[HELP] My Wife is questioning my need for Gastric Bypass Surgery :(

[Rob_Zak 2]

Hi Everyone,

I am eligible for a gastric bypass surgery (Diabetic with BMI> 35%). I struggled my whole life with yo yo dieting and my doctor has asked me to consider the surgery.. I am really excited but my lovely wife is not very supportive.

I read about the weight regain and I shared my findings with her. Here's how the conversation went:

Me: "After the first 12 months (honeymoon period), the weight loss will stop and eventually I need to purely rely on the lifestyle changes to maintain the weight. I need to eat healthy (no junk food), exercise, drink my 2L Water, sleep early ... otherwise, I might regain all the weight back!"

Her answer was: " so if eventually you will have to adopt a healthy lifestyle, then why don't you do that now? .. Sure you will need more time to lose the weight but you will have to change anyway and this must be easier than going thru the pain and risk of this surgery"

I am not good at making lifestyle changes (that's why i am obese !) .. if it were simple, then i would have lost the weight already .. i am afraid I do the surgery, lose the weight and then simply regain everything again ..

Do I make any sense? .. Any advice?

☹️

Rob

[Recidivist 1,141]

Hi, Rob--and welcome!

All of that makes perfect sense! Just about everyone here has a very similar story of yo-yo dieting over the years and then gaining all the weight back--and then some. It's also quite common for our friends and family members to be very skeptical (or downright hostile) toward surgery and think that we could lose the weight for good if we just put our minds to it. We know better, of course.

I'd say the best thing would be for your wife to learn as much about bariatric surgery as possible. Do you already have a surgeon in mind? Many of them have classes and information sessions that families can attend. My surgeon did, and that was very useful for my spouse to better understand the process and why it was right for me. If you don't yet have a surgeon, perhaps your wife could accompany you to the doctor who recommended the surgery. My primary care physician also recommended the gastric bypass for me, and I was quite skeptical at first because it seemed so extreme. He explained that I was very unlikely to lose a meaningful amount of weight and keep it off due to my history of yo-yo dieting.

It sounds like your wife is not necessarily opposed to surgery, just uninformed. If you haven't already, you might want to explain to her what your journey has been like and why you think surgery might be the best option. It's really difficult for those who have not struggled with their weight to understand what we go through.

Ultimately, you need to do what is best for you, regardless of what others think. It's wonderful if we can get the support and buy-in of all of our friends and family, but that doesn't always happen. You need to decide for yourself what will give you the best chance at a living a long and healthy life.

Please keep us posted!

Edited February 8, 2021 by Recidivist

[Recidivist 1,141]

PS: I just saw that you are in NSW. I'm in Canberra!

[Rob_Zak 2]

Wow! Thanks for the encouraging words. I am looking for a surgeon in Sydney.. any recommendations? Do you know someone who had the surgery here?

[Recidivist 1,141]

1 minute ago, Rob_Zak said:

Wow! Thanks for the encouraging words. I am looking for a surgeon in Sydney.. any recommendations? Do you know someone who had the surgery here?

Unfortunately I don't. I had the surgery in the United States and immigrated to Australia six months later.

[Hop_Scotch 1,625]

Dr David Joseph did my sleeve he also does bypass, his office is in Newtown and from memory works out of about three private hospitals in NSW.

I only had one recommendation but after my initial consult I felt quite assured by him. He also does liver transplants and I figured anyone who has the patience and skill to do that is going to do a good job of my conversion from a ESG to a VSG, and he did. Minimal pain (there was some discomfort from the incisions), very little gas, etc. Not very communicative in the months following the surgery but his office does answer questions if I have any, and I know from various reviews that if I had any issues he responses well.

I travelled interstate and his office could haven't been more helpful in ensuring appointments lined up (particularly the initial appointment with him and the dietician, as well as the extra endoscope I needed because of my ESG.

Assuming you have private insurance? I think out of pocket for bypass was about $4000, may have gone up by now though.

Here is his weight loss clinic https://www.bodyfree.com.au/

[Rob_Zak 2]

Thanks a lot. I will reach out to the doctor. By the way, I have BUPA gold coverage. I am just waiting for the 12 months waiting period to pass (5 more months to go). I am hoping that the process to get BUPA to approve is not complicated. Do you have an idea about that? I tried to chat to BUPA about the process and the pre-requisites but no one gave a satisfactory answer.

[catwoman7 10,843]

all I can say is, I did the diet and exercise routine a gazillion times, lost at best 50-60 lbs (and those were during my more successful attempts - it was usually more like 15-20 lbs), stayed there for maybe a couple of months, and then gradually gained it back. This went on ....and on...and on....for DECADES (I'm in my 60s). I had over 200 lbs to lose, so I knew there was no way I was ever going to lose it if I couldn't even keep 50 lbs off. So I finally had to admit to myself that weight loss surgery was probably my only hope. So...I did it. I lost over 200 lbs in about 18 months, gained back around 10-20 (depending on the year and day - and a 10-15% bounce back after hitting bottom is unfortunately very common) and.....stayed there. And I'm still here. There is no way ON EARTH I could have done this without the help of weight loss surgery.

Statistics show that less than 5% of people are able to take significant amounts of weight off and keep it off. It's a constant struggle because you are fighting biology. Weight loss surgery (WLS) really helps with that because your hunger hormones are lowered, your stomach is much smaller, etc. Granted, after the first year or two, it does become a challenge for most of us to maintain our losses, but it's much more do-able than it was pre-surgery. WLS doesn't guarantee you'll take off a significant amount of excess weight and keep it off, but it greatly improves your odds.

I know you probably know all this already, though. Maybe your wife needs to do more research about weight loss surgery -what's involved, the benefits, the statistics including success rates of WLS vs. doing it on your own. Good luck with this - it's certainly much easier when your close family members are on board with it.

[Rob_Zak 2]

On 02/09/2021 at 00:55, catwoman7 said:

all I can say is, I did the diet and exercise routine a gazillion times, lost at best 50-60 lbs (and those were during my more successful attempts - it was usually more like 15-20 lbs), stayed there for maybe a couple of months, and then gradually gained it back. This went on ....and on...and on....for DECADES (I'm in my 60s). I had over 200 lbs to lose, so I knew there was no way I was ever going to lose it if I couldn't even keep 50 lbs off. So I finally had to admit to myself that weight loss surgery was probably my only hope. So...I did it. I lost over 200 lbs in about 18 months, gained back around 10-20 (depending on the year and day - and a 10-15% bounce back after hitting bottom is unfortunately very common) and.....stayed there. And I'm still here. There is no way ON EARTH I could have done this without the help of weight loss surgery.

Statistics show that less than 5% of people are able to take significant amounts of weight off and keep it off. It's a constant struggle because you are fighting biology. Weight loss surgery (WLS) really helps with that because your hunger hormones are lowered, your stomach is much smaller, etc. Granted, after the first year or two, it does become a challenge for most of us to maintain our losses, but it's much more do-able than it was pre-surgery. WLS doesn't guarantee you'll take off a significant amount of excess weight and keep it off, but it greatly improves your odds.

I know you probably know all this already, though. Maybe your wife needs to do more research about weight loss surgery -what's involved, the benefits, the statistics including success rates of WLS vs. doing it on your own. Good luck with this - it's certainly much easier when your close family members are on board with it.

Thanks for sharing your journey with me. I definitely feel that I haven’t spent enough time educating my wife. I know she wants the nest for me and it’s my duty to explain to her why I think this surgery is a good option. For example, I’ve read somewhere that the risk of developing Heath complications from my diabetes way outweighs the risk of the surgery. I will try to get my wife onboard.

[LoveSimcha 97]

Honestly, to me it sounds like she is nervous. Some people hear surgery and they worry (myself included). She just might be reacting to her fears and her what if's. Like others said, help her get more familiar with the process and she just might be more supportive.

Good luck!

[Jaelzion 1,123]

5 hours ago, Rob_Zak said:

Her answer was: " so if eventually you will have to adopt a healthy lifestyle, then why don't you do that now? .. Sure you will need more time to lose the weight but you will have to change anyway and this must be easier than going thru the pain and risk of this surgery"

The short answer is that the surgery makes it MUCH easier to eat substantially less. And your YMMV, but in my case, the surgery has also made it easier to make better choices of what to eat. My appetite and even cravings are blunted in intensity from what they were pre-surgery and therefore easier to manage. I still have to work to maintain the loss, but I have a fighting chance to succeed whereas prior to surgery, I really didn't.

Keep sharing information with her and also let her see how eager you are to take this step. As her anxiety is assuaged, I'm guessing she'll support you and be really happy with your eventual results. Hugs. 🤗

[Hop_Scotch 1,625]

7 hours ago, Rob_Zak said:

Thanks a lot. I will reach out to the doctor. By the way, I have BUPA gold coverage. I am just waiting for the 12 months waiting period to pass (5 more months to go). I am hoping that the process to get BUPA to approve is not complicated. Do you have an idea about that? I tried to chat to BUPA about the process and the pre-requisites but no one gave a satisfactory answer.

i assume with gold coverage that you'd be covered for weight loss surgery as along as you meet the criteria for the surgery to be also covered by medicare - which from memory is BMI 35 and greater with weight related comorbidities or a BMI 40 and over (without comorbidities).

You will be given a medicare item number which you can then check with BUPA for coverage, also determine whichever private hospital you end up at is a hospital BUPA deals with for the best hospital coverage.