Hi all! After a long wait, I am finally about to have my sleeve done (Yea!) My husband is super supportive, but unfortunately other's around me are very very judgmental, and have made very hurtful and negative comments about weight loss surgery in the past before. For this reason, I have made the decision to keep the surgery between just myself and hubby. We have already been openly adapting a Paleo diet between us, and family know I am actively trying to lose weight, so I think I may be ok with getting away with any awkward questions about my weight loss that is to come. By hubby thinks that it may be hard to keep it to ourselves though, as so far my current weight loss has been a slow process.

The question I have though, has anyone else managed to keep there surgery a secret and offer any advice on what hurdles I may cross if I do? Any tips/advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

Edited January 31, 20188 yr by PHOEBE_10

I’m 6.5 months out and only my husband knows about my vsg. The most challenging part for me was all the questions asked by co-workers about portion sizes at lunch. I just told them that I was watching what I was eating and left it at that. Best of luck on your journey!

This question comes up often. I'm sorry you're experiencing this. You don't deserve it.

I didn't lie. I didn't hide my surgery from anyone. In fact, when I told people, the realized I trusted them by sharing this information. I had many more people be supportive than I ever realized.

Good luck to you, whatever you choose.

I largely kept my lap band a secret for 10 years, although I had mixed results with weight loss so it wasn't really all that hard. haha. I am planning to keep my sleeve secret as well. I have told a few close friends and family members, but have not told my in laws or a bunch of folks who I see regularly. I just don't feel like I have to tell everyone. Right now in the early stages it's really hard to hide so I've limited my time out and have "gotten sick" when we were supposed to go to dinner. I'll go to the superbowl party but make a refried bean dip so there is something there I can eat.

My plan is just to be open with people about trying to lose weight. If I'm not drinking, this is why. If I'm not finishing the food on my plate, this is why. If they want to speculate I had surgery, let them. But right now my plan is to keep it to myself as I did before.

I haven't told a lot of people - most of my co-workers and several close friends don't know. Generally speaking, post surgery everyone has noticed my weight loss but very few people dig in about the "how". They simply congratulate me on the loss and move on. Right at first I was very self conscious about the tiny portions but not many people even noticed that or at least they didn't say anything. I've had a few people push me on how did I lose the weight and if I don't feel comfortable sharing the surgery part I just say "diet and exercise". In the past year I've only had two people really push me on it and I felt uncomfortable because to me their questions were coming from a place of gossip vs. interest/concern for me (or interest in weight loss in general) and in both cases I just firmly changed the topic.

Edited January 31, 20188 yr by Sadiebug
typo

I have mostly said nothing. It isn't anyone's business. Most think it is a quick fix, a cheat. Well anyone who has done it knows it isn't. Still I feel judged. The people I have told, less than 5, are very supportive. However, if asked a direct question, I will tell the truth.

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I have always been a private person when it comes to my family and peronnal life. When I embarked in this new and exciting lifestyle journey I became a new person. And I'm lovin every moment of it. There are some who openly expressed both inter change and outer appearance. People are very curious in nature and want to know how I did it. Than you get the ones who'll just check you out from head to toe and want say a word. I get a kick out this one. I smile and keep it moving. I have shared my WLS with family members, acquaintances and a few co-workers. People will be judgmental, but who cares. I love me and have always been very secure in my skin. You have to be comfortable in what every decision you choose...share with others or keep your experience a secret. Good luck to you!

6 hours ago, PHOEBE_10 said:

Hi all! After a long wait, I am finally about to have my sleeve done (Yea!) My husband is super supportive, but unfortunately other's around me are very very judgmental, and have made very hurtful and negative comments about weight loss surgery in the past before. For this reason, I have made the decision to keep the surgery between just myself and hubby. We have already been openly adapting a Paleo diet between us, and family know I am actively trying to lose weight, so I think I may be ok with getting away with any awkward questions about my weight loss that is to come. By hubby thinks that it may be hard to keep it to ourselves though, as so far my current weight loss has been a slow process.

The question I have though, has anyone else managed to keep there surgery a secret and offer any advice on what hurdles I may cross if I do? Any tips/advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

I chose not to disclose to certain people.

I'm sure it was obvious that I had surgery. I lost over 100 pounds in six months. It's none of their business. I don't owe anyone an explanation.

With rapid weight loss they are going to notice. They will speculate and judge. They may even ask if you had surgery...up to you how you want to respond.

The same people will find other things to judge about you after goal. All you need is the supportive people around you. Don't invest your time in negative people.

(this may not apply to you) Don't lose slow to make negative people feel comfortable. They can get bent..This is your health and your life. Get the most you can out of your surgery.

1 minute ago, jenn1 said:

Don't lose slow to make negative people feel comfortable. They can get bent..This is your health and your life. Get the most you can out of your surgery.

Love this. They sure can get bent!

Other than my husband, my two teen daughters who live with us and my two best friends, no one else knows I had surgery. My mother didn't know. My sister didn't know. My mother died not knowing. My sister still doesn't know and I've lost about 110 pounds.

No one has asked if I had surgery. When asked how I have done it, I say I'm following a medicallly prescribed diet that is 60-100 grams of protein and 64 ounces of water a day, exercising 7-10 hours per week, logging every bite of food I eat and have cut most sugars and carbs from my diet. And lots of hard work.

You don't have to tell anyone you don't want to and don't feed the negative trolls. Living well is the best revenge.

I haven't said anything to anyone but my husband either. I just haven't decided if, when, or who I want to tell.

10 hours ago, PHOEBE_10 said:

Hi all! After a long wait, I am finally about to have my sleeve done (Yea!) My husband is super supportive, but unfortunately other's around me are very very judgmental, and have made very hurtful and negative comments about weight loss surgery in the past before. For this reason, I have made the decision to keep the surgery between just myself and hubby. We have already been openly adapting a Paleo diet between us, and family know I am actively trying to lose weight, so I think I may be ok with getting away with any awkward questions about my weight loss that is to come. By hubby thinks that it may be hard to keep it to ourselves though, as so far my current weight loss has been a slow process.

The question I have though, has anyone else managed to keep there surgery a secret and offer any advice on what hurdles I may cross if I do? Any tips/advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

Personally, i have told my Wife and Children, they are for the most part supportive, my daughter is concerned only because she has been misinformed about some of the statistics regarding how dangerous the operation actually is. My wife is completely on board, she plans for us to live to 101 and 103 so that we can be married for 80 years and without this it probably wont happen, not even close. Outside of my family there are only 3 other people who know, my wife's best friend (a support person for her), one of my good friends (support for me) and my Boss so she understand why i will be off work for a bit and not able to travel for 2 months following the surgery.

Im not personally trying to hide this, but at the same time im not going out and flying the banner to let people know. Im a fairly private person and i will let my results speak for themselves.

I decided that only those who NEEDED to know before hand would know, so those who will be my support and those who i may impact with my mood swings as i change my habits about eating.

My amazing husband, my mom, my in laws and one of my close friends know. That's it. My kids ages 11&13 know I have surgery coming up and have asked why, as far as they are concerned along with everyone else who may ask I've told them I have stomach issues and it will require small procedure to fix. I don't see many people in my family so it's not any of their business.

Thanks so much to everyone for your replies! I'm feeling a lot more encouraged to just go ahead with keeping this between my husband and myself.

As many of you have said, people will likely judge and have there assumptions anyways.... and if they choose to be judgemental rather than supportive, than they don't really have the right to know any of my business, nor do I owe them any explanation (Or as you say Jenn1 - they can simply get bent, lol)

It is just really sad that the people you should be able to go to for love, support and understanding, would rather judge than be happy for me

Thanks again to everyone for your encouraging words, it truly has made me feel a lot more content with my decision and I really appreciate you all taking the time to respond to my question

Haven't told anyone except my husband, and don't intend to. My coworkers are the only ones that have questioned portion size, and I just told them in trying to take it easy during the day (sometimes just a bar or shake) and having a larger dinner.

Personally, i have told my Wife and Children, they are for the most part supportive, my daughter is concerned only because she has been misinformed about some of the statistics regarding how dangerous the operation actually is. My wife is completely on board, she plans for us to live to 101 and 103 so that we can be married for 80 years and without this it probably wont happen, not even close. Outside of my family there are only 3 other people who know, my wife's best friend (a support person for her), one of my good friends (support for me) and my Boss so she understand why i will be off work for a bit and not able to travel for 2 months following the surgery.
Im not personally trying to hide this, but at the same time im not going out and flying the banner to let people know. Im a fairly private person and i will let my results speak for themselves.
I decided that only those who NEEDED to know before hand would know, so those who will be my support and those who i may impact with my mood swings as i change my habits about eating.

Hi. Thank you for the tips. Why were you unable to fly for 2 months?