I need to vent. These days I don't have really anyone I can talk to about my problems. I don't have any friends I can just call up these days because they all have families and work late so I don't want to be a bother and I don't have a significant other that I can talk to either so you guys are going to hear today's frustrating event. First off I need to explain that I am on SSI and because of that my father has some control over my finances, access to my bank account is one of his "perks". Well, today he noticed a charge on my account from the credit card company because I am slowly paying off a card that he didn't know about and so he confronted me about it and I confessed that I owe about $2,000 in credit card debt and that I don't want to talk about it. He gets uppity and starts huffing and puffing and rolling his eyes and asks "what are did you need to buy? You don't have bills so what the Hell are you doing?" I also currently live with them and have severe anxiety problems so you can imagine how great I am feeling right now. I told him that my debt is none of his business and I don't owe him an explanation but he insists as my money handler he does need to know and then I just ignored him until he went to bed. I have had a lot of problems that I have been getting over and things I did that he doesn't know about or need to because he is very judgmental and holds my past over my head every chance he gets. The truth is back in 2013 through 2014 I made stupid decisions that still haunt me. I met a girl and I really liked her but I couldn't afford to take her out and pay the rent so I stupidly opened a credit card and spent over $1,000 on the credit card over 3 months taking her out, trying to impress her until she got bored of me and left me for another guy I spiraled into a depression and started drinking heavily and binge eating. Over the next year and a half it got worse as close friends of mine got married or engaged and here I was obese and alone. By the time I finally sought help I racked up debt over $3,000. I never told anyone outside of my therapist about my binging and spending habits that went along with it. I made the mistake of telling him about my feelings and feeling helpless before and he just makes fun of me and calls me stupid in so many words. How should I deal with him? What would you do? I can't live walking on egg shells and I can't afford to move out.

According to the Michigan Penal Code, Abuse of a Vulnerable Adult Dependant (verbal, emotional, mental, physical) is a crime punishable by fines and up to 15 years in prison.

Unfortunately, what your father is doing with you and your money may very well be a crime.

These statutes explain what qualifies as abuse and what the penalties are.

MCL § 333.21771, Abuse, Mistreatment, or Neglect of Patient Prohibited Nursing Home Patients

MCL § 750.145n, Vulnerable Adult Abuse

MCL § 750.145o, Violation of Act by Operator or Employee of Unlicensed Facility

MCL § 750.145p, Caregiver or Other Person with Authority Over Vulnerable Adult6 Michigan MCL § 750.174a, Person in Relationship of Trust with Vulnerable Adult

1. According to the Michigan Department of Health and Human Services,
3. http://www.michigan.gov/mdhhs/0,5885,7-339-73971_7119_50647---,00.html
4. the following people that you interact with have a Duty To Report required by law to report this abuse to authorities.
7. Mandated Reporters:
9. Health Care Services. Including, but not limited to:

• Physicians.
• Nurses.
• Psychologists.
• Counselors.
• Aides.
• Hospital Administrators and Staff.

Educational Services. Including, but not limited to:

• Teachers.
• Administrators.
• Counselors.

Public Services. Including, but not limited to:

• Social workers (administrators, supervisors, caseworkers, etc.)
• Law Enforcement Officers.
• County medical examiner and employees of the county medical examiner.
• Adult Day Care Providers.

If these people know of your situation and do not report it, then they are committing a crime. As a survivor of domestic violence, the best advice I can give you is to start eliminating road blocks one by one.

Sorry for the odd numbering. I did not type it that way. It's just doing its own thing.

That's my plan eventually but I have to get a vehicle first. So that's what I am working at right now. Paying off my debt slowly and setting aside some money for a car. I had around $1,000 saved up until my parents got hit with unexpected bills and since my dad has control over my money he used it and said he would pay me back but it's been over a year since then. I am not holding my breath.

You have a lot to deal with and, under all the circumstances, it sounds as though you're learning to handle things. It's a slow, difficult process, but it can be done. @@OutsideMatchInside and @@Miss Mac have given you good ideas on getting solid help. Now that you've given more info about yourself, I take back the Craigslist suggestion.

There's a good chance that your father's hostility is based very much in his having helped himself to your money. It's common for people who do wrong to others to blame the ones they've harmed. It's a way that they justify their reprehensible conduct so that they can live with themselves. This doesn't excuse their behavior at all.

Hi Comicbook guy! Come up with a mantra--and repeated it to yourself when your father goes ballistic. The mantra I use is: I am a good descent person who is worthy of kindness. And I just repeat it over and over in my head when I am having to face the wrath of a person. It helps to counter the negativity of the situation. You are a worthy, deserving person and everyone makes mistakes--that is what makes us human. You live and You learn. I hope that you find some peace in your living arrangement and inherently know that you deserve kindness.

Leilie

As much as I can commiserate with you and the environment struggles that you find yourself in, I still believe that there are two sides to every quarrel.

Your father (the only one you will ever have) must love you and care about your well being. If not, he would have evicted you long ago.

NO parent desires to have an adult child living under their roof with all sorts of mental and physical disabilities interacting with anger, rage, discord on a daily basis, who is secretive, has a history of poor judgement, and decision making without a deep love and concern for that child.

There must have been reasons why the courts deemed you unable to manage your own money. Re-examine those issues and work on eliminating them----together.

He may have a lack of coping skills of his own, and is just at his wits end on how to help you.

I still believe with all my being that you two need to work "life" out between the two of you for BOTH of your sakes.

Don't put yourself into a position where someday you are standing over your father's grave with nothing but regret in your heart. ---"if only"...

Think about it.

How old are you and why are you still living at home? I have a 26 year old son with mild Asbergers, is obese and suffers from depression and he hasn't lived at home since he's been 18 and worked the same job for 8 years. He has also made some stupid mistakes, but that's all part of learning and growing as a young adult. As long as you're living with your dad, I'm afraid you're stuck in that parent/child mode. Work on trying to become more independent. You're not going to change the dynamic otherwise.

Please find a pastor or someone for support. I can tell you personally I have over my lifetime been in serious depression and financial problems but by the Grace of God and my family I see sunshine and happiness today. I met my husband at 45 years of age, and I will be 70 this year. I have peace and happiness, love and support, the best ever in life. I truly began living my dream in 1991. I am telling you this because you see no way out right now due to your situation, but the best is yet to be. take control. Focus. Find support groups, church, a pastor, go get it!!!!! YOU have to change it, no one else. Peace and prayer.

I have to add a P.S. As a mother who lost her 30 year old son to addiction issues as you mention, I get where you are and where your father may be. Addiction to each of us is food, drugs, cigarettes, alcohol, etc. Get some serious help but don't be so hard on your dad. My son's dad hit the road. Your dad is still there.

Tell your therapist you believe you are being mentally and monetarily abused, and ask for their help in reporting it. They are required to help you.

Your father doesn't have to be your payee, and he doesn't have to have control of, or access to, your money. You need a new, neutral payee.

He stole from you. The government takes that very, very seriously, when they are providing funds for you.

I think that is the first step to taking more control of your own life - take the financial control away from him. Then you are on more even ground and might be able to deal with the interpersonal issues.

Check with your county they should have some social services support available. A friend of mine works with adults like you. They live in their own apartments that are owned by the organization he works for. They have support in paying bills, making sure they go to their therapist, help with transportation, help remembering to take medications. Maybe something like this is available to your locally.

I would report to your therapist about the $1,000 that your father "borrowed" and also about his verbal abuse.

Diagnosing of mental health on the autism spectrum such as Aspbergers has come a long way in the last 15-20 years. I think there are many adults that are on the autism spectrum and were never properly diagnosed. I think there are some studies that suggest that autism may have a genetic component. It makes me wonder if your father might also be on the autism spectrum but has not been diagnosed. Not that it makes it any easier to deal with him. Just food for thought.

Good luck.

Geez, I don't know what to say except he's never going to change, he's always going to look for someone to take his frustrations out on. He also seems to have an extremely short fuse, a closed mind, and a big , hurtful mouth. Since HE won't ever change, YOU may have to change the way you respond. If he's yelling or accusing, tell him when he's ready to calmly discuss something, you'll listen and not until then. Walk . Away. Tell him "I'm making positive changes to get out of debt etc, let me know when you're doing the same. " Walk. Away. And by the way, you should be VERY proud of yourself for the positive changes you have made so far !! We all have limitations, challenges and problems, but you're trying to overcome them through positive thoughts and hard work !! You have A LOT to be proud of , so keep it up ! Whether he likes it or not, you're succeeding a little bit at a time by moving forward, he just yells and moves towards the nearest bar. Nuff'said . Hope things get better for you soon ! Hugs !!!!

As much as I can commiserate with you and the environment struggles that you find yourself in, I still believe that there are two sides to every quarrel.

Your father (the only one you will ever have) must love you and care about your well being. If not, he would have evicted you long ago.

NO parent desires to have an adult child living under their roof with all sorts of mental and physical disabilities interacting with anger, rage, discord on a daily basis, who is secretive, has a history of poor judgement, and decision making without a deep love and concern for that child.

There must have been reasons why the courts deemed you unable to manage your own money. Re-examine those issues and work on eliminating them----together.

He may have a lack of coping skills of his own, and is just at his wits end on how to help you.

I still believe with all my being that you two need to work "life" out between the two of you for BOTH of your sakes.

Don't put yourself into a position where someday you are standing over your father's grave with nothing but regret in your heart. ---"if only"...

Think about it.

Lots of people have completely crap parents. His dad has him around because he is another source of income.

Unless you have really experienced a crappy parent you can't understand how really terrible some people are at being parents and human beings in general.

As much as I can commiserate with you and the environment struggles that you find yourself in, I still believe that there are two sides to every quarrel.

Your father (the only one you will ever have) must love you and care about your well being. If not, he would have evicted you long ago.

NO parent desires to have an adult child living under their roof with all sorts of mental and physical disabilities interacting with anger, rage, discord on a daily basis, who is secretive, has a history of poor judgement, and decision making without a deep love and concern for that child.

There must have been reasons why the courts deemed you unable to manage your own money. Re-examine those issues and work on eliminating them----together.

He may have a lack of coping skills of his own, and is just at his wits end on how to help you.

I still believe with all my being that you two need to work "life" out between the two of you for BOTH of your sakes.

Don't put yourself into a position where someday you are standing over your father's grave with nothing but regret in your heart. ---"if only"...

Think about it.

Lots of people have completely crap parents. His dad has him around because he is another source of income.

Unless you have really experienced a crappy parent you can't understand how really terrible some people are at being parents and human beings in general.

Owing,no explanations, let it suffice to say that being a child of rape, I am well experienced with having a parent that had zero parenting skills, not did she desire any.

All that been said, I will repeat that I will ever be so grateful that God above gave me the opportunity to sit at her bedside as she was dying and thank her for having me, not aborting me as she was well within her rights to do so.

Our parents are the only ones that any of us will ever have. Don't be in such a hurry to judge them. We don't know the history of this young man and his parents. We know nothing other than what the adult child has told us.

I still think that there is concern, if not love in the home. If not, the father would have washed his hands of him long ago.

Find the Adult Protective Services Agency number for your state...google it...make a report. You can be assigned a guardian by the couts. You can also be assisted to find assisted living facilities. There are a lot of options out there that can have you living a more independent and safe life. The getting physical issue.....that's an issue. There can be no good result from that. If you are unable to advocate for yourself. ...please get help so advocacy can be provided for you. Best.