Skeptical spouse

[Breaking notsobad 56]

Hello. I am new here. I'm already finding this forum very informative. I have my first initial consult with the bariatric surgeon next week. I know I have to tell my wife and frankly I do not know how she will react. Knowing her she will say I don't need surgery, I just need to stop snacking particularly at night. I really want her support if I decide to have WLS, probably the original gastric bypass. I have struggled with my weight since I was a teenager. I am now 67. I was on the original Atkins in 1971. I have yo-yo dieted many times. I don't think I am morbidly obese and I hide my weight well but my BMI is 37%. I have enjoyed bicycling and at one point about 20 years ago I was riding a lot 2-3 hour 4-5 times a week. Even then I was not able to lose much and always struggled up every hill.

I take medication for high blood pressure, cholesterol, GERD and type II diabetes. My other main motivation is to get off my medications. I understand this will be a transformative procedure if I choose to have it and will radically need to alter the way I eat. I think I am prepared for that.

Any suggestions on "selling" the idea to my wife would be appreciated. I know I would enjoy bicycling much more and probably ride more. I do still work some, about 20 hours a week. I work at home. Thank you.

[Tomo 1,137]

I think you made a great case in your post. Tell her you love her, make your case as you did here, and tell her you need her support. Can show her the statistics of safety which are excellent concerning all wls. Safer than other types of surgeries and how many are performed a year. If she is still uncooperative, stay firm with your decision because it is your health at stake. If it causes true conflict then consider seeing a therapist together. Good luck, we're are rooting for you.

[Arabesque 6,481]

I’d also add that carrying your weight with your current co morbidities you have seriously compromised your health & longevity & it will only get worse. The surgery will help you lose the weight so you can live a longer, healthier life with her. Remind her you’ve dieted before & yet here you are. You need the extra help & opportunities surgery offers.

[Jeanniebug 472]

Welcome! I suggest that you take her to the doctor with you. Let the doctors stress how dangerous your comorbidities are. Let the surgeon explain to her how the surgery has an excellent chance of reversing all of your health conditions.

My husband didn't think I was big enough for surgery - but I was (according to my insurance).

[Breaking notsobad 56]

@jeannjiebug

Thank you. Like you my wife doesn't think I'm that big. I hide my weight well. I think we are similar. I am 5' 71/2" and at 240 lbs. What I wouldn't give to be under 180#. Good for you. I can't remember the last time I was below 200. First consultation with the surgeon is next Monday 2/20. I'm pretty sure it's for me.

[NP_WIP 273]

I agree take her with you, sometimes they need to hear it from a professional. My husband didn't like the idea until I did my research and told him I was doing a consultation. Once I explained the pros he was onboard.

[It'sAlbright 22]

I remember when I brought up surgery to my husband for the first time. He was saying how I did not need it and diet and exercise would do the trick and that it could be very expensive. I have done diet after diet, at my job, I was walking about 20,000 steps a day so I was getting plenty of exercise but no weight was dropping. I knew I needed help. After that conversation, I called my insurance to see what all was covered, (in my case almost everything was covered... amazing!) I then scheduled my first consultation without telling my husband. I started doing all of the prerequisites per my insurance. I eventually did tell my husband, and he knew there was no stopping me so he got on board. I did not have diabetes or any other comorbidity/health risks, however I explained to him that it could eventually happen if I did not get on the right track soon. I did feel bad for somewhat going behind his back and doing it, but after talking with my insurance I thought, why not?! I recommend, like many others are, bring your wife to a doctors appointment with you. Help her understand what you are feeling. Best of luck!

[Breaking notsobad 56]

Thanks for that. We will see. It looks like the process can take some time.

[Kris Poole 18]

I just had gastric bypass on 2/14 and have had weight problems all my life just like you. I was extremely self conscious for a long time about mentioning that I was considering wls to anyone for a long time because I was afraid of the judgment and stigma that surround it. Having support is invaluable. I would particularly point out your comorbitidies and how this surgery could help them.

There are many patients that have completely stopped having to take any medications for diabetes and even put it into remission. Also if you look into the history of the gastric bypass it was originally a procedure that was used to assist people with gerd and gastric reflux to get rid of these issues and it just happened to have the side effect of weight loss.

The more informed and logical on your approach would be the route I would go in getting her on board. Good luck!

Sent from my SM-N960U using BariatricPal mobile app

[Breaking notsobad 56]

Thank you Kris. I think the OL is warming up to the idea especially when I mentioned it can help with snoring and sleep apnea. The surgeon recommends a duodenal switch surgery because it should eliminate the type II diabetes and GERD. Of course I've been researching that like crazy. I'm definitely interested on how things progress for you.

[Kris Poole 18]

Haha snoring is always agood selling point. Lol

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