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Well meaning, but misguided spouse.

Gary Bentz

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walklady    31

walklady
Posted

I live with and care for my 81yo father. He is about the least supportive person I know. All my life he has "fat shamed" me, thinking that would motivate me to lose weight. He says he supports my decision to have wls but he expects me to continue to cook for him in the way he is accustomed and he also likes to have sweet treats in the house. I am totally addicted to sugar and if it's sitting around I cannot resist it. Not sure what I'm going to do about it.

*Praise God, from whom all Blessings flow*

Hi Margie! I'm kinda in the same boat with you! I have told my hubby that if he wants sweets to leave the house to go get it and eat it away from the house too or keep it at work but don't bring it home! He says "well just don't eat it!" Well that doesn't work for a sugar addict! We have had quite a few arguments about it! I have talked to him numerous times about how he is sabotaging my weight loss. He does better for awhile but slowly starts it again. Maybe once I have the surgery he will stop! I had him go to the seminar with me. He has done a little better. Guess we will see if we have to have more "come to Jesus" meetings! Good luck on your journey! Melissa

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Newme17    3,444

Newme17
Posted

I'm 9 days pre-op and my husband just keeps saying things like "I hope it (the surgery) makes you happy" and "don't be doing it (the surgery) for me" and still expects me to not only cook dinner for him and our son every night, but gets kind of offended when I eat my one, tiny, pre-op diet allowed meal BEFORE they sit down to eat dinner and doesn't seem to understand why I won't sit down with them anymore and watch them eat delicious things I can't have that was extremely hard for me to even cook for then in the first place. When I say I don't want to watch them eat what I can't have he gets kind of upset... like he gets a, "oh, Jesus... is this how it's going to be from now on?" attitude... it's NOT easy :-(

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I haven't had my surgery yet, but I read what seems to be what my husband will be like even though he fully supports me. Hmmm....I think I'll be having some meaningful conversations with him before this is a go. Blessings to you hon!

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Paulaski    26

Paulaski
Posted

I am sixty and married 39 years in March. Yes, you have to do this for you!!! My husband is very supportive. I had my rny gastric bypass on Jan. 10th. Hopefully you attend al anon to deal with your husband's alcoholism. I do know something about the disease. I have been a recovering alcoholic for 29 years and my husband a recovering addict for the same time. Reach out to those in your support system. Feel free too contact me if I can help. Good luck. Prayers your way. Paula

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AGreenEyedWolf    97

AGreenEyedWolf
Posted

I am sixty and married 39 years in March. Yes, you have to do this for you!!! My husband is very supportive. I had my rny gastric bypass on Jan. 10th. Hopefully you attend al anon to deal with your husband's alcoholism. I do know something about the disease. I have been a recovering alcoholic for 29 years and my husband a recovering addict for the same time. Reach out to those in your support system. Feel free too contact me if I can help. Good luck. Prayers your way. Paula

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My husband isn't an alcoholic. He is a disabled former law enforcement officer with a brain condition.

It is my friends husband who is an alcoholic, and trust me... they have been fighting that battle for 10+ years.

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georgiemomma8    3

georgiemomma8
Posted

I've only just started this process (hoping for surgery this summer) but already it's been an adventure with my boyfriend. We've had a bunch of discussions about my goals and motivations and I've warned him that I'm changing my lifestyle. If he wants to stay a big part of my life he's going to have to change his as well, lol. He's being a good sport so far, he's quitting smoking and has stopped "helpfully" bringing me sodas and treats, and he's agreed to try dancing! He's decided that if I'm going to do this thing he's going to get healthy too, which I'm all for! I hadn't thought about the other ramifications of the liquid diet phase, though. I'm the primary cook in our household and I'm already worried about that part since I'm not emotionally satisfied by food I don't chew. Well, maybe it'll be leftovers and PBJ's for a couple weeks!

I have to reply, only because I am a mom and wife and cook all the time, and I love to cook. I was so worried about cooking after the surgery and how it would make me feel jealous or starving knowing I couldn't eat what they did. I had surgery 1/11/17. I've been cooking since 5 days after I got home and it's going well. The smell doesn't bother me, and they appreciate it. Trying out a bunch of healthyou recipes on them before I can eat so we can all do it together ( Once I can have real food in 3 more weeks). Good luck

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MissJDVSG    129

MissJDVSG
Posted

I live with and care for my 81yo father. He is about the least supportive person I know. All my life he has "fat shamed" me, thinking that would motivate me to lose weight. He says he supports my decision to have wls but he expects me to continue to cook for him in the way he is accustomed and he also likes to have sweet treats in the house. I am totally addicted to sugar and if it's sitting around I cannot resist it. Not sure what I'm going to do about it.

*Praise God, from whom all Blessings flow*

I'm so sorry about your situation. I don't have a solution, but if you ever need to talk, send me a message.

I'm sending prayers your way.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

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Go To Topic Listing PRE-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A

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    • Eve411

      Eve411

      April Surgery
      Am I the only struggling to get weight down. I started with weight of 297 and now im 280 but seem to not lose more weight. My nutrtionist told me not to worry about the pounds because I might still be losing inches. However, I do not really see much of a difference is this happen to any of you, if so any tips?
      Thanks
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Clueless_girl

      Clueless_girl

      Well recovering from gallbladder removal was a lot like recovering from the modified duodenal switch surgery, twice in 4 months yay 🥳😭. I'm having to battle cravings for everything i shouldn't have, on top of trying to figure out what happens after i eat something. Sigh, let me fast forward a couple of months when everyday isn't a constant battle and i can function like a normal person again! 😞
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    • KeeWee

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      It's been 10 long years! Here is my VSG weight loss surgiversary update..
      https://www.ae1bmerchme.com/post/10-year-surgiversary-update-for-2024 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Aunty Mamo

      Aunty Mamo

      Iʻm roughly 6 weeks post-op this morning and have begun to feel like a normal human, with a normal human body again. I started introducing solid foods and pill forms of medications/supplements a couple of weeks ago and it's really amazing to eat meals with my family again, despite the fact that my portions are so much smaller than theirs. 
      I live on the island of Oʻahu and spend a lot of time in the water- for exercise, for play,  and for spiritual & mental health. The day I had my month out appointment with my surgeon, I packed all my gear in my truck, anticipating his permission to get back in the ocean. The minute I walked out of that hospital I drove straight to the shore and got in that water. Hallelujah! My appointment was at 10 am. I didn't get home until after 5 pm. 
      I'm down 31 pounds since the day of surgery and 47 since my pre-op diet began, with that typical week long stall occurring at three weeks. I'm really starting to see some changes lately- some of my clothing is too big, some fits again. The most drastic changes I notice however are in my face. I've also noticed my endurance and flexibility increasing. I was really starting to be held up physically, and I'm so grateful that I'm seeing that turn around in such short order. 
      My general disposition lately is hopeful and motivated. The only thing that bugs me on a daily basis still is the way those supplements make my house smell. So stink! But I just bought a smell proof bag online that other people use to put their pot in. My house doesn't stink anymore. 
       
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BeanitoDiego

      BeanitoDiego

      Oh yeah, something I wanted to rant about, a billing dispute that cropped up 3 months ago.
      Surgery was in August of 2023. A bill shows up for over $7,000 in January. WTF? I asks myself. I know that I jumped through all of the insurance hoops and verified this and triple checked that, as did the surgeon's office. All was set, and I paid all of the known costs before surgery.
      A looong story short, is that an assistant surgeon that was in the process of accepting money from my insurance company touched me while I was under anesthesia. That is what the bill was for. But hey, guess what? Some federal legislation was enacted last year to help patients out when they cannot consent to being touched by someone out of their insurance network. These types of bills fall under something called, "surprise billing," and you don't have to put up with it.
      https://www.cms.gov/nosurprises
      I had to make a lot of phone calls to both the surgeon's office and the insurance company and explain my rights and what the maximum out of pocket costs were that I could be liable for. Also had to remind them that it isn't my place to be taking care of all of this and that I was going to escalate things if they could not play nice with one another.
      Quick ending is that I don't have to pay that $7,000+. Advocate, advocate, advocate for yourself no matter how long it takes and learn more about this law if you are ever hit with a surprise bill.
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.

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