hello im 23 years old and all my life ive been battling my weight it was always fluctuating. Started at 280 and now I’m down to 180 I’m 5’8 and im definitely noticing muscle definition and loose skin is bouncing back. But as of lately ive been feeling super depressed and my recent breakup was what set it off. Just recently started going out with friends and having to eat small portion completely ruins it for me i wish i can cram in just a little more to enjoy food with friends. I feel like its a chore now to make sure im hitting my daily macros and im starting to have regrets. I feel good in my own body but i feel like i could’ve done this without surgery with the love i grew for the gym. I go 3-4 times a week with a split. Is there anyway to combat this depression and regret i have i just wish i can eat a little more to socialize and im scared of losing more weight

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. Break ups can be very hard. I had a bad one when I was about your age & went through a period of depression & anxiety. Ended up leaving my job & moving back home. The depression coloured everything in my life. It may be doing the same for you too & causing you to regret the surgery & a change of behaviour that has bought you many benefits (weight loss, health improvements, more active, fewer restrictions, etc,).

Yes, I’m considerably older than you & that means I can look at things differently than you so I don’t mind if you think I’m talking rubbish & don’t understand. ? My friends are big eaters & drinkers & the first couple of times we went out after my surgery I felt a little uncomfortable & conspicuous because I sipped one alcoholic drink for hours, took a while to eat & ordered small plates. Then I realised, I wasn’t going out with them to eat & drink, I was going out with them to spend time with them. What I ate or didn’t eat & what I drank or didn’t drink was irrelevant. It was our friendship that was important. We socialise often (though likely not as often as you). At each others’ homes, bars, fine dining restaurants, etc. My surgery & food choices haven’t stopped us or slowed us down once (oh, except when they wanted to go to an high tea with unlimited champagne - I rarely eat sweet & one glass of champagne would be ample so not worth it. We did dinner instead.)

Actually one of my friends decided to have surgery the year after me though she is more flexible in her food & drinking choices than me. Another one wants to have the surgery. And the fourth in our group, has slowed her eating & is making better food & alcohol choices. Not for anything I’ve said. I guess I’ve become a bit of a role model for a healthier life. LOL!

Maybe have a chat with someone, like a therapist, about how you’re feeling to help you work through this.

what you are describing sounds like the very common behaviour in our demographic of using food for comfort.

you are going through something very difficult and your go-to self-soothing/self-medicating M.O. is not comfortably available to you because of your surgery. which makes your current difficult situation even more difficult and depressing to bear.

is there someone (preferably therapist) that you could reach out to work through this with you?

being able to deal with difficult situations in a different (and healthy) way other than with food would be beneficial not only now but also for your future.

and yes, i know, easier said, but it all starts with one step in the right direction. and recognizing you need help is a good first step.

good luck ❤️

Great responses so far- and as I hit anxious times, I find myself thinking about some of those unhealthier options too— I was/am an emotional eater- stuffing down my emotions with food— and realizing it was half the battle. When i get anxious/sad/have a feeling I have to slow myself down and ask am I really hungry? And to be completely honest, 90% of the time im not. I hope that as you heal from breakup you are able to find support to grieve and move on while also keeping up with taking care of yourself.

Question- is it because you think the friends are having more fun than you? Or that they are watching you and wondering why you arent eating? I have never had anyone say anything about how much im eating— and if they ever did, I would simply say, im just not that hungry right now. But if it is that you are concerned they are watching you: i offer this quote from Schitt’s creek— Alexis discussing why David was anxious about his driver’s test: “ David, no one is thinking about you the way you are thinking about you”. That is the mantra I’ve decided to live by— no one cares what im doing! I am going to make sure i do what is best for me and have fun- and as long as it hurts no one, im golden.

Best of luck to you!

On 4/8/2024 at 2:59 AM, Joshuaj1504 said:

hello im 23 years old and all my life ive been battling my weight it was always fluctuating. Started at 280 and now I’m down to 180 I’m 5’8 and im definitely noticing muscle definition and loose skin is bouncing back. But as of lately ive been feeling super depressed and my recent breakup was what set it off. Just recently started going out with friends and having to eat small portion completely ruins it for me i wish i can cram in just a little more to enjoy food with friends. I feel like its a chore now to make sure im hitting my daily macros and im starting to have regrets. I feel good in my own body but i feel like i could’ve done this without surgery with the love i grew for the gym. I go 3-4 times a week with a split. Is there anyway to combat this depression and regret i have i just wish i can eat a little more to socialize and im scared of losing more weight

10 months post op my sleeve has stretched enough for me to enjoy a meal with friends. You have two options - go back to surgeon ask them to scan your sleeve and make sure it’s not too tight (there is an option to balloon dilate it) or train yourself to eat more - it’s possible trust me.
I went through this depression and not enjoying food severely at the start but now I can eat an amount to be able to enjoy life and social settings. I would be depressed otherwise.