So in my head i already still view myself as still fat. I don't always see my weight loss.
But one the reasons why i still view myself that way is because my heavy friends sometimes still group me in that category of being one of their fat friends. I think it's probably subconscious. Like they might complain about clothes or men or food and say something like "oh it's because we're bigger".
But it's starting to get to me a little. Mostly because it's making me feel like i'm either regaining and not noticing it or still have a lot more weight to lose. It's killing my self esteem.
So why do you think they do that? And what should i say to them (politely), because in reality i'm not quite at my goal weight yet, but i'm tiny. I worked really hard to finally get down to a size 4.

24 minutes ago, xoxococojay said:

But it's starting to get to me a little. Mostly because it's making me feel like i'm either regaining and not noticing it or still have a lot more weight to lose. It's killing my self esteem.

So this is more of a body image issue than anything else maybe and might have little to do with your friend's remarks. Ignore it. Work on your body image. Anything you will say to them about this issue will most likely be seen as offending anyway.

I agree with summerset. I would add that the only affirmation that you need is from that beautiful lady in the mirror. Once you develop a great relationship with her, and see that she loves the way that you look, nobody else's opinion will matter.

Congratulations on making it this far in your journey!

I agree with all the above. I would just like to add that I think that no matter how politely you try to say it, no good is going to come from you letting your bigger friends know that you no longer fit into that category. They are probably including you because you're friends and they know you understand that struggle.

They can obviously see a difference, but if you think they are purposely doing it to throw shade...that is a different conversation.

Be confident in you. Scales and pant sizes don't lie.

Have a great day!

You have received some great input... it takes awhile for the brain (self image) to catch up.

Keep loving you. Stay positive. Don't feed into negative vibes. Continue to be polite to others and treat everyone with dignity and respect. If you focus on these things, no one will be able to rob you of your peace and joy. And never forget that you are beautiful no matter the size. Keep up the good work.

6 hours ago, MowryRocks said:

I agree with all the above. I would just like to add that I think that no matter how politely you try to say it, no good is going to come from you letting your bigger friends know that you no longer fit into that category. They are probably including you because you're friends and they know you understand that struggle.

They can obviously see a difference, but if you think they are purposely doing it to throw shade...that is a different conversation.

Be confident in you. scales and pant sizes don't lie.

Have a great day!

I agree with this, anything you say regarding your new size vs theirs is going to come off as offensive. They have got to see that you are small now, so it may just be a generalization to continue to include you. Maybe they are having a hard time identifying with the new you, and don't want to leave you out?

Don't let it cloud your view of all your hard work and the achievements that you have made. A size 4, damn! I haven't been that size probably since kindergarten, lol. Keep up the great work!

They may be jealous, and therefore trying to tell you covertly that they still consider you a big girl. Or, they might just feel like coming from where they still are, you're in that club permanently - because surely you can understand their mindset. Or maybe they're not thinking - that the whole group contains larger women except for you, so the "group" is larger women.

Regardless, you're not in that club anymore. You still do understand the mindset somewhat, I'm sure. So I'd choose to look at it as a compliment - because maybe they're just saying that in their hearts, you're still one of them - one of the people who knows this challenge and its difficulties. And that's true - you do. And always will.

I think there IS room for you to say something - as long as it's not confrontational in any way. Next time they say, "because we're bigger", I might say something like, "I've worked really hard to get to where I am." There is NO refuting that - or that you've arrived at a different place. They are then forced to show their true hand. They'll likely say something like, "Oh, I know, girl! I was just saying US (pointing to the rest of the group)." Then you've made them aware that yes, you DO hear them, and it's insensitive because at the very least, it doesn't validate your work or current status. Maybe they'll just not say it the next time they want to. OR, they might be all, "Oh, so you go and lose a few pounds and now you're above us?" To which I'd reply, "I haven't lost a "few" pounds - I've lost X lbs. And I'm proud of myself." Then let that just sit there. They should respond by saying that they're proud of you, too. Or, they'll make it known that they don't consider weight loss surgery "true" weight loss. Which would be your opportunity to talk about the fact that you jumped through months of hoops just to GET the surgery. Then you went through the pain and suffering, the time off work, the weeks of eating liquids and pureed foods, and then a complete lifestyle change. Let that sink in for them. If they still voice their dissent, then maybe it's time to re-evaluate your friendships, and whether they currently serve you in the way that you need now. Sometimes we outgrow others.

Keep loving you. Stay positive. Don't feed into negative vibes. Continue to be polite to others and treat everyone with dignity and respect. If you focus on these things, no one will be able to rob you of your peace and joy. And never forget that you are beautiful no matter the size. Keep up the good work.

Love this!!!

I agree with this, anything you say regarding your new size vs theirs is going to come off as offensive. They have got to see that you are small now, so it may just be a generalization to continue to include you. Maybe they are having a hard time identifying with the new you, and don't want to leave you out?
Don't let it cloud your view of all your hard work and the achievements that you have made. A size 4, damn! I haven't been that size probably since kindergarten, lol. Keep up the great work!

That's a good point. I definitely don't want to ever offend anyone.

They may be jealous, and therefore trying to tell you covertly that they still consider you a big girl. Or, they might just feel like coming from where they still are, you're in that club permanently - because surely you can understand their mindset. Or maybe they're not thinking - that the whole group contains larger women except for you, so the "group" is larger women.
Regardless, you're not in that club anymore. You still do understand the mindset somewhat, I'm sure. So I'd choose to look at it as a compliment - because maybe they're just saying that in their hearts, you're still one of them - one of the people who knows this challenge and its difficulties. And that's true - you do. And always will.
I think there IS room for you to say something - as long as it's not confrontational in any way. Next time they say, "because we're bigger", I might say something like, "I've worked really hard to get to where I am." There is NO refuting that - or that you've arrived at a different place. They are then forced to show their true hand. They'll likely say something like, "Oh, I know, girl! I was just saying US (pointing to the rest of the group)." Then you've made them aware that yes, you DO hear them, and it's insensitive because at the very least, it doesn't validate your work or current status. Maybe they'll just not say it the next time they want to. OR, they might be all, "Oh, so you go and lose a few pounds and now you're above us?" To which I'd reply, "I haven't lost a "few" pounds - I've lost X lbs. And I'm proud of myself." Then let that just sit there. They should respond by saying that they're proud of you, too. Or, they'll make it known that they don't consider weight loss surgery "true" weight loss. Which would be your opportunity to talk about the fact that you jumped through months of hoops just to GET the surgery. Then you went through the pain and suffering, the time off work, the weeks of eating liquids and pureed foods, and then a complete lifestyle change. Let that sink in for them. If they still voice their dissent, then maybe it's time to re-evaluate your friendships, and whether they currently serve you in the way that you need now. Sometimes we outgrow others.

Thank you for this!!! I needed to hear that perspective.

First off, good for you, congratulations! Getting down to a size 4 is amazing! I think the people who responded here have added really good input.

I just wanted to add, don't ever let others get you down. There will always be haters, you know that. And unfortunately, more often than not, it's the people who are close to us. You will have those who are super-supportive, and always make a big deal about how tiny your are when they see you. And you would have the others, who seem to not even notice that you're a fraction of your original size. And that's okay. Because, YOU know the truth. You know it was not some magic pill that you popped. You know that there was no magic chair you sat in and the pounds just melted away. You know you had to work your @ss off (literally!). Watching what you eat, monitoring your daily physical activities, etc. Plus, the painkillers and issues at the initial post-surgery phase.

Just keep doing what you're doing If they are good friends, maybe they are having a hard time dealing with their own feelings and their own body image issues. But bringing up anything might cause some awkwardness, and I'm not really sure if any good would come out of it.

First off, good for you, congratulations! Getting down to a size 4 is amazing! I think the people who responded here have added really good input.
I just wanted to add, don't ever let others get you down. There will always be haters, you know that. And unfortunately, more often than not, it's the people who are close to us. You will have those who are super-supportive, and always make a big deal about how tiny your are when they see you. And you would have the others, who seem to not even notice that you're a fraction of your original size. And that's okay. Because, YOU know the truth. You know it was not some magic pill that you popped. You know that there was no magic chair you sat in and the pounds just melted away. You know you had to work your @ss off (literally!). Watching what you eat, monitoring your daily physical activities, etc. Plus, the painkillers and issues at the initial post-surgery phase.
Just keep doing what you're doing [emoji4] If they are good friends, maybe they are having a hard time dealing with their own feelings and their own body image issues. But bringing up anything might cause some awkwardness, and I'm not really sure if any good would come out of it.

Thanks for that! And actually since i posted this my friend accidentally did it again. So I tried something different. She was having a conversation about some guy she just met and naturally her weight insecurities came up, she seems to think that if a guy is interested in her, therefore he must have a big girl fetish. Long story short i said, stop thinking that way, he's interested in you for you, embrace it, it has nothing to do with your curves. She actually stopped and thought about what i just said like a deer in the headlights. But it clicked, and she wasn't offended. So hopefully going forward she realizes this.

• You could take some full body selfies and look at them a couple times a day until you correct your self image. For some reason I can see myself as I really am in photos.

Edited December 14, 20178 yr by nevermore71
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