I finally get why people dont tell others they had weight loss surgery!

[AZhiker 2,251]

On 7/5/2019 at 12:02 PM, summerset said:

Must be that high horse you're riding on right now.

Been there, done that! I ride a sensible, 15 hh mule named Tess now! If I am "riding high" it's only because my life is so much better and I am so much happier now. I judge no one who struggles with weight issues. I simply reserve my right of privacy to tell or not tell whomever I wish about my surgery.

[Krimsonbutterflies 661]

6 hours ago, AZhiker said:

Been there, done that! I ride a sensible, 15 hh mule named Tess now! If I am "riding high" it's only because my life is so much better and I am so much happier now. I judge no one who struggles with weight issues. I simply reserve my right of privacy to tell or not tell whomever I wish about my surgery.

Very nice, just you & Tess. Minding your own business, together. Lol...Going to get me a mule and name, him Beast...lol

[Frustr8 7,886]

Always thought if I joined FB I would take a name like Everybody so it would say" Everybody Friends you!" And about a mule or high 🐎, I think Nothing would be a lovely name. That way if somebody complains you're answering calls or texts, you could. say " Oh I am so sorry but I was out doing NOTHING!" more fun than admitting you were out mucking the stable÷ Of course I do have one fair- weather friend I would tell the reverse " Up to my axles in Horse Poo" , she's the one who claimed her gallbladder was rotting in her, got dismissed and promptly spent the day at Mall of the Americas, going store to store, level to level. Good News, I ACCIDENTALLY FORGOT to give her my new phone number when I moved and I'm unlisted 📝NOW! Snicker Snicker and a LOL!😝

[BlueAngelEyes 164]

This is a big long vent im sorry!

My mother said to me the other day id better lose all the weight i need too and get to my goal weight and id better make sure to keep it off or ill be humiliated because everyone knows i had weight loss surgery and i dont want to be one of those people to gain it all back..

Why would u mention this to some one u love when there only 6 weeks out from having the sleeve done. All i could say is i know, i know! I took it personally and im sick of people watching me.

Im not a competitive person i dont use other peoples judemental opinions to help me with my weight loss. I dont like confrontation. I normally stay away and eat my feelings. I used to be the one stashing dark chocolate milkyways in the bathroom drawer or hidden candy in the pots and pans. Lol. So now what? I wish i never told anyone about my surgery. Everyone talks behind my back and i trully wish i kept it to myself. My mom and sister talk as if im going to gain it all back and i dont know how to deal with my emotions. I want to eat and havent found a hobbie or something to distract me from wanting to load.

I read so many papers on is it better to excercise after WLS or better to just focus on what you eat and not exercise. I dont know what to do. I dont know if im doing things right. I feel upset, stuck and unmotivated. I honestly didnt do the research and didnt understand this was just a tool. I thought when my surgeon said you will be at ur goal by the end of this year id be losing fast and of course the reality of it all is its a process.. ugh soo very frustrated!

I saw a therapist the other day and they werent kind they kept repeating the same thing. Diet and exercise are key. I should of, could of, would of.

You ever feel like too many people know your history, your story and wish u could just leave it and move somewhere new where no one knows you and u can start over.. i wish it!

Sorry again long thoughts i had to get out of my head. Hope everyone has a good day!

[AZhiker 2,251]

BlueAngelEyes,

I am so sorry you have family members who are undermining your success. For some reason they want you to fail, or else they think THEY will be embarrassed if you gain the weight back! Please try to find one or two friends you can TRUST to have your best interests in mind and who will support you. Being said, I have found that even my few close friends who know about my surgery really don't want to hear about it every day. They like to know I'm losing, but not totally into hearing me out about struggles. That is where this forum is so good.

Exercise has a couple of really good benefits after surgery. First (maybe the most important), it gives YOU control. You cannot know what your pain will be like or what your food tolerances will be, how long it will take to progress from stage to stage, what your emotional fluctuations will be like, how your healing will progress, or if your weight will come off slowly or quickly. You have no control over those things. BUT.. you CAN have true control over exercise goals. It gives such a sense of accomplishment and empowerment, and helps divert the tendency to form new addictions. Exercise can become your new obsession/addiction (a lot better than buying shoes, drinking, or gambling!)

Get yourself an inexpensive step tracker. I think mine cost $29 on Amazon. It is a highly motivating little friend. Start wearing it now to see what your baseline is. Work up to 10,000 steps a day. After surgery, start right up with walking, walking, walking. Get up to 10,000 steps as soon as you can do so comfortably. (Several of us here were up to 10,000 by the end of week 2.) Start taking a walk every single day. As the weight comes off, you will go further and faster. It's just amazing to see progress. I also started wall pushups 3 times a day. Started at 25 per set, and now do 50 per set. Later, I got 3 pound weights and started an upper body strengthening routine. I also incorporated stair climbing. Anyway, exercise is such a great tool for your MIND as well as your body. It will reduce depression and anxiety, as well. You start out with small goals, and track them daily - just like your food.

Exercise also helps you set up a pattern of activity that you can maintain for the rest of your life. You have to make major changes in your diet and lifestyle if you are going to keep the weight off. You have a wonderful took with WLS, BUT after the "Honeymoon" period (a year, give or take), hunger can come back and restriction will not be so noticeable. You HAVE to have your lifestyle, dietary, and mental habits in place and well established if you want to succeed longterm. (I HAVE done the research and this is what everyone says.)

OK, for diet - start making modifications NOW. GIve up the addictions you can't have after surgery. I think this is another key to feeling better after surgery. Surgery and recovery is hard enough by itself. You don't need to be going through withdrawal at the same time! For me, that meant caffeine, sugar, soda, all processed food, anything artificial. (My goal was to make every bite post-op, and for the rest of my life as nutritionally dense and healthy as possible.) Of course, smoking and alcohol would be in there, too. I saw how much better I felt, and again, it gave me control. Even in the hospital, I did not eat the Jello or weird Protein supplement that was full of artificial sweetener/ flavors. I had herbal tea, broth, and my own Protein Shake that I knew I liked. That was just fine. I was the first one of the surgery group that day who was out of bed and walking!

Soooo...….. in my opinion, you have 2 things to focus on - your diet, of course, Getting your fluids and protein in will be the first goals. But exercise can start on day one. It will help prevent complications, boost your metabolism, give you more energy, help beat depression/anxiety, give you control and empowerment, and set you up for long term success. I promise that you will have struggles with eating. Everyone does. A LOT of your focus and frustration will revolve around eating. Exercise is actually a lot easier in the sense that it is predicatable and controllable. It helps you feel positive about SOMETHING, even on the worst of days.

Above all, don't listen to the naysayers. They are already experts on WLS, right? You have to take control over YOU, in spite of what any one else says. Surgery is for YOU - not for them. Stick with the forum support. We are all here for you.

Edited July 12, 2019 by AZhiker
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[Frustr8 7,886]

Because you are showing maturity, you are growing away from being under her thumb, and she hates to see Baby getting on her own. And a little bit of she doesn't believe in You and Your success really happening. I can say this because I have been on both sides of the question, the daughter and the Mommy. And Oh you better not get me started on MY Daughter R.D., short for Rotten Daughter, she knows she is but refuses to make our relationship better. And I do still try to reach out to HER. Point in context: When I was about to have my OWN surgery I called her to tell her about it. Didn't plan on dying but since she was my 1st- born, I thought it Only right to tell her. Her answer: WHATEVER and then promptly diverted the conversation to how bad her knees were and how her surgeon would only do surgery on one at a time! When she finally paused for breath, I said " Did you hear ME? I will be having Major Surgery next week!. Her answer was" So What!" so I said "So What" to HER and ended the call. If it had been my Late Mama I would hope I offered to help anyway I could . Cassaroles, cleaning her house, helping my Dad purchase their groceries and on and on. The Difference? I ❤my parents and would do all I could to help if I Could. R.D. only loves herself, been that way for years and years. Both Grandmas spoiled her incessantly, and she still believes GOD asks her express permission before the Sun rises each day. She is now 50 years old And the most unreasonable soul you could find. Turned her over to GOD and Karma, let them handle HER! I ❤her down deep but I don't like her Very Much! ,,,,,,,Sad State of Affairs, isn't it?

[BlueAngelEyes 164]

Thank you Azhiker! I will take ur advise and buy a step tacker counter thing. Lol. I think today ill start looking into a local gym as well. I appreciate your post.

[BlueAngelEyes 164]

1 hour ago, Frustr8 said:

Because you are showing maturity, you are growing away from being under her thumb, and she hates to see Baby getting on her own. And a little bit of she doesn't believe in You and Your success really happening. I can say this because I have been on both sides of the question, the daughter and the Mommy. And Oh you better not get me started on MY Daughter R.D., short for Rotten Daughter, she knows she is but refuses to make our relationship better. And I do still try to reach out to HER. Point in context: When I was about to have my OWN surgery I called her to tell her about it. Didn't plan on dying but since she was my 1st- born, I thought it Only right to tell her. Her answer: WHATEVER and then promptly diverted the conversation to how bad her knees were and how her surgeon would only do surgery on one at a time! When she finally paused for breath, I said " Did you hear ME? I will be having Major Surgery next week!. Her answer was" So What!" so I said "So What" to HER and ended the call. If it had been my Late Mama I would hope I offered to help anyway I could . Cassaroles, cleaning her house, helping my Dad purchase their groceries and on and on. The Difference? I ❤my parents and would do all I could to help if I Could. R.D. only loves herself, been that way for years and years. Both Grandmas spoiled her incessantly, and she still believes GOD asks her express permission before the Sun rises each day. She is now 50 years old And the most unreasonable soul you could find. Turned her over to GOD and Karma, let them handle HER! I ❤her down deep but I don't like her Very Much! ,,,,,,,Sad State of Affairs, isn't it?

The woman in my family all seem to be this way as well. Im sorry ur relationship with ur daughter is hard. Hopefully things will change and get better for ur family and for mine. Thanks for ur post.

[Carrunda webb 13]

I pray my family continues to be supportive one I have the surgery in 3 months I can't deal with stress.