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So I reached my 1 year anniverserary a few days ago
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December 22nd, 2014 was the day that I had changed my life and body forever. On that day I had a Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy done to help me lose a lot of excessive body weight. In 366 days, I have gone from being 463lbs to now 267lbs as of yesterday afternoon. I though that by having the surgery that I was taking the easy way out......Boy oh boy was I freaking wrong.
There is nothing about this process that is easy. In fact its the total opposite of easy. Its hard as f**k. Probably the hardest thing I've had to overcome in my life so far. Besides the reality of having one's body altered forever, I had to learn how to eat all over again, deal with emotional issues I've spent a lifetime trying to avoid, and also dealing with some of the complications post surgery, that even now 1 year later I still have to struggle with. So what are some of those bad, not so easy things have I had to deal with within the past year.
Well for starters I've had to give up the following items for a time period and/or forever:
And then there were the habits and routines I had to take on as part of change. Things that I had to make habit forming and stay consistent with in order to be successful with this.
Yeah, and then there were the complications from the surgery that I had to and still am having to deal with. One of the main ones was short term memory loss and comprehension issues. Issues that even as I type this post I am still dealing with in some shape or form. Just this past Monday morning I had to have spinal Fluid drawn from my back (better known as a Lumbar Puncture Procedure) to be analyzed by my Neurologist to give a final determining cause as to why I've been suffering from short term memory issues post surgery. Right now the major ruling is some sort of allergic reaction to the general anesthesia I was under during my surgery. Its funny cause I have been under anesthesia before, its just that I wasn't under for longer that 15-20 minutes at a time. When I had the surgery I was under for almost 3 hours.
My life has gotten a lot better in the last year, its just that things just haven't returned to a state of normalcy that I would like it to be at before the surgery. So as I sit around and wait for the test results of my spinal tap to come back, I move on and keep moving forward. I have too. If I sit around and dwell on everything that has/had gone wrong in the past year, I would be so depressed and miserable . And I refuse to allow that to be. So I stay focused on the positives of what has happened. I take comfort in all of the things I can check off my list as successes, and I continue on to the next goal.
I look in the mirror and I see a person staring back at me that I am now getting use to seeing. A person that I am actually comfortable seeing in the mirror. And not the stranger I was seeing for the first few months of this year as I was drastically dropping weight off of me. Dropping years of the affects that emotional eating had caused me. Its a change that I can now say that I comfortably welcome, from both the physical and now emotional aspect.
As far as weight lost goal, I am still about 70-80lbs away from the goal that I had set for myself. These last 70 -80lbs are going to be the hardest to get rid of, but I accept the challenge. I have no choice but to, because I didn't come this far, sacrificed so much just to quite 3 quarters of the way from completing the race.
I share this with the world because I know that my words, my thoughts right now, may not only help me down the road at some point, but it may help someone else out there right now who is struggling with self-image/body issues, obesity, diabetes, and/or deciding whether or not to have weight loss surgery. I hope that my words and experiences can help you when it comes to making a decision on surgery or not.
The question I am sure that anyone who is reading this would ask me:
"knowing now what I know, would I still have gone through with the procedure/surgery?"
My answer would still have been yes. Yes because now I no longer have to take insulin to keep my body's blood sugars under control. Yes because I can now buy clothing out of Walmart & other stores like a normal person and not having to go to the Big & Tall custom stores to find simple things like underwear and socks. Yes, because when I look in the mirror I see the person I was meant to be and not the person I was dreading to see. And finally yes, because I know that by doing this, I've given myself a fighting change to reach a longer life expectancy than 50-55 years. So did I do this all for me, you better believe I did!