So... this is kinda personal. But I’m wondering if prior to surgery anyone had this same feeling. With the size I have gotten, I don’t want to go anywhere or do anything on the weekends. I go to work 5 days a week and I’m visible and walking around all over there. But then the weekend comes and all I want to do is lay on the couch. And it’s even easier to be a shut in now that I can just have my groceries delivered. It’s a combination of not having the energy and being ashamed and just... not caring to do anything. My surgery is August 12 and it’s like this beacon in my life. I hope when I lose weight that I will want to go out and be seen and DO THINGS.

48 minutes ago, AnnieD78 said:

So... this is kinda personal. But I’m wondering if prior to surgery anyone had this same feeling. With the size I have gotten, I don’t want to go anywhere or do anything on the weekends. I go to work 5 days a week and I’m visible and walking around all over there. But then the weekend comes and all I want to do is lay on the couch. And it’s even easier to be a shut in now that I can just have my groceries delivered. It’s a combination of not having the energy and being ashamed and just... not caring to do anything. My surgery is August 12 and it’s like this beacon in my life. I hope when I lose weight that I will want to go out and be seen and DO THINGS.

Congrats on your surgery.

Yep, I was in a dark place before surgery. Use this year to overcome the mental battles. Work on yourself inside and out. Its one of the greatest gifts out of this process. I’m making up for lost time struggling with obesity. I am a participant in my life and refuse to sit o the sidelines.

36 minutes ago, AnnieD78 said:

I hope when I lose weight that I will want to go out and be seen and DO THINGS.

I completely understand the pre-surgery thing. However, I still have days when I simply don't want to go out and do things.

In fact lately most of the days I don't want to go out and do things. Weight is only one thing that prevents me from going out and be active. My working schedule and stress level is just as "effective" in preventing me from going out and doing stuff as weight was back in the days.

I am so like this. One thing I am doing in my house, because I am on the presurgical diet and entertainment by food is not an option, is working on a list of fast tasks. Things I can do in 10 to 30 minutes. Otherwise, besides going to the pre-paid gym sessions, I would stay home with the curtains closed. That is my nature. Glued to the recliner.

My list of tasks include:

. Load or Unload the dishwasher

. Do a load of laundry

. vacuum

. sew that button on the shirt (the one that has been waiting 10 months

. steam the wrinkled clothes that have been waiting for weeks.

. clean the fridge

I set the timer to 30 minutes and tackle a task or two. At the end of the day I feel better and it keeps my mind off food.

I am avoiding going out because I am also a recovering shop-acholic. That is one of my fat time things to do. Avoidance.

To mitigate the risk of shopping for things I do not need:

I have a list of errands to run that I postpone because it requires I wash my hair, put on something other than sweats and leave the house AND not shop or stop at starbucks! I just focus on the list, bring a big bottle of water and try and drink it before I get home. Also: I am wearing my best clothes because they will be too big next month and I might as well! Also, been putting on makeup cause, why not. Anything to get my mind off food. I smile and say "thank you" to everyone. Ask the clerks "how is your day?" Then, they smile back at me and I feel I have achieved a small thing.

Finally, another thing I did was ease myself into the pre surgical diet by using noom, the app, which set a 1200 calorie goal for me, and 3K for steps. Why not do that? It helps to motivate you, noom helps you work on that lazy bones attitude too.

Good Luck. Getting outside feels good once you actually get yourself out the door!

Edited July 21, 20197 yr by ValerieInMexico
spelling

On 07/21/2019 at 17:09, summerset said:

I completely understand the pre-surgery thing. However, I still have days when I simply don't want to go out and do things.

In fact lately most of the days I don't want to go out and do things. Weight is only one thing that prevents me from going out and be active. My working schedule and stress level is just as "effective" in preventing me from going out and doing stuff as weight was back in the days.

I’m fearful this will be me as well. I know I’m an introvert and I manage 30 people at work and just am surrounded by people 5 days a week. So the weekend feels like my time to recharge, but the problem is I don’t want the only “active” thing in my life to be work.

On 07/21/2019 at 17:39, ValerieInMexico said:

I am so like this. One thing I am doing in my house, because I am on the presurgical diet and entertainment by food is not an option, is working on a list of fast tasks. Things I can do in 10 to 30 minutes. Otherwise, besides going to the pre-paid gym sessions, I would stay home with the curtains closed. That is my nature. Glued to the recliner.

My list of tasks include:

. Load or Unload the dishwasher

. Do a load of laundry

. vacuum

. sew that button on the shirt (the one that has been waiting 10 months

. steam the wrinkled clothes that have been waiting for weeks.

. clean the fridge

I set the timer to 30 minutes and tackle a task or two. At the end of the day I feel better and it keeps my mind off food.

I am avoiding going out because I am also a recovering shop-acholic. That is one of my fat time things to do. Avoidance.

To mitigate the risk of shopping for things I do not need:

I have a list of errands to run that I postpone because it requires I wash my hair, put on something other than sweats and leave the house AND not shop or stop at starbucks! I just focus on the list, bring a big bottle of Water and try and drink it before I get home. Also: I am wearing my best clothes because they will be too big next month and I might as well! Also, been putting on makeup cause, why not. Anything to get my mind off food. I smile and say "thank you" to everyone. Ask the clerks "how is your day?" Then, they smile back at me and I feel I have achieved a small thing.

Finally, another thing I did was ease myself into the pre surgical diet by using noom, the app, which set a 1200 calorie goal for me, and 3K for steps. Why not do that? It helps to motivate you, noom helps you work on that lazy bones attitude too.

Good Luck. Getting outside feels good once you actually get yourself out the door!

These are great ideas. I do have a long list of things that need to get done around the house that I just keep avoiding. Yesterday I went and got my hair cut and colored but other then that I’ve been doing a whole lot of watching tv.

That is the way I have been since childhood. My parents thought there was something wrong with me, but I really love to stay in my house and read books and just be lazy. I do have to push myself and, for the half the year I live in a city where I really do not know anyone. The gym gets me out every day, and I have a lot of friends and family who live about an hour away, so I try and make plans to see them. I shop out of loneliness sometimes. Most of the time I enjoy my solitude. I think finding a gym buddy and a walking partner will be my next step.

Work on changing now, don't wait until you are older. Find that one or two people who will help you set a time and place to get out.

I can relate. I was so embarrassed and ashamed that I didn't even take a "before" picture, and always hid behind someone in family pictures. I would not accompany my husband to events, as I felt I would be an embarrassment to him. I would size up everyone in a room to see if I was the fattest. I tried to blend into the background. Social events, even just going to church was hard.

Get ready for a new life! Now I have so much energy I can hardly go to sleep at night. It has taken a bit to make the mental change from being obese to being pretty normal looking now, People seem to treat me differently, too, although I can't really know if that is real or only my imagination. Now I LIKE going out - especially when I can wear something new in a smaller size! It just feels so good to be average, I hid behind my weight for so many years, that it is now a little bit of a challenge to learn who I really am as a person and not as a fat person trying to hide. It truly is a journey and an adventure, for sure. But a GOOD one and one I wouldn't trade for a million bucks. I feel better, am healthier and depression is on the run. My joints don't hurt and I can actually do anything I want now physically.

I think we hardly know how much adipose tissue affects our well being. It produces inflammatory cytokines and hormones, ties up vitamin D, messes with our thermoregulation, and who knows what else. Then consider all the weight related conditions - asthma, GERD, sleep apnea (interferes with metabolism, glucose and cholesterol levels, hormones, urinary function), diabetes, arthritis, hypertension, depression, elevated lipids, infertility, fatty liver which can lead to cirrhosis and cancer...… the list goes on and on. YOU ARE ABOUT TO LEAVE ALL THIS BEHIND or at least greatly improve any existing conditions. You will be healthier and much happier. Yes, you will have work to do. Surgery is not easy, but you will recover. You will learn to modify your entire life. You will develop a different relationship with food. Everything is about to change! But if you know this is your last chance, you will do it and you will be successful. For many of us, there were no other options other than surgery. A lot will depend on your attitude - keep looking forward to the new you! Embrace the changes! Let the old stuff fall aside. You are a beautiful butterfly about to emerge from the chrysalis! You won't have to hide any more.

Edited July 21, 20197 yr by AZhiker

36 minutes ago, AnnieD78 said:

So the weekend feels like my time to recharge, but the problem is I don’t want the only “active” thing in my life to be work.

I don't want that as well. In fact I don't know anyone who wants that. However, I know quite a few people who are this way/have gotten this way. The job just sucks you in and you really need your free time to recharge and catch up on sleep, not wanting to go to this or that event etc. - you just want things to be quiet.

ETA: It's quite easy to blame "weight" for a lot of things and "weight" might be (or even most likely be) a big factor, however, there can be many other things preventing people from being "this going out and enjoying stuff and things" person, including the question "Do I really want to be an extrovert?".

Edited July 21, 20197 yr by summerset

I am retired so I decided to volunteer. That is my post surgery plan.

This is for two reasons: 1. It will allow me to have some purspose in life.

2. I will have a reason to get up, do my hair, dress in some of my beautiful clothes, wear my jewelry and interact with people. When you quit working, you just don't have an opportunity to dress up.

Thought I might just join a church too. Get good with God AND have a place to wear my dresses!

On 07/21/2019 at 18:32, ValerieInMexico said:

I am retired so I decided to volunteer. That is my post surgery plan.

This is for two reasons: 1. It will allow me to have some purspose in life.

2. I will have a reason to get up, do my hair, dress in some of my beautiful clothes, wear my jewelry and interact with people. When you quit working, you just don't have an opportunity to dress up.

Thought I might just join a church too. Get good with God AND have a place to wear my dresses!

Volunteering is a great idea!!

This story could have been about me. Today I love to go out, even to eat. I can sit in a booth now and I have extra room. I don't feel like people are staring at me. I still have a long way to go, but 69 pounds has broken me out of my shell!

Good luck to you on your journey!

If this concerns you, I would highly suggest seeking therapy with a bariatric counselor. ((hugs)) What you are describing is quite common. I was pretty much shut in and chair bound when I started this journey this last time at 287lbs. My all time high was 325lbs. And I was totally shut in. I work from home, so it is easy to go days/weeks without people.

Now that I'm down to 133lbs, I hate staying home! I want to be active out and doing things and being with people. My personality has totally changes (again--they say we all change about every 7 years).

But it really depends on you. Are you introverted or extrovert. Introverts need the quiet alone/down time in order to refuel themselves. Extroverts are fueled externally and need group interaction to refuel. So one person's normal could be highly stressful for you and it may be that little changes about your preferences after weight loss. Impossible for us to predict.

Keep following your path to surgery and your new life! But get your support network up and running now, pre-surgery!!! Get and keep your RD on board and your therapist also a rl support group and continue to come here and interact!

Many of us can relate to how you're feeling. But post-op you'll start losing weight and gain confidence and energy and you'll enjoy going out and living life again. I promise!

15 hours ago, AZhiker said:

I can relate. I was so embarrassed and ashamed that I didn't even take a "before" picture, and always hid behind someone in family pictures. I would not accompany my husband to events, as I felt I would be an embarrassment to him. I would size up everyone in a room to see if I was the fattest. I tried to blend into the background. Social events, even just going to church was hard.

Get ready for a new life! Now I have so much energy I can hardly go to sleep at night. It has taken a bit to make the mental change from being obese to being pretty normal looking now, People seem to treat me differently, too, although I can't really know if that is real or only my imagination. Now I LIKE going out - especially when I can wear something new in a smaller size! It just feels so good to be average, I hid behind my weight for so many years, that it is now a little bit of a challenge to learn who I really am as a person and not as a fat person trying to hide. It truly is a journey and an adventure, for sure. But a GOOD one and one I wouldn't trade for a million bucks. I feel better, am healthier and depression is on the run. My joints don't hurt and I can actually do anything I want now physically.

I think we hardly know how much adipose tissue affects our well being. It produces inflammatory cytokines and hormones, ties up Vitamin D, messes with our thermoregulation, and who knows what else. Then consider all the weight related conditions - asthma, GERD, sleep apnea (interferes with metabolism, glucose and cholesterol levels, hormones, urinary function), diabetes, arthritis, hypertension, depression, elevated lipids, infertility, fatty liver which can lead to cirrhosis and cancer...… the list goes on and on. YOU ARE ABOUT TO LEAVE ALL THIS BEHIND or at least greatly improve any existing conditions. You will be healthier and much happier. Yes, you will have work to do. Surgery is not easy, but you will recover. You will learn to modify your entire life. You will develop a different relationship with food. Everything is about to change! But if you know this is your last chance, you will do it and you will be successful. For many of us, there were no other options other than surgery. A lot will depend on your attitude - keep looking forward to the new you! Embrace the changes! Let the old stuff fall aside. You are a beautiful butterfly about to emerge from the chrysalis! You won't have to hide any more.

I relate to this on so many levels... I'm an introvert and struggle to leave my house unless I'm going to work. Its mostly because I'm so self conscience about my weight, embarrassed, and ashamed.

I'm hoping I feel the same way you feel after surgery.

12 hours ago, gabybab said:

This story could have been about me. Today I love to go out, even to eat. I can sit in a booth now and I have extra room. I don't feel like people are staring at me. I still have a long way to go, but 69 pounds has broken me out of my shell!

Good luck to you on your journey!

Ahhh yes the stares. I feel like people are staring at me all the time. I'm paranoid when I go out. Its sooo bad.