Where's the "support"?

[BLERDgirl 6,417]

Or only certain posts get answered....

Personally speaking I will ignore a post if it doesn't apply to me, like the post asking about fish, or if it a variation of the same question that gets posted multiple times every day. That is usually something like the following:

• I only lost _____ amount of weigh, what am I doing wrong?
• I'm stalled
• I'm still hungry or can still eat 5lbs of Pasta in one sitting
• I'm not drinking my fluids/water
• I'm not meeting my Protein goals
• What's the best _______
• Post with no topic in the header other than "help"

These questions have been asked & answered many times over and the answer can easily be found by using the search feature. If I'm not in the mood to repeat myself, I skip them.

I too have found there are quite a few newbies who validation of incorrect actions on their part. I've seen people get upset at being told to call their NUT.

Bottom line for me is this is the internet. People are not going to agree with me. I take what I can use and ignore the rest.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Wait! Am I supposed to ignore some posts or answer every post? I can't keep all the rules straight.

[SleeveandRNYchica 1,155]

It appears that people love to respond to posts that are filled with drama. I am not pointing fingers so why would one assume that was directed to them. If I see drama I stay away, if I see a trend that the person asks similar questions I do not respond. I try to congratulate accomplishments. I don't have to answer any of the any of the potato chip 4 days post op questions because there are plenty of attack dogs on this forum. There are some board members that have true issues that should be dealt with by a professionals.

[BigViffer 3,545]

Actually I think the forum does a good job of providing support for those that need it. But many people are posting things that really aren't about the surgery, they're more about their personal life. I realize that there will be some overlap, I'm just stating the obvious.

When you deviate from the stated purpose of the forum, opinion comes into play more. And since opinions are like assholes (everyone has one), people frequently aren't going to agree. Add to that what has already been mentioned, they say they are needing support, but they are looking for validation, and now you have hurt feelings. Add to that no one can hear inflection or tone with typed responses, and people will always read comments in the worse possible way.

Some people also just need the emotional high from posting drama. When you see a thread that doesn't appear to be supportive, go to the OP and look at their recent topics and post. I'd wager you will see a trend of attention seeking threads.

Lastly, people can become jaded when others keep asking for help/support; receive support or help, but then turn around and do the same thing again and again. It can be frustrating to the "veterans".

Edited October 26, 2015 by BigViffer

[imsoglad56 402]

@@Awjones28

How boring would this world be if everyone was the same, all answers were scripted and everyone got a medal every time they played the same beat?

@@CowgirlJane

I wouldn't say remain silent when there is misinformation or what you think is misinformation. I say just use a little tact, and be more positive than negative in those times where you see what may be perceived as someone seeking validation for bad behavior. I believe there is a way to do, and more importantly SAY everything.

Think: I don't know why you had this surgery if you're going to eat whatever. You're going to fail. vs. Many people have a moment of weakness sometimes, but more importantly you need to get back on track and back to healthy and clean eating. Maybe meet with your NUT and get some tips.

Same thing. Just a lil less negative and a lil more positive.

See, I knew someone would pick up the slack.

Congratulations -- you got the job.

Lol yes I'm usually the stand in for the little ppl. Must be the social work background.

I'm still not getting the correlation between "standing up for the little people" by condemning and name calling the "other people". Must be the middle school teacher in me.

Can't be that, because I'm not a middle school teacher. Maybe it's just the mature adult in you.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Can't be that, because I'm not a middle school teacher. Maybe it's just the mature adult in you.

@@Awjones28

How boring would this world be if everyone was the same, all answers were scripted and everyone got a medal every time they played the same beat?

I'm still not getting the correlation between "standing up for the little people" by condemning and name calling the "other people". Must be the middle school teacher in me.

I was going to say that, but I figured I would just be called more names.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

In my considerable Internet experience, all message boards (on all subjects imaginable) acquire "veterans."

And eventually most veterans become inactive and leave for many different reasons, e.g., they've said all they can say 10,000 times, their interest in the board topic wanes, they go off and form their own "veteran communities," newer veterans unseat them, they become so irritable and grumpy that they leave of their own accord (or get banned), and other reasons.

But while they're around, they are valuable resources.

I'm only 14+ months post-op. But I do know a lot about the VSG experience generally (I'm a huge researcher) -- and even more about my own VSG experience. But I don't personally know a lot about complications (leaks, strictures, botched surgeries, psychological traumas triggered or exacerbated by WLS, binge-eating, and a lot of other things.

I know what has worked for me. And I'm a pretty typical VSG patient: No complications, needing to lose around 100 pounds, a woman (although older than most), with a good deal of resilience after having seen what life can throw at fat people.

But I'm not a WLS "expert." None of us is. All we are is a WLS community, where all the members are here for their own reasons -- not for any one else's. And they'll all do what they do.

Once again -- take here what helps you, leave the rest. And a big protip: Unless you're the board owner or a moderator here, any member who tries to police a message board will probably get nothing but grief from all sides. It's just the way it works. Always has, always will.

It's the Internet.

[MimiBMe 94]

See.... The start of this post IS drama. We are all adults. Take what you need from a post and skip over what you dont need. Answer a post or dont. This is not the place to try to "change" who people are or what they say or how they say it or mke them politically correct! If someone hurts your feelings on a message board, ignore it and move on-- no need to create a thread about it!

[_Kate_ 2,224]

I agree with the OP.

There is the clique here who validate the bitchyness and thats so sad. Thats the ony problem with a smaller group and I know people who have left here because of it. Its like being at school and being the class bully with all their 'friends' egging them on and agreeing or arse licking, however you want to take it. I often try to understand why people would want to do that years after leaving school.

People can be very handy at being keyboard warriors, must make them feel smug.

The majority of the people here are lovely though so the others are insignificant now.

See.... The start of this post IS drama. We are all adults. Take what you need from a post and skip over what you dont need. Answer a post or dont. This is not the place to try to "change" who people are or what they say or how they say it or mke them politically correct! If someone hurts your feelings on a message board, ignore it and move on-- no need to create a thread about it!

If you didnt feel a need to make a thread about this why didn't you take your own advice, ignore it and move on!

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I agree with the OP.

There is the *****clique***** here who validate the *****bitchyness***** and thats so sad. Thats the ony problem with a smaller group and I know people who have left here because of it. Its like being at school and being the ******class bully***** with all their friend egging them on and agreeing or *****arse licking*****, however you want to take it. I often try to understand why people would want to do that years after leaving school.

People can be very handy at being *****keyboard warriors*****, must make them feel *****smug*****.

The majority of the people here are lovely though so the others are insignificant now.

See.... The start of this post IS drama. We are all adults. Take what you need from a post and skip over what you dont need. Answer a post or dont. This is not the place to try to "change" who people are or what they say or how they say it or mke them politically correct! If someone hurts your feelings on a message board, ignore it and move on-- no need to create a thread about it!

If you didnt feel a need to make a thread about this why didn't you take your own advice, ignore it and move on!

Oh, can you smell the irony?!?

[_Kate_ 2,224]

I agree with the OP.

There is the *****clique***** here who validate the *****bitchyness***** and thats so sad. Thats the ony problem with a smaller group and I know people who have left here because of it. Its like being at school and being the ******class bully***** with all their friend egging them on and agreeing or *****arse licking*****, however you want to take it. I often try to understand why people would want to do that years after leaving school.

People can be very handy at being *****keyboard warriors*****, must make them feel *****smug*****.

The majority of the people here are lovely though so the others are insignificant now.

See.... The start of this post IS drama. We are all adults. Take what you need from a post and skip over what you dont need. Answer a post or dont. This is not the place to try to "change" who people are or what they say or how they say it or mke them politically correct! If someone hurts your feelings on a message board, ignore it and move on-- no need to create a thread about it!

If you didnt feel a need to make a thread about this why didn't you take your own advice, ignore it and move on!

Oh, can you smell the irony?!?

I can!! Have you got something stuck on the bottom of your shoe?

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Oh. You got me.

[Chanti_ 27]

You know as a new member of this forum I was surprised at the tone coming through a good many of the posts. I did come here looking for information, support and to hear about others struggling with weight loss and WLS. For me, it makes me feel as if I'm not going through this journey by myself.

I really think that there is a negativity here at times. Sometimes I see unwavering support of individuals who are struggling with huge issues. But more often I read sarcasm offered as advice, and people being made to feel stupid for asking a question in the first place.

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure it's frustrating, especially for those 'veterans' who have gotten questions that seem ridiculous. But is it necessary to be disparaging if you choose to respond? If you can give good sensible information that is offered kindly, why wouldn't you?

I haven't posted much here because I don't want to be attacked for my opinion. Feel free to disagree sure, but keep it cordial. It's in the site rules to be polite and not rude. Being dismissive of others opinions and laughing at them even obliquely is really not in any way polite.

So this is not the place for me to ask the majority of my questions. I have found other sites much more welcoming and non judgmental. It's really to bad. I'm sure some of you will comment 'Well just go there then'. Perhaps I will.

Maybe it's the nurse in me, but don't like to witness people in pain and listening to people inflict emotional distress on others with their comments turns my stomach. Some say it's just in their nature to be honest and they are 'keeping it real'.

I truly feel that honesty is easy, it's compassion that takes effort.

[4MRB4PHOTO 3,900]

...This is a public forum, not the campus of a liberal arts college...

I thought it was, based upon some people provide very inaccurate information as facts, so I assumed those people have a "B.S. Degree".

[4MRB4PHOTO 3,900]

...This is a public forum, not the campus of a liberal arts college...

I thought it was, based upon some people provide very inaccurate information as facts, so I assumed those people have a "B.S. Degree".

....by that I mean a degree in "B.S.".