Dating

[lifeofblair 308]

So this guy I met on Bumble asked me to grab drinks next week (he said he was busy with work this week) and I said yes. Question is how do I go about this because i don't drink do to the surgery and just not really wanting to I didn't want to say "oh I don't drink, but..." Should I suggest a place or just go and not get an alcoholic drink? What have y'all done?

[catwoman7 10,874]

I rarely drank even *before* the surgery. When I went out with friends, I'd often just have a Diet Coke. Of course, I can't have Diet Coke now, either - but the place should have something you can drink. I just always explained I wasn't much of a drinker, if people even bothered to ask. No one seemed to care.

[It's Time 178]

I would go and order a non alcoholic drink and if he asks just say that you're not an alcohol drinker and move on with the date - it shouldn't be a big deal or you can make a different suggestion and let him know upfront that you're not a drinker- personally, I would probably just go to the place he chose and keep it moving

Have Fun [emoji16]

[catwoman7 10,874]

P.S. I guess if you're really self-conscious about it, you could just say you have GERD or something and alcohol is hard on your stomach. Or like me, you could just tell him you're not much of a drinker.

P.S. I guess if you're really self-conscious about it, you could just say you have GERD or something and alcohol is hard on your stomach. Or like me, you could just tell him you're not much of a drinker.

[lifeofblair 308]

That's what I'll probably do, I just didn't want to sound like a prude or anything ha

[Madtownsunshine17 42]

Great question,@lifeofblair. I'm dabbling in dating myself and find it a challenging world to navigate. Everything easy for dates involves food or drink!

[AvaFern 3,516]

I don't drink on dates, largely because I like to make sure I actually like someone and booze tends to cloud the judgement. I also really don't like drinking that much AND I am super careful about not drinking and driving. There have been times where I have ordered a drink, taken a few sips every once in a while, and that was it, however now, I just order a diet coke and an appetizer that I don't eat (if you're only doing drinks and not dinner) and if he doesn't like it, too damn bad. If someone doesn't like that I don't drink, it never would have worked anyway. Also, it has nothing to do with my stomach, so that is something I would never even consider bringing up.

As a note, I was on the opposite side of this once. Way back when I was like 22-ish there was a hot guy in my class and I said, hey you want to grab a drink after class? His response..."I don't drink." My response...um ok. Lol, we actually ended up dating, but asking someone out for a drink is just a casual way of asking them to do something and them not actually wanting to drink anything alcoholic doesn't matter much. I would have been fine getting coffee, I just figured I had a hard enough time asking him to go out...want to grab a drink was fewer words than want to get some coffee, lol.

[TheRealMeIsHere! 863]

I, personally, would suggest another place. That atmosphere tempts me too much. Post bariatric surgery you have an uber low tolerance for alcohol. I'd be afraid I'd be tempted to have "just one" or even a sip and feel it too much.

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,443]

Should I suggest a place or just go and not get an alcoholic drink?

Both at once. My own take on planned meetings with strangers is to suggest/pick a place. It's always been somewhere on my turn, whatever that may mean at the moment, so that I'll be comfortable given that I'm meeting a stranger. Be your most charming self, but don't over-think this.

[SleeveSoon 191]

When I ask a woman out for drinks I really don't care what she orders. Its an opportunity to meet and get acquainted without the time commitment of a meal. I don't drink coffee and can now tolerate red wine in moderation.

I struggle more with food in social situations. Last week I was invited to dinner at a neighbor's house and have not shared my surgery with any of the people at dinner. I ate some chicken and vegetables, then pushed the rest of the food around the plate for a bit. The host is a surgeon who is self-conscious of her cooking skills. I complemented her cooking, but offered no explanation for leaving 1/2 a plate of food uneaten.

[jane13 2,256]

@@SleeveSoon - I do the same thing, I move food around on my plate at the family dinners. My WLS is known with my family and I am blessed to have no one ask, question, what I am/am not eating. Its really no ones business, but yours.

When hubby and I go out to eat, I do the same thing, but its more like prepping for the doggie bags!

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,443]

P.S. I guess if you're really self-conscious about it, you could just say you have GERD or something and alcohol is hard on your stomach.

Eeek. GERD is common enough, but you really don't want to introduce yourself to a stranger as someone who has a digestive disorder. I wouldn't want the first thing that someone tells me to be either non-attractive or about disease of any degree. If he were a specialist or researcher in the field, okay, but not otherwise.

[catwoman7 10,874]

P.S. I guess if you're really self-conscious about it, you could just say you have GERD or something and alcohol is hard on your stomach.

Eeek. GERD is common enough, but you really don't want to introduce yourself to a stranger as someone who has a digestive disorder. I wouldn't want the first thing that someone tells me to be either non-attractive or about disease of any degree. If he were a specialist or researcher in the field, okay, but not otherwise.

I actually use that excuse all the time - like why I'm not partaking in any of the greasy appetizers someone at my table ordered for the whole group. Or why I'm only eating a cup a food. Works like a charm. But then, I'm old so I really don't care if people think I have GERD. I guess if I was younger and single and dating, I might.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

We all have differen thoughts...so FWIW here is my protocol.

Since I expect he will be buying, I let him pick the place. Also, I am just not picky and it turns out so many others really are. If he asks me to choose, I do it without argument. That has backfired though because some people have very limited palates and really prefer bland, plain type food and I have messee that up by suggesting sushi or some tasty but less universally loved places.

I don't feel the need to offer an explanation for my food/beverage choices..and in my mind a Water with a twist of lime is a "beverage". I do drink and I appreciate it when I date a non drinker and he specifies that he is totally fine with drinking. Since I do enjoy a wine or cocktail, if I don't drink I might make a joke that I love wine, but....and then say something about just being in the mood for something else or another noncommittal reason.

For follow on dates, I tend to be very clear of how much I like good (not deepfried crap) happy hour menus. They tend to worry I will think they are cheap...and make a big deal that I should order from the main menu. So, at that point I tell them that I like small portions of really nice food - and alot of guys really get it. I have been dating a man who eats less than I do recently!

My whole goal is for us to both feel comfortable and I try to be gracious without being apologetic.

We all have differen thoughts...so FWIW here is my protocol.

Since I expect he will be buying, I let him pick the place. Also, I am just not picky and it turns out so many others really are. If he asks me to choose, I do it without argument. That has backfired though because some people have very limited palates and really prefer bland, plain type food and I have messee that up by suggesting sushi or some tasty but less universally loved places.

I don't feel the need to offer an explanation for my food/beverage choices..and in my mind a Water with a twist of lime is a "beverage". I do drink and I appreciate it when I date a non drinker and he specifies that he is totally fine with drinking. Since I do enjoy a wine or cocktail, if I don't drink I might make a joke that I love wine, but....and then say something about just being in the mood for something else or another noncommittal reason.

For follow on dates, I tend to be very clear of how much I like good (not deepfried crap) happy hour menus. They tend to worry I will think they are cheap...and make a big deal that I should order from the main menu. So, at that point I tell them that I like small portions of really nice food - and alot of guys really get it. I have been dating a man who eats less than I do recently!

My whole goal is for us to both feel comfortable and I try to be gracious without being apologetic.

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,443]

I actually use that excuse all the time - like why I'm not partaking in any of the greasy appetizers someone at my table ordered for the whole group. Or why I'm only eating a cup a food. Works like a charm. But then, I'm old so I really don't care if people think I have GERD. I guess if I was younger and single and dating, I might.

That's funny, but, as another old one, I disagree. To me, it's not unlike introducing the subject of bathroom habits at a dinner party. I don't want to know what I don't need to know. Even pronouncing the acronym, GERD, bothers me for the ugliness of its sound as a word. Call me a squeamish aesthete.