I've noticed a annoying little trend going on where someone asks for advice, or posts that they're down in the dumps for some reason or another- and they instantly get RIPPED! I thought we were all here for the same reason-to get support. We all have/had a common ground being that we are/were overweight and decided to do something about it. That decision does not mean that all our struggles go away miraculously. The people that struggle with food will still struggle with food. People that struggle with exercise will still struggle with exercise, and so forth. There really is no need to get all "you're going to DIE!" or "you're going to fail!" just because someone states they're hungry or want something not so healthy. I get that some people need tough love, but who says you have to be the one to give it to them? Especially if you're going to be a total b@$ch with it. I'm just saying there is a way to do and say everything. Remember your own journey. There was once a time where you were not so healthy or had it all together too. Vent over.

Edited October 25, 201510 yr by Awjones28

Or only certain posts get answered....

I don't sugar coat ANYTHING with regards to ANYONE.

With that said, most of what you or another member may view as "rude" wasn't actually intended to be rude.

When people don't hear what they want to hear (or more like read) they assign a tone of voice to the words.

In their minds they have determined that the replying post was intended to be snarky, un-supportive, rude or mean.

Me personally, if I reply to a post, I am offering my support. When I don't reply it simply means I had nothing to contribute.

I agree with you. We need to stop shaming people because this is a very personal journey for each of us.

I think there's tons of support on this board. I truly do. I give it, and I get it.

There are a lot of people here looking for help and support through what is a challenging adventure. Some of them are sincerely looking for information they didn't get from their surgeons or are confused by some of the goofy information they've read here and elsewhere online.

There are also a few (not many) dimwits who want to know if it's OK to smoke after surgery, eat ice cream during the soft food phase, drink alcohol the first month post-op, and eat potato chips instead of Protein because protein is so yucky.

I'll readily admit that supporting dimwits is not my superpower.

Therefore, somebody else here needs to pick up the slack and take care of the dimwits.

Thank you.

vsgann, you are my hero!!!

I don't think it's anyone's business to tell another individual what they are doing right or wrong.....

People should come here and share THEIR experiences, good and bad....

If you don't agree with what someone is saying/asking, simply tell them you don't agree with that practice, and tell them why....could be a bad experience, or simply your Dr. does not allow it....

I read things here where self proclaimed experts will tell people if you do such and such, you will die (exaggeration)

And I sit here scratching my head thinking I do what is being condemned, and my Dr. knows it....

and I question where are they getting their (mis) information.....

People read it and repeat it enough, it becomes an accepted fact, based on what? What someone thought? Or heard someone else say?

I'm coming up on 5 years, 110% successful, finished this journey (process) long ago, Blah Blah Blah, and I will NEVER tell anyone if they are doing something right or wrong, or what they should be doing...except go see your Dr., and share what I have found with my own experiences....

I have had the Lap Band surgery, and have no experience with the other procedures on this forum so I keep my mouth shut in that area......yet I read where people with the sleeve, etc, tell people with the Lap Band all the time......

There is an overlapping area only to a certain point.

(PS...I'm here for Ladies only, powder room reading) It's a joke!! (kinda)

While there are exceptions, the pattern I observe that "goes bad" is somebody posts something.....Well...it seems like they are seeking permission or validation for behavior that many believe wont support long term success. They get a few straightforward replies, sometimes too blunt maybe.... the original poster gets annoyed (or even better someone else does on their behalf). Then sometimes the regulars get caught up in the ridiculousness of it all and the thread becomes...off course...and at times unnecessary kidding happens. At that point there really is nothing of value to the original poster.

I don't like this, but I am asking a serious question here...should we all just remain silent while misinformation is shared? It is clear by questions asked that people don't get or maybe don't understand the instructions from their surgeon or nutritionist and actually need or seek rational guidance. We all know this board is full of lurkers who read to "research" and is it better to leave the impression that eating crap in small quantities is a good bariatric program?

I get and genuinely try to give support here.

@@B-52 alot of times I am vague on what procedure a person had or even what forum the post is in if I am using a mobile device since the sites merged. I think most of us attempt to stay to our own experiences but mistakes happen.

@@CowgirlJane

I wouldn't say remain silent when there is misinformation or what you think is misinformation. I say just use a little tact, and be more positive than negative in those times where you see what may be perceived as someone seeking validation for bad behavior. I believe there is a way to do, and more importantly SAY everything.

Think: I don't know why you had this surgery if you're going to eat whatever. You're going to fail. vs. Many people have a moment of weakness sometimes, but more importantly you need to get back on track and back to healthy and clean eating. Maybe meet with your NUT and get some tips.

Same thing. Just a lil less negative and a lil more positive.

@@Awjones28 -- When I saw the title of your topic, I was expecting a message about the fact that, now and then, people who ask for support and help get no responses whatsoever.

@@LipstickLady -- Yup, the ones who ask and then get bent out of shape when they don't like the responses. It's their own fault, y'know. They should have written a few responses with instructions for responders to choose one.

@@CowgirlJane

I wouldn't say remain silent when there is misinformation or what you think is misinformation. I say just use a little tact, and be more positive than negative in those times where you see what may be perceived as someone seeking validation for bad behavior. I believe there is a way to do, and more importantly SAY everything.

Think: I don't know why you had this surgery if you're going to eat whatever. You're going to fail. vs. Many people have a moment of weakness sometimes, but more importantly you need to get back on track and back to healthy and clean eating. Maybe meet with your NUT and get some tips.

Same thing. Just a lil less negative and a lil more positive.

See, I knew someone would pick up the slack.

Congratulations -- you got the job.

I don't "think" people shouldn't have had the surgery if they have some struggles. I don't say that either. Heck, by the time the surgery happens, it is kind of late to bring that up.

What I do think and say is that once people have the surgery, they are much more likely to have better long term results if they follow their program as closely as possible. None of us are perfect, but it is a sad situation to see people come back a year after making goal with significant regain (I am not talking a little bounce, I mean some people come back regaining a huge portion of their lost weight). I am sure this happens for lots of reasons... but the courageous people who share details often admit it is because they either never really followed the program that closely or they didn't stay with it.

What they learn the hard way is that you have to change habits during that first year or so .... or else maintenance is every HARDER than it is. (For many people, maintenance is harder than losing, especially when you hit about the 3-4 year mark - the stats as well as veteran discussions support this.).

I knoweth from what I speak - I "failed" with my first WLS and I really really don't want anyone to go through the misery and disappointment and frankly lost time when I could have been living a full life and instead spent it twice my healthy weight. I am passionate about this - it is devastating to fail post WLS; it was for me anyway.

@@CowgirlJane

I wouldn't say remain silent when there is misinformation or what you think is misinformation. I say just use a little tact, and be more positive than negative in those times where you see what may be perceived as someone seeking validation for bad behavior. I believe there is a way to do, and more importantly SAY everything.

Think: I don't know why you had this surgery if you're going to eat whatever. You're going to fail. vs. Many people have a moment of weakness sometimes, but more importantly you need to get back on track and back to healthy and clean eating. Maybe meet with your NUT and get some tips.

Same thing. Just a lil less negative and a lil more positive.

See, I knew someone would pick up the slack.

Congratulations -- you got the job.

Lol yes I'm usually the stand in for the little ppl. Must be the social work background. ????

...should we all just remain silent while misinformation is shared? It is clear by questions asked that people don't get or maybe don't understand the instructions from their surgeon or nutritionist and actually need or seek rational guidance. We all know this board is full of lurkers who read to "research" and is it better to leave the impression that eating crap in small quantities is a good bariatric program?

Exactly. I cringe when people tell others that they should exit the thread or simply not comment if/when they can't be "supportive" of someone's request for approval regarding their poor choices. My comments aren't *JUST* for the OP, they are for anyone and everyone reading the boards for information.

No, I am not claiming to be an expert on anyone but myself, but I am more than happy to share my knowledge and my experiences with those reading. If one doesn't like what I have to say, they are welcome to skip it, disregard it or dispute it.

My panties may not be as big as they used to be, but they are still big girl panties.

@@Awjones28

How boring would this world be if everyone was the same, all answers were scripted and everyone got a medal every time they played the same beat?

@@CowgirlJane

I wouldn't say remain silent when there is misinformation or what you think is misinformation. I say just use a little tact, and be more positive than negative in those times where you see what may be perceived as someone seeking validation for bad behavior. I believe there is a way to do, and more importantly SAY everything.

Think: I don't know why you had this surgery if you're going to eat whatever. You're going to fail. vs. Many people have a moment of weakness sometimes, but more importantly you need to get back on track and back to healthy and clean eating. Maybe meet with your NUT and get some tips.

Same thing. Just a lil less negative and a lil more positive.

See, I knew someone would pick up the slack.

Congratulations -- you got the job.

Lol yes I'm usually the stand in for the little ppl. Must be the social work background.

I'm still not getting the correlation between "standing up for the little people" by condemning and name calling the "other people". Must be the middle school teacher in me.

@@LipstickLady

Must be!????

Or only certain posts get answered....

Personally speaking I will ignore a post if it doesn't apply to me, like the post asking about fish, or if it a variation of the same question that gets posted multiple times every day. That is usually something like the following:

• I only lost _____ amount of weigh, what am I doing wrong?
• I'm stalled
• I'm still hungry or can still eat 5lbs of Pasta in one sitting
• I'm not drinking my fluids/water
• I'm not meeting my Protein goals
• What's the best _______
• Post with no topic in the header other than "help"

These questions have been asked & answered many times over and the answer can easily be found by using the search feature. If I'm not in the mood to repeat myself, I skip them.

I too have found there are quite a few newbies who validation of incorrect actions on their part. I've seen people get upset at being told to call their NUT.

Bottom line for me is this is the internet. People are not going to agree with me. I take what I can use and ignore the rest.