I've decided not to tell anyone other than my husband. I just don't want to deal with the judgment, or feel like I'm the subject of gossip. I'm hoping to be back at work 2 weeks after surgery (I have a sedentary job), so will hopefully be able to just use some vacation time. My husband is 100% on board with the surgery and with keeping it a secret, so I'm very thankful for that!!

Anyone else keeping it a secret? Or are you telling just a few people, or the whole world?

Telling or not is completely up to you. But don't let other people opinions dictate what you do in your life. You know why you are doing what you are doing; anyone in your life that can't respect that, isn't worth being involved in your life anyway.

I've only told 2 people at work, everyone else just knows I'm going on medical leave for several weeks. I told 4 friends I trust, one if then tried to talk me out of it which helped with my decision not to tell other people. Now I'm trying to figure out what to tell my kids. Surgery is in a month and I don't want to stress them out. (They're both under 13)

My wife has told a friend and her therapist cause she's a worrier.

15 minutes ago, Libby63 said:

I have been struggling with his myself. My surgery is scheduled for December. I live in the same city as my husband’s ex-wife - who grew up with, and is still friends with, my husband’s very large family. My step kids also live here and no one has any boundaries, so telling them is akin to announcing it on social media. It’s hard though. We just moved back to the area and so I don’t have close friends here. So, unless I change my mind, hubby is my sole source of support. He is supportive but I’m feeling a bit needy about it all. I’m trying not to overwhelm him with my every thought. I’m thinking though that I can always change my mind and tell but once that cat is out of the bag...

As I get closer, I understand the need for physical support. I had a real moment last week thinking about not wanting to overwhelm my extremely small support group. I also have to honor who I am and stay true to self, I have boundaries and respect for other's business and beliefs. I'm not seeking validation or permission, but we will need support. My advice is to share with caution and listen to your inner voice. I just shared with another person who I felt would be an asset to my cause. I know she didn't mean any harm, but her response was..."you don't need that surgery, you aren't that big." Ohhhhh, how I loathe that response for so many reasons. Now, I have to explain my health is on the line--prediabetic, high blood pressure, hormone levels are out of whack and etc. Then I get the, but you look good... so do I have to be physically displeasing to you before I can have your support???? People who don't struggle with weight and health issues due to your weight have no idea how hard it is to to walk in our skin. We each have our battles and some far worse than others, but no journey is the same. So, yeah I will be keeping this procedure to myself as this is for me. I have enough ppl who know.

Edited October 21, 20196 yr by Krimsonbutterflies

The hard thing I’ll be encountering is I’ll be 3.5 weeks post op for Thanksgiving. This is causing me a lot of stress as I have an aunt who is very intrusive and if I’m eating differently or in an “alarming” Manner she will make notice of it and will say something. I will still Be on purée until 11/30 and thanksgiving is on 11/28 so I was thinking maybe I can get approval for starting soft food for when I arrive at my families house... how do I dodge this unwanted attention? Only my boss, best friend, 2 co workers, mom and my significant other know about the surgery.
I do not want them to know, as they can cause me unnecessary stress.

Just now, Elisibeth777 said:

The hard thing I’ll be encountering is I’ll be 3.5 weeks post op for Thanksgiving. This is causing me a lot of stress as I have an aunt who is very intrusive and if I’m eating differently or in an “alarming” Manner she will make notice of it and will say something. I will still Be on purée until 11/30 and thanksgiving is on 11/28 so I was thinking maybe I can get approval for starting soft food for when I arrive at my families house... how do I dodge this unwanted attention? Only my boss, best friend, 2 co workers, mom and my significant other know about the surgery.
I do not want them to know, as they can cause me unnecessary stress.

Say you are recovering from a stomach virus.

@Krimsonbutterflies that’s a phenomenal idea, thank you for that advice. Simple and extremely believable. Thank you!!!

4 minutes ago, Elisibeth777 said:

The hard thing I’ll be encountering is I’ll be 3.5 weeks post op for Thanksgiving. This is causing me a lot of stress as I have an aunt who is very intrusive and if I’m eating differently or in an “alarming” Manner she will make notice of it and will say something. I will still Be on purée until 11/30 and thanksgiving is on 11/28 so I was thinking maybe I can get approval for starting soft food for when I arrive at my families house... how do I dodge this unwanted attention? Only my boss, best friend, 2 co workers, mom and my significant other know about the surgery.
I do not want them to know, as they can cause me unnecessary stress.

How does the family eat? Sit down at one table together, or buffet style where people find a seat anywhere (couch, living room, dining room, etc)? If it's random seating, super easy to fake it. Put minimal food on plate so looks like you ate some, push it around, etc. If it's more formal dining, where everyone is sitting together, then put a little of this and a little of that on your plate, push it around, etc. People will be concentrating on their own plates and not on yours. Can always tuck some food in a napkin on your lap too. Make a game of it! LOL!!

3 minutes ago, Krimsonbutterflies said:

Say you are recovering from a stomach virus.

OK, that's much better than my idea!! LOL!!!

Just now, Elisibeth777 said:

@Krimsonbutterflies that’s a phenomenal idea, thank you for that advice. Simple and extremely believable. Thank you!!!

Not to be deceptive or to create a web of lies, but this is your choice to share or not. Especially on such a large family platform as Thanksgiving, oh the stress. Besides that would steal the show in my family, they'd forget all of their other stories. Lol!!!

Use the virus line or tell her your doctor suggested a liquid diet one or two days a week so you do the diet on Tuesdays and Thursdays having never considered Thanksgiving.

I'm sorry, but this sounds so unhealthy. Your eating will be different for the rest of your life; why tell stupid lies? Tell them you've made some lifestyle changes and be done with it. You can't let people camp in your head and cause you extra stress.

Chub, I will be using your idea after my surgery in other settings. I can only have the stomach virus so many times, lol.

Just now, CoramDeo said:

I'm sorry, but this sounds so unhealthy. Your eating will be different for the rest of your life; why tell stupid lies? Tell them you've made some lifestyle changes and be done with it. You can't let people camp in your head and cause you extra stress.

On behalf of people with crazy families everywhere, sometimes it's just easier to tell a fib than it is to deal with the drama! LOL!!!

6 minutes ago, CoramDeo said:

I'm sorry, but this sounds so unhealthy. Your eating will be different for the rest of your life; why tell stupid lies? Tell them you've made some lifestyle changes and be done with it. You can't let people camp in your head and cause you extra stress.

I do agree with you and the unhealthy part, it just depends on the audience. Some people are unrelenting and they don't know how to accept those answers, especially during the holidays (also depending on your family culture). My aunts would be offended, especially during the holidays when all of the generational recipies have made a debut, lol. For me that soon after surgery, I'd rather avoid conflicts and provide an answer that isn't stressful and I can focus on self/healing. The next Thanksgiving the lifestyle changes answer is wonderful because you can see me and my appearance supports my answer. You have to do what works for you, right?

Edited October 21, 20196 yr by Krimsonbutterflies

2 minutes ago, ChubRub said:

On behalf of people with crazy families everywhere, sometimes it's just easier to tell a fib than it is to deal with the drama! LOL!!!

My family is certified crazy.