Seems to be a lot of insanity around here, so I started this thread to share stories of our insane family. I'll start with Liana (my MOMster.)

The woman has been certified by the courts, so instead of crying, I laugh a lot. She's on a mission to prove that "the government is corrupt." She thinks she discovered this hidden secret, and that she's gonna blow the cover soon. Shhh, nobody else knows. She spends her days typing 100 page letters to the president that nobody will ever read. She sends me copies and the typing makes your eyes blurry since she still uses manual typewriters (she has several going at one time.) She doesn't believe in waste, so she never double spaces. She underlines some words, bolds others, highlights others, all of the above to others, etc. She then uses different color pens to draw arrows to the bolded, underlined text, and then removes the paper from the typewriter and re-inserts it sideways so she can type in the margins. Please don't tell anyone about government corruption - it's her little secret.

OK I will contend here that Liana is a winner cause I know alot of those stories already but I gotta share my crazy sister stories.

John and I were touring and we were staying at a friends house in North Carolina. Their phone kept ringing and ringing one morning. They were both gone to work so we did not answer the phone. The answering machine picked up and we heard our friend say "Pick up the phone John." So he did. He said turn on the TV they are bombing us. You see it was Sept 11, 2001. YIKES!!!

So yes we were mesmerized by the events unfolding on the TV screen. Then my cell phone started ringing. I answered it and it was my sister. She said and I quote, "Are you guys ok? You aren't in New York right? Tell you what you go get your kids, I will get Momma and we can meet at THAT place you know. We will head for the hills." LOLOLOLOLOL I said OK meet you there. She was so totally serious guys. She has never had her feet firmly planted on this earthly plain. So many more stories about her that they are too many to post here. THat was one of the better ones.

Okay... Please keep in mind that this was my STEP FAMILY and I have ZERO connection with them...

My Step-brother's Wife (Ellie) is a real show stopper. When I was age 15... we all lived in Monrovia, Africa for 4 months... My Step-Father(Died years ago) and Step-Brother(Billy) were helping to set up a mining operation there. Ellie and Billy had an infant son named Willy and Ellie was literally the worst mother of note.... and seriously a disturbed person... boy was that a great 4 months. Many years later... Ellie's son was allegedly sexually abused by a man named Danial Driver... when it went to trial... Ellie walked in and shot Mr. Driver in the head and killed him. Ellie was placed in prison and was released some years later... she is now in prison on drug related charges... her son Willy is now in prison for murder. Ellie was depicted in a Lifetime Movie as a loving mother that was just protecting her son... NOT... she was a seriously crazy woman and a horrible mother. I still can't believe that I lived among those folks... it was seriously awful. Howz dat for a crazy in-law?

Kelly, we had an awesome Ghost thread around here a couple months ago. Your story would have been perfect there!

My mom seems to have to mimic everything I do. It really started when I was in my teens. She always bought the same exact clothes as me, when I bought a house and began remodeling, she did all the same exact things to her house. It seemed to invade every facet of my life! It drove me crazy and finally a few years ago I began only seeing her on Christmas day. Oh, how I dread every Christmas!!! Now she mimics my sister and my niece. Hell, she even bought the same exact car as my niece! Now I NEVER let her know ANYTHING about me so she can't mimic me. Also, she thinks it's fine to gossip about her own children. I can't tell you how many countless times I ran into someone I hardly knew who seemed to know everything about me, good or bad! Yes, I have confronted her many times, but it does no good. I did have to tell her about my band, because I knew my sis would tell on me, LOL! So, eventually, I am sure I will run into people who know all about that too.

These are great! Darcy, that's a wild story! Reminds me of my high school friend, Jill. Jill's brother is Jack (how cute isn't that?) Jill called me one day cause she was really bothered over a Jerry Springer episode; some strung-out, crackhead junkie was airing the dirtiest laundry on national TV, and Jill just felt like talking about it. A couple years ago, she called me horrified. Jack was bringing his new fiance'e home to meet the family, and the woman from Jerry Springer walked right into Jill's livingroom! Now they have a child but are so dysfunctional that Jill is supporting the whole family. Nobody wanted the freaks, so the family pitched in to buy a trailer and a lot on the other side of town.

I got a brother in law who married his his sisters step daughter. So he has a sister and a mother in law all in one! The kids have an aunt and a grandma all in one!

Oh, man ... the only thing to do is to laugh at our crazy family stories. My relatives aren't too bad, just your basic dysfunctional Americans. Here's one: my father died about 20 years ago; while he was still in the hospital (and the rest of us were visiting him), my youngest brother stole my dad's valuable stamp collection and fenced it to buy cocaine. The night of my dad's memorial service, this bro came roaring into the family house, drunk on his ass, swigging from a bottle of vodka, crying and screaming and demanding to be taken to the airport so he could go to California. My mother was terrified. Two of my other brothers -- big, muscular guys who look like extras from the Sopranos -- exchanged glances, said, "sure, we'll take you," dragged his scrawny ass through the airport, and bought him a ticket. My sober 6'4" brother got down on his knees at the security check-in, praying that the guards would let the drunk on the plane. They did. (This was long before 9/11/01.)

I answered the phone at my mother's house at 6 the next morning. "I'm in f*ing Orlando," little bro cried. "What happened to me?" He didn't remember a thing -- including that the brothers had decided to keep him away from the California family and bought him a one-way ticket to Florida.

Very interesting thread. My father was a functioning alcoholic who would sell anything to make a buck when he needed money.

At first it was cars. I dont remember my family owning the same car for more than 6 months. A few times a year we had a different car ranging from VW's to station wagons.

Then my father decided he wanted to breed toy chihuahuas. So he brought home Peppy and Lulu as a Christmas present. They stayed with us for about a year til they were old enough to breed. Apparently Peppy was a homosexual because he did not have any interest in Lulu. I came home from school and the dogs were gone. My father traded them for a new color TV. My father also would make us change price tags on items at the grocery store and K-mart. This was before scanners. He figured that if we got caught they wouldnt do anything to Kids!

ONe time, my dad went on a binge and came home in the middle of the night insisting that another man was in the house while he was gone. He had shaved and found whiskers on the sink and insisted some other guy had moved in, shaved and then left before he came home.!

Every weekend, my father wanted to go RV shopping. Unfortunately we did not have the money to buy an RV so this was an activity of futility! So off we would go on road trips to RV dealerships so we could sit inside and fantasize what it would be like to own an RV. Totally ludicrous.

Next episode: Crazy grandmother who still believes it is 1920. ( She is 94 now and alive) Uncle who got run over by new york subway trying to save the fare, other grandma who has 12 children and never got married to any of the 3 men she was with (my father's mother).

I have a whacky family tree!

Babs in TX

334/189/170

-145

6/23/03

OMIGOD... I love this thread...

Did I mention that my mother has been married 6 times... I was TOTALLY freaked about my divorce... scared to death I was going to head down the same road... so far... so good... think I learned my lesson and will stop the family trend!

Darcy

I love these stories! My momster used to tie us up to the tree in the front yard, till they caught her. After things calmed down, she got smart and tied us to the bed inside. As we aged, we learned how to untie knots. So she had to come up with better punishments. My favorite was "Midnight Showers." Big sister, big brother, and I would be fast aleep. She'd sneak in the dark and dump water over us cackling (imagine the witch on Wizard of Oz.) She'd yell, "MIDNITE SHOWERS" while cackling, then go back in her cave and slam the door. I remember sitting on the floor, soaking wet, crying. Gosh, why am I so f-d up? Thank GOD there was food to steal to calm my little nerves.

Here is one about my Husbands mother and you all tell me if you see anything wrong with this picture. Anytime my mother inlaw is around my husband she wants him to be hugging on her and when he gives her a hug and a peck on the cheek she will turn to look at me. Why?

After we are gone she will tell my sister inlaws how jealous I am of her She also insists that he calls her Mommy and when ever we say we are leaving she tells him where are you going are you going to leave your Mommy alone the lady has her husband and other daughters and sons there. She treats the sons this way lately she has been telling my 2 boys to call her Mommy when my older son (6yrs) told my I got pissed I told her I do not mind if they called you Mommy but you are the Grandmother and that is your place in my world so bear it lady. I usually respect my elders but she has a problem and I do not want her to include my sons in that sick world of hers.

Geez....I guess I'll add one more thing to my list of things I'm EXTREMELY thankful for...my family, inlaws and all, are fairly normal people who love me the best they can. Writing that just brought tears to my eyes. I am SO lucky.

Darcy -- I think you've been watching too many soap operas. I know, it really can't be funny, but it is certainly unbelievable! I'm glad you are doing so well.

Lisa, you are such a wonderful example of the survivor spirit. It is amazing how children survive the most extreme conditions without exploding. I know the scars are real and last forever, but that survival spirit is absolutely awesome!

Oh Miss Becky Lee... it doesn't end there... my other step-brother is a complete horror story. It's funny... when I was in the midst of that family I didn't realize how abnormal the whole thing was. Type in Ellie Nesler for an internet search or William Nesler and you will get all of the sorted details.

Lisa... I agree with Miss Becky... you are a survivor... it's the luck of the draw to whom we are gifted to and unfortunately there are many people that should never be given such a gift. Sounds like your Momster needs to be behind bars or at least secured in a "special" jacket. (((hugs)))

Darcy

I'm with you Rebecca...I'm thankful for having somewhat normal relatives???

Momster should have never had kids but I'm so glad she did, Lisa! We love you so much.

I'm with Becky and Vera, I too have normal relatives. I am very thankful for that!

*crazy family here*

ohhhh where to start...

i have a aunt an uncle who are total junkies. they are on methodone program but sell there methodone for street herion. they have been junkies for 20 years and dont know where we live. the aunt had to have a abortion at 7 MONTHS pregnant because the used heroine the whole pregnancy and the baby's spine was growing out of its body. that was not enough to sober her up.

my ex's father married his wifes sister after she died then 3 years later shot the sister (new wife) and is now in prison. after he shot her he drove to TN to OUR HOUSE (at the time). about 10 minutes after he got there the cops show up BANGING on the door. i tell them to hold on and let me put my dogs up (thank god they did because they would have shot them) anyhow they barge in, GUNS DRAWN and pointed at us...get on the ground or we'll shoot. they haul him off to jail

my ex's brother is a junkie who stole his dads car and drove it TN to our house. he shows up with no $$, no gas, his junkie girlfiend smelly kelly, no drugs. the no drugs part means they are getting sick from withdrawl. i let them stay overnight. all night i called and called, found them EACH a rehab and told them they could go to rehab or leave with no help from me. so they leave...no money no gas etc. they have to spare change at the gas station to get home.

ok i have to work now...i got more later