The emotions of losing 100 pounds

[Laurinda 1]

First let me start out by saying I am very happy, blessed and grateful for my weight loss. I never dreamed I would ever lose this kind of weight.

When I started my weight loss journey the only thing I could think of was I was so horribly over weight that I knew I needed to do something about it. I was overwhelmed by the numbers on the scale and felt that I was doomed to diet and fail the rest of my life. When I learned of the Lap Band and the fact that my insurance covered it I was so excited! I felt there was hope. Loosing weight was my only concern, my only thought.

Here I am, 100 lbs lighter, 100 lbs later. I am sitting here with all kinds of emotions and I am not even sure I understand them all. The obvious new thing in my life is people’s comments and reactions. I have never been a shy person. I am very social and out spoken. Drawing attention to myself had never been an issue, but I find the issue that is getting attention is uncomfortable. I don’t know if it’s because the topic of weight itself has always been a negative subject for me or because when I say I have lost 100 lbs it makes me have to admit( even if only to myself) how very out of control I was and yes, my former weight makes me feel ashamed.

Then there is the fact that I come from a very heavy family and I have very heavy co-workers. I don’t feel like I can really pat myself on the back if that mood ever hit because I don’t want to be insensitive to others around me. I don’t want to be a bragger or hurt someone else’s feelings so I down play the situation, blow it off or just never discuss it.

Wrinkles: I have never been a vain person by any stretch of the imagination. All of a sudden I am dealing with aging AND the effects of weight loss to my skin and Holy Crap it bites! I look in the mirror and am shocked with what I see in such a short period of time, it is disheartening. When I was fatter my face was fuller and the lines and wrinkles filled out nicely, now that I am thinner I am seeing years in the mirror that had been *camouflaged*. To see it so fast makes me sad.

Hair Loss: I am waiting for that to slow down. I have read where people have posted that they would rather be thinning or bald then fat. I guess I understand that but it doesn’t make me feel happy about this change. Yes I know its temporary (I am still praying on that one) but along with the aging skin the thinning hair is depressing. It is just another big change in a short period of time that makes me feel self-conscious and uncomfortable.

Arms: ok I know that sounds funny but my arms have caused so much stress in my life it is ridiculous. I look at my forearms and hands and think “Who’s are these?” They are old and the skin is just awful. My upper arms have just blown me away. I knew I would have loose skin, I was pre-pared for it and I am ok with it (for the most part) my tummy, thighs, breast, I knew I would have flabby skin and I may or may not do something about it BUT I am ok with it. But my upper arms….The one part of my body that I never gave a second thought to because I never had a reason to has come back to be noticed! I am SHOCKED at the flabby nasty swing of my upper arms, it grosses me out, add that to the wrinkles and Hair loss.< /span>

If you told me in January I would be 100 pounds down within a year my only thought would have been clothes shopping (Yes of course healthier would have been up there). Again I really am happy with my weight loss and have plans on continuing forward. I am not depressed, I just hope as my body adjust to my weight my mind does too. :w00t:

[brownskin82 0]

You are amazing...Your story is inspirational. I am getting the lapband as soon as my insurance approves you. You remind me so much of myself. I cant imagine myself 100lbs lighter. As far as the loose skin, SO WHAAT!! You are amazing, just kick some weights in gear and you will be even better. One issue at a time..You are beautifully wonderful

[Shamrockgirl60 1]

Congratulations, I have not hit that mark yet but oh boy do I understand the flabby arms, they are like wings of flesh and a bit disgusting. I don't mind the other sags and bags "yet" but that is too strange looking.

I figure if things get bad I can have some cosmetic surgery in the future if I want it. I am 60 and except for the few new sags in my face, I am Ok with it.

Congratulation again for your wonderful weight loss. I bet you do feel so much better.

[BlooEyez 13]

I can TOTALLY relate!!

Like you, I've had a hard time with allowing my mind to adjust or "catch up" to the rest of me. I see the number on the scale and it's far less than where I began but often times when I look in the mirror I still see me as the fat girl.

As for the extra skin ... I can deal with the flabby tummy & thighs and I do miss my full breasts (as now they're just hangin' around like deflated balloons :w00t:) but my arms! OMG I hate my swingin' bat wings ... but I certainly don't let them prevent me from wearing cute little tops, the things I'd NEVER have worn before. I just remind myself of where I once was, where I am now and the fact that a little bit of extra skin is NOTHING compared to the extra 125+ lbs I was luggin' around before. :scared2:

Be proud of yourself Laurinda ... :eek:

[flowers 0]

I lost 80 lbs on nutrisystem and I too was shocked at the wrinkles and saggy skin. Gained it back, finally ready to shed it again. Yes, you dont even realize how its going to affect you. I got a pretty formal dress to wear formal night on a cruise and have never worn it. My neck is wrinkled and my arms are horrible and it never occured to me that I needed to cover up all that skin in a dress to feel like I looked good. I probably (sadly) will never wear that beautiful dress.

Last time I got down to close to 150 lbs, I plan on getting all the way to 120 lbs and staying there for my health this time.

[skinnymike 0]

hi you will be fine again in time let your body adjust . im having a similar problem as i have lost 86 lbs in 5 months and although in feels great to lose the weight there is the skin thing but the alternative could be an early death so please continue to stay positive and enjoy what you have accomplished

[KayleighsMommy 16]

First off.... I want to say congrats on the 100 pounds, good job :biggrin::thumbup:

I can fully understand the emotions you are going through (though I am only half way to 100)

I realize to some it may sound silly, but one of my biggest fears about losing weight has been looking older. I look very young for my age. I will be 47 soon, and no one guesses me more than mid 30's. I have been moisturizing, but I know when I lose my facial fat I will most likely look older.

I am starting to see the bat wings on my arms, as well as some saggy skin on my legs. I told my husband that if (and that is a big if) we ever come into any extra money, I want to put 30K or so away for plastic surgery :biggrin:

Will I be happy to be thin ?? Of course. I just wish time wasn't going to hit me upside my head .

[OH Juli 15]

Congrats on the weight loss.

Now for the reality of being a regular sized person running around in XL sized sking. It stinks, it's no fun and damnit when you set off to lose the weight, if you were like me, you thought the fat was the only thing making you different from the hot version of your self.

Alas it's not. Time is a bandit that steals from everyone. And now that you don't have the fat plumping your skin the wrinkles are showing.

But really its how you present yourself. The differences in your skin are really only there for you and maybe your sweetie to notice. But the last I checked anyone you're about to get naked with typically isn't being criticle of your skin...they are thinking "I'm gonna get some lovin'! Go ME!"

Everyone else who looks at you sees your trimmer self, your healthier self or they are seeing you for the first time and think you're just regular. I'll take regular over super morbidly obese. I'll even take regular over "hot and sexy" because that seems like too much of a burden.

Again personally, if you want to percieved as someone who is well put together take the time to dress well. Really, no one you care about, aside from yourself, is looking at your skin. Promise.

Oh and about gloating, I too am from a family of big folks. My best friend is SMO. There is a fine line where you can talk about your challenges and successes and be respectful that not everyone is going to take your same path. It's hard to find but definately worth working toward. I mean if you can't talk about the biggest change in your life with your people then who can you talk to about it? Well us on LBT, but I mean in general.

Much respect and congrats again. You are not alone.

J

[aubrie 6]

My God Laurinda. You post sounds like I wrote it. I'm a bit older than you, so my aging is probably a bit more dramatic. I'm dumbfounded at the more weight I lose, the older I look. I too am mortified by my arms. I thought my tummy was going to be the big skin problem, but it's not at all. I feel like I have mud flaps from a pick up truck!!! I don't think I was prepared for this. I imagined my youthful self. Beleive me I know how you're feeling. My huband is really enjoying the slimmer me, and we are having a great time doing things we haven't done in years, and our sex life has improved 100%, but I'm finding myself resentful. Isn't that stupid???? Why? Becuase we had no sex life when I was big? It's a lot of emotinal baggage I guess we just have to work through. I'm not "depressed" either, but it's a challenge. Just confusing and a little disappointing. I feel like I missed the last years of my youth. I don't want to be bitter. My hair used to be thick and full. It was fine, but I had a lot of it. Now it just hangs in whispy little strings. I've probably lost 2/3 of my total hair, and what's worse, is I've done everything that was suggested to prevent and/or correct it. Nothing has worked. It's not growing back at all. It started falling out about 4 or 5 months ago, with no regrowth what so ever. I'm taking 1000 mcg. of Biotin, I upped my Protein, using protein shampoos, etc. So I'm looking a little "tired" these days. What a bummer after all this success.

[OH Juli 15]

If you can imagine the attitude of "what evah" with a big eye roll?

Yeah that was me a few months ago when people were praising my weightloss and all I could think about was the hanging skin.

At that same point I was waiting for "different" to strike. You know I thought I was going to be a different person with all this weight loss. The changes were so subtle that I didn't seem to notice them. So what if I could now run a 5K and before I'd not step faster if a bus was going to hit me.

I was waking up in my same room looking at the same walls thinking any day now I'll feel different. Any day now I'll be that hot girl I always imagined me to be.

Well, come to find out that's not what you get with weight loss. You do get hotter, more flexible, more healthy, more in control, but it comes with sagging skin and an older looking face. My therapist suggested I think of it as success, my sagging skin which was once full of copious fattness. I can do that on some days. Sometimes however I can not. I'm still bothered by the skin.

Well the up side to this and there is an up side, is that when people go on and they do about "OMGyouvelostsooooooomuchweight" blah blah blah I say things like, "I'm still the same me, same eyes, same heart".

Because I am and that's something worth remembering because everyone of us were amazing, beautiful people regardless of our weight. I am not smarter or better now than I used to be, just differently sized. I mean really, I didn't hate me fat. I hated being unable to do stuff because of my size, but I was still an ethically driven, motivated fun girl to be around. And I still am, thankfully.

Edited October 20, 2008 by OH Juli

[Jachut 487]

Oh, its so hard. I know exactly how you feel. Ok, so I got out of really bad batwing arms and a really bad tummy. But oh, boy, its dissappointing to realise you will NEVER have the body you dreamed of.

There's some things are so bad I have to do something about it - my boobs. God, they're awful. They have to be fixed, despite the financial sacrifice. But I will always have cellulite and jiggles, my thighs will never be great.

I really really try to accentuate the positives. I dress to show off my best features - despite my deflated old boobies, I have a great chest, collarbones you could cut yourself on and really nice arms, hands and wrists. So I work with those. I bet there's things about yourself that are gorgeous too. We all have our good points.

I really went through a phase of being dejected about it and spend hours obsessing over how I could afford PS but it did pass eventually, I've been at goal for over a year now and its starting to become *my* body.

But it is definitely not as simple as lose weight - get thin - be happy.

[aubrie 6]

It's funny. I wasn't always fat, so I know what it's like to be thin. Going from thin, to moridly obese, back to normal at this point (Not quite "thin" yet) I've made some observations. I may not like the older me looking back at me in the mirror. It was not what I had anticipated, but people's reaction to me is definately different. I've noticed that people associate "fat" with "stupid". People didn't take me seriously when I was a lot bigger. Now that I'm smaller in size, people seem to consider me more of a professional. I'm making friends easier. People want my company. People consult me on problems and ask my opinion, like I'm smarter now..... At social gatherings, especially for my husbands job, I dont blend in with the wall paper anymore. I'm exactly the same person as before, just with updated packaging. I still have the same passions, views, morals, opinions and thoughts. While I enjoy the acceptance, does it make anyone angry? Sometimes I get really ticked off. Instead of past conversations centering on my kids, where I went on vacation, who my dog's vet is, the latest recipe for pot roast....... People now include me in conversations about politics, world news and the economy. Like the number of pounds we have lost have been added to our I.Q.!!! I get pretty resentful of it. It's emotional for me at times. Anyone else?

[--SPEED-- 0]

""Here I am, 100 lbs lighter, 100 lbs later. I am sitting here with all kinds of emotions and I am not even sure I understand them all. The obvious new thing in my life is people’s comments and reactions. I have never been a shy person. I am very social and out spoken. Drawing attention to myself had never been an issue, but I find the issue that is getting attention is uncomfortable.""

this is one of my biggest concerns, I have always been the class clown, the funny fat kid, "good friend" all of the familar support roles heavy people play but ( not yet banded, soon though ) from past attempts at weight loss, I know I will drop it fast, I ve always been told Im good looking for "my size" so that has always been a safe zone for me, keeping girls in high school and now women that I meet and work with at a distance, I am married and have a great marriage but my dad was always a looker and a cheater so this is a huge fear for me that I will freak out and follow in his footsteps if all of a sudden I start getting too much attention, I hope I am not coming off as a conceaded jerk, Im not, but I think this has always been my weight loss undoing but now I have diabetes and sleep apnea so I have to loose weight or risk my health or even die, soo I guess fear it or not Im heading down this road, has anyone else had to deal with this or am I just mental :Dancing_biggrin:

thanks for the support...

SPEED

[maryrose 2]

Oh Gosh,

What a great post! Love this post.

You have addressed so many issues I have been going though.

1. The arms - Yikes.

2. The skin - Try Dr. Dinesse on QVC. It's wonderful! You can PM me and I'll give you the details. It's a bit pricey, but worth every penny.

3. Handling complements

My biggest fear every day is gainng the weight back. I shudder every morning I get on the scale fearing gaining 1 pound back.

I am still not at goal, but It's still ALL GOOD!

Keep up the good work. You are amazing.

[JaimeSTL 4]

I can relate to so much of this also. I've lost a little over 100 lbs in under 8 months so I have sagging skin. It seems to have really become an issue lately and I just find it so disgusting.

When I look in the mirror, I see the pre-op me. I still see those 100 lbs. When I look at pictures of myself, I can tell I've lost weight. It's weird. But, it is like I'm me again and that fatter me wasn't the same person. Does that make any sense? I'm a paradox these days.

My biggest fear is gaining back the weight. Right now, I'm dealing with not having much restriction and a long plateau and it is really freaking me out. I worry that I've lost all the weight I'm going to lose. Even though my life is so much better now, I'm not ready for the weight loss to end. I have so much further to go. My attitude is determined by the scale. If I'm down, I feel great. If I go up, I beat myself up and I'm in a funk all day. I can tell myself that it is ok to have normal fluctuations, but it doesn't help the emotional part.