The changes we don't talk about

[Ylime 453]

I am now 2+ years out from surgery and still maintaining my goal weight. VSG has changed my life in so many ways. But there are negative things or challenges I rarely see people talking about. I'm listing mine in hopes others won't feel alone, please add yours if you'd like. I'm thinking this might be a bit therapeutic as I don't talk about this in real life as no one really understands unless you've been through it.

Things that have become very real for me:

*Body Dysmorphia is real. I currently wear a dress/jean size 6 and tops in XS/S. I know those sizes are amazing and I never would have imagined that's where I would end up. BUT...when I look in the mirror I don't see that size. I still see my butt as huge, My sagging stomach doesn't help but I just can't shake the "fat" thoughts when I see myself.

I recently read that part of this is due to the fact that we tend to over exaggerated what we looked like when we were overweight, so losing that weight still doesn't give us an accurate depiction of who we really are. I try and keep this in mind but I don't know if this will ever go away.

*Addiction Transfer. It took me awhile to realize this but I most definitely transferred my addictive eating to compulsive shopping. I've spent way too much money since going through this process. It's a constant struggle.

*Confidence and Self Worth. This is a good thing for sure. But, I have been struggling in my marriage for a long time. And for years I felt trapped because of my fear for being alone forever - which was driven by the fact that I was overweight and told myself no one else would ever want me. I have a different view now. I've changed physically and emotionally. My spouse has always had different philosophies on life than I have. He has never eaten well, never exercised, and has never wanted to become healthier. I had hoped my success would give him some motivation to do better but it hasn't. That combined with other major issues we have had led to my decision to end my marriage. It's ultimately a positive thing for me as I'm in a toxic relationship but finally have the emotional strength and confidence to do this. It's sad, but it's reality.

[JacquelineC 40]

I am almost 3 years out. I am feeling the best I have felt in many years. My only problem in life is my dear hubby of 49 years passed a year ago. My doc said to be careful, after a loss people tend to stress eat. Not me.
Hang in there , life is what you make it.
I will admit to buying cute clothes , I justify it with he would have wanted me to look nice. His motto was if you look good, you feel good! So true!

[summerset 5,261]

Yeah well, there are some issues I doubt will ever get better and I know many people struggling with it, regardless of their weight or if they ever were overweight.

feeling of fat: I often have that "feeling of being fat". I guess the loose skin contributes to this. I know it can't be real. I wear mostly a medium size (depending on the brand I wear either small, medium or large) and that's not "fat". I also can see some bones and muscle definition when looking in the mirror. That's also not "fat". Usually the look in the mirror helps this feeling but sometimes it needs wearing really loose clothes (thanks for being able to wear scrubs at work) or the direct comparison to other people, e. g. in the reflection of a glass door.

I guess that comes with living in a weight and thinness - and lately also fitness - obsessed culture.

addiction transfer: not sure, I prefer to call it "obsession transfer". I tend to really get into the biohacking and clean eating stuff when feeling stressed, especially when some things are out of my control (like now).

Shopping I'm not so sure. One might say I spend too much money on unnecessary things and I wouldn't object but I don't view it as a problem as long as I don't get into financial trouble and I like to treat myself to some nice stuff. However, I'm not sure if that really has something to do with food issues. It could very well be that the issue is that money was always really tight when I grew up and went to university and when I finally got a "real" job I suddenly had money to spend.

relationships: together with the same guy since September 1994. We went through a lot of things together. We only see each other on weekends and during vacation time because of work and living in different cities and I guess that helps when people have a different lifestyle.

[Mr Alley Gator 263]

Not as far out as some of you but yes there are issues - For me

1. Definably Drink more now -

2. Very Thin and bump stuff and it dang hurts

3. Became more isolated since happy hour and food bashes are a thing of the past

But I agree love the new me for sure! Would do it again

[kristieshannon 1,569]

I agree with several of the above points. I find myself shopping way more, it’s so much fun buying cute clothes that I could never have worn before. Also, body dysmorphia. I feel so much worse now naked. I’m getting plastic surgery in January-a Tummy Tuck, breast lift & augmentation, and arm lift. I’m hoping it will help me feel better! If not, I’ll be seeking out therapy for it.

[GreenTealael 24,964]

So true...

Body Dysmorphia is a terrible thing. I certainly have a very dysmorphic view of myself despite all the changes (and there have been many especially ones I paid for) and it feels like nothing changes it I have no idea what to do.

Imposter syndrome is one I don't hear a lot of people admitting. Feeling that you've accomplished something, but you really didn't do much at all or it wasn't such a big accomplishment because it came a little too easily or the accomplishment isn't worthy of praise.

Stay strong everyone.

[Lynnlovesthebeach 625]

Body dysmorphia is definitely a problem for me! I literally have to tell myself "my size 4 jeans are now too loose, I couldn't possibly look fat in them!" My XS scrubs I wear to work are loose. Still, I can't pick out someone that I think is my size. I guess I really have no concept of my size!

[MommaJay 39]

I have a reverse type body dysmorphia. When I look in the mirror, I still see my 30 year old self. When I see myself in photos, I barely recognize myself. I'm a size 18 right now, my surgery is in the morning. I have wondered how I will "see" myself.

Sent from my SM-G973U using BariatricPal mobile app

[AZhiker 2,252]

4 hours ago, Lynnlovesthebeach said:

Body dysmorphia is definitely a problem for me! I literally have to tell myself "my size 4 jeans are now too loose, I couldn't possibly look fat in them!" My XS scrubs I wear to work are loose. Still, I can't pick out someone that I think is my size. I guess I really have no concept of my size!

What helped me was seeing other people at work in size Small scrubs. We have a scrub dispensing machine and the scrubs have little colored tabs that designate the sizes. It's not too hard to see who is wearing the same size and I found myself looking at other Smalls a lot - just trying to get into my head that I looked like that, too. It did help to have this objective way to compare. It really messed with me for a while, and still does a little. I am always caught off guard by remarks like, "you can squeeze in here" (a small space like a restaurant booth) or "you're so tiny - how do you push that heavy bed?" or "you look like you've taken good care of yourself" (if only they knew!!!).

See if you can find other folks who wear Small or X-Small scrubs. That can help.

[summerset 5,261]

7 hours ago, GreenTealael said:

Feeling that you've accomplished something, but you really didn't do much at all or it wasn't such a big accomplishment because it came a little too easily or the accomplishment isn't worthy of praise.

Usually there is only talk about the opposite. The "hard work".

[pmz 23]

12 hours ago, Ylime said:

*Confidence and Self Worth. This is a good thing for sure. But, I have been struggling in my marriage for a long time. And for years I felt trapped because of my fear for being alone forever - which was driven by the fact that I was overweight and told myself no one else would ever want me. I have a different view now. I've changed physically and emotionally. My spouse has always had different philosophies on life than I have. He has never eaten well, never exercised, and has never wanted to become healthier. I had hoped my success would give him some motivation to do better but it hasn't. That combined with other major issues we have had led to my decision to end my marriage. It's ultimately a positive thing for me as I'm in a toxic relationship but finally have the emotional strength and confidence to do this. It's sad, but it's reality.

Hi!

I really appreciate what you shared as I'm heading into Gastric Bypass surgery on 12/8/2020.

I particularly identified with staying with a spouse because I was overweight and felt that no one would want me. I had actually had this surgery scheduled for Feb. 2019, but my husband refused to acknowledge that he had diabetes and developed double vision, so I had to cancel because we felt we could not have both parents incapacitated. There were also issues of mild physical abuse (hitting, pushing), as well as verbal, emotional, and financial abuse. Turns out that I needed to lose his 330 lbs. prior to getting my surgery done and ended a 25 year marriage. Life is so much better!

I wish you the same feelings of relief, freedom, and confidence. You can do this.

[Mr Alley Gator 263]

8 hours ago, AZhiker said:

Body dysmorphia is definitely a problem

Wow Just hit me as a guy we are not that concerned about the little things but I am getting pissed off at how body is changing. I can hold the weight but eithor I am nutz or my body is moving around Arms are now small and legs small but I have not lost a pound in 10 Months?

I also love buying stuff now. Need Amazon re Hab.

But Finishing again BEST f@#CKIN DECISION I EVER MADE

[GradyCat 3,693]

I'm two years post-op as well. I thought it was COVID but maybe it's related that I too have been online shopping a lot lately. I returned to "grazing" during COVID and gained 12 pounds, but I've lost half of them back again and I really appreciate my small stomach keeping me from being able to eat too much or the wrong things. Even when I "graze" it's healthy things and my macros are in line for losing weight. So I'm happy. My problem is just the opposite. Even when I was huge I never saw it. I don't see my fat. I think I'm "average" but I'm still "large." My body dysmorphia must be dyslexic. 😀

[Starwarsandcupcakes 1,924]

The body dysmorphia is so real for me. I’m almost 1yr post VSG but have lost 140lbs total since starting with my weight loss clinic and I wasn’t mentally prepared for the sagging skin everywhere- thighs, arms, stomach, and weirdly calves even though mine have always been muscular. It definitely makes being in front of a mirror naked a hard thing to bear right now. Eventually I’ll get plastics and I’ve been thinking about it more often lately as I continue to lose the last 30 or so pounds.

[GreenTealael 24,964]

13 hours ago, MommaJay said:

I have a reverse type body dysmorphia. When I look in the mirror, I still see my 30 year old self. When I see myself in photos, I barely recognize myself. I'm a size 18 right now, my surgery is in the morning. I have wondered how I will "see" myself.

Sent from my SM-G973U using BariatricPal mobile app

Good Luck & Happy Surgery Day ♥️