My Story: Sexual Abuse and Obesity in Women

[BiggiSmalls 90]

food addition, you are obese, or have other food related issues does not mean you were abused. This is my story, and, unfortunately it is many other people's story.

I was a healthy kid growing up. In fact, my childhood nickname was Twiggy because I was so lean. I was raised in a middle class home with three sisters, and we were healthy and active. But, when I turned 15 years old I was brutally raped, had my genitals burned by the tip of a knife, and had my life threatened by a friend of a friend. In the year after that happened I became anorexic (undiagnosed but well under 100lbs. at 5'8"). I would eat an apple and a soft pretzel a day many days. I was unhealthy, and I kept my sexual assault a secret from my family due to threats, fear, and shame.

I remained too skinny until I went to college. But with all the freedom at college, I began binge eating, and I developed worsening anxiety. I began to binge drink, binge eat, and bulk up my body so I would no longer be attractive to men. It wasn't until my anxiety crippled me in my twenties that I began to go to a therapist. It was a rape crisis therapist at the local women's center because I was a poor college student and couldn't afford anything else. My therapist helped me. She also set me on a path of working on my rape and anxiety.

I have been in therapy off and on since I was in my early 20's. I am 46 years old, and married to a kind and gentle man who could see past my anxiety and other issues. I had the gastric sleeve surgery 5 weeks ago. I have lost 40lbs so far, and I bumped up my therapy to address my issues surrounding shedding this armor that caused high blood pressure, fatigue and a myriad of other health issues.

I tried losing weight before, and I yo yo'd up and down for years. Mostly I went up in weight and my health declined. On Christmas Day my mother passed away, and I was scared enough of death and this armor that I made the appointment with my surgeon. I don't regret it, but it has pushed me out of my comfort zone.

Our society likes to see problems without seeing the causes underlying the problems. All obesity cannot be explained due to sexual or physical abuse, but I would submit that there are many causes which underly obesity. The fat shamers and those with cruel eyes don't always get it. I don't want the fingerprints of the perpetrator on me anymore. I cannot erase the traumatic event, but I can chose to heal in every respect of the word. It took me a while to get here, and I guess I took a long path, but it was the right path for me.

I hope I never look at others and judge them on weight, physical appearance, or anything other than the content of their character. I think that is optimistic, but today I am making the decision to try and lose my judgmental tendencies with the weight I am losing.

I admire each person who tries to improve, even when they fail. I hope those of you out there who were harmed by someone find peace and health. Best of luck to all.

[Christinamo7 4,041]

I am so sorry you went through all of this. I experienced date rape at 15, but your trauma was much worse. I do believe you can heal from this though, and completely. Thankfully I had a very good friend (pastors wife, a different former boyfriends mom) who really stepped in and counseled me through my recovery. and since I did not want to tell my parents (I was afraid of what my dad might do and end up in jail for) she has kept my secret all these 30 something years.

I didn't have any issues with obesity until my 30's and really due to protecting myself against the physical aggression of a disabled son who is much larger than me and going to work outside the home in a sedentary job - but I can certainly understand your emotions that led to your problem.

I hope with the WLS you will begin to bloom as you work your way through the process!

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

http://www.syracuse.com/news/index.ssf/2010/07/linking_sexual_abuse_to_obesit.html

Please let me begin by saying that just because you have food addition, you are obese, or have other food related issues does not mean you were abused. This is my story, and, unfortunately it is many other people's story.

I was a healthy kid growing up. In fact, my childhood nickname was Twiggy because I was so lean. I was raised in a middle class home with three sisters, and we were healthy and active. But, when I turned 15 years old I was brutally raped, had my genitals burned by the tip of a knife, and had my life threatened by a friend of a friend. In the year after that happened I became anorexic (undiagnosed but well under 100lbs. at 5'8"). I would eat an apple and a soft pretzel a day many days. I was unhealthy, and I kept my sexual assault a secret from my family due to threats, fear, and shame.

I remained too skinny until I went to college. But with all the freedom at college, I began binge eating, and I developed worsening anxiety. I began to binge drink, binge eat, and bulk up my body so I would no longer be attractive to men. It wasn't until my anxiety crippled me in my twenties that I began to go to a therapist. It was a rape crisis therapist at the local women's center because I was a poor college student and couldn't afford anything else. My therapist helped me. She also set me on a path of working on my rape and anxiety.

I have been in therapy off and on since I was in my early 20's. I am 46 years old, and married to a kind and gentle man who could see past my anxiety and other issues. I had the gastric sleeve surgery 5 weeks ago. I have lost 40lbs so far, and I bumped up my therapy to address my issues surrounding shedding this armor that caused high blood pressure, fatigue and a myriad of other health issues.

I tried losing weight before, and I yo yo'd up and down for years. Mostly I went up in weight and my health declined. On Christmas Day my mother passed away, and I was scared enough of death and this armor that I made the appointment with my surgeon. I don't regret it, but it has pushed me out of my comfort zone.

Our society likes to see problems without seeing the causes underlying the problems. All obesity cannot be explained due to sexual or physical abuse, but I would submit that there are many causes which underly obesity. The fat shamers and those with cruel eyes don't always get it. I don't want the fingerprints of the perpetrator on me anymore. I cannot erase the traumatic event, but I can chose to heal in every respect of the word. It took me a while to get here, and I guess I took a long path, but it was the right path for me.

I hope I never look at others and judge them on weight, physical appearance, or anything other than the content of their character. I think that is optimistic, but today I am making the decision to try and lose my judgmental tendencies with the weight I am losing.

I admire each person who tries to improve, even when they fail. I hope those of you out there who were harmed by someone find peace and health. Best of luck to all.

Hugs. I am so sorry you experienced this awful crime but am so glad you have the love and support you need to heal.

I was not sexually assaulted but definitely know I used fat as a literal wall to keep out pain.

It is a very good idea to use every resource available to us as we dismantle that wall.

I really appreciate your honesty and courage in sharing your story.

[ocgirl15 667]

So sorry you had to go through this. Thank you for being brave Enough to share your story! I am not that brave yet but this means a lot!!

[lessismore4me 47]

You're story sadly is often the story of other women and men who suffer sexual trauma and abuse. My wish for you is that as you continue to lose weight and become healthier that you gain an understanding of how to put on new armor that keeps you safe as you grow in self confidence. The new armor is built by loving and believing in yourself. You are worth it and you are smarter and stronger than any coward that seeks build themselves up by taking anything from people with force. They are hollow souls.

Sent from my SM-G925V using the BariatricPal App

[poodge 2]

Your post is heartbreaking-I am so very very sorry you went through that. I have not been sexually abused, but know how I use/used my fat as a barrier to "keep me safe." Ha ha - sick joke, isn't it? It wasn't until after I almost died from sepsis (at 517 lbs) that I realized my fat blanket safety barrier needed to go in order for me to live. I wish I had realized that earlier in my life-I just turned 60. Praying for your continued healing from this awful abuse. You are a warrior! Sending hugs, Lynda

[BiggiSmalls 90]

Thanks everyone. It has been part of my healing to begin to share my story. In most respects I've done most of my healing, but as the armor comes off I will need to wrestle with the demons a bit more.