https://www.medicalbag.com/white-coat-chronicles/divorce-surgery/article/571606/

This is pretty sobering.

So, what do you guys think? Do you have concerns about your surgery and lifestyle changes contributing to problems in your marriage?

11 minutes ago, Creekimp13 said:

https://www.medicalbag.com/white-coat-chronicles/divorce-surgery/article/571606/

This is pretty sobering.

So, what do you guys think? Do you have concerns about your surgery and lifestyle changes contributing to problems in your marriage?

Yep, divorce is high percentage for WLS

If you don't have a strong marriage during this process. Guaranteed it's going to be a challenge with a big life change.

crossover addiction after surgery can be a factor in relationships.

• Acohol
• disordered eating
• sex addiction
• over exercising
• drugs
• shopping
• I'm sure there are more not listed...

That is pretty crazy but also understandable I think. I think if your spouse is on board with you during this life change and you have a good marriage then it shouldn't effect the marriage. I have a cousin though who lost a ton of weight and left her husband. She completely changed and I am not even sure if she had a surgery or not but her ex husband is still very obese. I am sure there was more to that but still. I am currently single and have been trying to not date for the last few months so I can focus on bettering myself. Now that my surgery is in 2 weeks I am realizing that I want to stay single during this journey. I am doing this for my own self-esteem and health. I don't need the pressure of trying to look good for a bf and dragging him along on this life changing journey. I am expecting a lot of ups and downs.

That percentage seems so high, but I understand that it's probably a reality for the reasons noted in the article. I'm only married 6 years, but my husband and I are both very committed to our marriage so I'd like to think we won't be a casualty. Scary to think about though!

Hubby just called me on lunch (he usually does) and I asked him what he thought of this statistic and how alarming I thought it was. He's unconcerned, but we had a interesting talk about how it could have affected our marriage ten or fifteen years ago when things were a little more precarious and stressed.

We've been together 25 years now and we're pretty solid...I don't think we're going to have too many issues. We made a shockingly good transition to having an empty nest four years ago...and that's usually a really good sign that your relationship is on good footings.

But yeah....I could see how this surgery could turn things upside down for folks...and back in the earlier days of our marriage I can see how it would have been a lot more challenging.

The article brought up what I'm sure is a really common scenario....where two overeaters are together for years and one decides to get fit and change the eating culture of the household, and the other resists or feels forced. I can see how that could be tough!

I'm lucky in that my hubby has always been a normal weight athletic guy with good eating habits. In many ways....my finally coming around to good habits is putting us more on the same page. it's been a lot of fun getting outside and being active with him:) He is loving our dietary changes. Would be really really hard if he was unsupportive or bringing in trigger foods.

Also, I think 25 years out...you've sorted out the major battles in a way that you haven't yet... when you're young and have little kids, and inlaw ya-ya, and financial stress, and all the pressures that come with that.

To all of us married folks....it's a good reminder to pay attention to our relationships and do the work to maintain them:)

4 minutes ago, NewBeginnings2018 said:

That percentage seems so high, but I understand that it's probably a reality for the reasons noted in the article. I'm only married 6 years, but my husband and I are both very committed to our marriage so I'd like to think we won't be a casualty. Scary to think about though!

Well...given that the average divorce rate is 50%....add this game changer and 75-85% doesn't seem that far off the mark.

But yeah....Scary! Definitely!

My gut says that an unhappy marriage and/or the feelings of renewal having left (or planning to leave) an unhappy marriage can be part of the decision to have surgery. Not that having had surgery creates a wedge in the marriage, but that surgery becomes part of the rebirth in the aftermath of an unhappy marriage.

For what it's worth my husband is loving the confidence and boost in physical well being and ability that surgery has afforded me.

Statistics are just statistics. (And I say that as a person who does math for a living...)

My ex and I broke up in July after 8.5 years together. (And that is like 50 years in the gay world.) We both lost a tremendous amount of weight, and while that had some to do with it, it wasn't all of it. The last 2-3 years had been rough, and the last year had bordered on unbearable. When we broke up, I told myself I didn't want to be stereotypical, but it had to happen.

If you have a super strong relationship before you start your weight loss journey, you'll probably be just fine as long as you support one another and keep your communication strong. We didn't, and that's why our relationship had to end.

Like choice of surgery, or alcohol consumption, this just depends on the particular life situation of the individual/couple. My parents both had WLS in the past 13 years, and they are still together and have been married for 43 years. I know many others in the same boat.

I guess I'm not that surprised by that statistic, but I'm not overly worried for myself. My husband and I have been together for 27 years and have already weathered some tough times. He's incredibly supportive of my journey, even to the point of eating nutrisystem while I'm on liquids and purees to help himself lose a bit of weight as well. I do think it will be tougher getting him to adopt a more active lifestyle than to change his eating habits along with mine (he will still eat badly when out, but he will eat whatever I serve him at home or for lunch). Getting him off the couch will be tougher, although he was once very fit and active. He just says he wants me to remain healthy, and constantly tells me (for years) that I'm the only thing that keeps him alive - figuratively and literally he says. At 53, I don't plan to get skinny and go crazy. I just want life to be easier to move through and to feel better.

If a spouse loosing weight causes a divorce, more than likely wasn’t a strong marriage in the first place.

When I talked to my therapist about it prior to surgery, she suggested I keep in mind that my wife was with me at my heaviest and loved me the same as she does now, so I should keep that in mind if I'm considering leaving her for someone who would then leave me if I got back to my heaviest.

That's why one of the most important pictures to me right now is a picture of my wife and me, taken when I was 60 pounds heavier than I am today.

22 hours ago, momin2005 said:

If a spouse loosing weight causes a divorce, more than likely wasn’t a strong marriage in the first place.

I guess so. Maybe being very overweight was the only thing holding the wife or husband back from getting a divorce. "Better being in a not-that-ideal marriage than having to face a future life all alone" might be what a lot of people are thinking. Statistically it's way harder to find a new partner if you're fat.

Same with jobs.

Getting a new partner or a new job is way less harder if you have a normal weight or if you're only slightly overweight so people might finally find the courage to do what they wanted to do for years.

I've heard many a time that the threat is real. That being said most articles, this one included, state something along the lines of "...seem to get divorced at a higher rate." Well, to be honest "seems" is not hard data. I'm not discounting that the divorce rates may in fact be higher amongst WLS patients but are have there been any hard studies done with actual data to back it up?

Don't get me wrong - the article has very valid points and I can see how issues can be made worse from having WLS. I'm an engineer so numbers matter more than feels...lol

I find this interesting. When I began this journey I noticed many of the ppl i followed in the wls community did have issues with their marriage for one reason or another after the procedure. As I inch closer to being approved ( sometime this week... yay!!!!) I brought this very subject up to my husband. He looked at me like I was talking a foreign language. I don't see this as being an issue for us but I'm sure no one goes into this thinking that they would lose their spouse. If the statistics show that the divorce rate is high after wls maybe it should be considered to add some extra info during the psych eval.

I know I tested my wife's patience for a while. I had decided to tell the bare minimum of people. The problem was, until I hit around 85-100 pounds lost, virtually no one noticed (or at least virtually no one said anything about how) I was changing. This meant I was working really hard on diet and exercise, vitamins, doctor's visits, etc. and getting no feedback from the world. I ended up talking about this stuff at home so much I was driving her nuts.

We're good now, but I don't think I realized how annoying I had been until after the fact when she told me she was glad I was past that.

i'm not "worried" about it per say, but am definitely aware of it. about 6 years ago I lost almost 50lbs and it really put a strain on my marriage. we weren't one of those classic situations where the fat person puts up with many things they shouldn't, because they have such low self esteem and think they can't do better etc etc and then they lose the weight and realize they're worth it. we had a great marriage, he is a wonderful man, and the issues were all brought on by me and coincided with some budding mental health issues. we sought counseling and made important changes, and tho it was a dark time we made it thru and can say we're grateful for the experience now. it hardened us like fire, and made our relationship so much better.

so i'm hopeful that we've already gotten the "weight-loss relationship issues" out and dealt with, already, so that this time will be different.