Hi everybody,

I'm having a difficult time discerning who I should tell I'm having surgery to.

So far my husband and best friend know, and they are totally on board.

I'm concerned about telling people at work. I work with an awesome bunch of people, my boss especially. I know I would not have issues taking time off for the surgery itself. I'm a desk jockey of sorts and the only exercise I get at work is the walk to and from the train station and to any meetings I might have, so I'm not too worried about only taking a week or so off. My main concern is all the appointments I'll need. I just got the appointment/pre-post-op class schedule.In addition to the surgeon visit, I also need to meet with psych and nut multiple times in addition the the pre-op "classes" they make you take. My boss is super cool and typically will not dock our ET (we're salaried) if we need to go to a Dr's appt. I'm just concerned she might think I'm "milking it" by going to so many appts and not being 100% transparent about why I suddenly have to go so frequently.

At first I thought I'd be totally comfortable with telling people, like other friends and my family, but the more I think about it, the more self-conscious I get about it. I can definitely see some of them saying "you don't need it" or "you just need to try harder to lose weight" or "so-and-so had WLS and they look like crap". Thing is, I DO know some people who have had WLS and DO look like crap, but they also don't follow the post-op plan/lifestyle. However, I know why they look like crap because of all the research I've done. I know other people who have had WLS who look great. Other people who haven't done the research seem to think WLS itself just makes people skinny and look sickly. That was a concern of my husbands'. He wants me to talk to his aunt who is a nurse anesthetist, and she's seen every type of surgery under the sun.

I've made up my mind about the surgery. This is what I want and what I need. I've never been so sure of something in my life. However, I'm the type of person that needs reassurance all the time, and if enough people deter me from an idea, I may not do it even if I know I want to. (Truly, you should have seen me wedding dress shop with my bridal party. It was a nightmare.).

Sorry for the rambling. Every time I'm on this board I feel so awesome about my choices and my future. When I go into the real world, it's not so reassuring.

I told a few family members only but wish I had only told my wife. The problem is that I was extremely successful and lost 100 lbs very quickly (6 months) and I have lot very close friends which led to hundreds of dishonest conversations about "how did you do it?"

I think many of us make the wrong choice to tell 5-10 people. If you tell that many people it's likely to get out and then you're forced to live for months in a world of dishonesty.

I would suggest to just tell your spouse or tell everyone. The middle ground is a slippery slope!

I am scheduled to be sleeved 09/15/16 and I've only told three people about my surgery. I know once I start dropping the weight my coworkers and friends will notice. I just don't know what to tell them, I'm afraid of being judged for making this decision. Unless you are overweight yourself and unable to live every day life you wouldn't understand this drastic life choice.

Thanks for listening

It is a personal choice, there is no right or wrong answer.

I told my family, friends and a few people at work before the surgery (including my supervisor).

I didn't want people to think I had a disease or were sick, since I was obese for many years and suddenly am losing a lot of weight. Whoever commenting on how I look great due to the weight I lost, I told them the truth.

I basically have told the people that I want to share it with. My vsg is scheduled for December and I had to ask for time off from work. I filled out the request at work and they asked for a reasons and I just told them that I was having surgery. Nobody asked me for what or even questioned it. My co-workers have noticed me losing weight but they think it's because I'm making better food choices which is true, because at the end of the day, I'm going to have to be making these changes anyway...I may as well start now! But I digress. At the end of the day, I tell who I want to know at this point, and will tell others when the time is right for me and where I'm at in the process. So far my husband, mom, kids and like 2 friends know. I've kept it pretty low key. But it was my choice not because of what I think others will say or think, because I truly don't care, but it was just a personal choice.

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I've told everyone. I've needed a lot of support and backup at work and most of the people in my life are very aware of my weight struggle. People have been incredibly supportive and kind, so I'm very lucky. If folks are judging you/giving you a hard time that's all about them and projecting negativity.

I wish I had support at work!!! I basically work with a bunch of immature power-hungry individuals, so I would never tell them. I feel like if I did they would use it against me at some point. I'm glad I have this site to vent and to receive support, thank you guys so much!!!

Thanks for listening

Late to this thread but wanted to know what you say to people who say" wow you look great, how did you lose the weight"? My plan is to say " a lot of hard work" and it is. A few people know about my upcoming surgery and as far as work I just say it's" girl stuff" . But I don't want to be dishonest. I don't even want to pretend that me and my awesome will power and determination dropped that 100 lbs! What do you all that have dropped that weight say to people?

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It is you and your awesome will power that will put Protein in your body first and drink lots of no sugary fluids!

I told 4 people so far. My husband my mom my hairdresser and a friend we were visiting on vaca shortly after I could start semi normal foods. I told my HR was having surgery. I was off one week and worked from home the following.

I have lost about 60lb but have a long way to go, few people notice or say anything and the fact that I don't eat any cake donuts or huge lunch at work seems answer enough for them.

It is a personal choice, there is no right or wrong answer.

I told my family, friends and a few people at work before the surgery (including my supervisor).

I didn't want people to think I had a disease or were sick, since I was obese for many years and suddenly am losing a lot of weight. Whoever commenting on how I look great due to the weight I lost, I told them the truth.

The bolded; BINGO!! Going public is okay. Staying private is okay.

Good advice guys, thanks!

Thanks for listening

I knew it would be impossible (for many reasons I won't go into here) for me to keep this surgery secret, even if I wanted to. I haven't told my distant relatives or a few people who don't live near me, but I've told most everyone else who is a regular part of my life. We entertain and socialize extensively, so there's no way to hide my decreased intake of food.

I hit a point, pre-op, where I basically said 'f**k it' and told people...if they aren't willing to be kind and supportive, I don't need them in my life. This isn't vanity surgery for me, it's to improve my health and extend my life. If they can't support that, they aren't decent human beings and I have no issue cutting them out of my life in a hot minute. Happily, I've had nothing but support and now that I'm post-op, everyone has been wonderful and have been cheering me on through every step of this.

BUT, this is up to no one but you. Only you know what your friends and family are like, and how willing they are to be the kind of support you need. And you don't have to make a decision now and never deviate from it...in a few months, you might feel differently than you do now and you can tailor your information sharing as needed.

Good luck to you!

I am scheduled to be sleeved 09/15/16 and I've only told three people about my surgery. I know once I start dropping the weight my coworkers and friends will notice. I just don't know what to tell them, I'm afraid of being judged for making this decision. Unless you are overweight yourself and unable to live every day life you wouldn't understand this drastic life choice.

Thanks for listening

I just tell people "my weight was effecting my health so I did EXACTLY what my doctor told me to do"...

If they want details, I tell them I stopped drinking alcohol, counted every calorie, and started exercising an hour a day.

That pretty much shuts them up!

Edited September 13, 20169 yr by Cape Crooner

I've told my spouse, my parents, my sister, my boss, and a couple of my coworkers. They have by and large have been supportive with a bit of hesitation. I am apparently not "fat enough" to get this surgery, according to some. Ah well.

I just told a random woman and we had a great conversation about it. My mom also kind of outed me on Facebook by tagging me in an article. I feel good about it.

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Eek! I just sat down with my boss to discuss time off for surgery. He asked, and I said hiatal hernia.