Lack of Support, How to deal

[SweetGisy 41]

Hello everyone, so I am having a revision (lap-band to sleeve) on 7/18/2017. Aside from husband who for the most part supports my decision and understands why I need WLS, the rest of my family does not. Take my mother for instance, she went as far as saying she had a dream I died and then went on to try to talk me out of my revision. She even started to tell me stories of people who successfully lost the weight w/o surgery! I cut our conversation short. You would think the woman who saw me struggle with my weight all my life would be the 1st to understand why this is necessary. I was 190 lbs in 5th grade for crying out loud! A. Anyway,pardon the rant- I'm just wondering has anyone else had lack of support and had family discourage them, and if so how did you deal? other hand- my mother, who I speak to everyday does not.

[Navigating the Wilderness 824]

I support you 100%. Mom is probably scared and uninformed. Educate her, and past that let her negativity roll off as best you can.

[Milindia 6]

When I had my lap band in 5 years ago I got a lot of negativity from people I thought would support me. I know sometimes it was jealousy and sometimes concern, but it hurt because I felt like I had made a decision to better me, to better my health and it was a hard decision. Then when I regained 100+ pounds and now I had it removed it was a lot of I told you so. I actually told very few people about the revision, and the rest think I only had the removal. I didn't want to hear it from them. You are making the choice to take care of you, and only you can decide what makes you feel good. Don't let them make you feel bad for doing what's best for you. Good luck!

[Introversion 1,876]

2 hours ago, SweetGisy said:

Take my mother for instance, she went as far as saying she had a dream I died and then went on to try to talk me out of my revision.

Ask your unsupportive family members the following questions...

1. Will they support your funeral fund? Without weight loss surgery, you might as well plan for an early death and they need to be willing to support this with money.

2. Will they support you by driving you to the dialysis center three times a week, every week? Obesity leads to hypertension, which eventually causes kidney failure.

3. Will they support you by performing CPR when your heart stops beating? Obesity is difficult on the heart. Many badly overweight people suddenly drop dead.

4. Will they support you by being there to push your wheelchair in the future? Obesity is hard on the joints and leads to knee replacements and prolonged immobility.

5. Will they support you by administering your insulin injections? Obesity causes insulin resistance and diabetes, and they need to step up to the plate to support you if this occurs.

6. Will they support you by purchasing an electric scooter? Obesity makes it difficult to move around. You notice most of the shoppers on electric scooters at Walmart are obese.

[TooneyNinosMom 50]

I'm so sorry that your mom hasn't been supportive. It took my mom a while to come around. It wasn't till I broke down in tears that I didn't want to die before seeing my daughters grow up. I want to be there for them through all of what life will throw at them.

I commend you for taking control of your health. Good luck and I pray for a speedy recovery.

[smg 471]

As far as your mother is concerned, she is most likely just scared. I'm sure it's coming from a good place and not a matter of "to support or not support". My hunch is that even if you are overweight she may not "see it that way" BECAUSE you are her child.

If YOU believe that it's the right thing for you and your DOC feels it's the right thing for you, then that's all of the support you need.

Support is a great thing, and once you do it, support will be there by those closest to you and if it's not, you'll have to separate yourself from those people. The thing is, it has to be a "you" decision. YOU have to do this for YOURSELF. Sure the sleeve helps, but you NEED to have the motivation and will to see it through and make sure you stay with it moving forward.

Just like the lap-band, there will come a time where the "restriction" you feel in the beginning is not as much. You need to use the time that you have it wisely and make sure you develop good eating habits and exercise habits during that time-frame.

There are groups you can join if you need to talk or need support outside of your family/friends. Support is great when it's there, but you have to be prepared and motivated to do it without support if needed, because at the end of the day, this for YOU.

[XYZXYZXYZ1955 675]

People come from all kinds of weird places with their comments, but usually from ignorance at least as much as malice. Your mother is probably scared and doesn't realize how she's coming across.

I had someone (not someone I knew, just someone I talked to at the medical center) tell me today that I could lose weight if I just filled up on Water. Just keep your stomach full of water, that doesn't have any calories, he said. Uh huh. I'm not canceling my surgery so I can try that, though.

Stay strong and know you're doing the right thing.

[SweetGisy 41]

EXACTLY!!! You hit the nail on the head. Some ppl dont /wont even try to understand the reasoning behind decisions such as WLS. Awesome breakdown!

[SweetGisy 41]

Just now, SweetGisy said:

EXACTLY!!! You hit the nail on the head. Some ppl dont /wont even try to understand the reasoning behind decisions such as WLS. Awesome breakdown!

14 hours ago, Introversion said:

Ask your unsupportive family members the following questions...

1. Will they support your funeral fund? Without weight loss surgery, you might as well plan for an early death and they need to be willing to support this with money.

2. Will they support you by driving you to the dialysis center three times a week, every week? Obesity leads to hypertension, which eventually causes kidney failure.

3. Will they support you by performing CPR when your heart stops beating? Obesity is difficult on the heart. Many badly overweight people suddenly drop dead.

4. Will they support you by being there to push your wheelchair in the future? Obesity is hard on the joints and leads to knee replacements and prolonged immobility.

5. Will they support you by administering your insulin injections? Obesity causes insulin resistance and diabetes, and they need to step up to the plate to support you if this occurs.

6. Will they support you by purchasing an electric scooter? Obesity makes it difficult to move around. You notice most of the shoppers on electric scooters at Walmart are obese.

[SweetGisy 41]

13 hours ago, TooneyNinosMom said:

I'm so sorry that your mom hasn't been supportive. It took my mom a while to come around. It wasn't till I broke down in tears that I didn't want to die before seeing my daughters grow up. I want to be there for them through all of what life will throw at them.

I commend you for taking control of your health. Good luck and I pray for a speedy recovery.

Thank you so much, funny thing is I think the same thing about my little guys. I want to be there for their every accomplishment.

[SweetGisy 41]

13 hours ago, smg said:

As far as your mother is concerned, she is most likely just scared. I'm sure it's coming from a good place and not a matter of "to support or not support". My hunch is that even if you are overweight she may not "see it that way" BECAUSE you are her child.

If YOU believe that it's the right thing for you and your DOC feels it's the right thing for you, then that's all of the support you need.

Support is a great thing, and once you do it, support will be there by those closest to you and if it's not, you'll have to separate yourself from those people. The thing is, it has to be a "you" decision. YOU have to do this for YOURSELF. Sure the sleeve helps, but you NEED to have the motivation and will to see it through and make sure you stay with it moving forward.

Just like the lap-band, there will come a time where the "restriction" you feel in the beginning is not as much. You need to use the time that you have it wisely and make sure you develop good eating habits and exercise habits during that time-frame.

There are groups you can join if you need to talk or need support outside of your family/friends. Support is great when it's there, but you have to be prepared and motivated to do it without support if needed, because at the end of the day, this for YOU.

Amazing advice. Thank you so much, so very true!