Is your surgery a secret?

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Look into your own mind/conscience, -- within yourself lies your answer.

Prayers going up.

Uhh... no, no it doesn't. I have nothing against people who choose to tell the world of their WLS. I simply have issue with those who call me a liar (or imply it) for not telling the world of mine.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

@

I always post on here that my surgery is a secret, but in reality that isn't true. All of my real close friends know.

I don't tell strangers, just like I don't tell strangers a lot of other things about me. Unlike what a lot of people who post on forums encounter, I don't have a lot of people asking me questions about how I lost weight. They say congrats on the hard work.

I'm single, don't live near my family and don't have co-workers so I don't have that many people to "hide" it from.

At almost 11 months out, I feel more comfortable about telling people if I wanted to, mainly because I feel totally like a normal person. When I was eating 600-700 calories a day if someone had came at me sideways talking crap about me having surgery, I would have probably hit them upside the head with a tire Iron. Easy way out my ass.

[Valentina 2,642]

Aaah, but I am sincere.

The answer to the question lies within.

Thank you for your opinion, though.

Prayers going up.

PS:

Alex Brecher: Is this really appropriate verbiage for one member to address another???

[LipstickLady 25,682]

@@OutsideMatchInside

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Aaah, but I am sincere.

The answer to the question lies within.

Thank you for your opinion, though.

Prayers going up.

PS:

Alex Brecher: Is this really appropriate verbiage for one member to address another???

Hmmm...

You certainly have a tendency to "like" posts that use that same verbiage towards people you don't care for. Funny that.

[Christinamo7 4,041]

Uhh... no, no it doesn't. I have nothing against people who choose to tell the world of their WLS. I simply have issue with those who call me a liar (or imply it) for not telling the world of mine.

Look into your own mind/conscience, -- within yourself lies your answer.

Prayers going up.

well since you want a more general answer - I feel from reading these posts 'ad nauseam' some people are conflicted about not telling, and seem to attack those who tell because it makes them second guess their own decisions as far as transparency. it makes them *feel* like they are lying. and lets face it - there are *some* people who do not want others to know they had WLS because they truly are ashamed of their choice, or need of the choice. they want to present themselves falsely as being something they are not - and some of those some are here on those threads being every bit as unkind as some of the "tellers" are.

I don't think keeping your medical history to yourself is lying in any way shape or form unless you imply that the dietary changes are all there is to your success. just omitting that part is not lying if you are doing it for privacy reasons. I doubt you do that if privacy is what you are after. I am pretty transparent, but I do not tell everyone all of my business, medical or otherwise and I try to have good sense about when it is appropriate and welcomed.

but seriously, why should anyone even care what someone else, especially someone online, thinks of their choice? Even if I did think you were a little liar - so freaking what? the only thing that matters is if you are content with the choices you are making.

I love the saying when you are 20 you worry about what others think. when you are 40 you don't care what others think. when you are 60 you realize they weren't even thinking of you at all. I think there's a lot of truth to that.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

well since you want a more general answer - I feel from reading these posts 'ad nauseam' some people are conflicted about not telling, and seem to attack those who tell because it makes them second guess their own decisions as far as transparency. it makes them *feel* like they are lying. and lets face it - there are *some* people who do not want others to know they had WLS because they truly are ashamed of their choice, or need of the choice. they want to present themselves falsely as being something they are not - and some of those some are here on those threads being every bit as unkind as some of the "tellers" are.

I don't think keeping your medical history to yourself is lying in any way shape or form unless you imply that the dietary changes are all there is to your success. just omitting that part is not lying if you are doing it for privacy reasons. I doubt you do that if privacy is what you are after. I am pretty transparent, but I do not tell everyone all of my business, medical or otherwise and I try to have good sense about when it is appropriate and welcomed.

but seriously, why should anyone even care what someone else, especially someone online, thinks of their choice? Even if I did think you were a little liar - so freaking what? the only thing that matters is if you are content with the choices you are making.

I love the saying when you are 20 you worry about what others think. when you are 40 you don't care what others think. when you are 60 you realize they weren't even thinking of you at all. I think there's a lot of truth to that.

You are absolutely right. Some people who are conflicted might feel as if they are lying. Some people might be ashamed. Some people are unkind and some people use religion as a weapon.

I am still missing tan example of where someone who chooses not to tell disparages someone who chooses to tell BECAUSE of their choice. Disparages the individual in general? I see it all the time. Big difference, though. Perhaps I am not stating my point clearly.

As for worrying about what others think of me? I don't. I do, on the other hand, worry about people who are reading and not replying, who are researching surgery or going through the emotional ups and downs, and who are being made to feel a liar because they don't care to share.

[Christinamo7 4,041]

@@LipstickLady please make up your mind if you want a general answer or a specific one. you can't have it both ways and I have already told you I am not going to dig through old posts to find you an example and I doubt anyone else will either.

I worry about the people who are researching WLS and need to confront *why* they don't want anyone to know - because I feel if they are ashamed or even if they just feel like they are lying that could have serious implications for them during the maintenance period when the hard work of keeping the weight off begins. privacy? not an issue or a problem, but the other things are landmines. much better to get your emotional crap together before surgery as much as possible.

[B1essed1 61]

I'm a private person to begin with. Only my husband and bff knows. I don't like being asked a lot of questions nor have I ever inspired to be a poster child for anything. I'm very thankful for all those who do share thier journey publicly because it has helped to know what to expect. Kudos to them. As for me, I'm keeping it to myself but don't mind answering questions through this type of social media that allows you to keep your identity private.

Sent from my XT1080 using the BariatricPal App

[BCs 1000 364]

Husband and my mum only. Very, very glad as I have read some hideous stories of the negative, judgmental comments others have received. Many are strong enough to cope with this, I felt I had enough on my plate recovering from surgery and learning a new way of living.

Think carefully about this. You can always later confide in people, but you can't pull it back if you have already told people.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

@@LipstickLady please make up your mind if you want a general answer or a specific one. you can't have it both ways and I have already told you I am not going to dig through old posts to find you an example and I doubt anyone else will either.

I worry about the people who are researching WLS and need to confront *why* they don't want anyone to know - because I feel if they are ashamed or even if they just feel like they are lying that could have serious implications for them during the maintenance period when the hard work of keeping the weight off begins. privacy? not an issue or a problem, but the other things are landmines. much better to get your emotional crap together before surgery as much as possible.

I've not changed my question at all.

My general answer to why I find SOME tellers offensive is because they call non tellers "liars", accuse them of being "ashamed", and say it's their "duty" to educate others.

By what logic are SOME non tellers disparaging tellers for actually telling?

I am not looking for specific names, posts or quotes, I am looking for the the actual accusations like I listed above. I seriously can't be clearer than that nor am I asking you to do any digging.

As for your worries? They are logical, I've no problem with that. But SOME tellers state the whole LYING, ASHAMED, DUTY stuff as FACT. It's not my fact and I am certain it's not the fact of EVERY non-teller.

[Tara1992 79]

Wow, all these replies have been so helpful. Now I see it is ok to do what I feel comfortable with and I'm not alone! I was considering telling people who insisted on knowing that I'm getting my cysts removed (from the pcos). I definitely don't want people talking about it CONSTANTLY to me. I my mom works with a sleeved guy and they talk about it every times they work together, I never thought about how that might be annoying him. Maybe, maybe not. I'm annoyed because I am a vegetarian and I made a huge mistake by telling the two men I work with, and somehow it becomes the center for jokes and discussion everyday... I don't even participate that's the annoying part, but I wanna say SHUT UP WHO CARES IT'S MY LIFE, but of course i don't!

Thank you all

@ -- at work you need only tell them your doctor is scheduling you for surgery, its private and you do not wish to discuss. The only time HR/boss can push on that is that if it is a worker's comp injury, which this is not. When they ask when you will be back, you'll tell them when the doctor clears you to come back but you hope to be back in 3 weeks of less if everything goes well.

Thank you! I'm going to keep that in mind! I just think it's going to be hard because the company I work for is literally 5 employees so it's really small and we all talk all the time... I just have to just stay strong.

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[Shaydi.Laine 237]

The fact is I did not lose weight through "diet and excercise", I lost it because I had 85% of my stomach removed. I just would not have felt comfortable lying to everyone I know. But that's just me.

I'm really sorry to hear that you don't feel responsible for your own success. Yes the surgery is an important catalyst, but the surgery isn't choosing what you put in your mouth or when and how often you eat, it's not taking your Vitamins for you nor is it building muscle, burning fat, or raising your metabolism. I do suspect you aren't eating the same crap you used to eat, or you wouldn't be as successful as you've been in your weight loss. So recognize that you yourself are the success in this, don't give all the credit to the surgery. If you aren't exercising, that's your choice of course, and I'm sure many have been successful without exercise, although I personally am enjoying great rewards from my time at the gym and my much more active lifestyle.

I maintain that the surgery is secondary to how we as thinking human beings choose to use it. Yes it is greatly helpful for getting us on track and helping us stay on track, but it's not HOW we are losing weight. We are all losing weight by eating less and making better choices. In the end this is all up to us. If the surgery was how I was losing weight, I would be eating gooey pizza, crust and all, right this very second. Maybe followed by some nice sugary ice cream. But since that would cause me to gain weight, despite the surgery, I will instead have some lovely piece of Protein and no dessert. And that's MY decision.

Choosing not to tell someone about the surgery is *not* lying. Saying you didn't have surgery when you did, that would be lying. And if anyone asks me that question, I will likely lie because it's none of their business. Meanwhile anyone who feels comfortable telling everyone about their surgery should go for it. Anyone who feels uncomfortable sharing that info, should keep it to themselves. No one should have to feel bad whether they choose to tell or not tell.

[SalOdyssey 441]

It is really simple as the following;

You tell, great!

You don't tell, great!

All the other bickering is just hot air.

[bac2u 41]

I'm not telling the nosey women at work that already comment on everyone's lunch. And when they ask about my weight loss I'll say yes I am losing weight, but enough about my weight let's talk about yours.