Failing at Friendship

[sarahb309 69]

I feel like I have no friends and am having trouble making friends... my best friend has become toxic and is moving away... I feel like I only maintained that relationship because I was scared of being alone... and now I actually will be... im 20y/o and a sophomore in college. I fell like people passed judgment on my size last year and that's why I had no one, but I don't know what to do anymore... I don't want to be friends with people who only like me b/c I lost weight, but I am scared to be alone.... I don't mean to rant... but I'm upset and nervous and scared... anyone on this site ever have a similar experience and tips? (Posted this on the 20s forum but figured I'd post here too!)

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[BubblesOhSoSleeved 129]

I was never overweight growing up so I never had your issue, but my advice is to just jump and fly. Meet people who didn't know you or know of you before your WL. Go out and meet people. All you need is one person to go out with and meet other people ???? I'll even be your friend although I'm 24 and more like a big sister lol. Good luck ❤

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[sarahb309 69]

Thank you bubbles! I appreciate that a lot. My "best friend" transferred schools. And even though she was toxic, at least I had someone...

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[BubblesOhSoSleeved 129]

Thank you bubbles! I appreciate that a lot. My "best friend" transferred schools. And even though she was toxic, at least I had someone...

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Ehh toxic needed to leave anyway and make room for someone who will give you life instead of take it.

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[linah 92]

Sadly true that people react more positively to you when you are thinner. That being said we are all capable of flash judgements even when we try to be as fair as possible. Just be open minded and friendly and people will respond in kind, good luck and all the best :-)

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[The New Kel 1,312]

@@sarahb309

I'm old enough to be your mom but thought I would chime in. I suffered really bad loneliness at your age. I was in the Air Force with no friends at all. 1000 miles away from my family and all that I knew. This was before the internet (see I told you I'm old!), so I would just read and watch tv. So lonely! Finally I started leaving my dorm and engaging in activities that other young people did like fitness programs and organized sports. I also started saying hello in the dorm halls and mess hall to people I saw regularly that I didn't really know but saw around a lot. That led to a friendship with someone who knew a lot of other people. Pretty soon I was fully engaged in a social life!

Just wanted to tell you that I understand how you feel. Loneliness sucks but you will overcome!

Edited December 29, 2016 by The New Kel

[2ndSpring 350]

Some people make friends so easily, right? I wish I was like that too!!

But.. you would be amazed at how many people you are surrounded by every day that feel the same way as you or are lonely. Everyone is just really good at covering up their feelings. Even people who seem to be surrounded by a crowd may not feel a connection with anyone or that their relationships are superficial or just based on partying.

Go ahead and put yourself out there. Can you join a club or get a job on campus to help you meet people?

[sarahb309 69]

Some people make friends so easily, right? I wish I was like that too!!

But.. you would be amazed at how many people you are surrounded by every day that feel the same way as you or are lonely. Everyone is just really good at covering up their feelings. Even people who seem to be surrounded by a crowd may not feel a connection with anyone or that their relationships are superficial or just based on partying.

Go ahead and put yourself out there. Can you join a club or get a job on campus to help you meet people?

Thanks for the response! I am considering joining some clubs, I'm just nervous of being rejected! I am making the resolution of putting myself out there!

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[sarahb309 69]

Some people make friends so easily, right? I wish I was like that too!!

But.. you would be amazed at how many people you are surrounded by every day that feel the same way as you or are lonely. Everyone is just really good at covering up their feelings. Even people who seem to be surrounded by a crowd may not feel a connection with anyone or that their relationships are superficial or just based on partying.

Go ahead and put yourself out there. Can you join a club or get a job on campus to help you meet people?

Thanks for the response! I am considering joining some clubs, I'm just nervous of being rejected! I am making the resolution of putting myself out there!

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[2ndSpring 350]

Go for it. You'll run into all kinds of people in your life and some will be jerks but most will be nice. Don't let the jerks keep you away.

Keep us posted!!

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,443]

@@sarahb309, I may be old enough to be mom of @@The New Kel -- but you may not call me by that other name.

Kel is so right. Instead of thinking in terms of people, pursue your interests and there you'll find kindred spirits. The interests and activities are the starting point, you and others will find wider common ground. Conversation will be easier and provide opportunities to suggest a coffee after the meeting or whatever the event.

As to your saying "I don't want to be friends with people who only like me b/c I lost weight," that's reasonable. It's sad that there are those who might start coming around because of it. There are plenty of others, though. Always remember that choosing friends and associates is a two-way street. You don't have to settle.

"I'm just nervous of being rejected! I am making the resolution of putting myself out there!" Nervous is normal. Lots of people of all weights feel it. It's part of being human. I have no way of knowing if you ever were "rejected" because of your weight. Something I do know is that, when a person is extremely self-conscious about any aspect, her own discomfort level can make others uncomfortable. Sure, your body is part of the package, but there's so much more -- your mind, personality, humor, curiosity and all the rest.

Have faith in yourself. You have cause to have faith.

[Babbs 14,680]

I'll be your friend!

[sarahb309 69]

Hey all, I am so grateful for your help and wanted to keep ya updated! I actually just reconnected with two people I used to be best friends with in high school! I figure that's a good place to start since I won't be going back to college for another few weeks!

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[theantichick 2,204]

Another person here old enough to be your mother. And a screaming introvert who has always had the private thought that people just tolerated me, and insanely scared of being rejected.

Trust me... go out and do things you enjoy... join a group for geocaching or a role playing group or a reading club... whatever the things that interest you are, go find groups on Meetup or wherever (mom voice here, just be safe and meet people in public places) and join in... they are looking for people who enjoy the same things or they wouldn't be having a group.

You will find your "tribe". I was 30 before I found mine because I was too scared to go looking for them. Now I can't imagine life without them.

Incidentally, this is also how you find significant others... LOL.

[BayougirlMrsS 3,933]

@@sarahb309 And yet another OLD person....Me...... What do you like doing in your free time? I like shooting guns... so i joined an all female gun group. I would tell you to find something you enjoy doing or something you have always had an interest in and seek out some gatherings.....

One thing i always do..... I never pass anyone with out saying hello or Hi.... I have met some great people like that. coffee shops are a great place to sit and strike up a conversation with others. You have something in common.... you both like coffee... Take a chance... just speak to someone... walk up and say hello I'm Sarah, i love your... and pick something they are wearing and complaint it. Are say something like.... Im new here and was wondering if you know of any good hang outs....

Places like Buffalo wild wing Hooters... etc has trivia night.... Go, let your hair down and remember these words..... I am beautiful, I am smart, I am a great person...