Blowing it, meant to be obese

[chavezmommy 146]

5'11

HW 284

CW 169

GW 160

I had VSG in January 2016 since then I have lost almost 120 pounds. I was really good and stuck to the diet as recommended by the nutritionist until July 2016. Then I went on a cruise with my husband for vacation. There I ate whatever I wanted.

Since then I have been struggling to get back on track. Two thirds of the time I would eat healthy and dinner and weekends I just started giving into whatever my family would eat. I got a lot of pushback when I try to serve healthy food and sort of gave up. Again I stuck to my diet up until July but I gave up after the cruise.

Then Thanksgiving came one weekend turned into six weekends of eating junk food with the family occasional wine. At that point I was eating healthy a third of the time.

While I have maintained my weight since December I am actually quite shocked that I haven't gained because I've been eating really bad.

I feel like what I'm doing is testing the waters to see what I can get away with. But I feel awful after I eat and I often over eat to where I feel uncomfortable. I feel like a failure because I had the surgery and I've done so well and now I'm screwing up again. I know I'm emotionally eating and I don't know what to do to get back on track.

I went to the bariatric psychologist for a follow up and shared some of what was going on but not everything because I was ashamed. I have a follow up on Friday with the doctor and the nutritionist. I guess I'll tell them what's going on but I can't help but being ashamed and embarrassed. I feel like all they'll do is tell me to stick to the diet. I'll smile and nod and say OK you're right. Then I'll leave, and then go back to the old way.

Something off that I've observed recently about my thought process is that I still feel like I deserve to be obese. I feel that I eat crappy food and I should be overweight. It hurts to write this but this is what I'm feeling inside.

[Newme17 3,444]

Bless you hon. Now, I want you to do something. Stand in front of a mirror and tell yourself, "I will not be ashamed, I will not be embarrassed. My feelings are not true, I am not meant to be obese, but a healthy me". I can guarantee it will feel silly and it will hurt. You may end up crying your eyes out, but it's true. You do not deserve to be obese and aren't meant to be. Those are lies and do your best to not believe them ok.

Tomorrow is a new day, whatever happened in the past (food, cruise, etc) is the past. You can learn from it or you can dwell in it. Which one will you do?

Edited January 26, 2017 by Newme17

[clc9 644]

Never feel bad for asking for help when you need it. Tell your bariatric team and let them help you.

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[Berry78 4,259]

Probably every person on this message board has been a chronic yo yo dieter. You get excited at the beginning of a new diet, so motivated! The pounds drop off, you go shopping, all is rosy.

Then something changes, and you're derailed. The pounds come flooding back on.

You never had a tiny tummy all those other failed diets. This time, you have a tool that you never did before. The tool doesn't give permission to derail like before, because just as your anatomy is permanently changed, your lifestyle must be too. But, for your lifestyle to change, your mind must.

This is not just another diet

You have walked through a doorway from your old life to your new one. The door needs to be locked behind you.

Feel free to explore the new world ahead! You deserve it!

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[Cape Crooner 589]

I was sleeved in October 2015 and have somewhat similar experiences.

The only advice I'd share (and try to follow myself), is to either push back on getting into "The Valley of Death" - endless buffets of bad food, or give yourself stronger rules about what you'll eat if you find yourself there.

I think the idea of limiting the number of less careful meals a week is a great start, but I fear the right number is only 2-4, not 1/3rd to 2/3rd.

Of course, you probably know all this!

I put on 5 lbs since fall and I've gone back on my post opt diet and stepped up my exercise level. My pants are falling off, but the pounds aren't. I'm thinking this is my new normal, but who knows?

Crazy journey!

[Dairymary 533]

Find a good therapist. It doesn't even have to be a barbaric specialist. Your issues aren't with food, its your emotions and your abilities to deal with life that are the issues. You need to discover why you have this addiction, address the underlying causes and develop new behaviors that support a healthy body. Like mentioned above, permanent weightloss is about lifestyle changes. The surgery is just one tool that doesn't work by itself......you can't build a house with just a hammer.

I'm over six years out and maintaining at my lowest weight. Some Credit goes to my surgeon who spent an hour creating my sleeve, but far more credit goes to my therapist and the three years she spent helping me develop the psychological tools I needed.

[hmills653 365]

You have done so great and should be proud of yourself. This is a struggle that is lifelong. We didn't put the weight on in a few months and these eating habits developed over time. A weight loss support group where people understand what your going through may be helpful.

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[Montana Gal 448]

You deserve nothing but the best, now and for the rest of your life! Something has happened to you or was said to you to make you believe that you deserve to be obese. Finding a good therapist to help you deal with this belief and change the way you think is so important. This is your life, this is your time!

There are some really good videos on YouTube by Brene Brown, Caroline Myss, Susan Pierce Thompson, just to name a few.....plus, so many books on the subject to read as well!

You can do this, you are worth it.

[chavezmommy 146]

All... thank you for your input. I am going to process your insights and suggestions and take action. I agree that this addiction requires therapy. I need to find a good therapist to help me get to the root cause of what I'm feeling. I'm so blessed to have had VSG. It's helping a great deal and now I need to address my mind and spirit and what's driving this. I'm so happy to have this support group.

[TinyLittleFractures 33]

You've got some great advice above. I think you should go back and be more honest with the psychologist. I also think you need to sit your family down and tell them the kitchen is closed. You will not be preparing one healthy meal for yourself and high carb foods for them. End of Discussion. You are not a chef. You do not have to torture yourself with preparing meals you cannot partake in. Either they will learn to cook or they will get with the program -- either way you will be better off because you won't have to handle and be around what they want to eat. Families need to support each other. Yours is not only being less than supportive but actually helping derail you with their needs.

Additionally, I'd tell the husband no more cruises. Go on vacations centered around activities you want to do or places you want to see. A cruise ship is like a cattle ship, shuffling people around between giant, salt laden meals. I think part of your problem is you want everyone to be happy. You need a little bit of the 'do no harm but take no shit approach.' Telling them to cook for themselves does no harm and is a nice balance of take no shit.

[Cape Crooner 589]

I'm fortunate in that I'm the home chef and I do all the shopping. My suggestion would be to feed your family Protein and green food. If they complain, add a starch and just don't eat it - major on the good foods.

[sara7272 10]

Your story sounds VERY similar to where I ended up, take my advice- STOP eating until you're uncomfortably full ASAP. I did it too many times and I stretched out my sleeve horribly. YES it is possible.
I just had to have a revision surgery to get myself back on track so it feels like I'm starting over again. Please don't do that to yourself!!!