When was the last time you were scared for your physical safety? I mean really scared? Middle school? In the military? Most women are scared everyday. You didn't probably realize this because you never thought to ask. They get scared in parking garages, walking to the car at night. I never made that connection. I used to get mad when my ex would wake me up to investigate a noise she thought she heard at night, but at least now I understand it.

That's why security is soooo very important to women. I have read a large number of books and articles trying to understand women. Most are sappy, and are opinions based on some observations or feelings, but I never felt that there was any hard science behind it. And look women are complex. Freud never understood women. Neither did Einstein. I mean really:

• Why do they have to go the bathroom in packs?
• Why do they shop the way they do?
• Why do they keep getting upset when they tell you a problem and you try to solve it?
• Why does she need to be held?

I just finished Dr. John Gottman's book: The Man's Guide to Women: Scientifically Proven Secrets from the "Love Lab" About What Women Really Want - https://goo.gl/x5hTjI. (for full disclosure, I don't read books, I listen to them while doing chores and exercising. This was a good and entertaining listen).

I'm not saying that you will understand everything the women in your life are doing, but thanks to the insights from the Gotman Lab, at least you will be able to understand the differences between you and her. This isn't a "blame the hormones" book, but it does explain just how profound the impact is. This one is a nice mix of humor, science, medicine and serious behavioral research to give you some clues as to what is going on, and how you can make the woman in your life happier.

We men are easy. What do we want? Less bitching, more sex. If you can break her code, you will get it. You will live longer and better in a solid relationship, so invest in yourself. My divorce cost me over well over six figures (and worth every damn penny), but my current relationship is one that I want to last. I think I picked up some good ideas to help make it grow.

If you are not in a relationship, there are some good tips on how to start one. There are good ideas on how to really seduce your woman. Some nice salacious tips on how to have an even better time in the bedroom.

In short, dang good book. If anyone has read it, I'd appreciate hearing some of your takeaways. This may not be a long thread, but if you do read it, feel free to post your thoughts.

(Note to lady lurkers: Feel free to chime in on this one. Because this book isn't a "blame" book, you might really enjoy it too.

With all due respect, this ^^^ would make me nuts. Who has time to wait for all that car door opening!

Oh yeah, that was his other point, women are not monolithic but instead complicated. But come on, isn't it comforting when a guy does little things that make you feel safer and appreciated?

Interesting thread. Next week will be my one year anniversary for my divorce. I'm still not ready to date. I have a hard time trusting men. I haven't dated for over 12 years, and the new dating world is extremely overwhelming.

I hear all these horror stories about meeting men online and it terrifies me. Now as an adult, I realize how brave I was in my early twenties.

I tried the online dating scene briefly, but really didn't like it. Most men came on way to strong. Clearly not looking for a relationship but only hook ups.

I would like to meet someone who can carry on a conversation and not expect anything. I talked to a guy online and really enjoyed the conversation of history, politics, travel, etc. until he asked if I like to "please myself". Seriously??

@@4shiggles - <sigh> Well at least you found out about "Mr. Please Yourself" early. (90% of guys give the rest of us a bad reputation).

My pet theory on the early sex thing is that in the post divorce crowd is that is what we had been used to for decades. We'd go out on a "date" with our spouse and we would have sex. Add to that, we are not in a regular relationship so it is very hit and miss in that department.

Please don't think this only happens to women. I had lunch with one lady who I liked after the "coffee date" who put her hand on my thigh, looked me in the eye and told me how much she "liked anal sex." Really tough to finish chewing after that revelation.

Take your time, don't create some time table based on what women's magazines say. And I hope you enjoy the experience. I have 12 women whom I have dated but are now friends, who are thrilled to death that I finally found THE ONE. (OK, they might be glad for all women that I'm out of the dating pool)

My best online dating tips are here: http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/336754-unsolicited-online-dating-advice/ completely free and unsolicited advice, so feel free to ignore.

Please don't think this only happens to women. I had lunch with one lady who I liked after the "coffee date" who put her hand on my thigh, looked me in the eye and told me how much she "liked anal sex." Really tough to finish chewing after that revelation.

Well you can't leave us just hanging here. Was it everything she said it would be???

one of the things I love about living in the South is that it is far more likely that any nice man will hold the door open, young and old. I like being treated like a lady.

but not all ladies like being treated a certain way, so guys if you find one you like, take the time to learn what pleases her. she will hold you in high esteem if you do.

Please don't think this only happens to women. I had lunch with one lady who I liked after the "coffee date" who put her hand on my thigh, looked me in the eye and told me how much she "liked anal sex." Really tough to finish chewing after that revelation.

Well you can't leave us just hanging here. Was it everything she said it would be???

Umm, yes I think I can leave you hanging

one of the things I love about living in the South is that it is far more likely that any nice man will hold the door open, young and old. I like being treated like a lady.

but not all ladies like being treated a certain way, so guys if you find one you like, take the time to learn what pleases her. she will hold you in high esteem if you do.

Wow, that's almost as hard as asking for directions. But you are right: NOTE TO GUYS -- Ask. That is all.

I too love being treated like a southern lady.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using the BariatricPal App

My whole life I grew up living in fear. We lived in a bad neighborhood and young males were killed frequently. The sound of a pop or firecracker would make me dive to the floor. Spent a lot of time indoors because I was afraid to go outside. Probably how my weight gain started.

Also find this walking down the street thing interesting. Here it is generally considered safer to walk close to the street or even in the street.

Edited April 21, 201610 yr by sgc