Seems to be a lot of insanity around here, so I started this thread to share stories of our insane family. I'll start with Liana (my MOMster.)

The woman has been certified by the courts, so instead of crying, I laugh a lot. She's on a mission to prove that "the government is corrupt." She thinks she discovered this hidden secret, and that she's gonna blow the cover soon. Shhh, nobody else knows. She spends her days typing 100 page letters to the president that nobody will ever read. She sends me copies and the typing makes your eyes blurry since she still uses manual typewriters (she has several going at one time.) She doesn't believe in waste, so she never double spaces. She underlines some words, bolds others, highlights others, all of the above to others, etc. She then uses different color pens to draw arrows to the bolded, underlined text, and then removes the paper from the typewriter and re-inserts it sideways so she can type in the margins. Please don't tell anyone about government corruption - it's her little secret.

This is really awful to tell but... When my great great aunt died a cat got in the funeral home and ate her nose off!!! TRUE STORY

I wonder if Momster and Francie are/were related. Francie died a few years ago. I don't think she knew about Bondo. But there's a part of me which is partial to Durham's Rock Hard Water Putty (mix it with water and it makes...I dunno...rocks) , so there may be a genetic link. No, Francie's hobby was radio and early television. This scares me because I am working on getting a ham operator license. But she never had one, so I think it's okay. She had lots of tubes. You know, old radio tubes. She was never thrilled with miniaturized and transistorized stuff. She like BIG, overheating radio and television tubes. Well, those and the powdered cheese, I imagine.

Why is Momster out loose? Should she not be incarcerated or somebody's thesis project?

Momster has been thrown out of psychiatrist's office. She can be very intimidating and speaks only in screams & insults. She calls doctors murderers, idiots, butchers till the have her escorted out. She sends 100 page horribly viscious letters to the president (she's convinced she personally uncovered government corruption.) She's not locked up cause nobody wants her. She's a legend in her small town after inheriting her uncle's valuable property smack in the middle of the County Park. The County, over the years, purchased all the surrounding parcels so the crazy house is surrounded in front by baseball diamonds, to the left County tennis courts, the right is the playground, and the bowling alley in back. The County has been making very generous offers for over 20 years, but my family won't sell. Now it's hers, so she's under constant scrutiny and now has 1/4 million dollar lien on the property. If I livein in Jersey, I might get involved because she is clearly incompetant, and I'm convinced the IRS and local goverment is letting time pass till they can snatch her entire estate. They should have forced sale or taken legal action, but they know they're dealing with an insane person so they allow penalties to grow, grow, grow, till one day they own it all. The cops know here by first name, but they don't want her. She's not hurting anybody but herself, though I can't for the life of me understand why Social Services hasn't intervened.

And a cat eating the nose off a deceased person has got to be the grossest thing I've ever heard in my life! I almost hurled but then decided I better share one more story.

My Aunt Doris left her false teeth on the nightstand. But they were gone when she woke up. The dog ate them. GROSS. But they are really expensive, so she had to buy another pair. This time she wrapped them in a tissue and put them in her purse for the night. But the next morning she couldn't find her purse... it was tossed all over the living room, and the teeth were gone. That dog ate her teeth a 2nd time.

Delarla: I didn't mean to gross you out so bad about the cat thing. I just thought it would add to the weird family thread really well. You gotta admit this isn't something that happen's every day.... only in my family!!!!