't resist me and I wouldn't resist the attention.

However, reality kicks in, and while it's nice to be told I'm looking good no one is really pushing up against me looking for action. And I'm in a happily committed relationship which is more meaningful than any kind of fling could be. The reality of our situations is that we might be cuter, but we are wiser. And screwing around seems like it would be huge work. Who has time for that?

yeah I dont have time that is for sure, lol, thanks for the encouragment, I guess I wont know till I get there, huh.... I will let you know how it goes !

Thanks !

Speed,

I can tell you I've had the same thoughts about philandering. (Is that with a PH?) Anyway, I having always been the chubby girl, fat friend, etc., thought that if I were "hot" I'd be a hoochie. I'd sleep around, people couldn't resist me and I wouldn't resist the attention.

However, reality kicks in, and while it's nice to be told I'm looking good no one is really pushing up against me looking for action. And I'm in a happily committed relationship which is more meaningful than any kind of fling could be. The reality of our situations is that we might be cuter, but we are wiser. And screwing around seems like it would be huge work. Who has time for that?

I like that.

Hey SPEED, it's sounding as if the extra skin thing will be enough of a deterrent for us to keep our clothes on with strangers, eh? :thumbup:

yeah... lol, but my skin retracts AAGGHHH what am I to do !! lol its not so much that I think I would cheat on my wife cause I have a great marriage, I just have a really screwed up childhood and clearly have issues that led to me being fat all my life, freaking out everytime I lost weight and not wanting attention, its one thing on-line, I can be more open, its reality where I freak out i.e. when I am face to face with someone, when I can see them looking at me... does any of this make any sence ? I just know this is the thing that always sabotages my weight loss...

frustrating...

Wow, so much sadness tangled with joy.

yeah... lol, but my skin retracts AAGGHHH what am I to do !! lol its not so much that I think I would cheat on my wife cause I have a great marriage, I just have a really screwed up childhood and clearly have issues that led to me being fat all my life, freaking out everytime I lost weight and not wanting attention, its one thing on-line, I can be more open, its reality where I freak out i.e. when I am face to face with someone, when I can see them looking at me... does any of this make any sence ? I just know this is the thing that always sabotages my weight loss...

frustrating...

You make total sense, really. I know that there was at least one time when, after losing 50 pounds and being about 180 a nice guy was paying attention to me. Not leering or nasty, just acting like I was somebody, you know?

Nothing happened other than we flirted a teeny bit, but I have a husband who has never been very sexual with me (I don't think it's about the weight, it's just him) and I found the attention flattering. Once I found myself making plans to lie to my husband just to go out and dance with this guy (hubby doesn't dance), I became scared. I didn't go dance, and I wasn't planning an affair, but just the fact that I was willing to lie to go out and have fun freaked me out.

Immediately thereafter I gained the weight back just from the stress. And I think I have mentally sabotaged myself when I've lost before too.

I realize that I will likely have to address these issues as I lose through therapy. I know a lot of the reasons I gained, so I don't need to research that; I will just need to work on me -- the new me -- as I become this different person on the outside. And hopefully during this process, I will become a different person on the inside too -- one that isn't so mean to myself and self-deprecating.

Wow, so much sadness tangled with joy.

Yeah, ironic, isn't it?

I guess I look at it this way: We didn't gain weight because we were happy campers. Losing the weight won't make us happy campers either. We will still be the same people, just in different packaging. Whatever made us react by overeating will still be there. It's up to us to address both issues -- physical and mental.

yeah, Im glad in a way that I will finnaly have to face this but like I said its the monster in the dark from my childhood, like you said we didnt get fat because we were happy campers, it was my escape from my reality... yes it is ironic, I am so excited and happy about having the lapband done but at the same time keeping one eye on the monster in the closet....

We didn't gain weight because we were happy campers. Losing the weight won't make us happy campers either. We will still be the same people, just in different packaging.

I've been struggling with these thoughts/feelings over the last few days and you have summed it up perfectly Beth. I guess going into this, I expected/anticipated everything to be different once I got to goal, or close to it. I guess I thought that losing weight was going to "fix" everything that I felt was wrong in my life, and that I would be happy. Don't get me wrong, I am "happier" than I was 125+ lbs ago and I am LOVING the new, smaller body (and clothes shopping has become fun again) but the fact of the matter is, I still feel alone. I didn't have many friends pre-band and the few that I had (who were overweight like myself) have stopped communicating with me ... My husband, who spent every waking hour while at home sitting on his ass playing Everquest online, still spends every waking hour while at home sitting on his ass playing Everquest online. I still have my down days, still deal with depression and I guess I need to do exactly what you said, address both the physical and the mental issues somehow ...

I know the feeling alone deal, I think its because when you are in the mode of being a fat person ( I still am ) you somehow develope a hollow space inside yourself that only you can get into or out of..? and losing weight is great obviously, but I think we have to learn how to live in the real world again, that includes being seen by others, Blue eyes- I can relate to your hubby about getting lost on the game, former play station2 junkie, my wife sold my PS@ one day while I was out of town lol... I was pretty pissed at the time but now I can see how rediculus it was and how much time I was robbing from her and the kids, I have another one now but hardly ever play it... just a thought.

makes you ask why is this so hard, but the fat comes on slow so I guess undoing the affect of being fat for so long cannot be expected to go away over night or in proportion to the weightloss even ?

I've been struggling with these thoughts/feelings over the last few days and you have summed it up perfectly Beth. I guess going into this, I expected/anticipated everything to be different once I got to goal, or close to it. I guess I thought that losing weight was going to "fix" everything that I felt was wrong in my life, and that I would be happy. Don't get me wrong, I am "happier" than I was 125+ lbs ago and I am LOVING the new, smaller body (and clothes shopping has become fun again) but the fact of the matter is, I still feel alone. I didn't have many friends pre-band and the few that I had (who were overweight like myself) have stopped communicating with me ... My husband, who spent every waking hour while at home sitting on his ass playing Everquest online, still spends every waking hour while at home sitting on his ass playing Everquest online. I still have my down days, still deal with depression and I guess I need to do exactly what you said, address both the physical and the mental issues somehow ...

Reality sucks sometimes, doesn't it? :sad_smile:

The fact is, many people DO believe all their problems are due to their weight. It's a hard reality when we find out that the weight was just an additional problem to the ones we already had.

I know that adjusting to my new body (when it happens) will be exciting and scary at the same time. I know that I must address the issues that made me overeat. Many people replace overeating for overdoing something else: shopping, exercising, gambling, sex addictions... all sorts of things. Which creates all NEW problems.

My sister is like that. She was a bulimic. Now I believe she has that under control, but she is (I believe) an alcoholic. And when I saw her this past summer, she was WAY overdoing the exercise thing. It was absolutely manic.

So long as we know these things going into this journey, we won't be surprised or potentially even more depressed in our thinner selves. I think it's very important that we heal the mental self as much as we are working so hard to heal the physical self. No matter how great thin feels, there was still something within us that drove us to get fat. Heal that as best you can and you will succeed in the long run, in my humble opinion.

I agree with you Beth, as much as we invest in the lapband and changing our outward body and health, we need to work equally as hard on our mental health. Thanks for listening...

take zinc for hair loss...ive been taking it daily and haven't lost much hair at all....