I feel like I have no friends and am having trouble making friends... my best friend has become toxic and is moving away... I feel like I only maintained that relationship because I was scared of being alone... and now I actually will be... im 20y/o and a sophomore in college. I fell like people passed judgment on my size last year and that's why I had no one, but I don't know what to do anymore... I don't want to be friends with people who only like me b/c I lost weight, but I am scared to be alone.... I don't mean to rant... but I'm upset and nervous and scared... anyone on this site ever have a similar experience and tips? (Posted this on the 20s forum but figured I'd post here too!)

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Well I am so old I can remember back to when we had a rotary dial phone in our dorm room, and answering machines had not yet been invented. Loneliness is hard. And it hits most of us at some time or another. College was particularly rough for me in some ways. I remember spending my 21st birthday completely alone because no one was interested in even having a legal drink with me.

You can turn it around, but it will take you some time to develop meaningful relationships. As has been mentioned, get involved in some outside activities. Volunteer your time to charity work. Present yourself as a kind and thoughtful person, and become a good listener. You will soon have more people flocking to you than you will know what to do with. Been there, done that. It works.

There is a big difference between acquaintances and friends. I don't have many that I would truly call friends but I've met a ton of people. Don't worry about friends, go meet people!

Bill, you has a phone in your dorm room? Fancy!

One of my son's is shy and very particular about who he will except as a friend. Age18-22 where heartbreaking for me to watch and included a girlfriend who we knew would nd up being a "bunny boiler". He got through it (so did we) and out on the other side now, he is a introspective but mostly happy man, with a full social life. Good that you reached out to friends from the past, trust that your future will be bright.

Bill, you has a phone in your dorm room? Fancy!

One of my son's is shy and very particular about who he will except as a friend. Age18-22 where heartbreaking for me to watch and included a girlfriend who we knew would nd up being a "bunny boiler". He got through it (so did we) and out on the other side now, he is a introspective but mostly happy man, with a full social life. Good that you reached out to friends from the past, trust that your future will be bright.

Apparently it was a brand new thing, as the pay phone at the end of the hall just wasn't working out. This was way back in 1976. I had to go look up bunny boiler. That's funny. I remember watching the movie, but not the scene. I had to wonder because I ate a rabbit in a fancy restaurant the night I met my in-laws. That is a whole 'nother story, so I won't derail the thread here.

Hang in there. Get out and do activities you enjoy and you WILL find your people, I promise.
I'm an "old" person too and I totally understand. I live on the opposite coast from my oldest best friends and had alot of drama with my local friends so now I have a much smaller social circle. I'm ok with that because I know it opens the door to better things.

Geez, this is tough. Esp. for women. Please create a new mantra for yourself. You are creating a "new normal." This means you are transitioning. During any transistion, people will be different in their reaction to you. You are also different because hormones are dumping out of your fat cells (and this applies to males too). Focus on your health now. The new normal will be coming soon. It's not easy. But when you are stable, that's when you will be in a great place to start re-evaluating your relationships.

You probably would be better off with some friends that are more mature in age and mentality than the typical college student. Perhaps there is a group at school focused on your interest such as politics,career etc and not on the college lifestyle of parties and other shallow endeavors

Bill, you has a phone in your dorm room? Fancy!

One of my son's is shy and very particular about who he will except as a friend. Age18-22 where heartbreaking for me to watch and included a girlfriend who we knew would nd up being a "bunny boiler". He got through it (so did we) and out on the other side now, he is a introspective but mostly happy man, with a full social life. Good that you reached out to friends from the past, trust that your future will be bright.

Apparently it was a brand new thing, as the pay phone at the end of the hall just wasn't working out. This was way back in 1976. I had to go look up bunny boiler. That's funny. I remember watching the movie, but not the scene. I had to wonder because I ate a rabbit in a fancy restaurant the night I met my in-laws. That is a whole 'nother story, so I won't derail the thread here.

LMAO.... Little Bill.... I had to sit and think for a few and was fixing to go Google it when it came to me.... Bunny Boiler... ding ding ding... My youngest once had a bunny boiler too.... glad that ended.

Anyway...... @@sarahb309 2017 is going to be a great year for you.... Your starting a new life and with that comes new experiences. Like @ said.... Go out and meet people. But be selective as to who YOU allow to be a Friend.... Surround yourself with positive uplifting smart goal oriented people. The old saying is true.... You are who you hang with.... Remember, the people you choose should consider themselves lucky that YOU chose them...and not the other way around.

I agree that some people act differently toward us when we are thinner, but I also know I acted differently when I was heavier. When I'm heavy, I don't want to do a lot of things my friends do. I would get pissed off easier at the world, when I was hating myself. There were times I was pretty damn miserable and I know it reflected outwardly. The saying that nobody can love you if you can't love yourself is really true. With your new life, you will now shine outwardly. You will probably be more approachable and you will want to try new experiences. Think of all the positive things that are going to come your way, because you've changed your life. You got this, girl!

Thank you all for the awesome words of encouragement! I am at a very low point right now. I was trying to be social and go out for dinner with some people tonight, and while waiting, I grab a table for us... everyone walked past the table I got and sat away from me. I was all alone again.. I had to get up and leave because I was going to cry and didn't want to embarrass myself

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Sometimes I think transferring schools would be the best because then I could start without judgment. But I do love the school itself... i feel so defeated right now...

I worked so hard to get to this point, and I feel like I should feel better about myself. But I just don't.

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Edited January 10, 20179 yr by sarahb309

@@sarahb309 People can be cruel, even without thinking. But a lot of the time, it is just the not thinking part, and being cruel isn't part of it from their point of view. That doesn't make it hurt any less.

Keep trying, and do your best to keep your spirits up. You will find friends who will like and respect you for who you are, and not just how you look. It can be hard (it usually is, because most things worth having are hard) but it really is worth it. Been there, done that. You will get through it, and be the better person because of it.

We can plan a dinner right here with you some night if you would like....bring your own and we can all chat....I promise I will not open my mouth full of food and say look a sea food diet...

thunder32

As for a study group...trust me you are much better without me...C's get degrees is not always the best plan

thunder32

As for a study group...trust me you are much better without me...C's get degrees is not always the best plan

thunder32

Lol! I am not ashamed to say that I have used that mantra once or twice!

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Thank you for the kind words! It makes me feel a million times better! It's good to know I do have some people on my side!!

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im going to state the obvious.... you are a very lovely young lady and if you start to walk with that beautiful smile on your face every where you go.... people with flock to you.

People want to hang with happy fun loving people..... So be that happy fun loving person..... Show off that smile