Where's the "support"?

[Awjones28 320]

I've noticed a annoying little trend going on where someone asks for advice, or posts that they're down in the dumps for some reason or another- and they instantly get RIPPED! I thought we were all here for the same reason-to get support. We all have/had a common ground being that we are/were overweight and decided to do something about it. That decision does not mean that all our struggles go away miraculously. The people that struggle with food will still struggle with food. People that struggle with exercise will still struggle with exercise, and so forth. There really is no need to get all "you're going to DIE!" or "you're going to fail!" just because someone states they're hungry or want something not so healthy. I get that some people need tough love, but who says you have to be the one to give it to them? Especially if you're going to be a total b@$ch with it. I'm just saying there is a way to do and say everything. Remember your own journey. There was once a time where you were not so healthy or had it all together too. Vent over.

Edited October 25, 2015 by Awjones28

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

I understand where you are coming from and agree with much of your sentiment.

BUT, sometimes people do post about things that are very dangerous and if they continue doing them they WILL die. Unfortunately, by nature of an anonymous internet chat board, we cannot literally drive someone to the hospital, so the best we can do is share our experience.

This is a life and death journey for me, and believe it is life and death for most of us (or we wouldn't have needed WLS in the first place).

[Awjones28 320]

I get that you can die from complications, but I'm still on the fact that there is a way to do and in this instance- to say everything. The nastiness is unnecessary. The sarcasm and condescension- not needed. People come here for genuine support and motivation. If you have first hand experience of negative consequences or side effects, by all means share so that others can learn from you. I'm just saying it doesn't have to come off horribly mean and toxic.

[Babbs 14,680]

If people want validation for their bad choices, I'm not going to give it.

If people want honest to goodness support for things they are truly struggling with, they've got my support and empathy. And I've given it time and time again.

This is a public forum, not the campus of a liberal arts college. Tact and tone may vary.

[Sharon1964 2,530]

Many times, nasty is in the eye of the beholder.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I've noticed a annoying little trend going on where someone asks for advice, or posts that they're down in the dumps for some reason or another- and they instantly get RIPPED! I thought we were all here for the same reason-to get support. We all have/had a common ground being that we are/were overweight and decided to do something about it. That decision does not mean that all our struggles go away miraculously. The people that struggle with food will still struggle with food. People that struggle with exercise will still struggle with exercise, and so forth. There really is no need to get all "you're going to DIE!" or "you're going to fail!" just because someone states they're hungry or want something not so healthy. I get that some people need tough love, but who says you have to be the one to give it to them? Especially if you're going to be a total b@$ch with it. I'm just saying there is a way to do and say everything. Remember your own journey. There was once a time where you were not so healthy or had it all together too. Vent over.

So, you're telling people not to be mean by calling them names? Color me confused!

LOLZ....

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Many times, nasty is in the eye of the beholder.

I've noticed this bizarre trend of people getting crappy when they don't get positive reinforcement and validation for their poor choices regarding food, drugs and alcohol. They start accusing people of bullying, not answering the question they asked "appropriately", being meanies, acting "holier than thou", etc.

I try to chalk it up to hormones, hanger, lack of good nutrition (especially based on the questions they are asking), etc. but sometimes it's really hard not to say what I'm really thinking.

[Sharon1964 2,530]

I thought we were all here for the same reason-to get support. .

People are here for many different reasons. I'm not here to get support. I'm here to read about other people's experiences, to post things that might be helpful to other people, and to have a place to record my weight loss that shows me a cool graph.

One of the major (and most common) errors in thinking regarding an online forum is that people are there for the same reason you are.

[Awjones28 320]

I've noticed a annoying little trend going on where someone asks for advice, or posts that they're down in the dumps for some reason or another- and they instantly get RIPPED! I thought we were all here for the same reason-to get support. We all have/had a common ground being that we are/were overweight and decided to do something about it. That decision does not mean that all our struggles go away miraculously. The people that struggle with food will still struggle with food. People that struggle with exercise will still struggle with exercise, and so forth. There really is no need to get all "you're going to DIE!" or "you're going to fail!" just because someone states they're hungry or want something not so healthy. I get that some people need tough love, but who says you have to be the one to give it to them? Especially if you're going to be a total b@$ch with it. I'm just saying there is a way to do and say everything. Remember your own journey. There was once a time where you were not so healthy or had it all together too. Vent over.

So, you're telling people not to be mean by calling them names? Color me confused!

LOLZ....

Yes ma'am! Oh the irony! lol

[Awjones28 320]

I thought we were all here for the same reason-to get support. .

People are here for many different reasons. I'm not here to get support. I'm here to read about other people's experiences, to post things that might be helpful to other people, and to have a place to record my weight loss that shows me a cool graph.

One of the major (and most common) errors in thinking regarding an online forum is that people are there for the same reason you are.

Well I come for the pictures , but many (according to the threads) are looking support and motivation.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

And others are simply looking for validation and approval of/for their bad behavior.

Oh! And some are simply looking for drama.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

I think there's tons of support on this board. I truly do. I give it, and I get it.

There are a lot of people here looking for help and support through what is a challenging adventure. Some of them are sincerely looking for information they didn't get from their surgeons or are confused by some of the goofy information they've read here and elsewhere online.

There are also a few (not many) dimwits who want to know if it's OK to smoke after surgery, eat ice cream during the soft food phase, drink alcohol the first month post-op, and eat potato chips instead of Protein because Protein is so yucky.

I'll readily admit that supporting dimwits is not my superpower.

Therefore, somebody else here needs to pick up the slack and take care of the dimwits.

Thank you.

[Awjones28 320]

True indeed! Maybe it's all my fault for not being more selective in my reading.

[BestDayEver 418]

True indeed! Maybe it's all my fault for not being more selective in my reading.

Amen - when I see something that hits me as "stupid" or " you gotta be kidding me" - I back out of the post and move on to something more interesting without feeling the need to belittle anyone.

[miller1109 116]

True indeed! Maybe it's all my fault for not being more selective in my reading.

Amen - when I see something that hits me as "stupid" or " you gotta be kidding me" - I back out of the post and move on to something more interesting without feeling the need to belittle anyone.

I have been away from the forum for quite some time. I found that many people become "weight loss experts and surgery experts" because they have had this surgery. Bottom line is we were all in the same boat. Overweight. Nobody is an expert on this surgery in these forums. All we should be able to share is what our experiences are or were because each person has their own journey both physically and mentally. There are so many different ways we all gained the weight and although we have one thing in common the gastric sleeve we will all have different ways what works for us to lose the weight. I am 14 months post op been maintaining since February. I do what works for me and it might not necessarily work for someone else, I don't like the tough love thing. It's not for me that's why I left the forum in the first place. I thought I would give it another try we will see how it works for me this time.