I just celebrated my six-month bandiversary last weekend, and I realize that not only my body but my mind and spirit have undergone changes since I hopped on the plane to Monterrey last August. Lots of bandsters way more experienced and knowledgeable than I have posted eloquent accounts of how their lives have changed with the band. I'm not going to attempt anything that profound. I thought I'd just share a bit with those of you who either haven't been banded yet or have recently undergone surgery, since those of us whose bruises have faded -- speaking for myself, anyway -- often forget the state of mind we were in early in our band journeys, and although I can't say my experience is typical, it might get you started on thinking where YOU might be in half a year.

I won't bore you with my long history of fat; all you really need to know is that I had high blood pressure, back and joint trouble, and needed to lose about 100 lbs. I have been on just about every diet out there. I was one of the early Atkins guinea pigs in junior high in 1970 and gagged down liquid protein not too many years later, so that gives you an idea of where I started. I could lose lots of weight quickly, but I'd just put it back on, and last summer I was feeling like a big fat middle-aged failure. If 95% of dieters fail, and I had failed after 100% of my previous diets, what was the point? I felt there was no way out, and as much as I tried to adopt a fat-positive attitude, I knew I'd look and feel better thinner. But between my own weight-loss history, the daunting statistics, and the photographs of my four hefty great-grandmothers, I felt there was no hope.

A couple of years ago I went to a seminar on RNY surgery -- gastric bypass. A woman who lost over 200 lbs. talked to us and was very inspiring. We were given body mass index (BMI) charts; a doctor told us that if we had a BMI of 40 or more, we'd be candidates, and would probably have the costs paid by insurance. I was a 39. I went up to the doc after the seminar and jokingly asked him, "What if I just gain enough weight to get to 40?" He rolled his eyes and said, "You wouldn't be the first one."

When I realized that I was seriously considering getting fatter just to allow someone to cut my stomach open, I knew I had to do something. So, like you, I discovered the Lap-Band, and started reading everything I could find. Meanwhile, I lost 25 lbs., gained 22, lost 20, gained 25 -- you get the idea.

Last June I went to the Grand Canyon for the first time. It is a majestic natural wonder, and I looked forward to long hikes. But I kept getting winded after just a few yards, and that was in the flat section. I also was very self-conscious when the crew of the tiny plane we flew to the canyon had to shuffle the seating arrangements to balance my considerable weight. That did it. When I came home, I got serious about the band.

Despite my weight-related conditions, my insurance wouldn't cover the procedure. I decided I would find a well-respected surgeon I could afford, even though that would mean outside the US, and pay with my home equity loan. I was remodelling my kitchen; why not remodel my body?

I won't say much about Dr. Rumbaut in Mexico, whom I chose because (1) he was highly experienced, (2) he's a bandster himself, and (3) I speak Spanish so I'd do fine in Mexico whereas I would be clueless in France & many other places. I'm not a shill for his practice, but I'm happy with my decision. There are enough doctor threads on LBT and elsewhere that offer lots of info about the various docs so that you can choose what is best for your situation.

Lots of people had posted on LBT saying things like, "I just got a surgery date in three months!" so you can imagine my shock when I was told an appointment was available two weeks after I called. I hung up the phone, shaking. Those next two weeks were rough because I became totally obsessed with the band; I couldn't think about anything else, but I wasn't yet ready to tell anyone about it. I felt my upcoming surgery was a secret known only to Dr. R, LBT, and me. (By the way, there are threads here like "My Secret Lapband" that address the issue of whether, when, and whom to tell, with people weighing in -- no pun intended -- on all sides.)

I decided to tell a few friends, and told a couple of family members as soon as I got back. But I went to Mexico alone, against the advice of a number of LBT members (although I did pay attention to their packing suggestions and travelled extremely light). I barely slept the three nights before my trip, and the night of my arrival I tossed and turned, wondering if I was doing the right thing. All I can tell you is that the anesthesia was a big relief because I got the first real rest I'd had in 96 hours. From what I've read here, that's pretty common. A combination of fear and excitement -- in my case, mostly the latter -- makes it hard to relax.

I won't write much about the actual surgical experience; I posted extensively here right after it happened, and if you're curious you can see thread no. 2959. Let's just say I was bruised and sore, and as I stiffly rolled to one side to relieve pain coming from the biggest incision, I was really wondering what on earth I had done to myself. However, I'd had two major surgeries before, and in my medicated fog I remembered that this is just part of the recovery.

Some people are hungry as soon as they come to. I was one of the lucky ones, if that's the right word, who had no appetite, so I wasn't bothered by the liquid diet restriction because all I wanted was water. (This from someone who wolfed down a half-rack of ribs the night before surgery.) I stayed overnight in the hospital and made the most of the IV painkillers.

Despite my misgivings, after having surgery on a Thursday I flew home on Saturday and went back to work on Monday. Let me tell you, this is not a great idea. I know some bandsters feel fine after just a few days, but I wish I had taken a week off. I wound up working half days that first week; luckily my boss (who knew I was gone for a medical procedure but didn't know what) was wonderful, very understanding and flexible. If your boss doesn't fit that description, arrange well ahead of time to take some days off if you can. I also got a reprieve from the office's strict corporate dress code that first week and was allowed to wear a floor-length polyester dashiki! I don't know how I would have managed if I'd had to wear suits; I couldn't stand anything touching my incisions.

Back home, I finally got the courage to look at my belly. Yuk! The incisions were small, but I was purple and yellow from the bruising. It faded in a couple of weeks. And I started to lose weight.

I've taken up a lot of space with the early surgical stuff. I was one of the lucky ones who lost some weight in the first four weeks; mostly water, probably, but I didn't care. After a month people started to notice that my face and ankles were thinner. (My butt was as big as ever, unfortunately.) My appetite came back, but I managed to keep the hunger demons at bay during the liquid and mushy phases of the first four post-surgical weeks.

The biggest change for me, though, was mental. From one month before surgery to one month after I had gone from desperation to hopefulness. I felt I was taking charge of my body, and even though I was sore, I was confident I would succeed. It was LapBandTalk that provided much of that confidence; I read posts from people who had experienced the same problems I had as a newly banded patient, and they'd reassure me (or whoever asked) that we were OK. The doctor gave me helpful post-op guidelines, my friends and family were terrific, but it was fellow bandsters who kept me propped up and encouraged.

Flash forward a few months to late 2004: the holidays and all the food and nuttiness that comes with them. I had had one fill about seven weeks after surgery from a local protege of Dr. R, but didn't feel much restriction. I'd managed to lose about 30 lbs., mostly from plain loss of appetite after the surgery. People were noticing a difference in my shape, though. I joined an LBT exercise challenge and was determined to exercise for an hour each day -- in my case, nothing more complicated than walking the dog. I was able to walk faster and longer without getting tired. I was on sort of a weight plateau at 230-ish pounds, but I knew I would break through it, and I also knew I could gobble my mother's delicious Christmas cookies without feeling like a hopeless loser. I lost only 2-3 lbs. in the last six weeks of the year, but considering I had always gained at least 10 lbs. every Christmas over the last 20 years or so, I knew I had achieved a victory.

Now it's March. I am an impatient sort; even six weeks after my surgery, I found myself thinking, "I'm working really hard at this. How come I'm not thin yet?" I've lost an even 50 lbs. in six months (261>211). But sometimes I look at my still-large self in the mirror and sigh. Still not thin! Something has changed, though. I've given away a lot of my too-big clothes, secure in the knowledge that THIS time, I can do it, with the help of the band. (I have a wardrobe from size 12 to 24; I couldn't bring myself to get rid of my "thin" clothes, ancient as they were, yet experience taught me I shouldn't be too hasty to get rid of the biggest sizes or I might regret it.) When I look at the before-and-after pictures on LBT, I'm further encouraged. I'm buying only the cheapest replacement clothes ($3.97 for marked-down cords at Old Navy!) because I really believe that my current body, while definitely an improvement on last year's model, is still temporary.

I may not make my goal of 160 lbs., which I haven't seen for, oh, 35 years. I have been fat my whole life, and I've abused my body with funky diets and bizarre exercise programs for so long that I have no idea what size or shape my body wants to, or can, be. I got down to 170 for a couple of weeks about 12 years ago, and if that's where I wind up, I'll be happy. I'm trying not to fixate on numbers, but it's hard for someone who's had weight as a lifelong issue.

Any problems? Well, I do PB more than I should. That's "Productive Burp" -- it happens to us bandsters with restriction, when we eat too fast and/or don't chew well enough, and the food can't get past the narrow opening created by the band, so it has nowhere to go but up -- out of your mouth. It's nasty. And I miss steak, thick, juicy, rare... oh, don't get me started. Before surgery I remember wondering if I'd ever eat like my old self again. Well, since I've had restriction from my last fill, I sure can't pig out the way I used to, but I can eat most foods, including the desserts that I love.

I'll stop rambling now. I just wanted to encourage everyone who's just starting on their band journey. If you're really ready to make a change, the band is a great tool. Yes, you have to go through the pain (and expense!) of surgery, but six months into my banded life, I have to say it's definitely worth it. If you're considering the band, learn everything you can; LBT is a great resource. If you're newly banded and having problems, first, don't hesitate to check with your doctor if you think something's wrong, and second, know that it does get better. Really. You'll not only lose weight, you'll gain confidence and hope. I never thought a home equity loan could bring me that.

Zoe ~ Thank you for posting your experienc! It has really touched my heart in more ways than one. I feel so good about my decision to get my band. The more I'm on LBT the more I learn and the more I want to learn. Thank you for your words of wisdom and sharing. You are kind hearted and I feel that you really want others to realize how much this has changed your life and how much it can and will change ours. Thank you for sharing.

Zoe, what a wonderfully eloquent and moving post!! Congratulations on your 6-month bandiversary; I'm really glad you are sharing it with us. You've made a difference in some lives today.

That was special of you to take the time to share this with others.

Zoe - Thank you so much for sharing your story. It will not only mean a lot to the newbies, but it helped make me stop and take a look at things too. Congradulations on your weight loss, you have done an excellent job.

Zoe, congratulations on your bandiversary and your weight loss success. I really appreciate having you on the board. I always seem to identify with what you write.

Nancy

Thanks for taking the time to write that down, it is very confiming for me, since I go in 6 weeks and I'm spending home equity, too! I'm so glad this will be here to read later as well. Your encouragement is an inspiration!

thank you Zoe, I think you don't give yourself enough credit. This was a very powerful post.

Moderators, could we make this sticky please?

Zoe,

Thank you!

I'm 7 wks. post-op, I haven't lost an ounce in over 3 weeks although I know I'm not supposed to lose weight in the first 6 wks and that any weight loss is just a bonus. (I have lost 32 total inches).

I'm at a point where I keep thinking that this is it, and that I'm going to gain all of it back. I havent been making the best food choices, but I haven't made the worst ones either. I can eat ALOT if I eat it over a long time (an hr or so).I can eat bread with NO problems, but cooked chicken breasts get stuck every single time. I can eat salad like crazy, but pork feels like a golf ball, and comparing myself to everyone else on this board.. well, I feel like I'm somewhat of an oddball, being able to eat things no one else can, and not being to eat things that I should be eating.

I just can't get into the exercising even though I really want to. I still have excruiating lower back and hip pain and knee pain so every time I attempt step aerobics or my treadmill, I'm in pain for 2 days afterward.

BUT, every time I read a post like yours I realize that I am not the only one that feels/has felt this way, and that there is light at the end of the tunnel. My first fill is on monday. Do I expect restriction from my first fill? ABSOLUTELY! I just cant look at it any other way other then that It will be successful, and it WILL work. Your post is inspiring and just what I needed to get me through this weekend until I make the 2 1/2 hr drive to Detroit for my fill.

After that, I have an appt. with my Family Dr. for this back pain. If it means I have to take Vioxx or Celebrex for a few monthes, so be it. If it means going to the Chiropractor 3 times a week, so be it, I'm getting rid of this pain SOON, so I can begin feeling better.

THank you! Thank you!

I can't wait for my 6 month bandiversary...and can't help but wonder about where I'll be, and can only hope to have been half as successful as you:)

Zoey,

Thanks so so much, for taking the time to write this long post. You are an inspiration for me. I will be banded in 2 weeks, and sometimes I wonder am I doing the right thing. I feel your post is an affirmation to all who plan to take the lapband journey. This is the BEST board in Town.

Corgi

Zoe,

Thanks for taking the time out to post. It was great reading about your experience. I have been banded 5 days now. My belly is in the yellow bruise faze. It looks so yucky. I love to read others stories.

I was very fortunate, my ins covered surgery and I only had to drive 15 miles to have it. It took 3 months from my 1st appt to surgery day, but I really feel that I was prepared.

My surgery was on last Monday and I plan on returning to work this Monday. I think I will be ready. I am a manager of a dept, if it is too much for me I can work 1/2 days. I plan on taking one day at a time.

Thanks again for your post.

Patty

Zoe, thank you for sharing your story. I am four months post op and even I find hope in your post! I can sooooo relate to your 'I am an impatient sort; even six weeks after my surgery, I found myself thinking, "I'm working really hard at this. How come I'm not thin yet?"!' LOL!!! Did I ever tell you that impatience is my middle name?

Zoe, Great story!!

I'm sure it will be very helpful for the newbies

Pati-O, I think we've all been in your shoes and I'm sure I will be there again, especially after just getting a fill. My fill is quite restricting and I've not eaten a lot, so I look for the scales to stay the same Monday because your body tries to hold on to any energy source it can.

Good Luck

Thank you, everyone, for your kind words.

I want to add a special message to Pati-O, since you're about to get your first fill. I don't know what your doc's standards are, but my first fill wasn't very tight. I didn't have real restriction until my second fill. I thought I should mention this so you wouldn't think you were weird if you had the same experience. Ask your doctor what to expect, and what to do if your fill seems too loose or too tight. If you are going to get your fill under a fluoroscope, you might want to check my old post on http://lapbandtalk.com/showthread.php?t=3382 with pictures of the equipment. There are lots of threads in the LBT "fills" forum with great info and support.

Patty, your "one day at a time" attitude is great. Congratulations on your new band!

Zoe,

Even though I know that my chances of hitting that "sweet spot" are slim, I am trying to mentally trick myself into believing that this fill will work. Even a teensy bit more restriction then I have now will be better then nothing. I'm hoping I can trick my stomach into it even though my brain knows better:)