Feeling annoyed with my bf... need advice

[Valentina 2,642]

Tell that sumbitch to grow a pair and support you.

If it's too hot by your standards then.....it's too hot.....period.

If it's too hot to walk by your standards then......it's too hot.....period.

Punkassmofo.

Really, Dub, feel free to tell us how you REALLY feel...

[Jane1979 270]

I seriously hope he is just uneducated on this process. That's an issue that can be fixed. But if he's just a spoiled millennial, then I would rather talk to the landlord, explain the situation and MAYBE just maybe they can transfer the lease into his name. Oh btw you can't be running after HIS responsibility immediately after surgery... The same way he found you and moved in, he can find someone else. And no you wouldn't be selfish. It's self maintenance. You are about to go through a life changing experience. You need people that will support you and motivate you.

I had a c section and my then husband thought Disneyland would be a great idea 2 weeks out.... I ended up popping stitches and lost a staple, ended up with an infection. That was just having a kid! This is taking away a good part of your stomach. I wouldn't go to the event with him. Heat, smells after surgery blah.

Again I really hope it's just him not knowing the process. I agree that maybe he should watch a YouTube video of the procedure.

Wishing you luck and sending you hugs.

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[jenjenp 63]

He should be happy for you. My husband was/ is very supportive. Men will be men though. He had a few dental implants and compares it to my surgery. But your guy seems extra insensitive. Do this for you and you will gain confidence as you progress. This site is here for support so if you need to vent. Then vent away. If you ask for advice. You will get it too.

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[krazykristen 61]

Thank you guys! Yalls advice is really helpful I havent shown him what the surgery is visually so maybe I could give that a try. I guess what bothers me is he doesnt seem that excited about it, but is that normal? Like hes happy Im doing this for my health but at the same time I dont think he knows what to say to me. Im stoked for my surgery but idk if hes acting that way because he doesnt care or if its because he doesnt know much about it

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[mschan218 81]

Tell that sumbitch to grow a pair and support you.

If it's too hot by your standards then.....it's too hot.....period.

If it's too hot to walk by your standards then......it's too hot.....period.

Punkassmofo.

Im in lub wit Dub....period

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Edited September 24, 2016 by mschan218

[hats123 67]

Thank you guys! Yalls advice is really helpful I havent shown him what the surgery is visually so maybe I could give that a try. I guess what bothers me is he doesnt seem that excited about it, but is that normal? Like hes happy Im doing this for my health but at the same time I dont think he knows what to say to me. Im stoked for my surgery but idk if hes acting that way because he doesnt care or if its because he doesnt know much about it

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Everyone else has made great points, particularly that *you* seem very clear on what has to take priority (YOU) and whose turn it is (YOURS) and that this is a big deal. I understand the insecurities you refer to - I bet we all do - but you sound like you have your house in order, mentally, and that's a great indicator for your future success and happiness.

The easiest thing for us to say on our app here is that he's a selfish d**khead and that you should kick him to the curb. But we all know life is more textured than that, and that if the time is right you'll do exactly what you need to do.

To your question of whether it's normal that he's not that excited about it: I think it's normal. Doesn't mean I think it's GOOD. But I think a lot of the time partners are not very in tune with the process, with everything it took to get us to this point and to how big a decision and an opportunity for change it is for us. Could be because they're self-centered, could be because they're insecure about the prospect of your losing weight and gaining body confidence, could be because they haven't learned enough to distinguish in their minds between getting highlights and getting most of your stomach removed. Could be because they are scared for us but don't know how to express it. It's easier to say some dopey thing like "remember that outdoor festival on the 14th" than to contemplate things from your perspective or to question his own possible ambivalence.

At 25, having spent a long time taking care of his young child, you have probably grown up a lot and learned a lot at a young age. It took me a silly brief marriage, a bunch of relationships good, bad, and in between, until I met a truly compassionate and generous (and flawed, like we all are) guy when I was 40, who is good with my young son but respectful of the boundaries I need around my son (basically that my child comes first and the boyfriend doesn't get to experiment with playing stepdad). And he has been tremendously supportive through this process. Not everyone has the bumpy path I did, and I'm not saying mine's over! Who knows where I'll be or who I'll be with in five years? I'm just saying that relationships are a learning process too.

Sorry to go on so long! It sounds from your other posts like you have a wonderful support system in your family, and you might find yourself turning to them post-op if any of them are good with this stuff day to day. I have no doubt you'll do what's right for you, and you know everyone here has your back.

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Edited September 24, 2016 by hats123

[shelbys mom 70]

So Im having my sleeve surgery on October 5th. And my boyfriend mentioned us going to this outdoor event on October 14th, about a week or so after my surgery. I told him that was fine as long as Im able to get up and walk around fine. He kinda smarted off and said, "you act like this is a major surgery or something." Ugh. Makes me so mad. Its like hes taking this lightly and not seriously and idk what to say to him. It kinda hurt my feelings. Any advice?

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Tell him it is MAJOR SURGERY!

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[kimini 175]

I tried going with my husband last weekend to an outdoor festival in the Dallas area, and it was hot and humid. At 4 weeks out, I'm still having trouble getting all my Protein and Water in. Turns out I was dehydrated, and I went to the paramedic station after only an hour, as I was about to pass out. I know it will be a little cooler in Oct, but personally, I don't think it's a good idea to commit to it when you are so soon out of surgery.

Also, I agree with what everyone else is saying about your boyfriend. He should be more concerned about what he can do for you to help you heal than whether you'll go to some festival with him, especially after you've been there for his kid!!

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Edited September 24, 2016 by kimini

[Bounce 6]

Your boyfriend seems like an insensitive jerk I hope I'm wrong with my assumption but either way his lack of empathy needs to be addressed.. you need all the support you can get at this time

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[Alex Brecher 10,486]

@@krazykristen,

Ouch! But hopefully it’s not as callous as it sounds! If your boyfriend said that because he doesn’t yet understand the surgery, that’s one thing. You can explain it to him and let him know how you expect to be feeling after the surgery and by the time of the event.

If you have already told him clearly how big of a deal this is and that you may not be up to this outdoor event and he still is not sympathetic, that could be a bit worrying. Will he be sympathetic and supportive through the rest of your WLS journey, as you will need him to be? Or will he ignore your surgery and expect you to carry on as before – including possibly keeping up with an unhealthy lifestyle?

[ShelterDog64 2,364]

@@hats123 You wrote, much more eloquently than I could have, exactly what I was thinking.

@@krazykristen I hope you have a great surgery and that your personal issues resolve in a way that works for you! Make sure you let us know the outcome

[Casds84 10]

I wouldn't even go. It is time to focus on you. It seems like you have been focused on his kid and him and now that the attention is on you, he wants to act like a crybaby. What we are going through IS a MAJOR surgery. It is major and life changing. Maybe he knows how much more confident this will make you and isn't so supportive. I broke up with my boyfriend in February because he was very unsupportive and said, and I quote, "I won't be able to have sex with you because I will not be sexually attracted. I will have to have sex with other women and you will just have to deal with it since this is all your decision." Excuse me?! You are the weakest link, Goodbye! Sex with other women and me accept it...I think not. He didn't want me to get below 250, but actually said he would be okay with me being 1,000 lbs and actually wanted that (I was over 400 when we started dating)! So he was trying to set my goals and plan things for me that were my decision. I finally had enough.

I am from Texas, the heat is atrocious, even with it cooling down. Take your time and heal. Exercise at your pace. Don't overdo it and get caught out and have no help because he seems like he would be of no support. You need to focus on you! This is YOUR TIME TO SHINE!

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[Anna Nim 196]

Look for the patterns of selfishness, a week after MAJOR surgery and he is going to pout if he can't get his way for an outdoor event in the lovely, Texas humid heat. You mention other things he has said. You clearly noticed that you have been doing the heavy lifting with his child. How nice to have a mommie around for the horrible potty training years...

Look for the patterns if him taking you for granted and you being second or having to justify yourself or apologize for yourself. Might be time to go.

Remember time in a relationship is not an investment, but wasted precious, precious time when it is with a sub-part partner.

I settled in my late 20's and paid dearly.

Life is too damn short for that crap.

I can assure you, it is too short.

Good Luck.

[halima02 76]

Hi it's about u change has come when u change ur lifestyle ur eating habit u are better than a baby sitter if can't put a ring on it change because once u get in those skinny jeans he is going to flip so I say to keep it moving and tell him to Catch A Bubble I'm out happy losing

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[Anna Nim 196]

FYI, he WOULD have a place to go if you asked him to leave. It may be a hassle and he would guilt you like crazy, cause he *knows* how to work at your insecurities and love, but he is a grown up, he would figure it the fk out.

Life Too short for this shit I tell you.

Don't worry about others, worry about yourself.

You were not born to be a doormat for all other's problems.

Also, check out the page: Let Me Reach.com by Kim Saeed (has a FB page too, speaks the 'gospel' about narcissism in relationships (and the kinda co-dependent, overly understanding people with them) in small bitable articles. Not saying that is what is going on, but shades of it are not healthy either.

Good Luck with your surgery and this.