My husband is dead set against me having wls. Any advice on how to overcome that?

[dreamangel1974 38]

For the first time in a long time, I have been feeling so hopeful about the possibility of having weight loss surgery after regaining weight I lost doing Weight Watchers. My husband completely deflated that hopeful bubble tonight when he told me that he won’t even discuss it. He basically thinks it’s taking the easy way out, and instead, wants me to try another diet with him. Anyone else who has encountered this obstacle and found a way to overcome it without wrecking your marriage?

[JohnnyCakes 593]

tell him to PISS OFF.

[Amrivera2594 7]

Go to the doctors and have him go with you. So that he can also hear the info on why diets do not work long term and so he can hear that you will be fine and a lot healthier.

[sleeved2win 79]

This journey is HARD. Pre-op diet and post-op diet especially are difficult, plus if (God forbid) you experience a complication, you are going to need support. My psych eval included ensuring I have plenty of support at home to help me with my recovery from surgery and help me stay on track. As much as it would be awesome to say "Piss off!" and just do what you want anyway (LOL) you have to live with this guy and let's be honest, that ain't gonna work.

Your hubby is very wrong that this is the "easy" way out. As someone who's done WW, and lost and regained the weight a few times, I can tell you this is just as difficult. It's a hard decision, it takes will power and dedication, just like any other lifestyle change you make. He needs to be educated. Suggestions:

Would he respond better if you wrote him a letter explaining why you feel the way you do? Sometimes if people see it in writing, it resonates better.

Do you have a support group through your surgeon's office that you can take him to? Would he go to a meeting?

Don't take this the wrong way, but a mediator or therapist could help, too. There is NO shame in it-- sometimes having someone in the room to push the conversation in the right direction (meaning, understanding each other on a deeper level) would be helpful. Just throwing ideas out there.

I would also provide him information on how safe the surgery is. I'd be willing to bet he's afraid to see you go under the knife! Completely reasonable to be afraid, but the surgery is very safe, generally. Especially if you're young (you look it) and have few health issues. If he wants to keep you around for a long time-- prevention of health issues is best!! That's why I did it.

Edited February 14, 2018 by sleeved2win

[Creekimp13 5,838]

I cannot imagine my husband telling me "I won't even discuss" something I cared about.

If he ever tried that childish nonsense, the marriage would be over. And he would be responsible.

I don't want to be married to a controlling child, and I'm not sure why you want to be.

[KCgirl061 1,529]

I read this posted by someone else on the site once and its really stuck with me: Surgery IS NOT the easy way out, but let's say it was. Why is that a bad thing? Why wouldn't he want an easy solution for your problem. Why is easy inherently evil in this situation?

Can you imagine if someone said that about cancer?

"You have cancer, but it's easily treated."

"Yeah, no thanks. I don't want to take the easy way out."

[blizair09 3,250]

You need to do what you need to do to be healthy. If he persists, I'd begin to question if this relationship is right for you, to be honest.

[Changingbodies 7]

Do you for you!

Sent from my SM-N910P using BariatricPal mobile app

[mamamc32 132]

I've been married for 15 years . . . and there is absolutely no way my husband would refuse to talk to me about something important to me. That would be a HUGE issue in my house. I think you should address that first.

Ultimately, it's your body and your decision. I know it's a lot harder without support, but if this is something you really want, you may just have to do it. Maybe he doesn't fully understand the health risks at your current BMI? If that's the case, make sure he does. It's not a question of "if" you're going to have health issues - it's really a "when."

I know it's not exactly the same thing, but my husband was not supportive when I first wanted to go back to school. He thought I was going to be wasting money and I wouldn't follow through (in fairness, I was young and a little flaky then). When I got my bachelor's degree, I got to say "told you so." When I got my master's, I got to say "SUCK IT, DH." So . . . I do understand that it's hard to make a decision without your husband's support, but I also know it can be done!

[Saranimal83 30]

i would bring him to one of your pre surgery appointments so that someone else can explain to him the things that we go through for this surgery. it is most certainly NOT the easy way out. this is hard. and i haven't even had surgery yet (March 20th) for me and for my family members.

[Newme17 3,444]

Lack of education and knowledge is “the easy way out” excuse. If he’s not open to entertaining the idea of getting educated about WLS, then I’m sorry you have to deal with that. I hope he’s willing to learn for you.

[stabb009 27]

Do what is best for YOU

Sent from my LGMP260 using BariatricPal mobile app

[BostonWLKC 806]

My husband wanted me to do the gym and diet thing again with more devotion etc. when I explained my reasons to him- mostly around self esteem or how I feel physically or medical issues etc.... he supported me. I may have said “i know you don’t necessarily agree with it but I’m asking you to support me”


HW 242
SW 236- December 20, 2017
CW 197
GW 160

[FluffyChix 17,409]

Just tell him, you'll want more sex and will have tons of endurance and greater flexibility and that he'll be able to flip you around like an inflatable in bed. That should couch it in terms he can "get behind" --pardon the pun. LOL. (Sorry, men of BP, you're much more evolved than OP's hubs, so I don't count you in the Neanderthal group of xy chromosomes. )

Edited February 16, 2018 by FluffyChix

[dreamangel1974 38]

Thank you all for your input! This forum has been a source of inspiration and support for me.

As for my husband, I dropped the subject of WLS surgery temporarily so that we could enjoy Valentine’s Day and his birthday this past weekend without conflict. We have both put in a lot of work on our marriage in the past few years, and I’m not willing to throw all of that away. I have decided to write him a letter outlining how important this is to me and the reasons I want to do it. I sometimes have a difficult time articulating my point when we’re in a heated discussion. I have also discussed this issue with our best friends who are a couple that we spend a lot of time with. They are excited for me, and are prepared to back me up and help him see that he’s being selfish by withholding his support on this. If he’s still not on board by the time of my appointment with the surgeon in March, I may schedule an appointment with our pastor who is a licensed counselor that my husband has the utmost respect for.

I’m feeling hopeful again about the possibility of changing my life for the better!