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What are you addicted to...like really, truly, mess with your brain addicted?
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Ever since I decided to have WLS I've been trying to answer this question. Because I knew that until I identified the issue I wouldn't be able to fix it. I have a lot of things I feel like I'm addicted to but I kept coming back to sweets. I have observed in my house that when we have sweets around, they call to me but no one else. My kids will have a brownie when I make them and then totally forget about them. However, I'll sneak a bite while I'm doing the dishes, or come down after they're asleep to eat one, or have one for breakfast before they come down the stairs. So clearly I have a problem.
But it didn't really click until I was watching an episode of My 600lb Life the other night. In the episode this woman was showing all the places in her bedroom where she hid candy and chocolate. And all of a sudden this memory came flooding back to me...
I was in Jr High, so probably 12 at the time. With any money I had from chores I would go to the store on my way home from school and buy kool-aid packets. When my parents weren't home and my brother wasn't around, I would mix one kool-aid packet with a cup of sugar in a ziploc baggie and hide it in my room, on a shelf behind my dolls. I would cut one of the corners off the baggie and just eat the flavored sugar. Like a pixie stick but in a major quantity. I can now remember that at one point I had four flavors in my room...that's four cups of sugar I was eating probably over the course of one week. I don't think my parents ever knew. I didn't see it as anything other than a fun secret because I was super skinny as a kid. It didn't matter what I ate, I never gained weight. But now I can see this is where my problems started, even if it took another 10 years for the weight to start pilling on.
I don't even know yet what to do with this realization but confessing this is definitely a start. So, what have you all been truly addicted to?