I'm not telling my family that I am having surgery, is anyone else here doing the same ?

3 hours ago, Rainbow_Warrior said:

I disagree.

While your cover story is partially true, you have done well to think about it.

Practise some answer scenarios and you should go well.

I hope so

I am not saying much to most everyone either. My in laws are awesome but say the wrong stuff often and don't need it. Also we have two family members that have that gluten allergy the bad one (can't spell the name of it ) and that is all they talk about at family dinners I don't want to hear it. And I am so glad I NEVER said anything because as long as it took for pre op it would have been a 10 month nightmare.

It took me three years to make this decision and it is mine alone. My husband is supportive my kids know and only five others three of which have had VGS done.

Work is awesome however just have gossipers and can't wait to see the rumors they spread.

I am not saying much to most everyone either. My in laws are awesome but say the wrong stuff often and don't need it. Also we have two family members that have that gluten allergy the bad one (can't spell the name of it ) and that is all they talk about at family dinners I don't want to hear it. And I am so glad I NEVER said anything because as long as it took for pre op it would have been a 10 month nightmare.
It took me three years to make this decision and it is mine alone. My husband is supportive my kids know and only five others three of which have had VGS done.
Work is awesome however just have gossipers and can't wait to see the rumors they spread.

I just feel as though people believe this is a easy way out ; and emotionally it's far from easy and they don't understand unless they are going through it themselves so it brings me peace knowing I have others who are with me

Parties, barbecues, lunches, community events everywhere.
All this when I'm 2.5 to 3.5 months post surgery
Saying "I'm just not hungry!" will have people thinking I need to be rushed to hospital emergency care.

Right. Going to get used to saying: "no thanks! I'm full" Friends and family are going to think I am in need of medical attention.


Skinny is coming.

1 hour ago, mzsantiago88 said:

I just feel as though people believe this is a easy way out

It's a mental mechanism others develop to assume that all calorie controlled diets with exercise are easy and that I (and 95% of other grossly obese and morbidly obese people) are just not trying hard enough.

Over the las t 40+ years, I have watched some formerly very skinny and some average weight people become overweight then obese. I see their eyes when I say, "I know it's hard to diet for long periods of time, eh? ... harder than you used to think, eh?"

Some do begin to empathise ... but not all.

- - -

People who tell me my upcoming gastric sleeve op is cheating get both barrels from me.

I emphasise that I am spending megabuck$ to buy the advantage ... i.e. paying a direct price for all my failures at dieting because I want to "get in the game" and end the medications, the painful joints and the combined negatives of hal a lifetime of obesity.

Thanks for reading my 10c worth.

I didn't tell anyone other than my Mom and Sisters. (three of four sisters have now had WLS, and Mom was my driver for surgery)
I really just feel it is a private matter (for me).
I did not tell my adult child. I think I feel some shame because he suffered from having a 'fat Mom" his whole life and I am uncomfortable telling him- not sure why??

To mzsantiago88 you are not alone! I am also. I live in Middle, GA and all my family live in NY. I find they are very critical. The majority of my family are women and I find they can be very opinionated and critical. When you get them together especially around the holidays oh my look out! They are very much into body shaming. My mother who lives here in GA with me wants me to confide in them. I told her I didn't want her to to tell them as I gave her my reasons why. For example, they would not be supportive, however, at this time it's ALL ABOUT ME right now. It's not About my mom either trying to please the family. I need to make me happy. This is my journey. I would not be surprised if she went behind my back and told a family member or two what I plan to do, which would not surprise me, but I have to remember it is and will always be ABOUT ME.. it's my journey along with others who wish to sincerely join me!

Congratulations on your choice Rainbow Warrior. Time to start telling people who want you rush you to the hospital over the holidays you have just started to make new and better choices for your health. Tell them long enough and they will believe you as you get healthier all the time. I told two of my children and my husband who were all great supporters. I left out remaining children and friends that would have not be positive influences on me. One of my children would have every sniffle and ache and pain directly caused by this choice for the rest of my life. Do what you need to for yourself. Good luck

Thank you, Mountaingal! I greatly appreciate your support and much success to yourself and everyone who needs moral support. We are all in this together.

I will be sleeved in November... looking forward to the journey. Be well!

One of the challenges I might encounter is my mother who is overweight herself and is a diabetic. My concern is she may think we need to compete because there are times she will occasionally remind me how heavier I am than she is. Why she needs to express this is beyond me? In the interim, I can see her trying to have me participate in restaurant meal platters oppose to preparing nutritional meals at home either for myself or for the both of us. She's unable to participate in any of the Bariatric surgeries due to a medical condition, if not I seriously believe she would be on the bandwagon. I will be strong.. it's ALL ABOUT ME

I am. Except my mom but the rest yes.

One of the challenges I might encounter is my mother who is overweight herself and is a diabetic. My concern is she may think we need to compete because there are times she will occasionally remind me how heavier I am than she is. Why she needs to express this is beyond me? In the interim, I can see her trying to have me participate in restaurant meal platters oppose to preparing nutritional meals at home either for myself or for the both of us. She's unable to participate in any of the Bariatric surgeries due to a medical condition, if not I seriously believe she would be on the bandwagon. I will be strong.. it's ALL ABOUT ME

It's been very rough for me and I can relate my mother and sisters were very cruel to me and always made fun of me because of my weight. To date my sisters friends don't even know that we are related I feel as though by doing this I am taking control and very happy with the decision I have made

I kind of took the middle road and it has worked ok for me.

I told my mom, because she is smart and wise. But I was hesitant to tell her, because she has been on my case about my weight since I was a teenager. I figured she would get on my case again for having surgery and not handling the situation myself, "You're stronger than that." But despite this, I told her because I wanted her honest feedback and much to my surprise, delight and immense relief, she was 100% in support of my decision. Of course, my stepfather knows too, but that's not a problem because he's always been awesome.

Likewise, I told my sister because she had recently confided in me something that she thought I would get on her case about, but I didn't and I supported her decision instead. She was also pleased and supportive.

Some of the co-workers know because I was out for two weeks on leave and they noticed. The ones who know have all been very supportive, understanding and encouraging... It's nice.

My boyfriend's family knows because he let it slip to his mom who was worried about me and she told everyone else. That gets weird sometimes, but they like to talk about their own pet ailments and now they have added me into that conversation. I find it unexpectedly comforting.

I have not told my father, stepmom or any of my step-siblings. I would never hear the end of it and I just don't want to deal with the fallout from that, it would never end.

So what I'm trying to say is that some people know and others don't. I don't tell people about my surgery, but I don't try to hide it or keep it a secret either. I refuse to feel ashamed about it and I don't really care what most other people think. Your support group is all that matters! And just remember, it's ok to open up to people once in a while, a few of them might surprise you.

Wow, sorry for the super-long post! eep.

I only told a select group, and not telling sisters because I know one of them won't be supportive for sure. My daughters, husband, 2 friends, niece know - now wish I hadn't told her (her mom has passed 25 yrs now). She is ab 385 and I didn't think I would get negativity from her but I got a weird vibe from her - said she has NEVER considered wls, nope no part of it....her brother desperately wants it. Anyway cat out of the bag on that now. I don't want to be under a microscope at every family function.

I had the lapband in Mexico in 2003. I was very young. I'm now 35 and 3 weeks out to getting a revision to sleeve. When I originally got the band I told co workers and family and friends. My ex husbands family. That was a mistake. Even well intentioned family and friends treat you differently. Always watching what you are eating and making comments good or bad. Then comments when you lose the weight that it's not deserved because it was surgery not hard work.

Well it is still hard work. I lost a little over 100 lbs and kept it off since then including having 4 children during that time. In the last year my band has caused me a lot of problems and that is why I am doing the revision to the sleeve.

Im now remarried and have been for 8 years. Only my husband knows. His family and none of the new friends I have gained since being part of his life know. I learned my lesson. There have been a few people in our friend group that have gotten the surgery but they are both men and I find people to be less judgmental of men that get surgery. At times I wanted to talk to them about it but decided not to because I remember being treated poorly and once you say it you can't get it back.

I think it's a good idea to keep it to yourself and your very close trusted circle. Just because you go through enough having to deal with all the things you have to deal with being a surgery patient in the first place. Not to mention your life before surgery struggling with the weight. Why add to it and let others affect your confidence. When you're trying so hard to build confidence. It's nice to see a group like this where we are all in the same boat :-)

Edited September 13, 20178 yr by Road2health