When The Doubts Hit

[Fluffygirl45 8]

Ever since my psych visit (the last thing for me to accomplish and now it's waiting for approval and doctor visit) I have been plagued with doubt. Everyone asks if I am excited and I wish I could say I was, but I just feel afraid, and unsure if I am ready for such a life change. I've not started the pre op diet yet but I've been upping my Water and and lowering portions for my meals. I felt extremely motivated when I first started this process and now..I don't know. I am emotional and wondering if this is the right decision.

Over a year ago on my own I started my own eating and exercise plan. I lost inches and I lost 30lbs. I improved my BP and cholesterol. I have been proud of myself but....30lbs in year was HARD...and it seemed like it should have been more for all the hard work I was putting in. What if I do this and it doesn't work? If I try to do it on my own without the surgery I feel like I'll be in my 60's and still battling the weight but what if it doesn't work for me? it's bringing up this sense of hopelessness, esp if I end up looking older, and my hair thinning and any skin hanging. (it's already hanging on my arms from where I've lose the (current) 42lbs)

I know I have to get myself out of this attitude. My apologies for seeming like a downer..maybe I shouldn't write this but it's definitely on my mind. I suppose I asking what doubts anyone else had and did anything help to get past them?

[Sosewsue61 3,185]

Most of us felt the same way you do, doubts and all right before surgery.

We are all going to age regardless of wls, the skin is already damaged - it's just filled with fat right now, so you can't see the wrinkles and that fat is causing more damage to your joints, heart, causing inflammation everywhere, making it hard to be active, and it will not improve without drastic measures. The surgery helps so much - I do not crave anything and have good restriction and that will help me keep off what I do lose. It is still as much a mental game as ever, but at least I have greater odds of keeping the success by having wls. Good luck. Stay determined.

[orionburn 1,023]

Felt the same way and had all the same doubts. The two week pre-op diet was a huge come to Jesus moment for me. It was an eye opener to how much control food had over me. I still recall the last day prior to having starting those 2 weeks. I was obsessing over what was going to be my "last meal" before surgery. Once I had that meal then I started to think "Oh, no, I should have went here instead." That made me realize that I could have went to another place and then I would have found somewhere else that I "should" have gone to. It was an eye opener of where I had gotten to.

As to losing weight on your own, yes, you can do it if you put your mind to it. I was up to 400 lbs at one point in my early 20s. Lived at the gym for 1-2 years and got all the way down to 265. Then over the years the weight crept back on. Developed terrible sciatica that only got worse as my weight increased and my ability to exercise went down. Once I was back to 350lbs I couldn't walk for more than 5 minutes without being in terrible pain, leg/foot feeling numb, and then not being able to get comfortable no matter what I did even when I sat back down.

In a few weeks I'll have my one year anniversary. Down to 235ish now. Back pain is about 10% of what it used to be. I've done more in this past year than I did the previous 3 because of how much better I feel. I used to think that Thanksgiving and the holidays would be terrible without being able to binge eat. Again, it takes food to make holidays fun? Yes, it's part of it, but I had just as good of a time this year as I did in year's past without making a pig out of myself.

WLS is a tool. It isn't a simple fix. I still struggle with food issues and head hunger. No different than when I gave up smoking years ago. Same can really be said about somebody struggling with drinking. Addictions are addictions and food can control you like anything else. Ultimately it is up to you in the end, but do take some comfort that the majority of us all went through the same doubts. I know it seems cliche to say but honestly my only regret was not doing it soon.

[Creekimp13 5,838]

First time I went in for a weight loss surgery consultation was about 18 years ago. For 18 years I told myself...you can do this without surgery. (I hate when people say "on your own" because if you've had surgery, you're STILL "on your own"...LOL)

Straws that broke the camel's back.

1. Back pain. Like horrible pain that had me looking for benches to sit on during regular appointments, outings and grocery shopping trips. Couldn't be on my feet for long without wanting to cry. Was eating enough ibuprofen to rattle like a maraca.

2. My A1C was creeping up and became pre-diabetic.

3. This is the biggie. I'm doing peri-menopause and had some weird spotty periods. Ended up doing a lot of testing and needed a uterine biopsy. We were concerned about endometrial cancer....and my doctor said...well, you do have risk factors, in particular your years of morbid obesity put you at risk for endometrial cancer and ovarian cancer.

And that's where all my fears of bariatric surgery disappeared.

I'm a hell of a lot more afraid of cancer....than I am of getting a sleeve.

Also, my kid is a biologist, and one day I'm going to have grandkids...and you know she's going to take them on adventure vactations. Hiking, canoeing, caves, etc.

I don't want to be left behind. I don't want to be Grandma-Can't-Come. I want to be a crazy grandma on Water skis someday. I want to have adventures with my family. I want to be sleeping in the kid tent telling ghost stories.

So yeah...my life without weight loss....scares me a hell of a lot more than surgery, than facing my demons, and making peace with food.

Everyone has a process on how they reach their decisions. Took me 18 years of wrestling with doubts and fears and anger about being fat and having shitty genetics and a food addiction.

One day, I just had clarity. This is what I'm going to do. Yep, there will be stumbles. But I'm on my way and I might get delayed, but nothing will stop me from getting there.

Best wishes to all who struggle:)

[Fluffygirl45 8]

Thank you everyone. I really mean that, I know this is the right decision and I guess I needed to hear it!:)

[Creekimp13 5,838]

Don't know if this helps, Fluffy....but if I had one wish...it would be to go back 18 years and do this in my 20's instead of my 40's. I'm stubborn and my process was long. LOL. Best wishes to you!

[Fluffygirl45 8]

I'm in my middle 40's. I didn't need it in my 20's and I think I still lament how I let myself get so bad off.

In my 30's I had endometrial hyperplasia and and currently in menopause. Does it restart your periods or are you stuck with where you are on that?

I'll never be a grandma, but what you said resonates with me. I want to be one of those older people who can go on hikes and travel with ease and not burdened with weight related health issues. I want to RUN and do things I haven't done in a long time, and I guess wrinkled skin or not the surgery will let me do that.

[Creekimp13 5,838]

Everyone gets wrinkles....and turkey neck...and saggy boobs. LOL. Even people who have been a perfect weight their whole lives have these things.

Your 40's are just....a time of physical humility. No matter who you are:)