So...

A little back information is required for this story. I’m a hairdresser (36 yrs) but first I’m a wife and mom , a great friend and up until just a few months ago a caregiver for my dad (he passed just recently) I have always been a giving person ( total pushover) NEVER put myself first and have had tremendous stress trying to get my child with autism the help he needs .. all this I ATE over, and ate and ate.. it was ma thang. I was always running around taking care of all and losing track of me along the way.. this past February 4th I had gastric by pass and I am changing so much I can’t believe it.. my self esteem is great and I am becoming the woman I have dreamed about becoming for DECADES.. this to the displeasure of a few folks who I have been there for even at the sacrifice of my own health and well being..well, their pushing back, disgruntled and perplexed as to why I will no longer cater to them and I’ve had some heated debates and tears from those who were used to having me at their beck and call.. the amazing thing is I have no guilt in putting myself first but the peanut gallery has a LOT to say about it... just this week I have been asked " Who is this new woman” it will require such changes to these friendships that it might mean walking away and choosing my self for a change.. I’m really excited and I can’t believe the freedom that comes with releasing that guilt that made me be so self destructive.. I’m not the woman I was months ago... and I’m darn glad!!!

Edited June 1, 20197 yr by Carrot64

Good for you!

On 05/31/2019 at 11:28 PM ,Carrot64 said:

So...

A little back information is required for this story. I’m a hairdresser (36 yrs) but first I’m a wife and mom , a great friend and up until just a few months ago a caregiver for my dad; he passed just recently) I have always been a giving person ( total pushover) NEVER put myself first and have had tremendous stress trying to get my child with autism the help he needs .. all this I ATE over, and ate and ate.. it was ma thang. I was always running around taking care of all and losing track of me along the way.. this past February 4th I had gastric by pass and I am changing so much I can’t believe it.. my self esteem is great and I am becoming the woman I have dreamed about becoming for DECADES.. this to the displeasure of a few folks who I have been there for even at the sacrifice of my own health and well being..well, their pushing back, disgruntled and perplexed as to why I will no longer cater to them and I’ve had some heated debates and tears from those who were used to having me at their beck and call.. the amazing thing is I have no guilt in putting myself first but the peanut gallery has a LOT to say about it... just this week I have been asked " Who is this new woman” it will require such changes to these friendships that it might mean walking away and choosing my self for a change.. I’m really excited and I can’t believe the freedom that comes with releasing that guilt that made me be so self destructive.. I’m not the woman I was ) months ago... and I’m darn glad!!!

And it is Good Thing, I could have written your post but I did it even longer, 44 years with late hubby, still appeasing up until my RNY 9 months ago and like you, some want to me to return to the old Status Quo, well it will never happen, I am now Strong, resilient and under new management-ME and Only ME. Oh I still can be nice to other people but it will be on a More Adult Basis. The family Doormat has permanently retired!

Bravo and bravo! I am impressed! They're going to adjust... in the mean time you do you!

You rock, Carrot!

33 minutes ago, Frustr8 said:

Just now, Carrot64 said:

So...

A little back information is required for this story. I’m a hairdresser (36 yrs) but first I’m a wife and mom , a great friend and up until just a few months ago a caregiver for my dad; he passed just recently) I have always been a giving person ( total pushover) NEVER put myself first and have had tremendous stress trying to get my child with autism the help he needs .. all this I ATE over, and ate and ate.. it was ma thang. I was always running around taking care of all and losing track of me along the way.. this past February 4th I had gastric by pass and I am changing so much I can’t believe it.. my self esteem is great and I am becoming the woman I have dreamed about becoming for DECADES.. this to the displeasure of a few folks who I have been there for even at the sacrifice of my own health and well being..well, their pushing back, disgruntled and perplexed as to why I will no longer cater to them and I’ve had some heated debates and tears from those who were used to having me at their beck and call.. the amazing thing is I have no guilt in putting myself first but the peanut gallery has a LOT to say about it... just this week I have been asked " Who is this new woman” it will require such changes to these friendships that it might mean walking away and choosing my self for a change.. I’m really excited and I can’t believe the freedom that comes with releasing that guilt that made me be so self destructive.. I’m not the woman I was ) months ago... and I’m darn glad!!!

And it is Good Thing, I could have written your post but I did it even longer, 44 years with late hubby, still appeasing up until my RNY 9 months ago and like you, some want to me to return to the old Status Quo, well it will never happen, I am now Strong, resilient and under new management-ME and Only ME. Oh I still can be nice to other people but it will be on a More Adult Basis. The family Doormat has permanently retired!

Under new management!!! Love it!!’ My new mantra! Thank you

Go YOU! Hopefully after some time to adjust they'll appreciate and respect the new you and there won't be a strain on those relationships anymore!

Way to go, Carrot! Setting up healthy boundaries now will ensure the new you inside and out. It has been my experience that people will see you the way they need to see you, in order to keep from seeing themselves. Best wishes and continued success with the ongoing summer house cleaning! ;]