Hi all,

I'm about a month and a half from my bypass surgery and I'm struggling to be good on my food. My partner is an alcoholic and decided to go off his mental health meds a couple weeks ago without consulting his therapist or me. I've managed to get him to start them again a couple days ago, but it's been rough. Additionally, my special needs 6 year old has been home from his special needs "school"/ therapy center over insurance issues that won't resolve until at least the 30th. His being out of school coincided with my partner starting a new job, so suddenly he's not home with us and my son has been acting out a bit. To top it all off, my chronic pain has been flaring up and I have no medication to treat it. I use heating pads etc. but it's debilitating. My PC thinks it's fibromyalgia and I've been referred to a pain specialist but they won't be calling me to schedule for another 2 weeks. Meanwhile I can barely get out of bed and when I do it's excruciating.

So my question is: what do you do for stress relief that doesn't involve exercise or alone time? I have a therapist I talk to once a week and I'm on mental health medication already.

Hi Susie,

you are balancing so much in your life, it is humbling. I will address your chronic pain issue, as a chronic pain patient it is important you receive the attention which is warranted. No one should ever be allowed to live in pain, it is inhumane & unreasonable. Some people cannot understand the diminished lifestyle, planning and multiple limitations chronic pain, not acute pain, inflicts on a person. You were given an appointment, 2 weeks away? Is there another Pain Management group or Pain Management Dr you can contact? I can appreciate and validate your pain and the frustrating process, however, if you are in intractable pain, call your primary, tell him or her what is going on. Your primary can treat you for a few months, long enough until you are able to see this Pain Management Group. Your primary will understand if you are an established patient. To wait 2 weeks is unacceptable. Please feel free to contact me if I can help with resources.

Moist heat is more penetrating than dry heat, if you have not tried it, you may find that it offers more relief. To compound matters, your Dr thinks you have an auto- immune disease. I am so sorry all this is happening to you. For stress relief, would you consider massage therapy? A 60-90 minute massage from a certified massage therapist. The massage will relax your muscles, no doubt you probably have many muscle spasms which is a response to the body part that has been injured & in pain. Meditation? This may help but trying to relax while in pain can be a challenge. I agree, do not exercise or engage in physical activity until you see a Pain Management physician. A warm bath is also helpful, relaxing muscles and reducing spasms which can be very painful. Soft, calming music...sounds of the ocean, can be very tranquil, it will relax you. You mentioned a therapist. Is this a therapist trained in pain management? It is not a big deal but often this type of therapist understands your daily struggles that many never think about, only because planning any type of activity, even a trip to the grocery store must be planned. There are Pain Management support groups in most locations. This will help emotionally and mentally. Please feel free to write. I will be thinking of you - Grace

When I'm stressed out I tend to read... a LOT. It always takes my mind off things. I also will just watch random things on youtube or netflix.

I just realized I didn't read your whole post... I understand chronic pain VERY well! ESPECIALLY nerve pain! I have TN (Trigeminal Neuralgia) and had brain surgery 3 years ago in an attempt to relieve myself of the agony even if it would likely be temporary (there isn't a cure for TN the surgery just stops the pain for a few years). I have atypical trigeminal neuralgia. It's on both sides and I had both type 1 and 2 pains on the left side and only type 2 on the right. I can handle the type 2 pains, but the type 1 pains... there is nothing comparable to it. It's the worst sort of agony imaginable. NOTHING has ever equaled or surpassed it. The best description for it I can give is most times it felt like I had a scalding hot poker jab into my face where it would twist and twist and twist and twist before pulling out only to repeat itself endlessly. I had the surgery (Microvascular Decompression) on the left side of my brain to get rid of the type 1 pain and it amazingly got rid of the flare ups and I had no pain for 2 amazing years. Around the time I started my weight loss journey last year I started having type 2 pains again on the left side. I couldn't stop CRYING! I was paranoid and panicking and CONVINCED that the type 1 pain was going to return. If my surgery hadn't worked to get rid of the type 1 pain I wouldn't be here. TN is called suicides disease for a REASON. It's recognized as one the most painfully excruciating conditions know to mankind. I was in absolute agony with my TN with a flare that lasted for 10 MONTHS before I had my surgery. I was barely sleeping because it was worse at night. Everything set it off. I was in a never ending world of absolute AGONY and I only held out for my family. I had overdosed on my meds on at least 3 occasions... 1 particular one I was incredibly lucky that I didn't end up in a coma because I'd taken 600mg over my dose (900mg was my dose and overdose for me was 1000mg, I'd taken 1500mg). If the surgery hadn't worked... I wouldn't be here. I was BARELY holding out for my family. I thought I was losing my mind from lack of sleep and pain and I wanted to cry all the damn time but I didn't have the energy or the tears because I'd cried myself dry months before. EVERYTHING set it off. Sleeping, eating, bathing, talking, touching my face, brushing my hair or my teeth. The happiest day of my life was my surgery day. I woke up with the worse headache of my LIFE and at that point the worst nausea I'd had in my life (only beaten by dumping syndrome), but it was 100% WORTH IT! When my TN came back in the form of the type 2 pain I felt like my life was over. I had been so strong and held out to make it to my surgery, but I just didn't know if I could have that kind of strength again. I didn't think I'd survive a repeat. So I fell into a very deep depression. My doctor put me on anti-depression and anxiety meds and when I saw the psyche doc at the bariatric clinic I told her my TN coming back to how it was before my surgery was my absolute worst fear. I honestly don't know how I even passed my psyche eval because I was a MESS!

While I was going through that I read a lot. It DID help to take my mind off it a bit, even if it was still there lurking in the back of my head. I also watched quite a bit of anime to distract myself lol. I'm 33 and yes, I watch anime. It's an outlet and very easy for me to turn my brain off when reading doesn't work. Also like watching home renovation shows and anything that'll make me laugh and let me turn my brain off. I ended up getting a really bad rash due to the anti-depression and anxiety meds and had to get off them, but by that time my mind was in a much better place. I made the determination that the very SECOND I get the type 1 pains back I'm calling up my neurosurgeon and scheduling another surgery lol. I won't wait it out. I won't let it EVER get that bad again! And if for some reason he recommends me to do the Gamma Knife instead, I'll do that (my surgery was really difficult as I had a lot of tissue damage and my 3 hour surgery turned into a 6 hour surgery. I had a lot of brain swelling and there was talk of putting a stint in, but I didn't end up having to have one. I did end up with meningitus though... so I just have the feeling he'd probably want me to do Gamma Knife instead).

I'm so incredibly sorry that you're going through chronic pain issues. I don't wish that kind of pain on ANYONE! It feels impossible and makes you feel so helpless. I felt so very, very, very alone. Like nobody understood it. Understood me or what I was going through... So that's the reason I told you about my own experience. I just want you to know that you are NOT alone in living with chronic pain. I really hope that the pain clinic gets back to you soon. My mom has fibromyalgia and they gave her Gabapentin for it (it also helps her neuropathy too and helps her sleep). I don't know what meds they'll start you off with, but I hope the first one they give you works for you!

Edited November 16, 20205 yr by NovaLuna

Thank you for both of your responses, I'll address them both separately here:

Grace: The pain clinic is one of the very few that take medicaid in my area. I tried getting in with another one a couple of years (YEARS) ago and they took my paperwork then never called or returned calls. This one has their own review process for referrals and another pain clinic in town recently closed so they've received a lot of referrals recently. So it'll be (at least) 2 weeks until they call me to put me on the schedule, so who knows how long until my appointment. It's very frustrating. I have gotten myself one of those full back heating pads that goes from my neck to my hips and it helps (you can do wet heat with it too) but I've noticed that all of it doesn't seem to heat up at once unfortunately. My (new) GP is a naturopath, which I'm not into but I really like the clinic and she's both very on the ball and easy to get same or next day appointments with if it's urgent. She will not prescribe pain meds at all. I don't think my therapist is a pain specific specialist, but we vibe pretty well and she helps me. Mental health professionals are hard to come by in my area so when you get a good one, you stick with it. Being touched like that (massage) by strangers has always triggered anxiety in me, it's just too intimate. My bathroom with a tub has no doorknob/ lock right now, so that's not good either. I appreciate your advice and kind words.

NovaLuna: Thank you for sharing your story with me; I can never remember the name of your condition, just that it's "the suicide pain." I'm so sorry you've had to and may again go through that, but I'm glad that there's at least some form of treatment. Chronic pain is so very isolating and limiting. That's why I'm getting bypass so that hopefully some of it will alleviate but if its fibro (which, the more I learn about it, that seems likely) it will be a lifelong thing regardless. You're young, so you get what a scary barrel to look down that is. I'm 41, so another 40ish years of this? Oof. My new GP is the first one to really acknowledge my issues and put a name on it. Everyone else just wrote it off. Hell, my last gp wrote in the notes that I had pain because I'm fat when the reverse is true: my loss of mobility and the extra depression caused my weight gain. (It was fun hearing the judge at my disability hearing read that out loud. I lost, go fig.) Reading and Netflix are my current go-to's, so I guess I'll be sticking with that. ❤️

Edited November 17, 20205 yr by Suzi_the_Q

Goodness, you really have a lot going on, don't you? I used to be a stress-eater, so I can relate. Now I get on the phone or text friends to keep me occupied and not thinking about the stressful things. And I write/interact in a social media forum online. I also use online apps like jigsaw puzzles and coloring books to relax.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I don't have a lot of chronic pain, only migraines which are bad enough. I do have bipolar disorder, so I understand having to go through lots of trials to find stuff that works for you and gaining weight from illness/meds.

I tend to listen to podcasts and take naps when I'm trying to prevent eating due to stress, boredom, or anxiety. I will also watch YouTube videos sometimes, or talk to my mom on the phone, but sometimes she just stresses me out more. A nap is a wonderful way to waste a few hours. Or funny books. I love Janet Evanovich's Stehanie Plum series for laugh out loud silliness. You can also get books on CD at the library.

I hope you find something that works for you and that you can get an appointment with the pain clinic soon!