Im new on here, and im 4 days into my 14 day pre op diet , I am finding I have no support from my boyfriend, he tries to make me feel guilty about my decision on surgery, and was just wondering if anyone else has issues like this , because he doesnt want me to loose weight,

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His name isn't Gareth is it?

OMG I was thinking THE SAME THING!!!

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Hi Christy I was originally scheduled for the sleeve on 8/26 but canceled because of the lack of support and interest from my husband. Then I said to myself what the heck am I doing and I scheduled again for 10/14. I asked my husband to come to my last appt to meet the doctor and ask any questions he had. Well guess what? After learning what the sleeve is about and how it would most likely get rid of his high blood pressure and sleep apnea he is now scheduled to have the sleeve on 12/21! Sometimes people are just not informed enough or think we are just doing this to just look better and not for the health reasons! Remember we are doing this for us, nobody else!!! Good luck!!!

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Im doing it for me, I have a very messed up back , so the extra weight is affecting my health, he hasnt like or wanted to talk about my decision since insurance approved , I guess he thought id be denied ,

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Messed up back was the final motivator I needed to have wls.

Not only was the back improved...so was every other aspect of my life.

Your health and happiness should be the most important priorities for you. Anyone that isn't in accord with that isn't worth your time.

Don't stress over his non-support. Let him stay on the sidelines. It'll be a fun process for you as you begin to feel better and better each day. Keep the drama to a minimum, but the focus staying on your commitment to getting healthy.

Your only job over the months ahead is to make yourself your #1 job. It may even feel selfish at times. So be it. You owe it to yourself. Do it.....and then take inventory in a few months.

Doesn't sound promising. I would have a plan B for your support system and someplace to stay if you are living together.

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Sorry to hear you are going through this. Fortunately, my hubs is very supportive but I've made the decision to only tell two other people. Sometimes when people have not walked in your shoes they cannot relate and become judgmental. Ain't got no time for that! You stay focused on your health and you will come out of this stronger.

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Take the time to: think, pray, think, pray , think and then pray some more.

Are you prepared to continue your life without one or the other? (WLS vs SO?). When you are totally confident that you are, then and only then are you truly ready to make the decision.

Until that time, please talk to a therapist who is bariatric friendly----therapy for you alone---for your SO alone and then for the two of you together.

WLS changes everyone who has it. Whether physically, mentally and/or emotionally---there WILL be a change. To think otherwise is unrealistic.

I truly hope that all of your wishes come true. I hope that your SO can be supportive. My warning is just make sure that you are committed enough to "walk your journey" alone is he finds that he can not be.

Take the time to just breathe and think, please.

Im doing it for me, I have a very messed up back , so the extra weight is affecting my health, he hasnt like or wanted to talk about my decision since insurance approved , I guess he thought id be denied ,

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I have been in your situation always put it off. This January, single, I decided it's time. Found a very supportive man, who loves through it all. With that said, he is supporting my decision, not approving. It's my choice. Is he thrilled, no. He admitted insecurity issues from past relationships, and worry something will go wrong. Doesn't quite understand the heath issues, but the difference is, he's told me no when I teased him on this liquid diet about eating things I shouldn't, and took a week off to be with me tomorrow. Still doesn't approve but is supporting my decision. Good luck and prayers to you.

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It happened to me and I didn't go through it the first time I tried which was like 8 years ago. Then two years ago i said eff him and did it anyway. He was not supportive and did not take me to the surgery. He came to see me at the hospital and became supportive afterwards. I have been accused of changing, thinking I'm brand new etc. I realized it was his insecurities, not mine. He too likes heavier women but if he loves ME he needs to deal with it. He has, but it spikes every now and then ... the resentment of the weight loss but I do not care, figure it out buttercup! At the end of the day I will be alright.

He has never been heavy, always skinny, he even said that hes not taking me to surgery , he likes heavier woman , not caring that its affecting my health.

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Sounds like you need to concentrate on you, ditch the loser, and after you have recovered from your surgery find a new boo. You don't need negative Nancy in your life.

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@@christyb69 Talk to him honestly about his concerns. Is he insecure? Is he afraid of the risks of surgery? or Is he just a self-centered asshole? Explain to him how you need his support but you are having this surgery regardless. If he can step up to the plate - great - if not - do whatever you need to do to improve your health (physical and emotional). Good luck!

@@christyb69 Talk to him honestly about his concerns. Is he insecure? Is he afraid of the risks of surgery? or Is he just a self-centered a*****e? Explain to him how you need his support but you are having this surgery regardless. If he can step up to the plate - great - if not - do whatever you need to do to improve your health (physical and emotional). Good luck!

Hes not insecure, I think since I started speaking my mind , he doesn't like that, I agree with all, if hes not supportive he needs to go, I should have learned this with my last back surgery, I had my phone on silent so I could rest, and when I did call back he was mad at me and had me crying, hes turned into a dictator, he doesn't care that its going to help my health, ......time for a new happy life, thx!

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It's tough, I know lots of people that struggled with their relationships or marriages after weight loss or gain. My SO and I were on a plan from day one to be 'healthy' together. He was severely underweight and I was overweight, he supported the surgery and has worked with me to adjust our diet (since we live together) to make it easier for me to continue my journey. He has gained 50 lbs and I have lost 90 and we've happy; but we planned to love each other and support the change.

My ex though was an enabler that helped my weight gain before, he was skinny and loved to eat, lots of junk food, fast food, etc. Of course you imitate and crave by association and bam, 60 lbs I gained in the course of 4 years.

Sometimes misery loves company and when we're overweight or unattractive feeling, we settle for whomever we think will take us at our worst. Truth is, we should strive to find someone that makes us better and we give back and allow them to be the best version of themselves. Grow together in a relationship and support the change; if he wants you unhealthy and unhappy (because YOUR happiness should come first) then you should consider discussing with him how that is most definitely not okay and part ways. You don't need toxic in your life and having that negativity in your life will lead to depression and back to the poor food and lifestyle changes you made to get here.