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Telling friends and family



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So I am all booked for a gastric sleeve abroad, self funded, on 29th December. I've told 2 people, one of my sisters and tonight I told a friend. Big mistake!

This friend has family members who have had sleeve surgery. But their initial reaction was to tell me about morbidity rates and how the country I was choosing was a bad one.

It was so upsetting to have them launch into this spiel without asking a single question. Not asking how I chose my surgeon, not asking what made me decide to go through with the surgery, nothing...just a warning to think twice about it.

They then tried to ask me when I was having it and I told them I wouldn't be discussing it further with them . As if it wasn't nerve racking enough to make this huge life decisions...a close friend having that kind of reaction is just so upsetting. Questioning myself entirely, now!!

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Don’t let them get to you. Tell them you’ve researched it and you’re not concerned. Complications from obesity is the concerning part.

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That's super frustrating and disheartening, I'm sorry. Hopefully your friend was speaking from a place of caring about you and being genuinely worried and so was reacting from her gut without thinking instead of prioritizing being curious and supportive. Do you think when you've had some time to process and let the hurt fade a bit, you could go back to her and tell her how her reaction made you feel and try and tell her more about your thought process and how you came to this decision?

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So I am all booked for a gastric sleeve abroad, self funded, on 29th December. I've told 2 people, one of my sisters and tonight I told a friend. Big mistake!
This friend has family members who have had sleeve surgery. But their initial reaction was to tell me about morbidity rates and how the country I was choosing was a bad one.
It was so upsetting to have them launch into this spiel without asking a single question. Not asking how I chose my surgeon, not asking what made me decide to go through with the surgery, nothing...just a warning to think twice about it.
They then tried to ask me when I was having it and I told them I wouldn't be discussing it further with them . As if it wasn't nerve racking enough to make this huge life decisions...a close friend having that kind of reaction is just so upsetting. Questioning myself entirely, now!!

The least ppl that know abt ur gastric sleeve surgery date preoperative postoperative plans the better everyone will always have different opinions that will fluent on ur Decisions.

Sent from my SM-S908U using BariatricPal mobile app

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So sorry you experienced this. And they always do it out of the goodness of their heart & in your best interest. Out of curiosity, does your friend have a weight issue? Could it be jealousy that you are doing something about your health & she isn’t?? Get some stats ready for next time you see them. Morbidity rates after bariatric surgery ate less than 1% which is way less than many other surgeries. 0.7% for appendectomy while only 0.3% for sleeve. Obesity is the 5th highest cause of death world wide - 2.8 million people die each year from obesity related illnesses & complications. Would they comment if you were having a different non weight related surgery?

I deliberately did not tell some friends. One in particular as she has always been very competitive. I told her I was seeing a dietician & had done a lot of research into eating & in relation to my personal needs. All true & sure enough she started seeing a dietician (she had put a little weight -age- but wasn’t even really overweight). And then came the what size are you wearing now questions. She was always wearing the same or a smaller size. Mind you she wasn’t my size but you can understand why I didn’t tell her.

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It takes me a while to decide on anything. Once the decision is made then its going to take a massive event to shake my resolve, the pandemic didn't stop me. Once my husband said he was onboard I phoned the private hospital. I only told my only child and bestie of 50+ years, both were encouraging. Since surgery I have told my sisters and an overweight neighbour who asked about my weight loss.

Unless your friend apologises for being being so negative, I can't see how your friendship would get passed this. As Arabesque says the stats are really good. You live in a country where I don't think you will have any aftercare worries. There is so much advice in this forum if you are unsure of anything, now or later, we are only here to help and encourage. What the person said against the surgery was their own doubts, not yours. If you decide to postpone, its totally ok. You will probably regret your second thoughts but eventually will decide its the correct path for you like we all did. Breathe

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Well, there are risks with anything. That includes being obese...

I chose to tell very select people also, I don't really need anyone opinions. I had already thought about it for years, read everything, did tons of research. I knew the risks vs. the benefits. I have heard very close friends and family make comments about WLS and I didn't need or want to hear about it.

I told VERY few people, and only one person said "what are the risks" I explained less than me being morbidly obese and they responded "good point" and that was about it.

It sucks, regardless of this or whatever it may be, people should keep their opinions to themselves. I mean, I do understand sincere concern as it is a surgery but the opinion on the actual surgery needs to be left alone.

Good luck on your journey and try not to worry about them, just do what is best for you.

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as Arabesque said, the morbidity rate on weight loss surgeries is really low....lower than many other common surgeries such as hip replacement surgery. I think some people's perceptions come from the way things were 40 or 50 years ago, but the surgeries they do today aren't the same and are MUCH safer. You'd be more at risk by staying obese.

which country the surgeon practices in makes no difference at all. There are good and not-so-good surgeons in any given country. If you've researched your surgeon and things look good, you should be fine.

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Thank so much folks, really appreciate the support here!!

Now that I've had a day or two to think it over, I'm determined to go ahead with this. I've done my research, I've spoken with the surgeon, I've spent 2 years making sure I know I'm making the right decision. It's time to take action. I get that my friend comes from a place of concern, but I know what I'm doing and I know what's best for me.

T minus 11 days to go! Getting excited now 🥳

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